A Darker Chocolate
by Chicary
Summary: Yugi, aka Cupid, watches Yami, random demon on his lunch break, eat Devil's Food Cake. Somewhere between the dessert and the person eating it, wires get crossed. Puzzleshipping and Yugixcake-shipping.
1. A Darker Chocolate

**Warnings:** 1) strange and unusual language 2) the valorization of desserts 3) severely out-of-character characters 4) implied mature content.

**A Darker Chocolate**

"Make sure your frass is back here in thirty!"

"It always is, isn't it?"

"Don't shitstacking mouth me off, Yami."

"I bust my vanderscroto for eight hours a day at this brainfart of a buttforce and you won't even give me a small wangdoodle to unhurl?"

Yugi's eyes whipped towards the door and he made a cat-like dodge underneath a table as the knob slowly turned and "Yami" stepped into the lounge. His guilt sunk in as he watched the demon stroll towards the refrigerator, peek inside, give an audible "yum," and plate a huge slice of his beloved. Yugi's eyes glistened at the sight of the big hunk of brownness and he unconsciously gulped back increasing amounts of saliva.

With a lustful smirk, the demon plucked a fork from the utensil's drawer and sat down at the table right in front of the one Yugi hid under, giving the desiring angel a full frontal view. Although Yugi was sure Yami couldn't see him, he felt like he was being mocked in some way. Yami started off slowly, whipping off a bit of the icing with his forefinger and lapping it up with a sensual moan and a rolling of his eyes. The fork was left untouched as he continued teasing Yugi's beloved, gradually taking off each bit of icing like a painfully slow strip tease.

Yugi's jaw tightened and his bottom lip trembled. He silently Heaven cursed himself for being such a clumsy fool but the emotions coursing through his body felt too good to be wrong. It had to be true love, no matter what the facts told him.

His breath caught in his throat when a slightly miscalculated shift caused his quiver of arrows to rustle a bit too loudly. Yami blinked and paused for a moment but didn't seem too concerned about the unidentifiable noise. With a sigh of relief, Yugi carefully slid the quiver off his shoulders and set it on its side, not willing to take the same risks again. When his eyes fell on the colourful array of fletchings, memories of the events leading up to this moment came back to him.

Two things stood out the most. The first was the fact that Angel's food cake sucked. In Heaven, any dessert that was darker than the yellow in lemon meringue pie was prohibited. Caramel, cinnamon and almonds were only obtained through "underground means" at best and chocolate was completely out of the question (except, of course, white chocolate). The second was the widely prevalent knowledge that, when angels gambled, they gambled _hard_.

_-Flashback-_

And the one to pull the gambler out of Yugi was Malik Ishtar. This relatively low-ranking angel got into Heaven by the skin of his behind. He'd spent his mortal days involved in petty crimes, indulging in a sedentary lifestyle and obeying every call from his "appetite." The only reason why he got into Heaven in the first place was because he died saving a puppy. Cliché, but true. While attempting to jay walk six lanes of traffic at two in the morning, he'd seen a speeding car barrel toward the cutest poodle he'd ever laid eyes on. Being a softy at heart for all things lovable and fluffy, he made a heroic dive for the frightened creature just in time to shove it out of the way. He had a split second to realise he'd never make it before the speeding car slammed into him at double the limit, killing him instantly.

One could always catch Malik hanging out somewhere amongst the greenery of Heaven's Haven Happy Harp Park, either with a deck of cards or miniature casino games. Despite the reputation he'd established in his mortal life, there was usually a crowd around him, some bringing their puppies for Malik to kiss.

"_Oh Malik, that was, indeed, quite amazing! Would you kindly, if you so choose, do it again?"_ These were usually the types of comments one would hear if one were to pass by and, at the time, Yugi happened to be the one passing by. Yugi was never one to judge others, despite the temptation from his lofty station in Heaven. And a lofty job it was. As Heaven's Certified Inducer of Good Feelings Amongst Kin (HCIGFAK for short), he was solely responsible for creating feelings of love and friendship in others with his 'love' arrows.

But it also meant that people called him 'Cupid.' While that name didn't have any negative connotations per se, Yugi was treated like a fat-half-naked-diaper-wearing infant. As a result, adults doubted his ability to do anything outside the boundaries of his profession and Heaven teenagers refused to share their Heaven porn with him.

"Greetings Yugi!" The salutation came as a surprise to him since, as far as he knew, Malik couldn't care less about whom he was or what he did. "Would you like to play a game of Roulette?"

"Apologies, Malik. I'd be very much obliged to participate but I do not play such games."

"Come now," Malik beckoned, "I would be quite disappointed if you decline my offer."

"Well, if that is the case," Yugi stopped and considered, scratching the back of his neck, "It would, indeed, be rude of me to arouse any ill feelings between us. Perhaps I shall indulge in one game."

"I would very much appreciate that."

Yugi watched intently as Malik demonstrated how the game was played. In no time, he was immersed in the act of spinning the wheel, dropping the ball and guessing where it would land. He was slightly disappointment however, when it became apparent that this was all there was to it.

"Surely there is more to this game than simply rolling a tiny ball on a wheel." Yugi insisted, plunking the plastic ball on the wheel with a floppy hand.

"Unfortunately, there is nothing more to it. This game is the same now as it had been when it was created."

"I mean no offence, Malik, but this game is rather unchallenging."

"Rest assured, I take no offence at all. You are known for your remarkable abilities in the art of the game. You have thwarted all manner of conundrums and puzzles which others only dream of unravelling. I should apologize for presenting you with this farce of a so-called game." Malik sounded sincere, which made Yugi's stomach sink in guilt.

"I mean no disrespect at all! Perhaps we can find ways to enhance the difficulties of this game. Surely a mind such as yours can conjure something?"

Malik grinned creepily, and if Yugi had known the implications of this grin beforehand, he would have backed out then and there.

"Fortunately, Yugi, I have a proposal. In the mortal world, it is customary to accompany a game such as Roulette with certain conditions."

"Conditions such as?"

"You know, a bet."

The oddity of the last comment made everyone to stare at Malik quizzically.

"I-I mean we each place a wager of equal proportion as a prize for the winner of the game. Whoever triumphs in the round in which the proposal is placed is awarded the privilege of reaping the gains from the one who losses. With each passing round, a wage of increasing value is proposed by both parties, hence, in a sense, increasing the difficulty of the game and the excitement as well as the challenge of the game itself. It would be of great enjoyment!"

"Ah, perfect sense."

"So, shall we?"

"I see no harm."

"Very well. We shall begin with a simple wager. Might I suggest one feather from each of our backs?"

Yugi blushed at the implied innuendo of this suggestion and the girls around them giggled. Not one to back out so quickly, however, Yugi conceded.

Both sides saw wins and losses. As the stakes rose, so did the number of spectators. Soon a thick crowd of winged immortals encircled them, watching unblinkingly and cheering on their favourite player.

"Your golden wand is yours no more!"

"Oh misfortune!"

"No need for profanities, my friend. In accordance to our agreement, please relinquish your treasure."

The crowd "oooooed" and "ahhhhhhed" and rabbled amongst themselves as Malik begrudgingly handed over his rod-shaped hunk of gold. Yugi took the item with more relief than joy (since he really did not want to put up his golden puzzle in the wager) and, in his angelic goodness, planned to return it to its owner once the games were through.

After Malik stalled for what he deemed to be long enough, he put the plan he'd been holding back for so long into motion, "One last round before we break for the evening?"

"Very well." Was the exasperated reply.

"My wager is simple; I'll lower myself as your servant for the rest of time if I lose this round."

The silence was so perfect one could hear the Heaven mice flying around in the distance.

Yugi fumbled with the golden wand, "Is that not too unreasonable? I have nothing of equal value to such a grand sacrifice!"

"Perhaps I can offer a suggestion."

Yugi shrunk back.

"This may be elaborate compared to my wager, but do try to follow as best as you can. For your end of the bargain, I would like you to go down to Hell and strike a certain demon with one of your arrows for me."

Yugi froze, his jaw going slack, "Truly you are not - "

"In addition, I would greatly appreciate the gesture if you used one of your _burgundy _arrows."

"That is completely against the r -"

"You do not seem too pleased with this proposal, Yugi." Malik eyed Yugi with a false pouting of his lips and Yugi's gaze fell away, conflicted. "You are not insinuating that this is a greater risk than the one I offered, are you? I do believe what I have laid out here falls short of what I am willing to offer you."

"But I can only act according to the instructions given to me. I have never strayed from this rigidly defined path and I do not want to disappoint the one who has trusted me with this task. Apologies, but please do not ask me to break the rules of Heaven. I would be very much obliged if a different arrangement was in order."

"I promise not to tell."

Yugi's purple eyes snapped up.

Malik looked around the crowd of uncomfortable angels. "My gracious friends, surely you would not let any harm befall our beloved "Cupid," especially considering the light-hearted nature of our fun and games. All will be well and good if this secret rests amongst us and us only."

Gazes darted from one angel to another, searching for an unspoken consensus. Pockets of these immortals secretly whispered to each other while others merely waited for a brave soul to offer his or her answer so they can simply follow along. A tense silence hung above them. Finally, a shaky hand penetrated the air.

"I, Joey of the Janitorial Cherubs, shall keep that promise."

The less-than-genuine relief rippled through the crowd and a chorus of tense (winged) shoulders visibly sagged. Singular hands began flying up in the air, first slowly, then more rapidly as angels followed suit.

Malik turned back to Yugi, who didn't think he'd be more torn than before. "Your friends are with you, Cupid. Shall we proceed?"

The little seraph stared at his arrows, knowing he'd probably lose them within the week if something went wrong. "Must it be burgundy, Malik?"

"In accordance to the wager, indeed it must be burgundy."

"But please consider the possibility that I wreak havoc within the realm of the underworld with this volatile arrow. As the wielder of this divine tool, I am well-versed in both its advantages and its terrible disadvantages. Surely both Heaven and Earth will hear of this misdeed!" Yugi pleaded.

"I mean no disrespect, Cupid, but I do not believe your burgundy arrows are as dangerous as you believe them to be. Indeed I agree that they are the most potent of your tools but the magnificence of their strength is not so grand as to affect both Heaven and Earth as you say. You are a formidable member of our society but you are far from shaking the entire realm!" Having said that all in one breath, Malik gave a much-needed exhale.

"Perhaps not."

"Shall we proceed?" Malik's eye twitch in impatience.

"I…"

"Yugi…"

"The burgundy one, Malik?"

"Yes."

"Truly, Malik?"

"Truly."

"Surely?"

"Surely."

"That specific one?"

"None other."

"This other one would not suffice?"

"No."

"Or this?"

"No."

"Or this?"

"No!"

"Or this?"

"How many times do I have to say it, you little brat?"

Yugi froze and everyone went silent. Hands clapped over mouths, other hands clapped over chests and a few angels fainted.

"I-I mean…" Malik stammered, censoring his language and controlling the volume of his voice weakly, "This very one and none other. Recall that I promise to be your everlasting servant should I lose this round."

"V-very well."

As irritating as it was, Yugi's hesitation hadn't been completely fruitless. In the time it took for the seraph to _finally_ give in, Malik had managed to inconspicuously switch the harmless ball for his personal magnetized one. The negatively-charged metal object would easily be drawn to its counterpart on the wheel. _23 red_. The perfection of this plan was completed by the fact that it was his turn to call. He handed Yugi the ball.

Yugi stared at the thing for a moment before mechanically spinning the wheel and dropping the ball inside. He fought the urge to cover his eyes as the hypnotic spin seemed to go on endlessly. Everyone watched as the wheel slowed and the little white ball bounced harmlessly from one section to the next. 4…21…2…25…17.

"Umm… please be so kind as to make your call."

"Hmm, it is quite difficult to decide." Malik feigned pensiveness, sneaking a glance at Yugi to see if he'd noticed, "Well, since your spin was the most perfect spin I have ever witnessed, I may well need to simply take a guess devoid of any true judgment. Twenty-three red seems like an acceptable number, I shall choose that."

The wheel stopped and Malik clapped his hands gleefully. A few angels grimaced, others stared in disbelief, while others uttered Heaven swears under their breaths.

Yugi's vision fizzled before everything went dark and he flopped over.

- _not end of flashback yet -_

Unlike the "Cupid" of mythology, Yugi didn't just shoot people to make them fall in love. He carried four different arrows, each with a different function. The ones with a yellow fletching signified friendship. The next level of intimacy was marked by a pink arrow. Since this was paired with puppy, or chaste love, it wasn't a surprise that the target audience for these were senior elementary school to freshmen high school students. Sadly, the usage of this arrow had seen a drastic shift in paradigm as the audience for it increasingly shrunk. According to the charts, this love was doomed for extinction somewhere in the next hundred years. But the people lost to this category didn't disappear, they were simply displaced. This led to the increasing usage of his rose and burgundy arrows. Despite countless centuries in this position, Yugi still had his reservations when it came to the rose-coloured arrows. The implied permanence of "true" love and the devastation that resulted from damage to this relationship was a daunting experience. Fortunately, it was an incredible sight when he saw success.

Yugi had no idea why the burgundy arrows existed at all. He didn't have the guts to question the Angel Overseer and others were reluctant to tell him. He'd always run off in haste after casting one of these because of his self-proclaimed squeamishness. As a result, he never really found out what the "potent covetousness of a sexual nature" arrow _did_.

With a defeated sigh, Yugi looked at the picture of a white-haired, fierce-looking demon labelled "Bakura." While he couldn't be more curious as to why Malik took interest in this demon (and wanted to use a burgundy arrow on him!), he also didn't want to be weighed down by forbidden knowledge. He'd resolved to pull this off the same way always did: take a shotty aim, throw it with his eyes closed, and run off before he could even see it hit its mark. This strategy had always been fool proof, partly because he was never there to see it fail. And this, in his mind, made perfect sense.

The problem was finding his way around Hell without standing out. He'd feebly made an attempt to conceal his full, fluffy, soft, snow-white, feathered wings by painting them black but it was still obviously clear that they bore no resemblance to the holed, leathery, boney, tough, bat-like wings sported by the demons. His vernacular didn't exactly fit in either. Five minutes in this world and he knew that, if he wasn't already dead, that he'd probably die of blood loss through the ears.

"How about you suck my big, fat, non-existent, tits?"

"How about I kick you in your big, fat, non-existent, balls?"

"How about you _blow_ my big, fat, highly not non-existent balls?"

Yugi braced himself against a wall, hand over his heart to still his palpitations. Having to hide _and_ search at the same time, his progress was painfully slow. Thankfully (well, sort of), he'd finally found Bakura. Although listening to demon-tongue brought tears to his eyes and felt like the sting of a hundred mortal needles on an open wound, Yugi forced himself to wait out for his opportunity. With burgundy arrow poised, he cracked open the door to the lunchroom just enough to slip the arrowhead through.

Blood dripped from the thick piece of Hell steak as Bakura ripped off a huge chunk with his teeth, "How 'bout…mmhmhymuyum you go 'crew 'ur… mmmhyummyum 'ma in her wrinkly, gaping _khlam_?"

"Don't skeet me, there isn't such a cockstratching thing as a _khlam_." The other demon, someone who looked suspiciously like Malik, retorted.

Bakura gulped his giant bite and wiped his mouth off with a forearm, "Hells yeah there is," He pulled a Hell dictionary off the shelf, flipped through to the "K" section and tapped a finger on a word somewhere in the middle of a page, "See, _khlam_, read that sonofabitch."

The Malik-look-alike read it and burst out laughing, "You, little dick-lapping scrunt!"

"Thanks, shit slunk."

"No wonder you shitpissing Aced demon-tongue." The Malik doppelganger gushed, sounding impressed and jealous at the same time.

"More than that, four years in the bloody belching frass row I raped that slunk!"

"Wanna tutor this pussyslanker?"

Bakura scoffed, "Just carry around a wangalicious dictionary, like I do."

"But I don't wanna look like a skeg head, snatch faced Hell nerd."

"Then I'll..." Bakura said, confidently snapping the tome shut, "Always be the whoretastically sick, extremely non-virgin, king of a son of a banchi, bum-faced best at demon-tongue, won't I?"

"Fuck."

Yugi, who'd had his arrow aimed at Hell's top linguist, was so startled at the expletive that he dropped his ever-so-potent 'weapon'. He'd endured the (in relation to angel-speak) smut spectacularly but the last word was just so, so… bad! His head swam with this new and forbidden knowledge, the word playing in his head repeatedly. Fuck. _Fuck_. Fu-u-ck. F-u-U-U-U-cK! It was so short but so strong! This sinking process took such a toll on the little seraph that he neglected to notice where the arrow landed.

"Oh vast misfortune…"

The thing was sticking out of his foot. And, by the time he plucked it out, the effects were already starting to seep in.

Yugi's knees buckled beneath him and his eyes widened to their maximum wideness when they landed on a hunk of chocolate cake on the table. Heat flooded into both his cheeks and his groin and he was rendered completely incoherent. He _had_ to have it. He wanted to take it and wanted to take it _hard_. He wanted to bury his whole face in its moist gooeyness and tease it with his tongue forever. He wanted to sink his teeth into its virgin softness and tear it apart in a mad, mad passion. He wanted to –

"Aww, shit. Time to get back to my pubichead of a buttforce schedule."

"Me scrotalicking too."

The pair of demons put away the rest of the cake and made a bee-line for the door. With his last ounce of clarity, Yugi narrowly avoided being discovered as he rolled around the corner. Dejected at the sight of Bakura locking the door but burning with a determination to see his beloved again, Yugi Heaven swore to return.

_- Yugi apologizes for having long flashbacks -_

Malik seemed to be waiting for something but circumstances discouraged Yugi from asking. From his disheveled appearance upon returning to Heaven, Malik assumed Yugi succeeded and Yugi was strongly disinclined to tell him otherwise.

That night, he wet his bed. He couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something different about that particular situation and the other times he'd wet his bed as a child. His dreams were graced (or plagued, depending on one's perception of this condition) with the essence of his beloved. His mind fabricated the smell and taste of this thick, luscious chocolate and he saw himself embracing a large piece of it, holding it close and telling it everything was okay. The scene shifted and he was suddenly on top of his beloved, like a kid on a fluffy down bed. He lay on his back and made chocolate angels on it before flipping over and burying his face deep in its richness. The icing oozed its way into his nostrils and belly button and it felt so good to have his beloved inside of him. He felt himself sinking into the spongy, sticky, moist softness and he let himself become one with it, taken in a tender gentleness that could only come from the perfect love between a Cupid and a slice of cake.

But before he could fully indulge in this fantasy, the scene shifted again. This time, his beloved was ruthlessly torn away from him and he saw his own hand reach out toward the receding slice of cake in vain. It was held in a cage by two familiar demons, crying in anguish to be rescued. Both demons had a fork in hand, prodding and torturing his beloved until its screams died away in exhaustion. Yugi tried to call to it, tried to tell the horrid demons to stop but no sound came out no matter how hard he tried. Tears of agony stung his eyes as he watched the two drag the cage away, his beloved within it sagged over on its side with half its icing dented miserably.

Yugi woke up drenched in sweat, his heart hammering audibly in his chest. A few seconds passed before he fully oriented himself. He sunk back in his bed, flooded with relief as he realised it had all been a dream. As his mind cleared, he was hit with a dreadful thought. What if those demons ate up his beloved completely? Or worse yet, what if they only ate part of it and threw the rest away like some sort of discarded piece of trash? Yugi had to find out. It couldn't end this way for them, not before he even had the chance to touch his beloved.

Yugi knew Hell wasn't the safest place to be in the darker hours, especially for angels, but he didn't want to wait until morning and find out he was too late. This was love gosh darn it and he, being the giver of love, knew that it was completely irrational, disorganized, unintelligible and devoid of logic in any way. So, with blind resolve, he rolled out of bed, dressed in his usual white tunic belted with a golden chord, grabbed his quiver and snuck out into the night.

_- flashback finally ends, again, Yugi apologizes -_

Sneaking into the lair of Hell at the time he did had been completely pointless. He'd learned that the lunchroom was kept locked until lunch time so he ended up spending the rest of the night and all of morning in hiding instead of his warm bed. The wait was excruciating and he found himself checking every five seconds to see if anyone came by with the key. As soon as the custodial demon turned his back, Yugi flew (not literally) to the door and wrestled impatiently with the knob that stubbornly separated him and his beloved. He'd shortly made his way to the fridge and caught the sight of his beloved safe inside it when "Yami" stepped in.

This demon was like the others. Leather, leather and more leather.

His beloved, however, was a different story. At this closer range, its magnificence was far greater than any of the images his dreams fed him. Its slick outer coating shone against the light like a Heaven Mercedes straight out of the dealership. A delicate bouquet of chocolate rose buds kissed the uppermost centre of the cake, an exquisite contrast to the hurried lines that marked the rest of its body. The newly exposed, tender centre seemed to shutter in the harshness of the air. The nearly black, pock-marked backdrop _radiated_ its moistness and Yugi knew it would only be a matter of time before this innocence was hardened by the reality of the outer world. Fierce, white cream struck through the heart of the wedge as a thinly-veiled suggestion to venture further into its core. It sought to prove this wasn't all chocolate, that there was more depth to this seemingly shallow piece of pastry. The third member of this inner triad was even more rebellious still. Blood-red cherry jam oozed from its place, refusing to be confined, refusing to be kept in line, refusing, perhaps, to merely be the jam in the cake. It wanted to be independent; it wanted to define _itself._

And Yami had an abnormal way of eating.

Yugi's hand clenched the end of his tunic in aroused frustration, knuckles as white as the cloth itself. His mind screamed to turn away but his heart forced him to watch every second of it. The demon sat in a lazy posture, taking full advantage of his thirty minutes of bliss and working through his treat in a teasingly unbearable pace. He'd taken a full seven minutes to lick off the top layer of icing and another three to suck his fingers clean. Yugi thought picking up the utensil would make things better, but it didn't. Yami used the thing like a sex toy, prodding and scrapping at it in feathered strokes before doing his business. And it was elaborate business at that. He took his time rolling the piece around in his tongue as if robbing it of its essence before sending it down to an eternal dark hole. He also liked to pull the fork out gradually, catching every molecule of chocolate clinging onto the metal tongs with his demon lips.

Yugi could feel the heat pounding in his head. The blood in his body had split like the Red Sea, half going to his face and the other half going to more nether regions. He'd crossed his legs to suppress the bodily reaction but it was to no avail. The foreign but immensely pleasurable feeling had him in the palm of its hand and he could not squirm away no matter how hard he tried.

Yami moaned.

At first Yugi thought it was him but he'd never produced such a deep sound in his life. The demon had his eyes closed and was leaning back on the chair further than ever! With one hand still in his mouth and the other gripping on to the leg of the table for dear life, something was going to give.

And then…

Yugi couldn't take it anymore. A groan, loud and forbidden to escape, found its way through. Yami froze, fork in midair and head turned toward the source of the sound. He blinked a few times before setting down his fork, getting up, and walking towards Yugi's hiding place.

"What the…"

He bent down and yanked up the side of the tablecloth.

"…Fuck?"

The demon was nose to nose with him, red eyes angry and confused. But Yugi's attention was elsewhere. Chocolate icing was smeared all over the demon's lips and the corners of his mouth, bringing Yugi's beloved closer to him than ever. The puff of air released from uttering _that_ word was infused with the scent of the treat, invisible molecules hanging between them in a kind of shared experience. It was _that_ word again. _That_ sickening, dirty, nasty… wrong little word that did it (and in this proximity no less!). Oh the irony, oh the poetic justice, oh the paradox, oh the satirical cruelty, oh the -

In a purely mechanical move, Yugi flung himself at Yami and slammed their lips together in a wet, sloppy kiss. The force knocked the startled demon onto his back with an "oomph" and Yugi was on top of him in an instant. With his hardness pressed against Yami's abdomen and one leg on either side of him, Yugi ravished his mouth for every single trace of chocolate hiding in its depths. His hands jammed themselves into Yami's wild hair to secure the demon's head in place as the he licked and sucked away. After all this time, _this_ was how he was going to take his beloved but he didn't care. It felt _so_ good.

Now virginity was considered a blasphemy in Hell and Yami wasn't exactly the most radical demon there. In fact, he was the everyday guy. He tortured the damned with ice picks up the backend (the technical term being _Analprodoassing_) from nine to five, kept up his demon-tongue by reading regularly, went to the Hell bar with the boys on the weekends, and indulged in some corporal pleasure with a demon or five on a regular basis. Still, getting jumped by a horny angel was a first.

At first, Yami thought one of his buddies/partners had dressed up like an angel and jumped him as a way of playing on the erotic forbidden-ness of it all. But all doubt was extinguished as his hands were forced into the white, fluffy mess of feathers and he, for the first time, felt how soft they really were. An angel was actually on top of him! An actual, fucking angel! Whatever drug this goody-two-shoes took to reduce himself to such a (by Heaven's standards) depraved state, Yami wanted to confiscate it and use it himself.

And he was in awe of how soft everything was. It was like making out with a cloud-marshmallow-kitten. This wasn't half bad. In fact, this could be good. This could be really good, actually.

In his delirium, it was a miracle that Yami caught a glimpse of the arrows. But when he did, it felt as if he'd won the Hell lottery.

It wasn't possible. The frenzied thing above him wasn't just an angel, it was Heaven's Cupid, also known in their realm as _The Hypervirgin_. Everyone, if not everyone dreamed of the chance to take this sultan of all virgins and if he didn't take the opportunity now, he deserved to be exiled with pinecones up the backend.

So it became something other than a matter of cake.

Tongues, hands, feet, wings, winged-shoes, all their resources were poured in this epic collide between Heaven and Hell. Like any war, things got messy. There was collateral damage, bodily wounds, unfair tactics, pedestrian casualties, reaping and plundering, some sacking, and a lot of noise.

There were, metaphorically, many battles won on Yami's part. But it was like a war lost by one combatant. At the very last second, Yami was on his back and it was over. In his haze, it felt good. But this would be a different story when reality and clarity returned to him.

The potent effects of the burgundy arrow wore off when Yugi was through. But that nice little feeling tickling in the pit of his stomach didn't go away. He regarded the demon with tired eyes, finding that, perhaps, he didn't give the demon enough credit. He didn't look half-bad (for a demon). In fact, he looked pretty good.

The lunch bell rang, startling the tousled mess of arms, legs and partially bent wings on the ground. Yugi sat up, still straddling Yami beneath him. He smiled innocently as he brushed away a bang plastered on his face:

"Well that was certainly quite the unique and pleasant experience. You are quite masterful in your deeds and I applaud you for what you have managed to do. I thank you for the time we have shared and would like to propose another meeting some time in the near future. Would you mind telling me when you shall be engaging in your next break of lunch?"

Yami slapped his sweaty forehead and ran a hand down his face, "Oh fu - "

**-End of part 1-**

**AN:** Following chapters: Part 2, in which Yami sneaks into Heaven.


	2. Sequel: The Demon Underlord

**AN**: 1) **This fic is has nothing to do with religion.** 2) All warnings apply, especially the usage of strong and strange language.

_1. The Demon Underlord_

Yami became numb to the sound of his own breathing as his body began moving on its own accord. He forced his aching legs to move forward, constantly battling with the soft earth consuming every step he took. Nearly tripping over himself, he yanked a foot out with both hands, attempting to resist the urge to look back, but failing miserably. Three pairs of glowing eyes closed in on him and he propelled himself forward with a vigour he knew he couldn't sustain for long.

The Hell forest was dark and inconveniently damp from the Hell rain that had fallen some time during that night. He'd managed to avoid falling over completely, despite the unseen obstacles in his path. Despite the frigid Hell night, he was very warm, the leather latched to his skin becoming increasingly itchy as it soaked up his sweat.

He could hear twigs snap in their wake as they bounced along, closing in on him like a stealthy hunter within range of his prey. Any minute now, they would be right at his heels, then on him, then attacking him, then, well, actually, he wasn't sure what Hell pinecones did to demons (at least not ones this size anyways) but he was sure it couldn't be anything good.

He closed his eyes, trying to shake the negative thoughts out of his mind and he forced his exhausted body to move, to do _something_ to save himself from the ill fate. The Hell pinecones growled, the sound so low, it would have been out of range for human ears

And, as soon as the dreadful creatures uttered their battle cry, his quivering thigh gave out on him and he met with a face full of dirt. The Hell pinecones surrounded him at once. The leader, slightly larger than its henchmen, hopped on Yami's back, its weight disproportionate to the way it looked. It grinned, displaying its full set of pointed teeth and reached out with both needled hands to hold Yami's shoulders down.

The extremely long forked tongue dance across the side of his face as it spoke, the sound a cross between a seasoned smoker and an oxygen-deprived frog, "You let it take you…"

"No, I poopokingly swear, I didn't!" The dirt rushed into Yami's mouth at that protest and he turned his head to the side, spitting out as much of the bitter substance as possible.

The lead Hell pinecone jabbed a sharp finger into the back of Yami's neck, "You have all the signs of a taken creature, demon, now confess!"

His 'no' was swiftly rewarded with a kick to his side and he briefly wondered how it was possible since they didn't have any legs. "Confesssss," The leader said again, "It had taken you and you liked it."

"I didn't – ah," Yami again as one of them yanked at his hair and the three started laughing.

"Admit itttttt."

"I. Did not." The words crawled out of Yami's throat as he tried hard to stay calm and was inching ever closer to failing, "By shaftlicking, buttslutting, ejaculaconsumatory barf, enjoy it!"

The lead Hell pinecone tapped a finger at the back of Yami's head, "Your memories say otherwise. Last chance to confess."

Yami dejectedly hid his face in the dirt, no longer caring whether any got inside his mouth or not. It wasn't fair. He was just a victim of circumstance and, despite how damnably erotic and delicious that circumstance was, it was circumstance nonetheless. A very soft circumstance. One that smelled like _Febreze_ and baby powder. But still a frapping circumstance! Fuck that circumstance! Fuck it in its _Poppin Fresh_ belly button!

"Last chance, demon."

Yami ground his teeth together and swallowed hard. The Hell pinecones were tricking him. But maybe he deserved it. No doubt he'd be just as disgusted with his own actions if the situation was reversed.

"Gentlemen, let's do this!"

Yami screamed.

And his eyes snapped open.

And he sat up.

On his bed.

He looked around to make sure the four walls and ceiling weren't a hallucination.

And they weren't.

He flopped back down on the silky Hell cushions, attempting to catch his breath. His head throbbed with the pounding in his chest and his pupils dilated out of synchrony. He grabbed for his favourite pillow, getting an armful of air instead and peeked over the side of his bed to find it laying too far to reach. Still in a state of shock and too lazy to crawl off, he settled with the other fifteen pillows strewn around his bed, cuddling up to whichever one he could grab.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to get back to sleep or not. After a gruelling three hours of work on Zork, Yami had hurried off to the lunchroom and gotten his slice of cake, sitting down exactly where he'd been before, except this time, with some rope and a cage. His impatience found him jabbing and rejabbing at the dessert. Nothing happened, and, after two minutes of waiting, he got out of his seat and checked under every table in the room, moving onto the underside of the refrigerator, stove and the innards of every cupboard after failing to find what he was looking for. No Hypervirgin. Subsequently, he heated the cake in the Hell microwave and placed it beside the door, fanning at it to get the scent as far from the room as possible. He intermittently poked his head outside and looked up and down the hallway, grumbling and fanning with more vigour when he saw nothing. His boss, Madame Reapbecca, happened upon his (by Hell's standards) unusual behaviour and, after spotting the rope and cage, berated him for stealing office supplies and sent him back to work, claiming an hour-long lunch break was obviously far too long for the 'indolent' demon. He'd spent the rest of his work day in a foul mood, taking it out on Zork and receiving some congratulatory pats by his coworkers for his hard work. He'd collapse onto his bed shortly after getting home, falling asleep with various plots to catch The Hypervirgin swirling in his mind.

At first, it was simply a matter of principle, but after the implications of the dream, he realised it was a life or death situation. No matter how much effort he put into burying his shame, their demon Underlord would, undoubtedly, find out sooner or later and put him through a horrific public humiliation before submitting him to an equally horrific punishment (which would probably be public as well).

Maximillion Supersatan Pegasex had won the Hell election over three thousand years ago and had never been defeated in office ever since. He prided himself on his libido and made this fact known by rejecting every female demon that (reportedly) threw themselves at his feet. He was the only one in all of Hell to go around in a non-leather outfit and still look desirable. He was also the only one in all of Hell that could go around with minimal usage of demon-tongue and avoid being branded 'inarticulate.' Whenever someone questioned these issues, he'd accidentally let slip his/her innermost secret and apologize profusely for being so inconsiderate. Everyone would laugh off the mistake while their Underlord blushed and chuckled at himself and, as soon as backs were turned, he'd punish said questioner for having such a secret in the first place. Those were just a few of the things that made Pegasex wonderful. He was also a Hell comic book and Hell gorgonzola cheese connoisseur.

Yami decided to try for sleep again but, after changing positions, tossing and turning, and throwing half of his pillows on the ground, he gave up. He reluctantly climbed out of bed and stretched before squeezing into his clothes. After composing his resolve and grabbing what he needed, he locked the Hell door behind him.

* * *

Yami dropped fifty Hell cents into the Hell vending machine and surveyed all of his choices before selecting number eight-hundred-thirty-two. The item slipped out from its coiled holder and Yami reached for it, grateful that he didn't have to kick the frequently malfunctioning machine this time to get at it. _Ribbed, for his, her, its, their, or all of the above simultaneously's pleasure. If you are using this, you are a crackslacker._

"A condom, Yami?"

An arm draped around his shoulder and a familiar scent of charcoal-scented cologne stung his nose, the owner of both observing the object in his hand with disbelief and a hint of disappointment. "Go get unshanked, Bakura."

Bakura took the condom out of his hand and examined it as if he hadn't seen one up close in a very long time, "Must say, some skunkranking fungofooting non-popped cherry spitter is getting some pubilicious treatment!"

The linguist laughed when Yami irritably grabbed it from him and shoved it in his back pocket. When Bakura groped at the same back pocket, Yami spun his hips and slapped the hand away, eliciting a mock-frown from his Hell comrade.

"Aww, and I thought we were such vomitacious pounda rot shit slunks!" Bakura stuck out his bottom lip and wiped and invisible tear from the corner of his eye.

"You _are_ my shit slunk," Yami said, despite not feeling the love at the moment, "My _rot _shit slunk, in fact. But you can be a fingerpentrating asshole sometimes." Bakura grinned and Yami continued, "The crapping mortal understanding of 'asshole,' that is."

Bakura brought a fist to his heart, "That was a real skeet to my bloodthrob, shit slunk of mine." He pointed to Yami's backside again, "But seriously, a condom? What the un-tits?"

Yami stared at Bakura, wondering if this was something he could tell his best friend. As an academic, Bakura had a very high opinion of himself and was quick to judge others. He was pretty sure Bakura had a few unspoken opinions about him as well and sometimes he wondered to what degree Bakura was genuine with him. Unfortunately, the linguist had talent to back up his claims. Many demons envied him but failed to find ways to bring down his ego. And if Bakura hadn't been, on some level, a good friend, Yami would have been among those demons.

"I'm going after THV."

Bakura's eyes widened and he frantically whipped his head around, making sure no one else heard what Yami just said. He took a step closer to Yami and emphatically mouthed 'The Hypervirgin?" waving his hands about to emphasize the absurdity of the statement.

Yami nodded slowly, regret pooling in his throat and holding back any satisfying answer.

When it was obvious that Yami was serious, Bakura gave him the gravest look he could muster, "You're a shafttard."

"I know it's a butt-bold statement. But I swishsticking swear, I got close. Testicularlastingly close!"

"You're still a shaftard."

"Testicularlastingly close, Bakura!"

"A brain-puking-damaged shafttard."

Yami wanted to reach out and strangle his best friend but the stunned expression on the other's face suggested that he hadn't quite escaped his shock. Bakura let out a blunt, "You'll fail" and Yami went to shove him for real this time but Bakura stopped his hand, shaking his head to indicate his seriousness.

"Heard lots of skankers say they're 'testicularlastingly close,' fart, heard them say 'testicularlasterifically close' too. You're just another foot fungus." Bakura patted Yami on the shoulder as if to comfort him, but Yami would have none of it.

Yami pulled a tiny feather from his other back pocket, one he'd managed to pluck from Yugi during their… activities.

Bakura looked at it skeptically at first but his interest immediately flared when Yami held it under his nose. Bakura took the delicate object between thumb and forefinger, closing his eyes and carefully running it under his nostrils like an expert judging the quality of wine.

Bakura opened his eyes and carefully regarded the alien object, "_Febreze _and baby powder," He smirked, "and some ass."

Yami snarled at him and made a grab for the feather but Bakura jerked it away and gave one final, loud, sniff, "Could still be gutrutt falsecock though."

"It's not a gutrutt fake!" Yami retorted, his thoughts of Bakura now leaning more towards 'asshole' than 'shit slunk,' "Look at it!"

Bakura held it up to the Hell light and closed an eye, twisting his wrist it back and forth to check its sheen. At one moment, it was visually there, the next, it disappeared. At a certain angle, it flashed all the colours of the rainbow and at another angle, it was too white to look at directly. The linguist was in awe and, once again, was incoherent.

Yami crossed his arms over his chest in triumph, "Testicularlastingly close, Bakura."

"Testicularinfinitalation close… if this is a non-falsecock." Bakura held the feather with a reverence of an archaeologist who'd just discovered fossilized dung. He blinked back to reality when Yami snatched it from his fingers and carefully slipped it in his front pocket.

Bakura rubbed his temple, hoping to message the belief into his highly sophisticated brain. He was a witness to the impossible and he had to respond to it in the most educated-sounding way he knew:

"How?"

"It was simplenipple."

"Then what the coitalcut happened?"

Yami's eye twitched and he pursed his lips. His body went rigid in an effort to control the shame.

"Lunch break ended. Reapbecca started her tonguetweatch screeching."

"What the fackshack were you upchuckstroke smeeting during your un-hurling smack?"

"You and I both know THV is ungroiningly unpredicatable! And what did you snortsucking expect me to do? _Not_ have sex with it when I see it?"

Bakura raised an eyebrow, "You mean 'fuck' it."

"Yes… fuck it."

Bakura scoffed, "You skeeting me?"

"Glad you understand."

Bakura made a face, "Again, what the coitalcut happened?"

Yami began his story, making sure to curb certain truths in his favour and highlight his appropriate and highly skillful deeds wherever necessary. He flipped things around, turned things inside-out and had things inside other things when they weren't originally there. Bakura listened intently, scanning for signs of falsehood. Although Yami did a pretty good job, things started getting a little shaky when he got near the end. Eventually, he just… trailed off.

The academic scratched his head, wondering which plot hole made less sense. There was something very off about Yami's story but he also had to consider the fact that Yami did not have the gift for speech that he enjoyed. Yami was also just a blue-Hell-collar worker and as an _analprodoasser_, Yami's intelligence was clearly not to Bakura's caliber and it would only be natural for him to delude himself in regards to his merits.

"Shit slunk, just want you to pedophilatic know," Bakura clapped a hand on his best friend's shoulder, "I will never, spanker, lose my respect for you."

Yami mentally rolled his eyes, offering a genuine-as-possible smile and gripping Bakura's hand to return the gesture.

"Wanna come with?"

Bakura shook his head, "I got a DYKE to slunk tomorrow."

Yami gave him a blank look and Bakura grinned. "Demon-tongue Yearly Knowledge Exam," He patted his 'wangalicious' Hell dictionary inside his Hell satchel, "Wow, shit slunk, you've really been poopatiously out of the snatchlatch, extremely non-hymen academic ballscroll for a long piss, haven't you?"

"You don't have to make it sound _that _pittingly bad," Yami mumbled.

"Nah," Bakura smacked Yami on the back a little too hard, "I respect you, remember?"

And Yami narrowed his eyes, "I'm handstimulatingly, peesprinklingly, sultan-of-a-dunghole-beetle-eyeballs, laplickingtongueswirl, extraordinarily non-er-tight…" Bakura cocked his head but Yami continued, "…wedding-night-times-ten-thousandly snitchsnatch, saggingbutt, going!"

Bakura was left speechless as his comrade stalked away, impressed beyond measure at the show of such eloquent and sophisticated vernacular.

* * *

"Although I understand we have reiterated this rather important issue before, I strongly believe it is of utmost importance that we re-explore the reasons for momentarily keeping you on hiatus in hopes that this rather unexpected and, unfortunately, inconvenient mishap is resolved. Do you understand, Yugi?"

The angel clasped his hands in front of him obediently and nodded, "I understand, Miss Celibacy."

The woman's purple eyes softened and she immediately regretted using such a harsh tone with their beloved Cupid, "Please, you may refer to me as 'Mai.' Miss Celibacy was my mother."

Again, Yugi nodded quietly, too consumed by his guilt to really listen to what Mai said.

"Although I understand that mistakes are as common in this realm as they are in the realms neighbouring our own," Mai sorted through a stack of papers and pulled out the document she was looking for, "You are the source of truth in the inexplicable disappearance of Burgundy arrow number eighty-thousand-trillion-five-hundred-twenty-six-m illion-seven-hundred-thousand-two-hundred-sixty-fo ur." She handed Yugi the paper with their Angel Overseer's signature on it and Yugi read through the official document slowly, already well aware of most of the details outlined.

He took his time reading the document, attempting to prolong eye contact with Mai. He found himself staring at his pooched-out belly, wondering how he failed to notice the weight gain. It was must have been the desserts. _Desserts_. That was what got Yugi into this mess in the first place.

Yugi couldn't lie, even if the truth posed a great threat to him. And what a truth this was. One that was as lean and hard as the mythological Ares and smelled as rich as cinder wood after a bonfire. Darn that truth! Darn him…er… it in its well-defined forearms! As an afterthought, Yugi wished _he_ had such forearms. He found himself staring at his forearms.

"Um, Mai?"

He had her full attention. Sometime during his reading, she'd grabbed a clipboard and a pen, both now intently poised and ready to take note of what he had to say. Her breasts almost rested on top of the clipboard, but, of course, Yugi didn't notice. "I would request that you do not hesitate, Yugi, however, in order to facilitate effective recall, I would also urge you to take your time."

"Unfortunately, I am rather uncomfortable voicing my knowledge at the moment. Would it be too much of a burden if I am to begin by inquiring into the details regarding the previous mistakes you have mentioned before?" Yugi wove his fingers together and gave her the most pleading look he could muster, one that was said to be capable of blinding ten demons simultaneously.

Mai lowered her clipboard and reached out to gently pinch Yugi's cheek, "I have known very few who have successfully resisted your charm, dear Cupid." Yugi's entire body tinged pink when she winked at him and he twisted his bottom in his seat, "You may ask me anything."

"Um, w-what were the, um, consequences of these, um, unfortunate mistakes… if I may inquire?"

Mai 'hmmed' and tapped the back of her pen against the clipboard, "That is a rather broad question with no single answer to completely satisfy it. Perhaps you would be so kind as to restate your question in more definitive terms."

Yugi nervously swung his feet (which didn't touch the floor) and slipped each hand under his thighs, "Well, I suppose it would be of interest for me to inquire into the most severe case of such mistakes. If you would be so kind."

"Ah, please allow me several minutes to search for the answer you seek." Mai semi-circled the desk, nearly knocking a huge stack of papers, and sat down at her Heaven computer. She got out of the screensaver and began frantically typing. After some painful Heaven minutes, her face contorted into a series of negative expressions. She shook her head and Heaven swore under her breath. At odd times she stopped and stared at the screen, scanning and re-scanning over what she'd just read as if she didn't believe what she saw. Just when mini Mt. St. Heaven was about to erupt in Yugi's belly, she turned to look at him.

"To be honest, I do not know which truth is more detrimental, the fact that this arrow missed so severely or the fact that it had been a malfunctioning one in the first place." Mai bit her lower lip as she scanned the details once more, "Oh ungoodness…"

"Mai?" Yugi prompted again, sweat collecting in his palms and making them stick to his thin tunic.

She read aloud the details, her face inching closer to the screen as she did so, "In the mortal 1939, an archer became unusually obsessed with the events of the living world. Consequently, she decided to provide assistance to the 'victims' and snuck into a meeting of the world leaders, the United Nations."

Yugi held his breath.

"She found her opportunity when Winston Churchill stepped up to the podium, his eyes trained on one Adolph Hitler as he spoke." Mai scrolled down and started reading in her head until Yugi cleared his throat.

"Oh, apologies. She had assumed the extra Yellow arrow in her quiver would fly undetected by our records, but, in fact, it had just failed to meet standards. To bring this compendium of misfortune together, Mr. Hitler turned toward Mr. Joseph Stalin to ask for a piece of gum just as the yellow arrow hit him."

"S-so, Mr. Churchill and Mr. Hitler were in eye-contact when this archer launched her yellow arrow at Mr…. Hitler?"

Mai nodded.

"…and just as the arrow was about to hit Mr. Hitler, who had been watching Mr. Churchill and vice versa, Mr. Hitler turned towards Mr. Stalin and - "

" – asked for a piece of gum…"

"…asked for a piece of gum. Which, therefore, meant that Mr. Hitler and Mr. Stalin were conversing with each other when the sub-par friendship arrow hit Mr. Hitler."

"That is correct."

Yugi thought for a moment, then it hit him. And cursed was his love for history, at that moment. "The Nazi-Soviet Non-aggression Pact was the fault of Heaven?"

"Technically, that is correct." Mai sighed, "And we do not know if the faulty yellow arrow, one which we do not have a numerical assignment to, escaladed the events of the mortal realm in ways more detrimental than a well-functioning arrow may have avoided. However, considering the course of action following this 'Pact,' I would say it did."

Yugi sat stiff in his seat. "May I ask of the consequences that faced the wielder of this expansively unfortunate occurrence?"

Mai scrolled down some more and made a face. "Well, according to the records, one Kisara Meantwell was sent straight to the Underheaven without the possibility of probation."

Mai immediately saw Yugi's distress and squeezed his shoulder, "Do not fret, dearest Cupid. I am certain we shall see through this misfortune of yours as peacefully as possible, with little harm to yourself or your reputation." That hand went to nudge his cheek again, "And indeed, I have my doubts as to the amount of harm a gentle soul such as yourself can do with one misplaced arrow."

"I suppose."

"Come, let us review your file once more and then we shall advance from there." Mai rearranged more paper on her desk, dropping a couple of things here and there, which Yugi so graciously picked up for her.

"Mai, is this the folder you seek?"

Mai sighed with relief and embarrassment, gratefully talking the Heaven manila folder from Yugi, "I would certainly lose my own wings if the doctor had not sewn them so well onto my back. Now, let us have a look at this, shall we?"

"Y-your wings are not Heaven-born?"

Mai pretended she hadn't heard the question. "Burgundy arrow number eighty-thousand-trillion-five-hundred-twenty-six-m illion-seven-hundred-thousand-two-hundred-sixty-fo ur was to find its way to Britney Spears during her private concert for Justin Timberlake. Please tell me, Yugi, do you possess the knowledge as to the true fate of this particular Burgundy arrow?"

Yugi wished he could have died in his seat.

"W-well, I had been…" Yugi swung his legs nervously, accidentally kicking the underside of the desk and stubbing his toes. He hissed in pain, tears stinging his eyes.

Mai frowned, "Are you unwell, darling Cupid?"

"To be perfectly honest, Mai, I am rather…hungry."

"Oh immense gracious! We have kept you here for a duration of well over thirty hours! My immense apologies, dear Cupid, if you would be so kind as to forgive me, I would be much obliged to give you a small break of snack."

Yugi was surprised that the excuse actually flew, but he wasn't in the position to question his good fortune. "You are well forgiven and more. And I would very much appreciate the small break of snack as you have so graciously offered."

"Please ensure that you return when you are sufficiently satiated, Yugi."

"I assure you, I will be."

Suffice it to say, Yugi didn't make it past ten steps out the door when something rather inconvenient happened.

_TBC…_


	3. Fallen Angel

**fallen angel**: v. + n. – _An angel that fell over (probably because it's an idiotic fackshack). _~ Oxford Demon-Tongue Dictionary Fortieth/Extra Large Edition (ODD-XL)

_2. Fallen Angel_

The last thing Yugi saw was his world turning sideways. The force of the impact caused him to propel a through the air, but he was not aware of this, only of the eventual impact when he landed and the warm arms that were wrapped around him the entire time. He (or was it they?) eventually came to a sliding halt and it was only when Yugi was absolutely sure that he didn't experience the double death and that his body was relatively intact that he dared to open his eyes. Before his blurry vision could make sense of the red, blonde and ample amounts of black, his mouth leaped ahead of him.

"Demon Yami?"

Despite himself, Yami let out a relieved sigh. Venturing into Heaven without having done his research first was definitely not a good idea. However, by the time he realized this, he was already deep into the unknown territory.

He'd expected all of Heaven's cherubims to sort of cluster together in one area of Heaven, a 'cherubim' area of sorts, and it had been rather vexing to find out that, one: no such place existed, and two: Heaven's Cupid, the shortest, chubbiest, bug-eyed angel that ever made a dent in his Hell eardrum was, in fact, not a cherub.

Despite the seemingly rare blend of hair, height, eyes and… roundness, it had taken Yami a few tries before he caught the right one.

He tangled his fingers in the flustered angel's wing as his rubbed his nose against the crook of his neck. Soft, so soft. His favourite pillow had nothing on The Hypervirgin. No wait, he couldn't possibly think that. He adored his favourite pillow and it had served him well these past couple of thousand years. But still…THV was so… okay, his favourite pillow was a close second. A very close second. He hoped one day it could forgive him for thinking thusly.

"Mmmmhhmmmm, mhhhhhmmmm."

"D-demon Yami, e-execuse me but y-you're breath is- is t-tickling me!"

He would have continued indulging in his ecstasy and ignoring the comments, but Yugi started rolling around and snorting and shaking uncontrollably, making it very difficult for him to enjoy is bliss in peace. He lifted himself on both arms and stared down at the angel. For a moment, his mind blanked out.

"Hello."

"Um, hello." Came a shy reply, the source of that reply flushed red and tucked his chin into the opening of his tunic.

He looked upon the seraphim with bewilderment, then lust. With no transition in between. "I am going to tipdipping take you now."

Yugi gave a small gasp before entering into an entirely new level of red, one Yami was sure must have served some sort of adaptive function over the course of angel evolution. Yugi squirmed some more and hid his face, trying to roll away, but Yami's firmly planted arms stopped him.

Yami studied Yugi's behaviour, trying to figure out what it meant. Was this a kind of Heaven pre-mating ritual? It didn't seem very efficient in getting the ball rolling and he doubted this was considered 'sexy' by anyone's standard. But then again, this was THV, the unsexiest undead, living thing in existence. He shuddered at the thought.

When it became obvious that the demon wasn't going to take his eyes off him, Yugi curled into a ball and rolled to his front. Yami frowned and poked at Yugi's love handles a few times, but Yugi didn't budge. All Yami got out of it were odd (angel) noises.

Patience wearing thin, he flipped the ball of angel and Yugi stiffly rolled onto his back, knees still clamped together and eyes stubbornly shielded behind that arm. He tried to pry the angel's knees apart but they were tougher than Hell steel (and Hell made the best steel thank you very much). If this was a mating ritual, it was a shitty one.

"Cupid," Yami grunted, trying to squeeze his claws between those ivory legs, "If this is an assdamn game, at least tell me what the titticking rules are."

"Huh?"

"I want my dicksticking prize, so tell me how to win this shaftarded, uberlame game."

"Itsnotagame…" Was the muffled reply from behind the chubby arm, an arm that looked tender enough to take a bite out of, no less.

"What?"

"I-its -" Yugi gasped when Yami yanked that arm out of the way, "- not a game, demon Yami." With nothing to hide behind, he tucked the lower half of his bright red face into his collar again, his voice filtering through the thin cloth "Um, n-not a game, demon Yami."

"Then what the snitchsnatch are you doing?" Yugi squeaked and turned onto his side, but Yami angrily rolled him onto his back again, straddling the little body between his legs to keep the angel still. "For buttsagging sake, look at me you little sackprack!"

It was unclear where his bashfulness ended and his fear began but Yugi curled even tighter into himself, his pleading eyes burning Yami's Hell retina's the longer he looked into them. Yami waited and waited but whatever act Yugi was putting on didn't let up.

So the angel was serious. As in, it wasn't shitting around. Or was it? What if the angel was tricking him? Clearly a body like _that_ couldn't overpower a virile, incredibly attractive, one hundred Hell pounds (0.0325 mortal ounces) of pure muscle, man-all-the-way body like _his_.

But how to find out for sure. Maybe if he appeared non-threatening, Yugi would do something. It was a risk and Yami felt way too vulnerable for comfort, but he had to try. He gradually sat back on the heels of his leather shoes, then crawled beside Yugi, and lay down on his stomach.

The angel continued to do nothing but stare at him. Maybe the angel was playing mind games with him. Maybe it was waiting for him to let down his guard completely before pouncing on him. The sneaky, huggable, fiend! Still, he had to know for sure. There was one last thing he could do but it would be a huge gamble. Failing to notice Yugi attempting to cuddle up to him, he sucked in a deep breath and sat up. He carefully climbed on top of the angel and whispered in the most sensual, husky, velvety voice he could muster:

"Fuck."

For a moment, an eerie silence hung between them. The tension thickened as no one made a move or sound and the world around them seemed to melt. The sudden jerk from Yugi's body snapped them out of their 'moment' and the angel let out an agonized cry before breaking into profuse sobs.

Yami watched in disbelief as Yugi cried and cried, hiccupping every breath as he tried to keep the snot from oozing out as well. He clumsily backed away from the source of the awful sound (of course, he'd heard crying before, but never from an angel) and fell on his butt, scooting away until he was sure he was a safe distance from the distressed creature.

And as soon as he'd done so, Yugi flung himself at the distraught demon and clung to him, muffling his sobs in Yami's shirt and using it to wipe off his snot. Yugi smushed himself against him furthermore and, after copious amounts of inaction and incredulity, Yami gingerly closed his arms around him.

Yami was devastated. This really _wasn't_ the Cupid he knew and laid. Whoever The Hypervirgin was now, he wasn't Yami's Hypervirgin anymore. Sure he hated the angel with a passion but he didn't hate him with _that_ much of a passion. In fact, maybe he didn't hate the angel all that much at all. He had to admit these feelings confused and scared him. But what he knew for sure was that he'd had one of the best and kinkiest lunch breaks in his entire afterlife. He wished he had time to tell his Hypervirgin how much he didn't hate him. Hell, he wished he'd Hell thanked his Hypervirgin for the time they'd spent together. He double died a little inside.

"Cupid." He said tersely.

Yugi didn't respond and Yami made an irritated noise before repeating himself a little more loudly, "Cupid."

Following another lack of response, Yami pried Yugi's fingers apart and forced his way out of the angel's grasp, turning Yugi's face up to look at him. Yugi sniffed but otherwise remained silent as those giant, sad eyes looked up vulnerably at him. "What the dicklick happened to you?" Yami said more gently than he'd intended to.

Yugi made a whiny noise and Yami wasn't sure if it was some sort of response or just a whiny noise. "I said what the dicklick happened to you?"

"I-I do not," Yugi croaked and sloppily wiped the tears from his face, "I do not understand your inquiry, demon Yami."

Frustrated, Yami dug his claws into the angel's down-soft shoulders, causing Yugi to shrivel into himself. Was this version of the Hypervirgin stupider as well? Maybe if he shook the angel, it would work better. He did just that but all he got out of it was a dazed expression and some primitive babbling.

"Okay, okay. Two days ago…" Yami paused to think, "… do you remember the scrotowhirlinating events of two days ago?"

The speed and severity by which Yugi changed colour was almost impressive and Yami was momentarily distracted by this seemingly strange ability. The angel nodded slowly.

"At that titsquisherific time, you," He pointed to the angel's chest to help articulate his point, "were not the assdamn you that the ballscrawling you are now."

Yugi started crying again, only understanding half of what Yami said and taking the other half as some sort of scolding.

"Stop it right now!" Yami hollered and shook the angel some more.

Yugi moved to latch himself onto him but Yami held him back, determined not to waste time in getting his answers. "Would you be quiet for one stream-o-piss second?"

Yugi stopped, his bottom lip quivering.

Yami pondered the situation at hand. Perhaps the angel wasn't advanced enough to understand his sophisticated mode of communication. If that was the case, it was the fault of the entire Heaven species and not just that of their Cupid. He shook his head. He should really count his Hell blessings sometimes. After all, he could be living like these backward creatures with their feeble minds and underdeveloped mating habits.

He drew Yugi's attention to the ground and drew an 'X' in the dirt. Above the 'X,' he put the number '2,' "You," He extended his forefinger to the 'X,' "two days ago."

To its right, Yami drew another 'X,' this time adding a sad face beside it. He carefully drew a 'T' over it and repeatedly tapped the second picture, "You, today."

"Mmhmm."

The demon had to marvel at his own brilliance. He drew a curved arrow to connect the first 'X' with the other 'X' and stuck a question mark above it, pointing to the arrow and looking at Yugi.

Yugi made a few facial expressions he couldn't quite decipher. Yami's gaze went back and forth between the angel and his picture and he wondered how long it could possibly take for Yugi to figure it out.

Yugi scratched his neck and squirmed where he sat. Those large eyes finally traveled from the picture, making their way to… his quiver.

Yami slapped his forehead as the realisation was dumped on him like a ton of Hell bricks. The answer was right under his Hell nose the entire time! How could he possibly neglect the fact that Cupid always carried a quiver full of drug-filled arrows with him? It must have slipped off when he tackled the angel. Yellow for friendship, pink for puppy love, rose for 'true' love… and burgundy for potent covetousness of a sexual nature. All four poured in a colourful array from their holder, practically begging his itchy fingers to grab one. All he had to do was, was… was…

At the very moment when Yami's goal was within reach, two pairs of strong hands suddenly yanked him to his feet. He stumbled, his back bumping into something solid behind him and he turned around to meet with a large, burley angel in a Heaven police officer uniform.

"It is my obligation," Came a baritone voice as the officer unclipped a pair of handcuffs from his belt, "as a servant to the law of Heaven and as one who has sworn to protect its inhabitants that I must inform you that you are under arrest for assault upon one of our own." Before Yami could even fathom the concept of Heaven cops, both of his arms were firmly held in place behind his back and linked together by those cuffs.

A busty blonde angel came running towards them. She dropped to her knees and crushed Yugi against her, his face disappearing between her massive Heaven breasts.

"Oh Yugi, Yugi, please inform me that that vile creature from beneath us has not harmed you. Please inform me so!" A loose wing drooped significantly low on her back as she clutched the shell-shocked seraphim.

"I am… indeed…unharmed… Miss Celibacy," Yugi tried to say between her kisses, all of which leaving Heaven lipstick stains on his face.

Mai stopped and looked the angel up and down, lifting up one arm and then the other to check for signs of injury. When none was found, she relaxed and pulled Yugi back into a hug. "Apologies for not having intervened sooner, dear Cupid. I had seen this rather unwholesome travesty yet I had not the courage to approach this creature of unspeakable degrees of sin alone. Oh indeed my lack of courage is rather deserving of nothing but scorn but I wanted to ensure that those of greater knowledge and strength than I approach this problem."

"Please do not doubt your courage, Mai." Yugi assured, "You are indeed one of the most respected beings of this realm and I have no doubt you will continue to be forever more."

"Oh Cupid, sweet and honourable Cupid, your grace and boundless compassion is comparable to none other. I feel only deeper regret that I had not put a halt to this terrible event sooner and shield you from this creature of fathomless malevolence."

"Mai, do not blame yourself for events unexpected. We are but immortals, flawed and vulnerable to that which we cannot control. Your concern for me far exceeds any aid you could have offered in this situation and I thank you greatly for your concerns."

"Please do not devoid the problem of it's severity out of a concern for me. I could never forgive myself if any harm had befallen your gentle being as a result of my cowardice. I would rather the Angel Overseer send me to the Underheaven than live with the guilt for the rest of my immortal existence."

"Yet no harm has befallen me, sweet and lovely Mai. Perhaps instead of dwelling on what could have been, we should praise our vast good fortune."

"And I do, dear Cupid," Mai leaned into the hug again, "I am eternally grateful for having acted in time and brought these figures of justice to your aid. Oh how I thank the immense good fortune that has been bestowed upon us today."

Yami wished the Heaven cops would just double kill him already.

"But Mai, please do listen intently for I have something rather important to say," Yugi pulled back from the hug to look at her, "Although what you see here may appear to have been an action of violence or ungoodness, I assure you that is not so. The demon was just, he was… um… well…"

The other officer cleared his throat, "Although I understand the necessity in ensuring the well-being of our Cupid, I can see that he is, indeed, unharmed and thus you need not continue to show concern for his state of health." He jabbed Yami in the shoulder roughly, "We shall detain this creature of immense darkness and eternal despair and we shall not relinquish it from its confines until we ensure that justice is employed in full for any psychological harm that has befallen our Cupid. We also request that both you and Cupid come with us to our establishment in order to provide a written testimony regarding the events of today. "

One of the Heaven cops opened the door to the back of the Heaven police van and the burly cop attempted to lead Yami towards it. But the demon wasn't to he taken unjustly without a fight. He dug his heels into the ground and struggled, doing whatever he could to keep himself out of the van.

"This is species profiling!" He spat, as the cop dragged him towards the open doors, "I'm shitpricking innocent you bunch of pisswads!"

The other cop slapped him and Yugi winced at the sound, "You shall not utter your barbaric, degrading, poisonous vulgarities in the realm of Heaven, you creature of unlimited desolation!"

"Cupid," Yami looked at Yugi, his eyes betraying his desperation, "Tell them!" He was rewarded with another blow to the cheek but he ignored it, continuing to plead to the little angel. "Tell these funglesnorters I didn't do it! Tell them, Cupid!"

"Demon Yami!" Yugi called out and tried to run towards him but Mai held him back.

"Do not allow that creature of unrestricted wrongness to sway your tender heart, Cupid." She moved to block Yugi's view of Yami as the demon was slowly but surely forced into the van, "It is without goodness, without morality, without kindness. It is a thing of scorn and you must not allow it to deceive you into thinking otherwise."

"Indeed I understand your concerns, Mai," Yugi tried to move around her but she clutched onto him tightly, "however, there has been a grave misunderstanding, one that is of consequence to both him and I!"

"Oh Cupid, your compassion for all things of the afterlife is immeasurable, but as one who intends to protect you, I cannot allow you to make this mistake!"

"But, Miss Celibacy, please! You must allow me to reach him, it is of utmost importance!"

"No, Cupid, I cannot!"

Mai held the struggling angel in place and Yugi watched as Yami halted to the threat of the Taser held close to his neck. Despite his complicity, a cloth damp with chloroform was place over his face and Yami fell limp against the burly Heaven cop. The large angel easily picked him up and threw him into the back of the van, his partner slamming both doors shut as soon as he'd done so. He nodded at Mai and climbed into the driver's seat, his partner taking the passenger's side.

"Come, dear Cupid," Mai said, as she helped him to one of the sliding side doors, "I assure you that this immensely traumatizing event shall be well resolved and you will, once again, be safe from this creature of infinite darkness."

Yugi could do nothing but follow.

_TBC…_


	4. Jailbreak

**Warning: **Non-lemon sexual fantasy ahead.

**jailbreak: **v. – **1.**_ An unlocking mechanism for an iphone or itouch in order to achieve greater versatility and free access to both paid and unpaid apps. Illegal for mortals, required knowledge for demons. _~ (ODD – XL)

_3. Jailbreak_

Yugi was getting very anxious and worried. The police had taken him and Mai into the waiting room and sat them down, asking them to be patient while they dealt with those who came before them. Maybe if the room didn't have temporary holding cells Yugi would have felt more at ease. Soon after taking his seat, he had to watch as the burly cop hauled an unconscious and heavily restrained Yami towards one of the cells, throw him inside like a sack of Heaven flour and slam the door. For a moment, every single one of the staff members stopped what they were doing and gawked at the creature behind the cotton bars. In a Heaven heartbeat, there was a lot of extra space between cell #4B and the staff.

Yugi fidgeted with his fingers and stole another glance at Yami's cell. The muzzle covered the demon's face but he had no doubt Yami was scared. As expected, Yami was highly disoriented upon waking and struggled a bit within his confines, drawing the attention of those in the room. Yugi had been afraid the burly cop would do something drastic but, to his surprise, the cop just pointed to the sign nailed to the inside of the cell and went back to work. The demon's demeanor instantly changed when he read it and he shuffled away from the cotton bars. The same message was posted inside all the other cells.

Yugi averted his eyes from Yami and turned to the far wall where a scary-looking angel with tiny wings grinned perversely at him. Yugi wasn't worried since the angel was handcuffed to the chair but the fact that he seemed so amused didn't really help the situation.

The sight of Yugi's own hands became the only escape from the leery angel, but they only stayed interesting for so long and he eventually found himself checking up on Yami again. The demon had somehow managed to right himself in a sitting position with both bound ankles tucked under his bottom and both bound wrists behind his back. His body was still as a statue and he seemed to be staring at nothing. Yugi tried to grab his attention, but Yami seemed really, really zoned out.

The guilt weighed heavily on Yugi's winged shoulders. The entire thing was his fault. Had he not tried to sneak into Hell in his less-than-mentally-sound state, this never would have happened. It had been… nice though. At the same time he hoped the demon wasn't traumatized by the event.

Wait.

Did this make them a _Mated Pair_? Well that would make things very different. And very complicated. But he found himself growing fonder of the idea the longer he thought about it.

Normally, in order to establish such a sacred and lasting bond, both parties would have had to court one another for a minimum of fifty Heaven years. They would then register for this status at Heaven's Ultimately Grand-municipality (H.U.G.) and go through a screening process that took about one Heaven year. Once their Pending status was approved, they would court for another eighty Heaven years before they were allowed to mate. The mating process would take place in one of the few Heaven titanium-encased, heavily guarded, soundproof facilities in the quickest way possible. Once that happened, they were expected to get Heaven married and serve angel's food cake to all their dinner guests.

It all happened so fast. And, since nearly every part of that process had been violated, Yugi didn't even consider the possibility until now (and with a demon no less!). Did that mean they were going to get married? Perhaps marriage will be the solution to all of their problems. He was going to get married! MARRIED! The thought suddenly made him feel very warm inside. He hoped his peers would understand. After all, getting married meant you were in love and there was nothing reprehensible about love. Once they found out that the demon was capable of love (since he was capable of sex), they would accept him. Yugi couldn't wait to tell Yami this and make wedding arrangements. He was sure the demon would be just as happy at him, if not, happier.

Yugi had yet to figure out what Yami was doing in Heaven in the first place. Maybe he got lost on his way to the restroom and somehow stumbled into their realm. And maybe he was so disoriented that, when he tried to gather his bearings, he tripped on something and the wind carried him so far that he landed on Yugi. AND, in his disoriented state, he probably ended up uttering those rather unseemly comments when, instead, he'd meant to ask for directions home. Indeed, Yami was just a victim of circumstance.

Depression swiftly swept away, Yugi burned with a new resolve. No matter what, he was going to free Yami. His other half clearly suffered a great deal already and it would break his Heaven heart to see him suffer any more.

* * *

This was kind of erotic. At first that couldn't be further from the truth since Yami was there against his will but now, things were different. His surroundings reminded him of the place they took Duke for his six hundred sixty sixth birthday and, from whatever memory he had left after the booze and electroshock torture, everyone had a great time. Of course, there were small differences. The S&M room at Hickey's was darker and the owners liked to tease their guests by displaying their torture devices where the customers could see them. The cell bars weren't made of compressed cotton and the sign in the room was more straightforward than: _'Greetings! You are currently being detained in a temporary prison cell. The bars before you have fifty thousand volts coursing through them so we would advise that you refrain from touching them. We hope your restraints are not too uncomfortable and if they are, too bad. Unfortunately, complaints will not be heard by any staff members. Have a nice day.'_

He twisted his wrists to test the Heaven cuffs (which were made of white faux fur) and marvelled at how comfortable they were. The ankle bonds were the same way and the mouth piece in the muzzle tasted like Jolly Ranchers.

He tried to twist his head but found a very stiff, furry, neck brace held it in place. Very impressive. And super comfortable! Maybe he didn't give Heaven enough credit in this department. He mentally stored away this information for the suggestion box at Hickey's.

Despite the limitations, he could still see a lot. And the sight of The Hypervirgin squirming in his seat and looking bashful made his thoughts drift elsewhere. He grinned as much as he could grin with the mouthpiece in him as the fantasy crept in.

Knowing he couldn't go anywhere, The Hypervirgin would start off by teasing him and getting him all worked up. He'd then slide off the chair and snatch the ring of keys off the cop's desk. He'd walk towards Yami slowly, exaggerating each step so they'd make his perfectly round butt sway back and forth and that tunic would easily be caught between those delicious thighs.

He'd stop in front of Yami's cell and twirl those keys innocently. That key would then turn the lock, slowly, sensually, as sensually as a key in a lock could be. The angel would slide the door open just enough for him to squeeze in and slam it behind him. He would turn to face Yami before throwing the keys over his shoulder, and outside the prison bars. They would be trapped together, at the mercy of each other's whims and desires.

He'd then lean back and bring a finger to those lips in a shushing motion before reaching into the secret compartment of his tunic and producing a tiny key. Said key would unbind the device attached to Yami's head. It would then be slipped into Yami's mouth, the owner of those fingers tittering at his own mischief.

The angel would moan and trace his jaw line with the tip of his tongue, _"What is it that you are in need of, demon Yami?"_

"_I need you." _

"_Please clarify for there are many needs, demon Yami."_

"_I need you to releaseteething help me."_

"_There too, are many ways one can provide assistance, demon Yami."_

Then the angel would silence his pleas with a kiss. He'd start off gently but quickly gain power and they'd enter into an oral battle.

"_Cupid," _He'd breathe as his body would draw close to its limits, _"I need this."_

"_As do I, demon Yami."_ The angel would say, _"However, the one to have access to my flesh would need to prove himself above all others." _And Cupid would tangle his fingers in Yami's hair as he spoke the next words, _"Can you prove yourself to be that one, demon Yami?"_

Just when the angel would reach his breaking point, he'd pull himself out of the intoxication and teasingly reprimand Yami for being naughty. Naughty, that's the word he'd use. Cupid would then grab that key and do other seductive things with it. Things so seductive he would barely have the words to describe them.

Then, the moment Cupid lets down his guard, the demon would prove his worth by slamming him to the floor with his hot and bound body and give him the biggest, reddest hickey of his life. His lips would travel from that spot, outsourcing to places unexplored until they reached the throbbing pair of attention-deprived angel lips.

"_You know what to do, Cupid."_ He'd say in the huskiest, sex-filled voice he could muster and wait for the angel to shake under that timber before adding, _"Now it smutlackingly fast."_

Cupid would rip the bindings from him like a ravenous beast devouring his prey, the handcuffs being the last to go. And, the instant those cuffs were gone, he'd throw his arms around the angel and knock him to the ground once more, attacking that hickey with vigour.

Yami would flip him over and get that obscenely thin garment off his body. The first thing he wanted to see would be that legendary backend. Earth knows Cupid's French fry wasn't all that impressive but the backend, oh the backend had been better than the stories described. Once he finally got the tunic off, he'd dive in and, with his hands and mouth he'd –

A scream interrupted Yami from his reverie and he blinked, refocusing his vision. There were signs of a struggle outside of his prison and he could hear the strained sounds of distressed angels. Random office supplies either flew into the air or were thrown off the tables and a small desk tipped over in with a loud crash. Yami did a double take when he saw Cupid running towards him with a set of keys.

But before he could make heads or tails of the situation, the door was opened and he was grabbed by the collar and yanked forward.

* * *

"Perhaps you would have more efficiently and quickly handled your duties if your organization system is of a more sophisticated caliber," Mai commented irritably, gesturing towards a sloping pile of files with a Heaven sticky note labelled 'Evidence and Misc." on top.

Irritated that his words had fallen on deaf ears, the Heaven cop could do nothing more than tell her what he'd been repeating the entire time they were there. "And I would like to counter that argument, _once more_," He said through clenched teeth, "That my efficiency and the speed at which my work is completed is strongly influenced by the degree of focus I place on my task. And, currently, your presence is decreasing this state of focus."

"Then perhaps I should reiterate the fact that our situation is far more urgent than the business of these people and," she nearly slapped the pile over the edge but the cop brought a hand out to catch it in time, "this farce you call your work."

"Everyone's business is urgent, it seems." He pushed the disarrayed documents out of Mai's reach, making a feeble attempt to straighten them before waving it off as a waste of time, "As I have requested before and perhaps would need to request again, please have a seat, Miss Celibacy."

She was too astounded by the Heaven cop's apathy to give attention to the comment, "I should thought it clear that our situation is of a particular variety of urgency, an urgency, I would presume, which is above those of others. Cupid had been brutally attacked by a demon, a_ demon_, sir."

"He is, indeed, a demon. As of current, however, he is effectively subdued."

"Subdued, yet it has arisen from the slumber you have induced!" She gestured towards the groggy demon.

The cop continued mechanically sifting through a Heaven manila folder, unintentionally giving Mai a clear view of rather gruesome Heaven photographs, "Indeed, arisen, yet he continues to be in a state of bondage."

"Have you no fear that the demon, in its wakeful state, will proceed to breech its state of incarceration and attack us all?"

"Recall that we have subdued him once before. Should the occasion arise to do so again, I am confident we shall succeed once more."

"Unfortunately, I do not share your confidence. Your success had been attributed to the fact that you employed a 'surprise' tactic."

"Then logic dictates we shall do so again in order to replicate this success."

"Cupid is highly traumatized. Do you have no empathy?"

"I cannot, at the moment or ever, reverse this unpleasant feeling." He unscrewed he lid of his Heaven water bottle and took at long gulp, "And I know this because I have once been urged to try."

"Apologies but I believe you are now, indeed, making excuses!"

"Miss Celibacy, I beg of you!" He closed the folder and spun his chair to face her, irritated. But before he could continue, the door to the interrogation room opened and a scary-looking angel with tiny wings stepped out, the Heaven cop's partner following closely behind. Said partner quickly dismissed the angel and was soon at the Heaven cop's side, "It appears I am blessed with a bit of free time now. Perhaps I can alleviate you of your duties so you may assist the lovely lady here," he said to his partner before turning to Mai with a smile, "I apologize for your ill feelings towards our organization and its proceedings but perhaps your suffering will cease from this moment on."

Mai couldn't help her blush, "I thank you, uh - "

"Bandage Keith. Constable Bandage Keith."

" – Constable Bandage Keith."

Keith's partner grabbed something from a box and led Mai back to where Yugi anxiously waited.

"Apologies for the rather lengthy wait, Cupid. In the previous haste, I have not introduced myself. I am Ushio Whyisheinheaven."

Yugi's hand practically disappeared within that firm grip and he couldn't help but stare at the angel's hairy knuckles, "I am Yugi Mutou. It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Whyareyouinheaven - "

"- Whyisheinheaven. It is German."

"Oh," Yugi looked away, embarrassed, "Apologies."

"No ill feelings, I assure you. This mistake is rather common, though I have yet to understand why."

"Um… indeed."

Ushio signalled for Yugi to take his seat as he sat down on a nearby office chair. Mai stood stiff as a pole but finally agreed to take her place beside Yugi when they both looked at her as if they couldn't continue until she'd done so.

The cop leaned forward, expression a practiced seriousness, "Now then, to begin." Ushio held up the Anatomically Correct Doll with both hands, "Where did the demon touch you?"

Mai gasped and covered her mouth. Yugi's Heaven eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"Um… Mr. Whyisheinheaven?"

"I will not discourage you if you take your time, Yugi. I understand this is a rather delicate issue." He held the doll closer to Yugi, assuming it would help him get a better look.

_'Where _didn't_ be touch me?'_ Was the first thing that came to mind as the blood crept to his face. But something was amiss and he didn't know how to react to it.

"Go on, Cupid. Do not hesitate. Tell the police officer where the terrible creature laid hands on you." Mai urged.

"Indeed I thank you for your understanding. However," Yugi lowered his voice sheepishly, "I am a male."

Ushio looked at the doll, then at Yugi, then the doll, then one last long look at Yugi. "Are you, indeed… sure?"

Yugi's throat closed, his face Heaven cherry red. He nodded.

Ushio didn't seem like he bought it but he mumbled a half-hearted apology and scrambled back to the box, tossing the doll inside and rummaging for a different one. Yugi watched as he continued his digging. Eventually, Ushio returned to his seat with the same doll.

"I am afraid I am unable to locate the male equivalent of Angelina here. But perhaps we can employ our imaginations in order to continue with this professional engagement."

"I – that is," Yugi began. His issue wasn't really whether the doll was 'correct' or not, it was the fact that there was a doll at all. And Yugi couldn't lie. "That is fine."

Ushio looked at the doll, shrugged and held it out to Yugi, who took it like it was a Heaven dirty sock. He flipped the doll back and forth in his hands, trying to figure a way out of his predicament.

Mai opened her mouth but Ushio's outstretched hand silenced her. "It is of utmost importance that we do not rush them." He said in a hushed tone, "Often, the trauma is repressed by the unconscious because the mind is attempting to shield itself from offending memories."

Mai nodded, slowly removing her hand from Yugi. Ushio continued, watching Yugi handle the doll, "If the memory is, indeed, repressed, it is, however, not impossible to retrieve the information we need. How Cupid plays with Angelina may give us insight into his psyche. It is best, at this point, to simply wait and watch."

"Whyisheinheaven." Ushio turned and Mai and Yugi looked up to see Keith at the far end of the room with a paper bag in his hand. He signalled for his partner to come over but the angel waved him away, saying he was busy. But Keith insisted and, after trying to ignore his partner several times, Ushio begrudgingly apologized and rose from his seat. Mai insisted on following and he reluctantly agreed. Yugi couldn't help but feel a little relieved.

"Apologies for disturbing you, but I had neglected to remember that we found these items on the demon's person." Keith held up the bag for emphasis.

"Please, do not hesitate to tell me what they are." Mai grabbed for the bag but Keith jerked it away from her.

"Apologies once more, Miss Celibacy, but the items are rather disturbing in nature."

Ushio quirked an eyebrow, clearly interested. "Oh?"

"Indeed. Steel yourselves." Keith unrolled the top of the bag and reached in, his gloved hand reappearing with a small white feather clasped between thumb and forefinger. "I believe _this_ has been mercilessly taken from our Cupid some time during their encounter."

Mai squeaked and nearly ran to hide behind Ushio.

Keith carefully placed the feather in a Heaven Ziplock bag and set it aside. He looked from one angel to the other, his gazing wirily lingering on Mai. "Again, I urge you to steel yourselves for I believe this next item is far worse than the previous."

Mai nodded, clasping her hands together so they'd stop shaking.

At first, they couldn't tell what it was. The squared item was small, about one inch in length and height, and contained within a flat, round, ring-like object. There was nothing offending about it at first glance, but that didn't hold for very long.

Ushio quickly slipped on a glove he found in his desk drawer and took it from his partner, inspecting the demon-tongue written on it. "This appears to be a - " He shrieked and threw it in the air, taking a hasty step back. It landed on Mai, who nearly fell backwards, barely catching herself and tipping a desk over in the process. The office paraphernalia flying to the floor went unnoticed as the offending item slid down the front of her tunic. Mortified, she reached a hand down the neck opening, but by then, it was too far gone. The only other option was to approach it from the opposite end, something she was highly reluctant to do with two males watching.

"I request that you turn around." She said quickly, the Heaven cops immediately complying. Bending over, she, as gracefully as possible, slid her hand up her tunic and caught the item. Following her sigh of relief, they both turned around – and froze, gawking at her.

"What is the matter?" But, just as she said that, the odd breeze on her scalp alerted her to the problem and she dropped the item, both hands flying to her head. She looked down in horror as the blonde wig pooled at her feet. She snatched the wig off the floor and slipped it on in a hurry, feebly attempting to organize the messy strands into something presentable.

"I request that you bring me a mirror for it is rather urgent that I have one!" She gushed at Keith, who'd barely had time to recover from what he just saw.

"I assure you, Miss Celibacy, your look is nothing short of perfection." Keith tried to reassure the frantic woman, reaching out to brush a lock away from her face.

"I am afraid you do not understand my urgency so I will repeat my request," Mai pressed, now very embarrassed and distancing herself from the cop, "Please bring me a mirror!"

"Miss Celibacy, you, indeed, need not worry about your appearance!" Ushio attempted, and failed.

"APOLOGIES FOR RAISING MY VOICE BUT MUST I REPEAT MYSELF ONCE MORE?"

Keith was gone and back in an instant, a small Heaven mirror in his hand.

"Apologies for my lack of gratitude, but is this the best you can find?" She asked, not waiting for an answer before beginning to make adjustments with whatever of herself she can see in it.

"Indeed, it is the best I can f - "

"Please raise the mirror a bit higher."

"Yes, Miss Celibacy."

While Mai, with Keith's cooperative assistance, reassembled herself, Ushio willed himself to pick up the (now identified as a) condom and dropped it in the Heaven Ziplock bag. He put the bag where he couldn't see it and proceeded to clean up the mess on the floor. Once Mai was semi-satisfied with her appearance, she and Ushio made their way back to Yugi.

Who was no longer there.

Mai's eyes flew to the, now empty, cell #4B and screamed. Luckily she caught the wig before it fell off this time.

"The creature of unfathomable malice has unbound itself, overcome the holding chamber and kidnapped Cupid!"

_TBC…_

**AN: 1) **The term 'Mated Pair' came from James Cameron's _Avatar_. I thought it would be appropriate for the way things are set up in this AU

Also, thanks to the awesomely awesome Shamise, I have fanart on the way! YAY!


	5. The Getaway

**A/N: **The humour in this chapter is kind of stupid so apologies beforehand. Lastly, I don't own any proper names/brands mentioned.

**getaway, the: **? - **1. **_A 1994 film remade from the original 1972 version but with sexier actors and enhanced cinematography. _~(ODD- XL)

_4. The Getaway_

The Hypervirgin was fast and The Hypervirgin was strong and Yami could not, for the afterlife of him, figure out how that was Heaven physically possible or why it wasn't remotely erotic. But, as he was treated rather roughly in a surprisingly non-erotic way, he came up with a few theories.

Firstly, Cupid must have some sort of super power. Logically, (_Hell_ logically, that is) no one could resign to a life of such immeasurable virginity unless he or she had something to gain from it. And Yami hypothesized that Cupid knew something none of the Hell inhabitants did. Secondly, having the chains savagely ripped off him by a frenzied angel _would _have been erotic had said angel kept his mouth shut and not ruined the mood with his ghastly angel-speak. It was a worse turnoff than a Hell vasectomy and anti-Viagra put together.

Now _what_ Cupid said had been of greater concern to Yami than simply the fact that he was speaking. The Hypervirgin kept dropping the term "other self" and other terms similar to it. At first, Yami thought this meant there was another Hypervirgin running around somewhere and wondered if Cupid had a twin. The idea of an awesome threesome Yami sandwich sounded pretty damn good, but the glaring reminder that one measly lay with the Hypervirgin was far, far more difficult than expected quickly doused this fantasy. Of course the idea of TWO Hypervirgins didn't make any sense, nor did it fit with what Hell knew about this anomaly. And Hell was never wrong.

The train of thought that came after that made Yami very nervous. Yami couldn't help but notice that Cupid looked directly at _him_ when he said "other me." Yami wasn't sure what this all meant. Either he'd wandered into the eighteenth dimension where random other selves existed in mathematically illogical ways, or he was tethered to Cupid in a manner he'd rather not be. He hoped it was the former.

His harrowing escape began with Cupid rushing into his cell, grabbing him by the collar with, as previously mentioned, strength seemingly disproportionate to his size, and dragging him out of the room - chains and all. They entered the closest unoccupied room and Yami felt himself hit a wall before his surroundings turned sideways and he heard profuse Heaven apologies from Yugi. It took some fumbling and trial and error but the headpiece came off, followed by a tracking device he didn't even realise he had on. Their progress was halted as said tracking device started beeping and counting down from ten Heaven seconds and, although Cupid initially reacted by kicking it closer to Yami, he, thankfully, knew better and hurled it to the furthest part of the room. A rather silent but potent explosion came soon after, cracking the table leg it was resting against and blackening the surrounding area.

Of course, Yami would have been more horrified by the event, but the annoyance that arose from Cupid's non-stop chatter overrode that. The angel spent the next few minutes shocked and afraid but finally snapped out of when Yami, basically, yelled at him. Or at least that's what Yami had hoped. His encouragement actually made the angel cry even louder and fling onto Yami, clinging onto him like his afterlife depended on it. Funny how that always happened. Eventually, he got the ball rolling again and Cupid, through many a sniffles and paranoid glances at the door, managed to get the rest of his bindings off.

Stage two of his harrowing escape was somewhat like a mix of The Matrix and those scenes where there's a hallway with rooms on each side and people are running back and forth from one room to another.

Cupid kept as low as possible as he led Yami by the collar to the next closest room across the hall. Both caught a glimpse of the burly cop (Ushio Whyisheadick, or something like that) as they crossed the threshold. After some more room-hopping and climbing halfway out the window before they realised they could fly, Cupid uttered more apologies to seemingly nobody and threw himself into the sky, dragging Yami with him.

* * *

Yami's eyes watered, his hand desperately swatting away the Heaven feathers as Yugi ploughed forward at 150 hmph (Heaven miles per hour). The angel shed worse than he the worst shedding dog and all of these Heaven feathers ended up either whipping him the in the face or clogging up his throat.

"Demon Yami, oh demon Yami!" The angel's call sounded faint through the high speed and Heaven feathers partially covering Yami's ears.

The demon spat out a few feathers, his throat feeling gritty from the debris, "What?"

"Demon Yami!" Yugi called out again, turning his head back to check on his 'other.'

"What?"

"Demon Yami!"

"What, whaaaat?"

"You seem distressed, demon Yami." Yugi said, darting around something that looked like a Heaven squirrel, "Are you, indeed, well?"

At first, Yami didn't answer and Yugi slowed down significantly, causing Yami's stomach to lurch, "I'm," he held back a gag reflex, "fine." He managed, his appearance not at all reflecting what he said.

The angel stopped suddenly and Yami crashed into him, his face missing the sharp ends of the Eros Arrows by inches. Yugi grabbed both of Yami's shoulders and looked at him in worry, "Apologies for thinking you are untruthful, demon Yami, but your countenance does not appear to mirror your words. I do not believe you are well as you say."

Yami gave his face a good, firm wipe and coughed a little, dazed by the abrupt change in momentum. "I'm titsnickling* fine." He mumbled irritably, feeling his allergies stirring.

"And yet crystalline tears of sorrow stream from your crimson eyes in twin rivers like that of the great Nile at its delta. Oh, how miserable you must be due to the unheavenly treatment bestowed upon you." Yugi brushed a teardrop from the demon's face, "But I assure you, as your other half, you need not mask your pain in the falsehood of bravery."

The demon rubbed his eye, "You… what now?"

"Oh demon Yami," Both of Yugi's hands moved to cup his face, "You are, indeed too kind to keep your troubles hidden for my sake. But we are two halves of one! I wish to share in your grief so as to comfort you in your darkest of times!"

_Two halves of one_. Well, he vaguely recalled a sex position with a similar name. He'd pulled a muscle the first time he tried it and was off work for a week, but it was kind of worth it. But what did that have to do with anything, anyways? "It… hurt a nipplesquishing little… I guess."

The angel smiled a little and lovingly caressed Yami's face, "Indeed, does that not lift the burden off your shoulders, even only if a miniscule amount of that burden has been lifted? It is perfectly immortal to be in fear, demon Yami. You need not feel ashamed."

Yami felt a sneeze come on but it got stuck, irritating his senses and making him scrunch up his face. "The–a-a-ah-aH-shit. Others could, urgh, do… it."

"What others do you speak of, demon Yami?" Yugi was alarmed by the pained expression on Yami's face and moved closer to get a better look, "Are you, indeed, in pain, demon Yami?"

The demon's face contorted in various ways and he rubbed the bridge of his nose, desperate to lure out that sneeze, "Urgh."

"Is this a reaction to the events previous, demon Yami?" Yugi asked again, shaking him a little as he seemed to be getting worse.

Yami brought both hands up to his face and rubbed it furiously, sniffling and kneading the area surrounding his nose. It felt like he was getting close but the sneeze just wouldn't come out!

"Are you weighted by your trauma, demon Yami?" Yugi tried to bring Yami's face to meet his but the demon wretched himself away, "Are your memories haunting you? Speak to me, demon Yami, for I am with you!"

"Hu-hhhh-uhhh-aH -" He tried massaging his forehead, his temples, even the backs of his ears, but nothing seemed to work.

"Demon Yami?" Yugi was short of hysterical as his 'other' seemed to descend into the depths of his own dark memories.

"Uh-hm-hm-huh…."

"Demon Yami?" And the angel could do nothing to pull him out of it.

"Ah-ah-ah-aH - "

"Oh how cruel fate can be!" Yugi cried, pulling Yami into a tight hug, "You are no more than a victim in this blessed, but often unkind, world in which I live. You are most undeserving of this terror yet I cannot aid you through your suffering! Oh demon Yami, please return to me!"

Yami rubbed his nose with more vigour and wriggled it around, taking in deep and long breaths as he felt the sneeze slowly inching its way over its pinnacle. He wasn't sure if he panic-stricken angel was helping the matter, but at least his face wasn't pressed up against his anymore. In one last ditch effort, he grabbed one of Yugi's arrows and prodded his nostrils with the sharp end, careful not to go too deep but manoeuvring it enough to ignite some sort of reaction.

Yugi felt Yami's body stiffen and he held on tighter, knowing this must be a physiological reaction to the mental images plaguing him. He continued trying to reach Yami, calling out louder and louder when he received no answer and, essentially, freaking out more and more when it appeared that Yami was about to lose it completely.

Distracted by his own pleas, Yugi barely noticed the great cry of Yami's release, only feeling the shudder ripple through the demon's body as every tensed-up muscle unclenched itself. Yami's head buzzed and he let out a huge sigh, mumbling various expletives as he came down from his high. In his ecstasy, he wrapped his arms around the angel.

Yugi lifted his head and stared up at the flushed Yami, relieved to the point of tears. At first he was doubtful, but his comforting words seemed to make a difference after all. Why else would the demon, at the brink of losing his sanity to his trauma, suddenly hold him tightly and whisper sweet nothings to him?

The wailing of Heaven police sirens startled the two out of their bliss and Yugi peeked over Yami's winged shoulder to see Heaven red and Heaven blue dots in the distance.

Before Yami knew it, they were at 150 hmph once more, the demon feeling sick to his stomach as his insides felt like they were turning to jelly. Yugi took several sharp turns and both animate as well as inanimate objects blazed past them. He was thankful for the angel's iron grip because he was sure he wouldn't be able to control where he ended up if he was suddenly released. He also didn't want to get in the way of the Heaven kiwis and Heaven emus.

Unfortunately, they were no match for the Heaven police cars. Even worse was the fact that their back-up blocked them off from the opposite side. Yugi halted to a stop and, for the second time that day, Yami rammed into his back, this time, earning himself a long scratch to the neck with (the back of) a 'true love' arrow.

"I request that you land in a safe and peaceful manner and carefully release Cupid from your grasp." The voice on the megaphone was recognizably Ushio Whyisheadouche (or something like that).

The two held onto each other as they looked back and forth between several Heaven cops on either side of them. "Oh demon Yami, we are, indeed, trapped!" The angel perceptively stated.

"I repeat myself once more," Came a different male voice on the megaphone, "Please land immediately and relinquish Cupid, whom you have obviously kidnapped in your maliciousness."

"What the crackslack is that funscrewer tonguetwitch screeching about?" Yami felt slightly offended despite the fact that he didn't really comprehend the situation.

Yugi looked at Yami in confusion before choosing to ignore the comment, writing it off an incoherency derived from his fear. He grabbed Yami's hand and turned to Ushio. "Although your assumptions are with my well-being in mind, I am afraid you are mistaken." Yugi hollered, Yami impressed by the little body's ability to belt it out but not too thrilled about the hand-holding, "Demon Yami has not kidnapped me. I came with him by my own choosing."

Mai's eyes widened and she tried to grab the megaphone from Bandage but he pulled it away from her, "Apologies, Miss Celibacy, but we police and only we may operate this object."

"Can you not see what his occurred?" Mai's eyes darted back and forth between Ushio and Bandage, trying to gain sympathy from at least one of them, "Cupid has obviously been bewitched by that creature of infinite wrongdoings. The demon must possess powers unimaginable!"

Ushio patted the Heaven gun strapped to his belt, "That, indeed, would be what this is for."

"Steady your hand, Whyisheinheaven. Perhaps Miss Celibacy's logic is not completely unfounded." Bandage said, lowering his megaphone. "We know little of this creature of boundless wickedness and, therefore, we must apprehend it with caution. Cupid appears to side with it by his own will and we must uncover the reason for this."

"And, how are you certain that such abilities exist?"

"It is clearly a creature if unfathomable darkness, surely such unfathomability is accompanied by dark powers. He has also coerced our pure and untainted Cupid into becoming his kin."

Ushio looked from Mai to Bandage, then to the two spiky-haired immortals holding hands. His fingers loosened then tightened around his gun. He wanted to be rational not act unless he had evidence. And, right now, the evidence was telling him that Mai might be right. But, somehow, his Heaven gut told him she was wrong.

Mai screamed when he moved to draw the gun from its hoister but Bandaged grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "Are you deaf to our words?" Bandaged said in disbelief, "The creature may well destroy us all before your weapon is completely unsheathed!"

"Although your words are sound, I cannot remain in inaction," Ushio replied, his now shaking hand betraying his doubt, "We, as Heaven's sworn authorities, must act."

Bandage tightened his grip, frowning stubbornly. "You are unsure."

"I am not, indeed, unsure."

"Your hand mirrors your doubt; you fear that creature as much as we." Bandage insisted, feeling Ushio's hand twitch at the word 'doubt.'

The burly cop scoffed bitterly, "Have you forgotten, Keith, that, as figures of the law, we live in fear nearly everyday?"

Bandage bit his lip, not wanting to admit to the truth behind that statement. He scrambled for a comeback. "Yet we have not had the misfortune of confronting a creature of unknown and potentially double deadly abilities."

"Then you must agree that there is only one way by which this unknown becomes known."

Bandage gasped, his hold momentarily weakening and Ushio took the opportunity to throw it off. With a practiced swiftness, he whipped out his gun and took aim.

By now the angels living in the neighbourhood beneath them began to take notice of their little scene, some brave enough to step outside, while others opting to peep through their curtains from the safety of their home. A few were even taking Heaven pictures.

Yugi squeaked and latched onto Yami and, while the demon's eyes were glued to the barrel of the weapon, his arms acted on their own accord, hugging Yugi back (and tightly at that). "Demon Yami, I wish this not to be the end of us," Yugi's voice was muffled by Yami's chest, "We have only but begun our time as a pair."

Yami said nothing, uncertain and confused about too many things. The only thing he was completely sure of was the fact that there was a gun pointed at his face.

Bandage studied the demon's face. If he had mysterious powers like Mai suggested, wouldn't he have used them by now? Maybe he was tricking them; luring them into a false sense of security before striking. Ushio's readied hand wasn't shaking anymore and Bandage was suddenly inspired to follow his partner's example, irrespective of the 'what ifs.' He laid the megaphone on the hood of their Heaven cruiser and cautiously reached for his Heaven gun, senses on full alert for sudden movements from the demon. After what felt like forever, it was in the air and poised at its target's head. As if on cue, their backup did the same and Ushio nodded approvingly in his direction. Bandage felt a lot better.

Mai couldn't believe what she just saw. Was she the only one rational enough to consider the danger before acting? Taking matters into her own manicured hands, she grabbed the megaphone. "Yugi!" She said, her voice almost cracking, "This is Mai, your trusted and loyal friend. Do not let the demon sway you with its unblessed words and deeds. Recall who you are and remember you are amongst one of the pure."

Yami looked down as Yugi lifted his head. The Hypervirgin had a name? Well, of course The Hypervirgin had a _name_ but he thought everyone just called him 'Cupid.' He never thought of the angel as anything beyond a creature that ran around being a virgin and shooting people. _Yugi_. The weird little name kind of suited the weird little angel. He wondered if there was significance to that name. Yugi. Yuuugi. Yu-U-U-gee. It was sort of fun to say in his head. And, had he the opportunity to say it out loud, he'd do it over and over again.

"Please do not misjudge my actions, Mai," Yugi said, "I have not, indeed, been swayed by demon Yami in the manner in which you mean the term."

Mai momentarily flicked off the megaphone, "He continues to defend his position," she said to Bandage.

She flicked the megaphone back on, attempting a different tactic. "What, indeed, is your motive for siding with the demon?"

Yugi looked at Yami, wishing he could read his expression or even begin to guess how the demon was feeling. "Despite your beliefs, I do not believe he is deserving of the unkind treatment you have bestowed upon him." He chose his next words carefully, realising it probably wasn't the best time to tell them they were going to get married. "I also, rather, feel a certain degree of affection for him."

Mai felt her throat go dry and the Heaven cops, aside from Ushio and Bandage, began murmuring to each other. Many of them reconsidered Mai's original theory.

"But it is, indeed, ugly."

Yugi really didn't expect that. "He is beautiful!"

Yami wasn't sure which insult was worse. "I'm sexy."

There was a collective gasp; Bandage fumbled with his Heaven gun and both of Mai's hands flew to her mouth.

"How dare you utter such a deplorable, such a despicable excuse for a word in our realm!" Ushio roared, struggling to maintain his composure.

Yami blinked. "What? You mean 'SEX?'"

Again, the masses faltered at the term, the pedestrians also affected since the second time it came out a little louder.

Ushio glanced at Mai, who was starting to tear up. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, counted backwards from ten and brought his other hand to his Heaven gun to steady it. "Please do not force me to repeat myself," His voice was firm but calm, "I assure you, neither I, nor my comrades, shall harm you if your refrain from shaking our realm thusly."

Yami moved to cover Yugi's ears. It wouldn't be fool proof but at least it would reduce some of the damage. He would rationalize to himself why he cared so much later.

"Come on!" Yami belted as loud as he could, "Don't cockslunking tell me you hymenintactors never have _sex!_"

Mai burst into a full sob and some of the back-up cops dropped their guns. Luckily, none of them struck any pedestrians, but they reacted as if they were dodging something anyways.

"And you don't dicktwirlingly enjoy having **sex**!"

Fingers desperately jammed into ears, babies started crying, and Ushio looked like he just got kneed in the nether regions.

"And that you shitpricking like _SEX _so much, you wanna do it all the buttlucking time!"

Curtains and blinds were pulled shut, cars swerved and crashed into each other and sprinklers seemed to turn on by magic.

"And, and, **SEX** feels really, really scrotowhirlinatingly good!"

Mai fainted and Bandage pulled his hands from his ears for a few vulnerable seconds; long enough to catch her and throw her onto the hood of the Heaven cruiser like a hot Heaven potato before clapping them to the sides of his head once more.

"Sex, _sex_, **sex, **SEX, _SEX, _**SEX, **_**SEX**_!"

Yugi tensed beneath Yami's arms and twisted his head from side to side. But the demon could do no more than hold onto him tighter. He continued his onslaught mercilessly, showering his word bombs on his persecutors like an endless supply of ammunition. They clawed at their ears, cried out for mercy, and even tried shoving their heads in whatever they could find, but nothing worked. The demon was really good at this.

After many torturous minutes, everything fell silent. Ushio emerged from his fetal position and rubbed the moisture from his eyes, looking around to see if his comrades were okay. Other than a small bout of chills, Bandage was largely in tact and the same went for the other officers. Anyone on the streets had long taken cover and Mai was still out cold. Realising he dropped his Heaven gun some time during the chaos, Ushio chanced a glance at where Yugi and Yami hovered.

They were gone. Again.

_TBC…_

*titsnickling: Property of Darkspine29. No copyright infringment intended.


	6. Ice Cream

For Shamise… I think.

**ice cream: **n., v. – **1.** a brand of children's erotica **2. **a sweet, sticky product used to attract bees **3. **to 'rear-end' an individual while in mid-flight (_i.e._ _She ice creamed him while they attempted to escape from a drug bust.) _**4. **a cold, sweet and eatable treat ~ (ODD – XL)

_5. Ice Cream_

Yami wasn't looking where he was diving, so when he almost crashed into a pile of Heaven garden tools, he was very thankful for his quick (demon) reflexes.

Unable to find a better hiding space, Yami did a nosedive at the first hide-able place he could find – a Heaven shed. The doors were only partly closed and fully swung open on first contact, saving him the pain of crashing right through and giving himself splinters. He stopped right in front of a rake, managing to anchor himself on the ground fast enough so that, even with an angel slamming into his back, he wouldn't be driven into those double deadly Heaven spikes.

"Demon Yami," The muffled squeak came from behind him and he craned his neck around to see a mass of hair and feathers that probably hid a tiny body underneath. He peeled the mass off and stared down at the token pair of giant eyes that blinked up at him virginally, "I thank you," the face attached to the giant eyes said breathlessly, "for I, indeed, found the act of breathing highly difficult and had been concerned about my well-being as a result."

Yami shuddered, wishing he hadn't done said peeling.

Those giant eyes suddenly drooped and the angel flopped face-first into Yami's chest. He then started sliding downwards until the disconcerted Yami caught him and laid he on the ground.

Yugi sagged onto the support beneath him and curled into himself, thumb habitually jammed into his mouth. He began sucking rhythmically and Yami was momentarily transfixed by this until a strange growling sound came out of Yugi. Startled, the demon took a step back, but curiosity made him lean forward again in an attempt to locate the source of the noise. After some silence, the only sound being the rhythmic sucking, another, fainter growl emerged. Fighting the urge to pull back, Yami leaned closer. It was coming from somewhere in the angel's middle section.

It was kind of awkward, but he got down on his hands and knees and pressed his ear against the dip of Yugi's waist. Even after all this time, he still marvelled at how soft everything was. It was as if intensive care lotion and fabric softener had a baby and Yugi was that lovechild.

Yami frowned when nothing came and he dug his ear in even closer, poking Yugi in the stomach a few times and getting nothing but a couple of Heaven whimpers and some Heaven squirming. But, just when the demon was about to give up, a loud roar shot up from deep within the angel and struck him hard, causing him to reel back and land nonchalantly on his butt. His chest heaved up and down and his hands shook but he tried to remain calm, tried to assess the situation before him. With his body frozen in place, his eyes were glued to the comatose-looking angel who continued to peacefully suck his thumb and be a virgin like nothing happened.

When his jitters settled, Yami's mind was clear to rationalize whatever it was that just happened. Without a doubt, it was coming from the angel's stomach. A more pressing issue was the reason why the angel's stomach was making noises. He continued watching Yugi suck, finding the motion helped him think. In Hell, Yami deduced, stomachs growled whenever demons were hungry. So, in Heaven, growling angel stomachs must mean the immense powers inside these beings were demanding sustenance and would attack those who don't adhere to these needs.

Yami was suddenly very afraid. He was an open target to Yugi's powers. Yami's gaze whipped to the doors, then back to Yugi, then back to the doors again. He could try to make a run for it, somehow get back to Hell where he could put all this aside, get some Hell psychotherapy (a technique developed by a demon named Sigmund Fraud) and be safe. But what if those powers are too fast for him? What if they sprung out of the little angel in a big, pink cloud and consumed him before he could even reach the entrance? And even if he made it back to Hell, he still had Lord Pegasex to deal with. If he was lucky, he could try to negotiate with Pegasex, report how small The Hypervirgin's French fry really is, for example. He momentarily grinned at the reminder of how small Yugi's French fry was.

But there were too many 'what ifs' and very little guarantee that Yami would get out of this intact. He would have to, somehow, feed Yugi as not to aggravate this power any further.

The demon took a deep breath, straightened his wings and mentally prepared himself for the traumatic task. He would do it. He would feed the angel. It was at this point that he realised he didn't know what angels ate in the first place. Did they eat plants? Several educated guesses came to mind: flowers, pots of gold, rainbows and sunrays, and the happiness of human children, to name a few. He looked around the Heaven shed, seeing nothing but gardening tools and dirt. It would be very convenient if they ate dirt.

Yugi's thumb momentarily popped out of his mouth, "I enjoy sweets, demon Yami." He mumbled, before poking that thumb right back in.

Yami's eyes widened, thinking the angel had just read his mind before realising that he'd been thinking out loud. So by 'sweets' did the angel mean something like cookies or the act of a human husband buying human flowers for his human wife?

The sucking ceased again to give Yami his answer, "I enjoy desserts, demon Yami." And it resumed once more.

So by 'desserts' did he mean something like pie or the reward a human child gets after that human child got a good grade in human school?

"That question, indeed, does not make sense, demon Yami."

The demon took this answer to mean the human child grade thing.

"I, indeed, meant _pie_, demon Yami." He could have sworn he saw the angel frown. It looked weird on him.

So sweets still fell within the normal range of foods, at least in Hell it did anyways, which was good because he really didn't know how to gather happiness in a jar. Yami carefully got up and made his way to the doors, peeking outside just enough so he could see his surroundings but not get caught peeking outside. Everything looked about the same way it did in Hell, so the chances of finding some pie under a Heaven rock or in the hollow of a Heaven tree were probably slim. But just when he thought his task looked grim, a soft jingle in the distance caught his attention. The tune reminded him of the hot Hell summer afternoons of his youth when he and his friends would play outside until they were sweaty and tired. One of the demon mothers would buy them Hell ice cream, which always tasted Hell awesome after a day's worth of exertion. And, sure enough, with the jingle came the appearance of a white Heaven truck with an ice cream cone painted on the side of it.

The Heaven truck stopped on the side of the road and a bunch of small angels came scurrying out of their homes to line up in front of it. Yami saw a red-haired angel and a short dark-haired angel stepping out to greet them and opening up the side of the Heaven truck.

It wasn't exactly pie but maybe it was good enough. Yami took two steps outside before he was hit with a very odd feeling. Mentally slapping himself for not thinking, he hurried back inside. He was a _demon_ and a demon on the run at that. Strolling out into the open would mean getting nabbed by the Heaven cops. Great. So now it was a matter of getting snuffed out by The Hypervirgin's powers or getting tossed in Heaven jail (or worse) again. He suddenly felt very lonely and homesick.

The crowd gradually thinned until the last angel child skipped away with a very boring-looking cone in her hands. He turned to Yugi apprehensively, noting the sucking action had ceased, the thumb now simply hanging from his mouth. "Cupid." He hissed, but received no answer.

"Cupid." He said a little louder, sneaking a paranoid glance outside and concealing himself in the shadow of the door. Still nothing.

Yami swallowed and loosened his tongue, panicking slightly. "Y-yu-gee." He tried, and it should have worked, but didn't.

He stared intensely at the unmoving angel, wondering if Yugi was still alive. If that wasn't the case, it would then simply be a matter of high-tailing it out of there. He would miss the softness though. Miss it a lot. An unexpected growl emanating from the angel quickly doused his assumption, almost making him jump. It seemed to say _'feed me or I will eat YOU.'_ Yami was running out of time.

The demon Hell swore and turned his attention back to the Heaven ice cream truck, drumming his fingers on the door. It would have been helpful to get some advice on this but he'd have to figure it out on his own. His racked his mind for a solution and he had to do it quickly before the Heaven ice cream truck left.

Another growl broke his intense train of thought and turned to glare at the source. It growled again in response and he gritted his teeth, "Shut the nipple up, I'm thinking!"

The response was another growl and he got ready to march over and silence the source himself when an idea, a rather kinky idea, tickled the back of his mind. But before the doubt crept in, Yami tossed all caution into the wind and went for it.

He took one last look around before taking off his clothes.

* * *

Yami tugged at the hem of the tunic as it began to ride up his butt once more. He felt incredibly feminine, stupid and very, very unsexy. With one hand stretching the thin cloth to cover his backside, he reached down for the quiver, slinging it over his shoulders and completing his attire. He gave himself a once over before taking a deep breath and heading for the doors. It was a good thing the "clothes" were loose because he was able to easily tuck his wings underneath without putting pressure on the material. The downside was that it was too short on him and, while Yami was never one to object to showing off his assets, a 'skirt' was very out of taste. He paused in stride at the exit but took a bold step forward, trying not to look inconspicuous.

The ice cream vendors were packing up as he approached them. The red-haired angel caught sight of him and tugged the dark-haired angel's arm, directing his attention to Yami. The angel stared at him emotionlessly and Yami stopped, positive his cover was broken. The demon let out an awkward sigh of relief when the other two angels smiled and waved at him, beckoning him to come their way.

"Cupid, are you, indeed, whom I believe you to be?" The dark-haired angel, a male, gave him a toothy grin. His nametag read 'Mokuba.'

Yami opened his mouth to answer but, wisely, stopped. He didn't know angel-speak. He never really _wanted_ to know angel-speak and he'd never thought he'd_ use_ angel-speak but there he was, in need of angel-speak. Fortunately, he'd learned the formula sometime during Hell elementary school; he just needed to dig up that information again. 'Mokuba' quirked an eyebrow at the prolonged silence while Yami scoured his memories for the answer.

'_angel-speak = 2(demon-tongue – sophisticated embellishments + unnecessary clauses + random useless terms)'_

"Yes." Yami attempted.

Mokuba's eyes widened and his face lit up in a big wide smile. He clapped his hands together with glee, "Oh Cupid, your voice has, indeed, became several degrees deeper since last we spoke."

Yami's started panicking.

"I see you have, finally, been blessed with the Gift of Puberty!" Mokuba almost burst with excitement and Yami had to do a double take, "Oh Cupid, I congratulate you," He grabbed Yami's hand and shook it frantically, "I, indeed, congratulate you for we, Serenity and I, have been rather worried. I do not wish to arouse ill-feelings between us but many did not expect the day to come so soon."

For some strange reason, Yami felt really insulted.

Mokuba bounced up and down and grabbed 'Serenity's' arm, pointing at Yami repeatedly with his other hand, "Serenity, Cupid has, indeed, attained the Gift of Puberty at last! Perhaps the day shall also come when I attain the Gift as well!"

She smiled really big and, to the demon, they both looked like they were high on drugs, "Indeed, Mokuba, it is rather clear that Cupid has the gift," she took both of Mokuba's hands in her own and squeezed them, "and I am rather assured that your day shall come as well. I also believe that day to, indeed, be soon."

Mokuba blushed and awkwardly let go of Serenity's hand, turning to Yami, "You may already know of this fact," the male angel said, rubbing the back of his head, "but I am already nine-hundred-and-thirty-two years of age and have yet to attain the Gift of Puberty. It is not as terrible as your situation, however, because no being in our realm has lived to the age of ten-thousand-forty-four such as yourself and not, indeed, achieved this goal. My situation is rather unfortunate but yours was far, far, worse."

"Uh, huh…" Yami said with irritation, inexplicably feeling like punching the kid in the face.

"Indeed, your situation was vastly terrible." Serenity added, that smile somehow getting wider, "We, Mokuba and I," she pointed to Mokuba, then herself, "had discussed your misfortune with many other friends, and they all agreed with our sentiments. It was very terrible, was it not, Mokuba?"

"Indeed it was terrible." Mokuba nodded, "We had thought, Serenity and I, of, perhaps, suggesting that you see a doctor and request hormonal therapy should several more years past by with your body unchanged as it was."

"Very terrible," Serenity shook her head, then lit up again, "however, all that has obviously changed and we, Mokuba and I, indeed, celebrate with you!"

"We celebrate with you!" Mokuba gave his biggest grin yet, showing two missing front teeth. Yami stared at the space where teeth should have been. Maybe someone got to the kid first and knocked them out before he got his chance.

They looked like they were waiting for something and Yami wasn't sure what to say. They annoyed him for more than one reason and he just wanted to get the shit and be out of there. Yami's eyes darted around his surroundings, subtly wishing they'd change the subject and avoiding eye contact as much as possible. But, even from the corner of his eyes, he could tell they were still staring at him. What was he thinking, believing he could get away with minimal talking? This was _Heaven_. Angel-speak formula, angel-speak formula…

"T-thank you." He croaked.

"Did you hear that as well, Serenity?" Mokuba squeaked, "Cupid approves of our sentiments!"

"He, indeed, has!"

"Oh, happy day!"

Yami wanted to run.

"Oh misfortune!" Mokuba suddenly exclaimed and Serenity stopped, her face scrunching up in confusion. "In our celebration of Cupid's wonderful fortune that had taken a rather long time to manifest, I had forgotten the purpose of his visit." Mokuba continued apologetically, "Is there a deed with which I may assist you with?"

The demon's ears were starting to ring from the massive dosage of angel-speak and it took him a while to understand the question. He marvelled at his own ability to adapt to their environment because, several days ago, this kind of torture probably would have left him semi-deaf. Again, he drew from the formula.

"I…" Yami began, paused, cleared his throat and ploughed onwards, "…w-would…l-like…" and onwards, "t-t-t-to…" his left eye began to twitch, "dick-uh-buy-no-wait-pur-CHASE…" he was almost there, "some ice cream…" and the hardest part, "pluh-ease." He let of a sigh and rubbed his tender throat.

Mokuba and Serenity blinked in unison, their expressions unreadable. An awkward silence hung between them, Yami's paranoia feeding off of it and growing as the silence stretched and stretched and stretched until…

"Indeed," Mokuba replied carefully, "It is, of course, what we sell and a perfectly logical reason for you to seek us."

Yami grimaced. It wasn't time for him to think up another sentence already, was it? But Mokuba continued, "And what flavour, dearest Cupid, would you like to purchase?"

"Chocolate." The demon was relieved to be spared with a one-word answer. Too bad it was the wrong word.

Both angels gasped in chorus and Serenity's hands flew to her mouth. Mokuba's eyes widened to rival that of Yugi's (which just went to show how detrimental that word really was) and he flung out an arm out to pull Yami downwards, closer to his face.

"Cupid!" Mokuba whispered harshly, "I had not thought any one of my kin, much less _you_ would request, _suggest_ even, of such a thing in our realm. Please inform us, Serenity and I, that we have misheard. Please inform us so!"

Mokuba's fingers dug deep into the back of his neck and Yami strained against the hold, surprised at how strong the child-like angel was. Something told him, despite his inability to fully understand what he'd just been told, that he'd said something very, very wrong. Serenity looked like she was going to cry.

"I…" Yami began, trying to pry off those fingers and struggling to do so, "Don't…uh…"

"Mokuba, perhaps we should not be too hasty in our judgment," Serenity's hands slowly fell from her mouth, one of them landing on his arm, "Perhaps this strange behaviour is a result of Cupid's newfound Gift, one which he has yet to fully control due to the many, many,_ many _years he has lived without puberty."

The male angel's grasp loosened and Yami straightened, rubbing the sore spot vigorously. He hadn't expected Heaven to turn out so dangerous. He also hadn't expected his inability to speak to be so crippling.

Mokuba couldn't help but agree with Serenity. She'd always been the rational one, always been the one to see the brighter side when all he could see was the bright side. It was perfectly normal for Yugi to be confused, especially when he body was adjusting to the _immense_ physical changes. And Mokuba was surprise at how immense these changes were. He'd barely recognized Yugi when he first saw him. Maybe all those years kept building up until Yugi's Heaven hormones erupted like volcano and made him into _this_. But now that she's mentioned it, there was something off about Yugi that he couldn't seem to put his finger on. Until, conveniently, this very moment.

"Cupid, where, indeed, are your wings?"

Yami stopped. Oh shit. Buying ice cream, even _Heaven _ice cream, shouldn't be this hard. Or this pissing. He was suddenly very aware of his wings curled around his torso and making him sweat. There was another session of awkward silence and angel-staring. It seemed to happen a lot that day.

"I am…rather…um…licking…backside hurt," a couple more words, "…indeed, very much…err…owie."

Mokuba and Serenity looked at each other, both trying very hard to be understanding… and understand. Poor Cupid. Maybe the Gift wasn't as great as they'd thought it was. Maybe he was suffering inside, suffering in ways they can only begin to imagine. Mokuba reached out to give Yami a hug but the demon flinched and backed away. The angel sighed and dropped his arms, trying his best not to take the unaffectionate gesture too personally. To turn down a hug in Heaven was still a pretty huge rejection though.

Serenity offered a distraction, "Um, dearest Cupid," she said carefully, pointing to the menu, "when you uttered… um…_ that _term, did you, perhaps, indeed, mean the _Vanilla Swirl_? It is a rather exotic brand, would you not agree?"

Yami eyes followed Serenity's finger and they nearly bulged out of his head. He knew these creatures were evolutionarily backward and highly unsophisticated but he never expected this.

"I-indeed," Mokuba, who'd snapped out of his sadness, walked up to the side of the Heaven truck and pointed to the faded pictures of ice cream stuck to it, "We, Serenity and I, have quite a few exotic flavours in addition to the ones you know and have enjoyed on many occasions. We have the good old fashion but much loved vanilla, double vanilla, chunky vanilla, triple-layered vanilla, vanilla forever, vanilla mix, five-star vanilla combo, hugs-and-kisses vanilla, vanilla 'n cream, vanilla lite, vanilla intense, vanilla-friendly, vegetarian vanilla, vanilla 'n you, vanilla squared, vanilla for busy mothers, soy vanilla, 'soylent' vanilla, vanilla whirl and vanilla swirl."

The demon wasn't sure if the Heaven atmosphere was affecting his eyesight but all of the pictures looked exactly the same. The depressing list certainly didn't make him any less homesick and he figured he just needed to pick one and get it over with.

"So did you, indeed, mean the Vanilla Swirl? Serenity cut in, "We, Mokuba and I," she pointed to Mokuba again, then herself, and the other angel nodded encouragingly, "believe it will be a rather refreshing and invigorating change to your usual, if, indeed, you are looking for a change that is, indeed, refreshing and invigorating."

"Sure."

Serenity sighed in relief. She knew they really did panic for nothing. Climbing up the steps of the Heaven truck, she lifted the heavy lid of the Heaven refrigerator and rummaged through the contents. Outside, the two males stood in awkward silence, Mokuba playing distractedly with one of his wings and Yami continuing to stare at all the pictures to see if there really was a difference. There wasn't.

The redhead peeked out of the window, "Oh double misfortune, Mokuba! We are, indeed, out of vanilla swirl!"

Mokuba ambled up the stairs and dove his head into the Heaven fridge, "We are, indeed, out of vanilla swirl!" Yami heard him say.

"We, however, have a vastly ample amount of vanilla whirl." He heard the girl say.

"It is not, however, vanilla swirl!"

"It is not indeed!"

"Oh unhappy day!"

Both heads poked out the window in unison. "Oh Cupid," Mokuba said, "We, Serenity and I," he pointed to Serenity, then himself, "indeed apologize for your lack of supplies. Perhaps you would like to choose another?"

Yami opened his mouth but that was as far as he got.

"No no, that is, indeed, unnecessary," Serenity clapped a hand on Mokuba's, "There is still a great number of vanilla swirls awaiting us in the supply shed. It will simply be a matter of retrieving some."

She pulled Mokuba closer and whispered something in his ear. At one point they both stopped, stared at Yami, and resumed their whispering. There was _still_ no difference in the pictures.

"I shall be the one to make the journey required of us." Yami heard Mokuba say.

"Oh please do not inconvenience yourself, I shall make the journey." Replied the girl.

"Sweet and infinitely thoughtful Serenity, I cannot burden you in such a manner."

"It is no burden at all, empathetic and virtuous Mokuba. I wish to be the one to go."

Yami started to turn green.

"I believe you are attempting to alleviate me of the burden by insisting it is not a burden. However, it, indeed, _is_ a burden!"

The demon thought about the things he could be doing at the moment. Reading a good Hell book, doing his Hell laundry, enjoying some Hell beer, having sex."

"If you, indeed, consider it to be a burden, then allow me to go."

He wished he'd brought his Hell iphone with him. He'd probably be charged roaming or worse but he could at least play some Hell iphone games or check his facebook (a universal creation).

"Well then I suppose that, indeed, we do not wish to burden each other!"

"Indeed we do not!"

Yami missed Hell.

The inside of the Heaven truck fell silent, breaking Yami out of his reverie. Was it over? Was it really over? He really hoped it was over.

"I shall, indeed, be the one to go!"

It wasn't over.

But before he could escape into his mind again, he saw Serenity hop out of the window and dive into the air in a quick, smooth motion. Mokuba reached an arm out and called to her but the female angel kept going, disappearing into the distance in no time. The concern in Mokuba's eyes turned to warmth, then affection, then intense affection, a smile creeping on his face.

"She has, indeed, always been that way." He tried to wipe the goofy smile off but it just kept tugging at the corners of his mouth, "My hope is to one day become as virtuous as she." That smile stretched from ear to ear and a deep blush soon joined it, "But this secret shall be between you and I and you and I only, Cupid."

"Uh huh."

"Well, only time shall, indeed, tell, of course." Mokuba gave an optimistic grin and ducked beneath the window, reappearing with a tin box that made a noise when he shook it, "Your charge for this purchase shall be three fluff tokens and sixteen fuzz nuggets."

Yami blinked, "What?"

"Three fluff tokens and sixteen fuzz nuggets, Cupid. That is the charge for your purchase."

The epic screwage was not over yet.

_TBC…_

As usual, brand names aren't owned by me. Hehe, 'soylent' vanilla…


	7. Buying Ice Cream

Thanks to tavia454 for betaing this super quickly!

_6. Buying Ice Cream_

"Three fluff tokens and sixteen fuzz nuggets, Cupid. That is the charge for your purchase."

Yami stared at the child-like angel who now had the lid popped open and was waiting for him.

"Your _charge_, Cupid," Mokuba said more tersely, leaning over the edge and tapping the sign beneath him to accentuate the point.

The demon's eyes dropped to the identical pictures, each of which underscored by (what he just noticed on the spot) numbers.

Oh.

Okay.

Yeah, he was supposed to pay for the thing. Duh.

Wait.

Shit.

!

"Cupid, are you indeed, unwell?" Mokuba took the odd twist in Yami's lip as a negative sign.

"Yes."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I-I mean…. no?"

"You are not, indeed, unwell?"

"Yes."

"So, by extension, you are, indeed, unwell."

"No."

"To reiterate, you are, indeed, well?"

"Yes…"

"In rephrasing, you are suggesting that you are, indeed, well."

"No?"

"Pardon me?"

"Yes."

"You had just stated the opposite previously."

"No?"

"Cupid?"

"Yes…?"

"You owe me money."

Yami, indeed, understood that. Maybe too well.

But before he could think of the solution, Mokuba hopped out of the Heaven truck and landed in front of him, well past the boundaries of his personal space. Those purple eyes fixed on him with a fierceness he'd never thought was possible (in the… twelve Heaven minutes they've been acquainted) and he suddenly seemed far bigger and more imposing than he actually was.

"In order not to incur any misunderstandings," Mokuba said in a voice thick with artificial sweetness, expression looking like someone had just snatched his lollipop, "I shall restate, verbally, the state of affairs between us." He took a step closer, chin to chest with Yami, the smell of dandruff shampoo now very apparent to the tensed demon, "You, had, indeed, requested to purchase our rather precious and relatively rare Vanilla Swirl."

Yami nodded, getting the gist but not fully understanding what was just said to him.

"We, however, are, indeed, currently not in supply of that particular flavour at the present moment as we are mobile, the condition of which disallowing for the transportation of large amounts of this liquefiable confection without the assistance of cooling devices that would enable such confections to remain in their solid state and preventing them from entering into their less appreciable liquid state."

Mokuba caught the confusion in Yami's face, wondering why that was the case since he'd stated everything pretty clearly, "We do not have enough freezers to carry more ice cream in the truck!"

"Ah."

"How-ev-er," And Yami half expected Mokuba to spit out poisonous angel dust with the way the word shot out of him, "The dear and sweet near perfection that is Serenity has volunteered her time and effort into retrieving you the Vanilla Swirl which we are so lacking."

"Right…"

Mokuba gave Yami a hard jab in the chest, causing Yami to stumble backwards and almost trip over a Heaven rock, "And you dare to sully her, Serenity's, vastly endless generosity by feigning unwellness as a means by which to avoid paying for the purchase you have just made?"

_Well, sort of._ Yami shook his head.

Mokuba's jaw tightened, "That is an untruth."

Yami tried to tower over the irate angel, hoping his height advantage would make it easier. But Mokuba was freaking intimidating, at least in money matters, it seemed. With nowhere to go, Yami held up both hands as a Hell sign of surrender, hoping it wasn't interpreted as a big middle finger in Heaven, "Err, no, it's," he double checked what _untruth _meant, "…not."

"Although I am inclined to believe you, I do, indeed, not."

"Why…" this was impossibly hard, "…indeed… not?"

Mokuba made to grab him but Yami wrenched out of the way just in time, "I, indeed, need my money, dear, sweet," fear shot down the demon's spine at the emphasis on _sweet_, "Cupid."

Yami briefly wondered if he could just _not_ buy the ice cream and get the eff out of there. The trade-off, however, would mean either facing the hungry Hypervirgin's yet-to-be-revealed wrath or Lord Pegasex's humiliation and subsequent punishment. Both forces were clearly very powerful and a pissed off little runt angel was really nothing in comparison.

A fist collided with his jaw.

In an instant, the ground came up to meet him and Yami was disoriented for a moment before lifting himself to a semi-sitting position and bringing a hand to cup where it hurt. He craned an eye open to look up at his attacker who stood over him, hand curled in a tight ball and looking ready for another go. Mokuba's other arm shot out to point to a random place in the sky, "The infinitesimally gentle and patient being that is Serenity has, for you, volunteered to retrieve that which you have chosen with complete disregard for all other equally desirable options. Where is my money?"

"I…I don't," In his shock, Yami's control over his speech broke, "pedophilidrastically have any!"

Mokuba stopped and blinked once, then twice. Yami's insides froze like Hell Antarctica when he realized what he'd just done but he found himself relieved in a twisted kind of way when the look of rage returned. "Oh, I see the Gift of Puberty has, indeed, ravished your body _and_ mind in ways unimaginable. Well then, I suppose I shall have to be the one to resolve that issue!" And, with what sounded like a Heaven battle cry, Mokuba threw himself at Yami, knocking him backwards and forcing out whatever air was inside of him. He straddled Yami, reaching out with both hands to grope at Yami's neck. Yami struggled in his uncomfortable position, the quiver forcing his back to arch in an awkward way and making it more difficult for him to fight back.

"Perhaps your newfound Puberty would appreciate a valuable lesson in equivalent exchange!" With sharp little Heaven fingernails, Mokuba scratched and clawed at Yami's neck before attempting to choke him. Gasping for air, Yami desperately pried at those boney fingers but to no avail.

"Perhaps your Puberty should be ousted from you," Mokuba's narrowed eyes were full of rage as he pressed harder, his bottom bouncing up and down the demon's abdomen in his exertion. "It is, clearly and unfortunately, a rather uncooperative variety of puberty, one which is far less beneficial and far more detrimental to your well-being than it is a blessing!"

Yami grabbed at any angel flesh he could reach, pulling at Mokuba's clothes, wings and hair. He knew it'd be bad news for him if Mokuba kept this up for much longer.

"It also makes you ugly!" Mokuba growled, giving a hard push on the _'ugly'_ to drive his point home.

And that was all Yami needed. He brought up a knee and thwacked the angel right in the base of his spine, knocking Mokuba forward so he lay spread-eagled on him. Both of Mokuba's palms slapped the ground on either side of the demon's head as he attempted to brace himself and Yami sucked in a much-needed breath of air.

Rejuvenated and with renewed vigour, Yami shoved Mokuba to the ground and flipped their positions, shrugging off the quiver and dumping it somewhere off to the side. But the little angel was too quick. Almost as soon as he was tossed on the ground, Mokuba sprung to a sitting position and tackled Yami once more, raining punches on him without caring where they landed. Heaven swears fired from him with every blow, some (or most, depending on the perspective) making no sense whatsoever.

Yami's arms flung outwards, searching for a rock, branch, or even a clump of dirt, _anything_ that he could use as a weapon. He groped around until his fingers brushed against something sharp. An arrow! He groped around some more until he found the others and sloppily bunched them together, swinging his arm up and getting ready to give the pissed-off little angel the poking of his afterlife.

But just when the arrows neared their target - namely Mokuba's backend, Yami stopped. If these were Yugi's love arrows and one measly little burgundy one made him go hyper-NONvirgin on his ass, than…

Suffice it to say, he did _not_ want to make out with Mokuba or even do anything close to what could be described as making out with him (which was strange because demons were known to make out with kitchen appliances if they were deprived for too long). Luckily, Mokuba caught glimpse of what Yami was about to do and stopped.

Taking the opportunity, Yami shoved hard, disorienting Mokuba just enough so he could make a bit of distance between them. With a splayed hand on his chest, the demon coughed and heaved, feeling his entire body ring with pain with every sharp breath he took. Whatever exposed skin was tender with bruises and dried blood.

Two Heaven seconds later, they were sprinting, Mokuba much faster than Yami. Gritting his teeth in determination (and pain) Yami knocked over everything in his wake in hopes of slowing his pursuer. Heaven garbage cans toppled, spewing their Heaven innards, Heaven children's bicycles came crashing down, and Heaven garden ornaments shattered as they fell.

They looped the entire neighbourhood and made it back to the Heaven truck when Yami was cornered against a tree. With his back pressed firmly against the trunk, the demon held up both hands, only to realize that he was still clutching the arrows. "Wait, no, fu-shi-cr-stop!"

"And why, indeed, should I?" Mokuba sneered and rammed into Yami again. Yami tried his best to block the attacks but it was awkward doing so with all the arrows still in his hand.

"Fu -" A couple of arrows fell to the ground and Yami watched apprehensively as they bounced and landed dangerously closed to his feet. His eyes darted from the arrows, to Mokuba, then back to the arrows, an unexpected idea popping in his mind.

"You," Yami grunted as the angel attempted to twist his arm, "dic - like that bit- Serenity, right?" He managed.

The pressure eased and, through all the heavy breathing and sweat, Mokuba looked stunned, "Why, indeed, would you infer such nonsense?"

Yami smirked, "You totally like that bit-Serenity, don't you?"

"I ask again, why indeed, would you infer such drivel?" Mokuba all but grumbled, a pout bringing a deceptive cuteness back to his face.

"Does she butt -" Yami choked back the swear, "like you back?"

"I, indeed, do not know," the angel mumbled before catching himself and stuttering, "h-however, that is, indeed, an irrelevant issue for I do not hold the feelings which you have claimed!"

"I can ballpalling make her like you."

Mokuba tried to look apathetic, but he was clearly interested. Hissing from the dulling pain but finding it far more bearable than before, he picked up a pink arrow and wagged it back and forth, "I can totally asssmacking make her like you," he said in a sing-song voice.

Mokuba tried to look serious, but struggled maintain any form of sterness. "Is not against your code of ethics, Cupid? Are you not to conduct your work as instructed and never to stray?"

"Who the scrunt will find out?" And really, if they did, it'd technically be Yugi's fault anyways.

Mokuba hesitated, chewing on his bottom lip before answering carefully, "Although I have no qualms regarding your methods, I wish to induce such feelings naturally rather than through the alternative means which you are presenting… if it was, indeed, the case that I hold such feelings for her of course."

"But you're hair-on-butt ugly."

Mokuba gasped and jerked back, hurt creeping onto his face.

Yami shook his head in mock sympathy and slapped a hand on the angel's shoulder a little rougher than necessary. "Look, we've," he pointed to Mokuba, then himself, "known each other for a nippleripple while now so I'm going be completely, craptastingly, honest."

The angel nodded, the now highly apparent demon-tongue completely disregarded for more urgent matters.

"First off," Yami struggled to hide the grin, "You're, what? Nine hundred something something and you don't even pissdipping have your whoretrastic…" he air-quoted, "_puberty" _yet. That's just plain sick, dude. No chick will want you."

"But you yourself have taken a vast number of years to -"

"And your hair," Yami mussed Mokuba's hair, "Is vaginalistically lame."

"Sweet Serenity has often complimented me on my hair."

"She lied."

"Oh."

"What kind of dude, _what kind of dude_ crappricking toddles around with shit like this?" You want to get chicks? Chop the lamegame out of this monster mop."

"I -"

"And put some badass colour in it! See my shit? It took eight assdamn hours but it was totally worth it," Yami bent to Mokuba's height to show off his glorious (dyed) golden bangs, tapering off a strand to show-off his handiwork.

The angel's purple eyes marvelled at the exotic do. This was the illustrious Cupid, after all, and everyone knew his unique locks were unequalled to any other in their realm.

"And your teeth."

"My teeth?"

"Your teeth. You need some."

"But I, indeed, have teeth."

"Not where it's shaftstrokingly important," Yami bared his own teeth and tapped the perfect double rows of whiteness, emphasizing on the front ones. "Chicks like teeth."

The angel self-consciously ran his tongue over the empty space just behind his upper lip where there should have been teeth. He no longer felt like talking, the 'ugliness' that was his missing front teeth now very apparent to him.

"You also have bad breath."

Mokuba brought up a hand to cover his mouth, "Oh misfortune," he mumbled, puffing into his hand and trying to smell his own breath.

After a moment of awkward silence between them, in which Mokuba spent dwelling in self-consciousness and Yami spent bending the arrow back and forth in boredom, Mokuba broke the silence.

"And you, indeed, are able to offer me aide?"

"Yup."

Mokuba sighed, still unsure about the offer. "You are sackwrinklingly ugly," Yami reiterated gently, "honestly, I don't know how I boobbating know you for this asscracking long. Right now, I can barely stand to look at your buttluck of a face without wanting to stomachcrunch. Believe it."

"Am I, indeed, as ugly as you say?" Mokuba asked hopefully, his voice slightly shaking.

"Yup."

"Oh…."

"I am indeed?"

"Yup."

"Oh…"

"A-and you are, indeed, certain on this matter. There is a consensus on the matter?"

"Yup. Me and about half the realm."

"Oh…"

Yami wagged the 'puppy love' arrow impatiently. "I can make that bit-Serenity like you, remember. No one would give a pooppiss about your ugliness if you have a chick on your arm."

"That is, indeed, rather crass, Cupid."

"Doesn't matter, you're ugly."

"Apparently so," Mokuba let out a heavy breath, "Thank you for the offer, Cupid, I suppose I shall take the offer for it seems I cannot earn Serenity's affections on my own merit."

"I thought you didn't like her."

Yami couldn't help but laugh when Mokuba glared at him. Fighting back a cry of glee, Yami gathered the rest of the arrows and gave Mokuba a shove in the direction of the Heaven truck where the rest of the arrows lay in abandon.

"And it would be a pink arrow you plan to utilize."

"Yup, pink."

"The one, if I am not mistaken, denoting 'puppy love.'"

"Yeah."

"And none other; am I correct? I wish not to birth a situation which I am unable to control."

Yami paused in stride but not long enough for Mokuba to notice any change, "Why the fackshack would I do that?"

By the time the demon dumped the arrows in Yugi's quiver and it was hanging from his shoulders where it (sort of) belonged, Serenity was within sight. The large box in her hand made her land awkwardly but Mokuba was all too thrilled to help, asking whether the _entire_ box was just that one flavour.

"I had thought it be wise to bring an excess as not to encounter the same problem as before," Serenity said somewhat breathlessly, curling a strand of air behind her ear as Mokuba set the box on the ground.

"You are, indeed, wise as you are beautiful and infinitely kind." Mokuba's mouth jerked in a half-smile before he remembered what Yami said and stopped.

"Oh, but I, indeed, fall short of your standard, dearest Mokuba," The girl blushed, eyes dropping to the ground.

"I strongly disagree with your sentiments! I cannot see how, in any way I, indeed, best you. You are the embodiment of perfection; you are the light in darkness, the burst of fresh air in the morning, the light at the end of the tunnel, the fragrance of a rose!"

"I rather disagree for you are the flatness of an ironing board, the curve in a sphere, the 'Alt' button on a keyboard, the potted plant in the corner of the house, the - ouch!" Serenity hissed and twisted around, rubbing the spot on her butt where she felt an inexplicable pinch. After rubbing vigorously, she carefully turned to Mokuba, heat rushing to her head and chest.

"Serenity?" Mokuba saw that Yami had moved to position himself behind her, close enough to do his deed but far enough so it wasn't obvious. Before he knew it, Serenity leaped at him, giving him a split second to see the demon in disguise hold up the guilty arrow. In the brief moment Mokuba had before he was slammed against the Heaven truck, his eyes widened at the sight of the clearly _not_ pink arrow being waved in the air.

"Potent covetousness of a sexual na - " A hot, wet mouth closed over his own, muting the last of what he was about to say. It wasn't long before hands followed, wandering where they shouldn't be wandering and further still.

After a bit of a struggle, Mokuba managed to wretch his mouth away and slip in a question, futile as it was, "What, indeed, has happened to you?"

The female's eyes were half-lidded with lust, "Please shut up and kiss me, if you would be so kind."

"You are not, indeed, yourself, Serenity!"

Clearly, she didn't care. She was on him again, squishing him against the Heaven truck and doing Heaven unspeakable things to his body.

"Mmm, Mokuba," Her voice had dropped several octaves, "I rather find this closeness between us very pleasant. This closeness, however, is not as close as it can be and I would like to propose that we attain a greater closeness than the state we are presently at."

"Wha - "

Mokuba was cut off as Serenity lifted him bridal-style, giving him one last, extremely deep (and probably wet) kiss before climbing the stairs into the Heaven ice cream truck. There was a notable thump, followed by noises that made Heaven children angels playing outside run for their homes and lock the doors.

Back outside, an opened box of ice cream sat innocently, exactly one Vanilla Swirl missing from its contents.

_TBC…_

Some of the similes towards the end are drawn from Billy Collins' "Litany."


	8. Marriage

Thanks to tavia454 for betaing!

**Warnings: **The inside of angel!Yugi's head.

**marriage: **n. – see 'pre-divorce' ~ (ODD-XL)

_7. Marriage_

Reapbecca flipped through the pages of the Hell sign-in/sign-out book, looking for the most current list of employees. Since the process of signing in and out was all manual, it was easy for workers to skip out on their shifts and have a friend fill in their names for them and, after the incident of 3 (B.C.), she made sure to Hell double check, regardless of who apparently signed in.

The process took just under an hour but it was worth it, especially when she caught someone red-handed. The opportunity to assert her disciplinary authority in all sorts of colourful ways gave her a high that even the best Hell LSD couldn't match. And Hell LSD was the best. Better than Heaven LSD.

She tapped her key card against the sensor, automatically opening the industrial-sized double doors that lead to the Analprodoassing department. On either side of the main walkway was a catacomb of cubicles, all of which emanated the sounds of ringing telephones, machinery, agony, or all three. She rounded the first corner, and nodded at the brunette she saw, ticking off his name – Honda Accord Hitroto. Right beside him in a substantially messier office space was Jouhoochi Katsuya (affectionately known as JouKat) who waved a bloody ice pick as she walked by.

She checked off Anzu Massacre, Shitzuka Katsuya (Joukat's little sister, also known as 'Mean Mama'), Dark Marik, Duke Devilin and My Bloody Valentine.

The next cubicle was empty except for Zorc Necrophades who hung off the ground by chains attached to both arms. Reapbecca looked at her list and noticed one Yami Sarcophagus, occupant of section 666 3G, had not signed in.

"Where's Sarcophagus?" She double-checked the empty space before turning to look at Yami's torture-e who just shrugged.

"Well, when the asslap was the last timeslime he was in?"

"Not sure. Maybe over a day ago, or two days."

Reapbecca clenched her jaw and looked down at the creature protruding from Zorc's lower torso, "How about you? Got a better answer?"

The creature squeaked and retracted into its older brother's body, shivering. Back in the mortal world, Zorc's little brother had been powerful, able to lift a Blue Eyes White Dragon by the neck and throw it several feet. He'd been so proud of his brother back then and, together, they'd seen their dreams unfold as they destroyed one civilization after another. Most of the anger had been due to traumatic childhood experiences in which schoolyard bullies made fun of their condition. No matter what Zorc and Dorc did, the hate hadn't stopped until they'd resorted to violence. The small act of dumping bucketfuls of scarabs in the head bully's locker and watching as they devoured every bit of flesh off him when he went to grab his scrolls led them down a slippery slope that ended in mass genocide. However, up to this day, the brothers blamed their condemnation on the discrimination against their kind and not as punishment for their killings.

But now, Dorc was nothing more than a feeble dork.

Taking the silence as a no, Reapbecca gave an irritated grunt. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by a demon from a neighbouring cubicle, "Somethin' da fungofooting matta Mz. Gawkins?"

"Unless you know where Sarcophagus is, I don't want to earscreech another piss from you." She said, barely turning to acknowledge his presence.

Jouhoochi took the comment in stride, his millennia of employment to the woman dulling his sensitivity to her. He scratched the back of his head with the soiled ice pick and whistled, "Pshit, Yami still gone, eh?"

Reapbecca turned to him, "You braindrain about this?"

"Eh, not really. All I know is dat crackslanker's been actin' real strange. Like he got unfucked or somethin;' den I stopped seein' him 'around."

"Hn."

"Dunno, we guys been pissin' 'bout it and we're kinda worried 'bout him, ya know. Was plannin' ta ask that dicklick what's been up but he disappeared befer I got a single shaftstick of a chance." He gave a contemplative quirk of his lip, "But dem guys," he gestured towards Zorc and Dorc, "I'm guessin' ya feelin' ballscrallin' lucky fer bein' off da," his eyes turned up to the chains and he air-quoted the next word, "_hook_ fer awhile."

Zorc gave a soft smile and looked down at his brother, who also smiled, "Yeah, I have to admit it was a nice break. I mean relatively, of course. Hanging like this isn't the greatest feeling in the world but the _prodopradopoking_ makes it feel like I'm snuggling up to a teddy bear right now."

"And we've had some quiet time to chat, right bro?" Dorc, assured by Jouhoochi's friendly presence, wormed his way back out, twisting to look up at his brother.

"Oh yeah," Zorc chuckled, "that was nice too. It's been ages."

"Literally."

"No offence to you and your friend and all," Zorc gave a happy little kick and his brother snickered, loving every time Zorc did that, "but it's been great without him here to, you know, torture us and all. Again, no offence."

The demon waved a hand, "None taken. I might not be all fancy prancy educated and shit but I try ta be, yenno, open-mind and fart. Wanna see from da condemn's point-a-view sometimes yenno."

Zorc and Dorc both nodded, something Reapbecca found slightly disturbing. "Appreciate it, man." Zorc said, "don't know about the others here but, speaking for my brother and I, we don't ask for much more than some empathy."

"Dat's fair. I mean, all dat earspoundin' screamin' gotta mean somethin,' right?"

"Oh it definitely does," Dorc continued, "and we're glad you caught onto that. Sometimes I wonder if very many demons do. I mean Yami's great and all but," he sighed, "he seems kind of… closed off to us sometimes."

"Meh, I wouldn' braindrain too much 'bout it, he's wangatone."

"I agree. So how are you and yours doing?"

Reapbecca cleared her throat obtusely, catching herself before she let herself get caught up in their conversation. "Having fun?"

Both Zorc and Dorc blinked, looking hurt, but she pretended to ignore it.

"And aren't you supposed to be pubilating working right now? You're not being paid to piss your scrotohide." She turned to Jouhoochi who gave an understanding glance at the brothers before saluting with his ice pick and turning back to his station with a half-hearted 'yes ma'am.'

She let out a satisfied breath when she heard screaming from Jouhoochi's Hell cubicle and her attention went back to the brothers, noticing that Dorc had retreated back into his brother again. She had to find a way to contact Yami. Finally, with a click of her tongue, she flipped open her Hell cell phone and dialled Yami's number.

* * *

_The sea sparkled as the sunlight bounced off its rolling waves, setting the perfect romantic backdrop for their Heaven beach ceremony. Yugi and his fiancé stood underneath a floral arc in front of the robed priest. This was the happiest day of his life and he fought with every ounce of his being not to cry. Still, the tears peeked out anyways and he sniffled and blinked, trying to make them go away. He felt a hand gently take his hand, lacing their fingers together and turned to see, through the veil, his fiancé smiling at him, love in his eyes. _

_Yugi's bottom lip quivered and fresh tears sprung forth, the thought of all this love poured on him overwhelming beyond measure. His fiancé slipped a hand under his veil and caressed his cheek gently, silently telling him not to be afraid. And Yugi nodded, leaning into the touch, trusting it. _

_He brought his other hand up to cover his face like the innocent Heaven bride he was and blushed deeper when he heard the soft rumble that was his lover's chuckle. _

"_Do not worry about ceremony, my darling, for I do believe we, indeed, have seen much more of each other and will do so many times more in the near future."_

_Again, Yugi felt the heat rising and he shrunk into the veil, wishing it was thicker to hide his embarrassment. There was a gentle squeeze on his hand and a soft piano melody began, mixing with the calming sounds of the ocean waves. _A Time for Us_, the theme to Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet' and Yugi's favourite song. His lover must have planned this out just for him as a beautiful and precious surprise. Yugi, again, felt like crying. _

_There were more sniffles and murmuring from the audience of angels behind them, telling him the exquisite song warmed their hearts as much as it did his. _

"_Dearly beloved…"_

_The priest began but Yugi barely heard the words, too entranced by the undisputable beauty of the music and even greater beauty of the one he'd spent the rest of his afterlife with. If Yami had been so thoughtful in preparing for their most special and unforgettable day, there was no doubt he'd be equally romantic in their everyday lives, perhaps even more romantic. _

_Maybe Yami would wake up extra early every morning and buy a flower from the local shop, placing it beside Yugi for him to find when he woke up. When Yugi would descend the stairs to find his beloved husband and thank him, he'd find a wonderful breakfast of pancakes and Heaven orange juice waiting for him with a note written in a careful Heaven cursive telling him how much he meant to Yami. While he read the note, Yami would sneak up behind him and grab him in a tight embrace, which would then turn into a tickle attack and end with a lot of cuddling._

_Before he realized it, the rings were being delivered to them by a small male angel, a toddler who'd just learned to walk. All the women in the audience smiled as the little one toddled up to them and proudly present the feathered pillow with the two golden bands loosely tied to it by silk ribbons. _

_The bride's hands shook (he was designated the bride in this partnership just… because) as he watched Yami untie one of rings, time suddenly slowing. His hand was taken again and Yami held it in his palm like a delicate lotus, ring poised at the tip of his fingernail._

"_Yugi," he said, "Ever since I first met you, I knew there was, indeed, absolutely no doubt that we were meant to be together. Not even the endless sunrises and sunsets can match the beauty I see in you and, I believe, I have yet to, and never will, lay eyes upon anything that remotely matches your beauty." He stopped to clear his throat and Yugi could tell Yami was holding back tears of his own, "I wish for us to eternally be together until the end of time and remain in the presence of each other every moment of the days that we have, endless as they are. I wish us never to be apart for even a moment as I believe my heart cannot bear the thought of your absence. I can no longer imagine the thought of being realms apart because it is unfathomable for me and my heart would rip into a trillion pieces should we be forced to part in such a cruel way. In summary, I love you and wish for us to be together always."_

_The ring was slipped onto his finger and Yugi burst into tears, unable to contain the overflowing well of emotions inside. His body felt like jelly and his mind completely blanked out and all he wanted to do was throw his arms around Yami and cuddle with him until the end of time. It was his turn to say his vows but he could do nothing but stand there and cry. _

_The audience was visibly moved now and a large box of tissues passed up and down the aisles. Yami waited patiently for his love to recover, taking the ring meant for him and placing it in Yugi's palm to make things easier. _

_The tissue box made its way onto the stage and Yugi gratefully helped himself to one, dabbing his face beneath the veil as gracefully as he could and struggling to regain his composure. He grasped Yami's hand with his own unsteady one and held out the ring. _

"_D-demon Yami," he squeaked, and took a deep breath before continuing, "Although I have known great love, I have found no greater love than the love I found in you." He paused to suck in a shaky breath, "When you are near, it is as if the sun shines for us and us only. In addition, time itself stops for us and nature opens a path for us wherever we walk. When the birds sing, they are regaling us in particular and when the crickets chirp, they are doing the same. I too wish for us to be together always, to know, always, where you are, to always do what you are doing and to always feel your love strongly. My summary, thenceforth, is rather similar to yours, if not the same. I love you and wish for us to be together always and if not always, most of the time."_

_Yugi fumbled with the ring but managed to lock it onto Yami's finger. The rest of the ceremony was an emotional blur to him. All he could remember was when Yami pulled him close, lifted his veil and dove into him for a long, passionate kiss. _

_The audience clapped with tearful smiles as Yami gently led Yugi off the stage and they both ran down the aisle together. Their unicorn waited not too far from the masses and, just before they mounted, Yugi threw his Heaven bouquet in the air and the two sides of the crowd meshed together in a frenzy to catch it. _

_They mounted the unicorn and took off in a big _whoosh_. With one hand securely wrapped around Yugi and the other gripping the reigns, Yami brought the creature to a slow Heaven trot. Yugi leaned back against his husband and marvelled at the unicorn's rainbow-coloured mane while the creature steadily moved faster, spreading its snow-white wings and preparing to take flight. Yugi was suddenly knocked backwards when it took to the air but giggled as they were lifted off the ground, the wind causing his dress to billow out like a curtain. He giggled again when Yami kissed his cheek and, after a few more hard tugs on the reigns, they were whipping through the sky like a Heaven shooting star._

_The sea sparkled happily beneath them and they could see the Heaven dolphins and Heaven whales emerge from its depths. The unicorn gave a cheerful 'neigh' and glitter streamed out from its hooves, streaking the sky and trickling down to land on the water's surface._

"_It is, indeed, greatly beautiful!" Yugi marvelled at the sparkly substance all around them, "I am so happy, demon Yami."_

"_I am also happy, my darling," The deep voice said, nuzzling his hair. "However, this is merely the beginning of what I have to show you."_

"_Is it indeed? Oh I do not know if I can bare any more happiness. The current happiness within me feels like it is ready to burst!" _

"_You wish us to stop then?" Yami teased and Yugi pouted cutely, his full lips puckering._

"_I did not, indeed, mean it in such a way, demon Yami. I very much wish to see what you have planned."_

"_Are you, indeed, sure?" Yami gave a pull and their unicorn slowed down, "It appears you wish not to see the rest."_

_Yugi whipped around and looked at Yami, panicking, "I wish to see the rest!" _

"_Are you, indeed, sure?"_

"_I am sure, demon Yami, I am sure!"_

"_I am still unsure as to how sure you are."_

"_I am rather sure, demon Yami, RATHER sure!" The angel grabbed is husband's tuxedo collar with both hands and shook him, almost violently._

_The demon gave a knowing chuckle and kissed his bride on the forehead, right on the shortest lock on his golden bangs, "I suppose you seem a little sure. Let us go then." And with that, the unicorn lunged forward again, the glitter pouring out from its hooves now like water from a fountain. _

_They went higher and higher and faster and faster until the clouds surrounded them. Yugi reached out and collected some wisps between his fingers and tasted it, then fed some to Yami. Yugi leaned his cheek on Yami's chest and laid a hand over Yami's heart, sighing contently and enjoying the quiet peace. _

_The bride was about to fall asleep when he caught sight of a tiny island in the distance. His eyes bulged and he nearly jumped off the unicorn when he saw the treat sitting near the shore and his husband had to hold onto him tightly to control his mirth._

"_Oh demon Yami, is that, indeed, what I believe it to be?" He asked, after kissing his husband all over his smiling face._

"_It, indeed, depends on what you believe it to be."_

"_I believe you know what I believe it to be."_

"_Do I, indeed, believe I know what you believe it to be?"_

"_Indeed, I believe you do!"_

"_And what, my darling, do you believe it to be?" Yami kissed him on the tip of his nose. _

"_I believe it to be a big wedding cake!" Yugi kissed him back._

"_And ice cream, wedding cake to be precise."_

"_Oh demon Yami!" Yugi suddenly jumped up and threw his arms around his husband, kissing him furiously and almost knocking them both off the rainbow unicorn, "Oh I am so happy, I am, INDEED, so happy!" _

"_Are you, indeed, happy?"_

"_Yes I am!"_

"_I enjoy seeing you happy."_

"_And I enjoy being happy."_

_Their unicorn landed with a light sprint on the island's edge and Yugi could not believe how enormous the cake really was. _

_He broke into a sprint, and despite the massive gown Yami found himself struggling to catch up. Huffing and puffing, the angel reached the base of the cake and began climbing up its steps, eyes on the giant swirl of whipping cream at the top. After about ten slippery steps, he tripped and earned himself a face-full of cake but he just laughed and beckoned his husband to hurry up. Chuckling, Yami scrambled up after him, his black tuxedo heavily hardly showing any black but he didn't seem to care in the least._

"_Will you, indeed, feed me some cake, demon Yami?" Yugi cooed._

_Yami didn't answer; instead, he asked Yugi to close his eyes. _

_Yugi tittered but complied anyways, "Are you, indeed, going to give me a surprise?"_

"_That, in itself, is also a surprise, my darling. Now if you would be so kind as to open your mouth…"_

_The cool, moistness was far better than anything he could have imagined and Yugi gobbled up everything Yami put into his mouth, licking his lips and asking for more. With a mouthful of cold icing, he tried to open his eyes but found his lids heavy. _

"_I feel strange, demon Yami."_

"_Perhaps you need more cake, my darling."_

_Yugi rubbed his eyes and strained to crank them open again. When he did, his vision was blurry and he blinked several times, trying to make sense of his surroundings. Everything looked and felt different than it should. When he finally regained his sight, the first thing he saw was Yami's blood-smeared face._

* * *

Yami dropped the ice cream bar in front of the comatose angel, stumbled a few steps backwards and collapsed on his butt, both arms thrown out behind him as a brace.

His part was done and whatever Yugi did from this point on was up to Yugi.

But Yugi did nothing. And, after waiting in a dazed exhaustion, Yami sat up, curiously examining the angel. The bar of ice cream hadn't moved a Heaven inch and neither had Yugi. This was strange. Yami had expected Yugi's powers to come out and feed him somehow. He jerked back when that angel stomach growled again but gathered up his courage and crawled a little closer, eyes on Yugi in case he made any sudden movements. He inched closer and closer, finally seating himself right in front of Yugi, staring down at the angel and scratching is chin.

"Cupid…" He whispered, but got no answer.

He poked at a wing and earned himself nothing but a small twitch. "Cupid," he said again, slightly louder, "I brought some lamegame ice cream."

Nothing.

He nudged Yugi's torso, fingers enjoying the feeling beneath them but also twitching to pull back, "I know its asscracking lamegame but those ballcrackers out there had nothing better."

The depths of Yugi's belly gave a warning rumble and Yami pulled back, holding up both hands in defence. "Hey, it's not my assdamn fault the eatablumbles here are stupid, I just got what I could!"

Another rumble and Yami found himself getting frustrated with it, insulted that he was so blatantly disregarded after going through such lengths. And those lengths had, indeed, been great. "Do you braindrain what I had to do to get that? Those little ballcrackers are freaking nuts!"

He could have sworn the rumble scoffed.

"I almost double died for this!"

Silence.

"Don't you craptrap ignore me!"

More silence.

"Fine, be that way!" He stood up with a huff and turned his back to Yugi and his angel stomach, "You can starve from unhurling pains for all I care."

Uncomfortable seconds passed between them and Yami cranked an eye open, sneaking a peek behind him. The ice cream bar was still there, untouched and Yugi continued to lie there, unmoved. Yami was confused. Where were Yugi's fabled powers? If he didn't use them to attack Yami, surely he would have used them to keep himself not double dead.

He considered leaving, getting the heck out of there. But, for some reason, he felt bad about it. It wasn't the fact that he might get attacked on the way out, it was more that he simply felt bad. He didn't know why he felt bad, he just did. He glanced at Yugi's face and noticed for the first time how pale and sad it looked. Then, a radical thought came to mind.

Maybe Yugi couldn't feed himself.

He stood frozen in his spot and deliberated, he wasn't sure what exactly he was deliberating, but he deliberated. Finally, he crouched down again, taking the ice cream bar and gingerly unwrapping it. Yami made himself comfortable and manoeuvred Yugi into a semi-sitting position on his lap. He felt like he was feeding a baby its bottle and he felt stupid. Nonetheless, he held the unwrapped bar to those pouty lips and waited for Yugi to take a bite. When the expected bite didn't come, he prodded those lips with the corner of the treat, leaving a little white smear on the bottom lip.

"C'mon you little…" He grunted in frustration when Yugi shifted in his position, face flopping into Yami's chest and making it harder to feed him. He awkwardly rolled Yugi's head back and tried again, a little more forceful this time. The corner of the bar broke off and started sliding down the side of Yugi's mouth and Yami cursed before swiping it off with his finger and doing the best he could to gather everything up and somehow get it all past those ridiculously kissable lips.

Miraculously, Yugi's mouth opened a tiny bit, just a tiny bit, and the tip of a pink tongue poked out, licked Yami's finger and pulled back in again. Yugi smacked his lips before taking another lick, then another. The messy little mouth smiled and let out a content little noise before opening up wide for more. Relieved and a bit proud of his own abilities, Yami brought the bar back to Yugi's mouth and Yugi took a large bite, only half really making it inside. The rest was left sliding down the lower part of his face and Yami briefly considered licking it off himself, but choosing not to. All the while, Yugi chewed contently, his face brightening and coming back to life.

Once he was done Yami rubbed between Yugi's wings until he heard a soft burp. The angel wriggled in his arms and Yami loosened his hold, looking down to see Yugi emerging from his sleep. Yugi whined and groaned and rubbed his eyes, looking disoriented before turning to stare up at him, smacking his lips oddly.

"Demon Yami?"

_TBC…_

**AN: **_In memory of my Honda Accord, which was stolen and destroyed awhile back._

_This was painful to write. _


	9. Magnanimity

**magnanimity: **_No definition found_. ~ (ODD-XL)

_8. Magnanimity_

Somewhere in Yami's empty apartment, a flashing red light broke through the darkness.

Beep.

"_Sarcophagus, this is your manager. Where the crackslack are you?"_

Beep.

"_I shouldn't have to earslunk you twice, Sarcophagus."_

Beep.

"_Phone me the shitpiss back!"_

Beep.

"_You'd better be vaginasnortingly halfway to the double death."_

Beep.

"_You have ten assdamn seconds."_

Beep.

"_Unfuck you, don't come back to work."_

* * *

"Demon Yami?"

Yugi's head snapped up, eyes half-lidded before dropping to Yami's chest again and leaning heavily against him.

"Mhmm no more cake, demon Yami." he mumbled, "My mouth is, indeed, full, demon Yami." His head rolled from side to side and then he bit into Yami's (well, technically Yugi's) tunic and chewed on the cloth for a bit before spitting it out in a soggy clump.

"I, indeed, do not want more, demon Yami. You," and all this was, slurred, "however, have yet to take a bite of cake yourself. I insist you take some cake, demon Yami, it is rather delicious." Yugi's hand shot up and he smacked Yami's mouth, rubbing the palm of his hand in the irritated demon's face until Yami swatted the hand away. But Yugi wasn't finished.

"Eat some cake, demon Yami!" The other hand found its way to Yami's lips and before he knew it, those chubby fingers were probing inside his mouth and reaching for his throat. Yugi, in his sleep, was surprisingly more vigorous than Yami expected and he found himself leaning back to avoid the angel who, he was sure, was now trying to choke him.

"More cake, demon Yami. Have more cake!" Yugi suddenly shot up and head-butted Yami in the chin, causing them both to reel backwards. Yami landed hard on his back and gasped for air when Yugi flopped on top of him, knocking the wind out of him and reopening some of his wounds.

"The cake is, indeed, delicious. It is delicious indeed." Yugi was crawling upwards now, eyes tightly shut and mouth still sticky from the ice cream. Yami flinched, but was surprised to feel Yugi plant a small kiss on the curve of his jaw and settle down to nuzzle against him. "Mmm, I said it was delicious, did I not, demon Yami? Yes, yes, I am glad you agree, now hush, for I am, indeed, rather tired due to our day of vast adventure and happiness. Yes, when I awaken we shall have more cake, and if we are fortunate, it will not have melted by then. Nighty night." And, with a fingers splayed on the demon's face, Yugi began to snore softly, other hand curled in a ball under his chin.

Yami lay there in silence, eyes frozen open and feeling somewhat confused and panicky. He wasn't sure what just transpired between them but he strongly believed it must have had to do with Yugi's mythical powers. It seemed Yugi's powers were reluctant to keep Yugi alive but they were more than willing to attack Yami, even when unprovoked. It was, therefore, logical to conclude that angels had evolved to be violent; neglecting their own needs for the domination and harm of others.

When his fear subsided and he had the nerves to move again, Yami looked down to find his hand on Yugi's bare bottom. He willed it to move but it refused to listen, having made itself very comfortable there. Oh right, Yugi was naked. Yugi made a noise when that hands began to wander. _So soft_. He thought, with self-loathing.

The angel stirred again and Yami felt his fears rise and his cuts sting. What would Yugi do this time? The angel yawned and removed his hand from Yami's face (much to Yami's relief) to rub his eyes. Yugi squirmed and tensed and stretched before lifting his head off Yami's chest and staring sleepily at him with those large eyes. For a few seconds, they just stared and blinked at each other until the angel's eyes shot open to full capacity and he clumsily hopped off him, hands, again, flying to Yami face.

"Demon Yami! Oh, you are bleeding! Oh what great misfortune has befallen you while I was in slumber? What misfortune has befallen you indeed?"

Yami lifted a heavy arm to swipe his face, finding that, indeed, he was bleeding.

He was too tired to care, but Yugi was frantic. Yugi groped his face before wetting his fingers and proceeding to clean off Yami's wounds with his saliva. Once he cleared most of the blood, he kissed each and every one of the owies and said that it would help him recover (which Yami took rather literally). However, despite the good intentions, the demon was irritated by how sticky his face would end up after it all and, if his aversion to vanilla hadn't been strong enough before, it sure was now.

It was when Yugi looked for something to clean off his hands that things took a turn for the interesting.

"OH… OH IMMENSE MISFORTUNE! I AM WITHOUT CLOTHING ON MY PERSON, DEMON YAMI!"

And that the clothing that should have been on his person was…

"AND WHY, INDEED, ARE YOU THE ONE TO WEAR MY CLOTHING, DEMON YAMI?"

Yami watched in stunned silence as the angel bolted back like a Heaven bullet and curled his wings around his body. Those enormous eyes reached new levels of enormity and they bore down on him with maximum intensity.

"OH I AM, INDEED, CLOTHING-LESS! MY CLOTHING IS, INDEED, NOT ON MY CURRENTLY ASHAMED PERSON AS THEY ARE CLEARLY ON YOUR PERSON WHERE YOUR CLOTHING SHOULD BE YET ARE NOT. THIS IS RATHER DISTRESSING TO ME AND I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO BE INFORMED OF THE EXPLANATION BEHIND THIS STRANGE OCCURRENCE FOR I AM NOT AWARE OF HOW THIS HAD OCCURRED." He hugged his wings tighter around himself and looking violated. "IF IT IS NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, I WOULD VERY MUCH APPRECIATE AN EXPLANATION REGARDING THE MATTER OF MY CLOTHING NOT BEING ON MY PERSON AND BEING ON YOUR PERSON INSTEAD!"

The demon opened his mouth but nothing came out. Yami was terrified. He'd enraged the angel and there was no doubt those horrific powers would arise and take their vengeance.

"Although I mean not to rush you, I would, indeed, appreciate a swift reply, demon Yami!" Yugi wasn't yelling _as_ loud as before but that did nothing to reassure Yami. In fact, it made him prepare for the worst. This was like the calm in the Heaven storm, the tense suspense before the unleashing, the slow climb up the Heaven roller coaster before the gut-displacing fall.

"Demon Yami, I, indeed, would very much like an answer immediately!"

Yami tried not to think of the possibilities but they just wouldn't leave him alone. He shook his head, scraping for happy thoughts; thoughts of delicious Hell desserts, of chilling with his work buddies, of amazing Hell sex; happy thoughts. But it didn't work.

"I am afraid, demon Yami."

"I am afraid, demon Yami."

He waited, refusing to look at the potential object of his epic destruction. He didn't really hear anything Yugi said; it all sounded like noise; angry angel noise.

Yugi went quiet and Yami prepared for the worst. The demon's life flashed before his eyes, from his existence in his life as a pharaoh to his underworld rebirth and subsequent afterlife as one of the masses. His mind went hot and blanked out, like the end of a film strip until there was nothing but blackness. Perhaps this meant he'd get the chance to go quietly, without regrets. He hoped there wouldn't be pain. He also wondered if he'd dream.

The silence was like a wall between them; both immortals huddled behind their own defenses and blocking each other out with neither aware of it.

When no anticipated torture came, Yami slowly but very carefully lifted his head. There was no movement from the other side except for the two purple eyes that blinked from behind the mound of feathers and hair.

His shoulders relaxed and he straightened himself. While he was still pretty scared, his curiosity got the better of him. Straightening out his body and cracking a few joints, he lifted himself to a sitting position, watching as the angel looked upon him curiously. He paused when Yugi made a muffled comment but managed to get onto his knees without too much grief.

Yugi's wings lowered until his face emerged. When the angel felt at ease enough, he sniffled and let his bottom lip slip out. A tear rolled down his cheek.

In a bold move, Yami began crawling. The intense eye contact between them unbroken, he gradually made his way to his clothes. The angel twisted his body to watch Yami but kept those wings tightly clamped.

Yugi squeaked and those wings went up to cover his eyes when Yami reached with both arms to pull the tunic over his head. When he thought he Yami wasn't looking, he snuck a glance and blushed deeply.

Not daring to embarrass himself again but overcome with the desire to see the forbidden parts of the demon (which gave Yugi strange and confusing emotions), he willed himself to look away. He listened to the sound of ruffling cloth, then an 'oh this feels so cockstrokingly good' (which gave him more strange and confusing emotions) and, finally, some grunting, struggling and zipping before the noises stopped.

When he was sure that those noise had, indeed, stopped, Yugi opened the narrowest of cracks between his wings and peered through. The demon was standing with his back to him and fastening his second belt, giving Yugi the perfect view of his tight, leathery… wings.

Yugi shyly withdrew when the demon bent down to pick up his tunic and the demon's… leathery wings… were almost right in his face. He was grateful, however, to see his tunic treated with care when the demon aired it out a few times and brushed off stains he was sure wasn't there the last time he saw it.

Which, of course, brought several questions to mind, one of which he'd already inquired of the demon and received no answer for.

Yami held the tunic out to Yugi, who took it wirily. Mated pair as they were, they had not yet married and had their cake so this situation would be immensely scandalous to anyone who saw. Nodding in thanks, he reached an arm out between his wings and quickly snatched the tunic.

Looking around the Heaven shed for some privacy, Yugi saw nothing promising. He could see the demon watching him from the corner of his eye. The demon looked bored and somewhat agitated. Surely it wasn't the norm for demons to _watch_ each other get _dressed. _That was just unheard of.

Yugi made an attempt to nonverbally request privacy, but the demon just gave him a blank stare. Sighing inwardly, Yugi's eyes swept the little space once more and settled for a cluster of Heaven shovels leaning against a dusty Heaven corner. He carefully got to his feet and scurried backwards to his destination. Yugi squeezed into the tiny space behind the Heaven shovels and, after rearranging them to better suit his purposes, he awkwardly struggled back into his tunic.

He nearly freaked out when one of the shovels fell over, having only halfway squirmed into his one-piece, but managed to stand it back up with relative ease. After the ordeal, Yugi crawled pitifully back out and made a grab for his quiver. He noticed Yami was sitting cross-legged now, still watching him and told himself that no, Yami didn't see anything he shouldn't have. At least Yugi hoped he didn't.

The demon smiled mischievously to himself. For the unsexiest creature in the universe, he didn't expect anything more but it was nice to get a glimpse of some Hypervirgin butt, as fleeting as it was. But he had no complaints, especially when he managed to steal another burgundy arrow from Yugi's stash. The arrow that was now happily hidden behind his back and waiting to see some action. All he had to do was wait for Yugi to turn around.

The angel's back was to Yami when he settled the strap of his quiver over his shoulder. He felt more whole with it on, like one of those motorcycles with the side passenger seat thing attached to it.

By now Yami was an expert crawler. He was like a cheetah in the Hell African savanna; swift, stealthy, deathly quiet and sexy beyond compare. Time slowed to a crawl but he reminded himself that it was worth it and that all the pain and suffering (immense as they were) could be rationalized as having been worth it.

Yami was close enough to hit Yugi point blank when a well-timed scream hit the air:

"Ahhhhhhh!"

Both Yami and Yugi whipped their heads to the entrance to see a wide-eyed female angel staring at Yami and slowly backing away from the Heaven shed. As if on cue, Yami dropped the arrow, scrambled from to his feet and broke into a desperate sprint, tackling the angel before she made a run for it and dragging her backwards into the shed with his hand clamped over her mouth. She kicked, struggled and Heaven screamed into his hand but he held on tightly until he got to the far wall where he pinned her in place.

She panted heavily, green eyes staring at the claws fisted in the neck of her tunic before daring to look into the face of her aggressor. Heaven tears sprung from her eyes and she began shaking, in too much terror to even beg for mercy.

"Demon Yami!" Yugi ran up to the demon and grabbed onto his muscular arm with both hands, "Please do not injure her for I am sure she has no ill intentions for us." He turned to the terrified angel, "Am I correct, sister?"

The female angel nodded quickly, keeping her eyes on Yugi to avoid looking at the fearsome creature nearly choking her.

But Yami wasn't convinced. She was a witness and if she was anything like the other angels he'd run into in this realm, she would serve to screw him royally. "Who the funglefooting are you?" He asked.

She blinked a few times, confusion bleeding in through the fear.

Yami shook her lightly and she scrunched her eyes shut, as if bracing to be attacked, "Who the snotrotting are you?" He repeated, a little louder this time.

She was whimpering now, which served only to aggravate the demon even more. He shook her more violently.

"No demon Yami," Yugi pulled on that arm, "please do not harm her for she is merely a victim." And Yami had to mentally snort at that comment, "Perhaps I shall reason with her."

"Sister," Yugi chided gently, "sister. I would request that you allow us the pleasure of knowing your name." When the girl didn't respond but rather shriveled deeper into herself, Yugi prompted again, without any less gentleness. "I know you are, indeed, in fear and I would be as well should have the misfortune of being in your place with another demon who I am rather sure would be far more aggressive and evil than demon Yami here. However, neither I nor demon Yami intend to harm you, we simply would like to know whether you are a friend or against us."

She cracked opened her eyes and sniffed miserably, wriggling in place until Yami loosened his grip. She stared at Yugi apprehensively until a smile from the purple-eyed angel calmed her. "I am, I-I am…"

"Yes, sister, indeed tell us who you are."

Yami groaned as the girl stuttered and sputtered, squeezing out a maximum of two words at a time and sniffling between each syllable. "I-I am Mag – sniff- na – ni – mi – sniff –ty," It was like watching a snail ooze its way up a tree. "Sp-sp-spell – sniff – cas –ter – sniff – in - " Or like a ketchup taking its sweet time to get out of the bottle no matter how hard you smack the bottom, " – good – sniff – non – witch –craft – way – but - " And, seriously, Yami could have gone back to Hell, baked some Hell cookies, eaten them, and (for some reason) return to that very spot by now, " – m-m-my –friends – sniff –indeed - call – sniff – me Mana."

Translation: I am Magnanimity Spell-caster-in-a-good-non-witchcraft-way. But my friends, indeed, call me Mana.

Yami waited for her to continue but she just sniffed some more, her bottom lip quivering. He instantly regretted the next thing he said, "What the crackslack did you piss?"

Mana paused in confusion but opened her mouth to repeat everything, only to, thankfully, be interjected by Yugi.

"She, indeed, conveyed that her name is Magnanimity , demon Yami." He paused, "Your name is, indeed, Laotian if I am not mistaken. Am I mistaken?"

Mana nodded, then stopped, thought for a moment, shook her head and finally nodded again.

Yami looked confused by Yugi 'hmmed' to himself and nodded.

The female seemed to have calmed a but, despite the fact that she still refused to look at him, so Yami released his grip and set her back on her feet.

And, as soon as he'd done so, there was an odd clicking sound as her weight eased off the wall. Before they could figure out what had just happened, the ground opened up like a trap door and all three fell through.

_TBC…_

**AN:** Also, think of Mana's last name as one long word. FF seems to delete it against my will without the hyphens so I had to add them in.


	10. The Underheaven

_9. The Underheaven_

Yami cracked his eyes open and waited for his vision to clear. He slowly tried to shift to a more comfortable position but a heavy, mothball-smelling object kept him planted in place. He took deep breaths and tried to survey the area around him, wondering if he was still dreaming when he was greeted with an unfamiliar forested setting. Yami's body responded with a twitchy ripple that travelled from neck to foot but, thankfully, it was enough to give the object the necessary leverage to roll off him.

It was that chick. Mag – Magna – Magnanimi – Mana.

Yami's body resisted, partly from the battle with Mokuba and partly from the fall that landed him there, but he was able to move into a sitting position, albeit very slowly and painfully.

He'd expected Yugi's angel saliva to have some sort of medicinal quality to it, having been reassured that the sloppy kissing would help him heal faster. Had it been a demon to say that, he would have just laughed but Yugi was an angel… with powers.

He couldn't lift a finger without feeling the tug of dry, cracked skin and he was sore all over. On top of that, Yami was sure he was lying on top of a fractured wing. He turned his heavy body over once more and realized that, no, it wasn't fractured, it was broken.

"Sister Magnanimity!"

From what seemed like nowhere, Yugi scrambled over to Mana's side and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her gently. The angel appeared completely unscathed and Yami couldn't figure out for the afterlife of him how that was possible.

Other than an incoherent grunt, Mana was deaf to Yugi's promptings. Completely ignoring Yami (which made the demon feel strangely abandoned, especially since _he'd_ broken _her_ fall), Yugi attempted what looked like Heaven C.P.R. When that failed, Yugi took to yelling at her and shaking her violently, which Yami found quite entertaining. Then he took to crying, which made Yami regret finding the previous actions entertaining.

"Oh, demon Yami," Yugi crawled towards him and shook him lightly, pointing to Mana, "Sister Magnanimity has not, and perhaps cannot, awaken from her state of unwakefulness. Although I wish not to think thusly, I fear the worst. Perhaps with your demon powers, you can awaken her. Please aid me, demon Yami, I beseech you!"

Yami groaned, the word 'please' stinging his inner ear hairs worse than his injuries. With Yugi's somewhat unwarranted help, he managed to lift himself onto his hands and knees.

Powers?

"Although I see that you are rather injured, please do not delay, demon Yami. You and your demon powers are very much needed."

Yami blinked at Yugi, scanning that chubby angel face for signs of mockery. There was none. Then what the unheck was the creature talking about?

He pushed Yugi away as he settled on his knees, hand on his forehead as the dull throb slowly dissipated. Maybe the angel was delusional, disoriented by the earlier fall and now suffering from mental deficiencies. It certainly made up for the fact that Yugi showed no signs of physical injuries but Yami couldn't help but wonder what the repercussions were on _him_.

Deciding to humour the angel, he dragged himself over to Mana and settled down beside her, Yugi following with much more vehemence. What was he supposed to do anyways?

He was aware of how close Yugi was, feeling the pressure to act as the angel watched him intensely. But oh did he love the smell. It would be one thing he'd miss if he ever got back to Hell. The only thing he'd miss, Yami thought defiantly.

Reaching out with his index finger, Yami poked Mana in the shoulder. As expected, nothing happened and, just when Yami was afraid he'd have to prove himself in some other way, Mana's eyes shot open and her body snapped upwards, startling both Yugi and Yami.

Those wild green eyes fixed on Yami and she Heaven shrieked a high pitched Heaven shriek, shooting a foot in his direction. Said well-aimed foot collided with Yami's chest before the angel's eyes rolled back in her head and she flopped on the ground, motionless.

Yugi was right behind Yami, ready to catch the reeling demon as Yami clutched his chest, heart pounding wildly. Aside from trying to regain his breath, Yami was frozen in shock, unable to tear his eyes away from his assaulter. His hands trembled and his functional wing curled feebly around him.

"Oh demon Yami, are you indeed, alright?" Through his stunned state, Yami managed to faintly hear Yugi, slowly turning his head around to face the angel.

Yugi affectionately wrapped his angel arms around Yami's neck and pulled Yami's head to his chest, nuzzling him. "Your powers are, indeed, great, demon Yami. I had expected them to be great but I had not expected such a degree of greatness in your great powers." Yugi tightened his Heaven arms around the shell-shocked demon, "However, I shall not judge you on your powers, demon Yami. Perhaps you cannot control these powers. Perhaps you struggle with them. Struggle with them perhaps you do."

Yami had to admit, the divine smell of the angel was pretty comforting. _Febreze Summer Perfection. _He took a good, long whiff, no, _Summer Confection_, antibacterial, to be exact. Good old antibacterial. You can never go wrong with anything antibacterial.

He was unaware of Yugi caressing his broken wing and kissing the side of his head. Thankfully, he was also unaware of the terms Yugi dropped that would have definitely sent him into a panic. Words, for example, like 'eternally-bound partner,' and 'one and only mated pair.'

Yami lifted his head when he felt Yugi shiver against him. The angel was looking around the forest and Yami was surprised by how dark it was. They slowly became aware of the various screeching, hawking and crowing dotting the forest and were unnerved by their inability to locate the sources of these noises.

"Demon Yami," Yugi whispered, as if afraid some unseen force could hear him, "Where, indeed, are we?"

That was a pretty good question.

Yugi moved to latch himself against Yami and looked up, "Does that, indeed, mean that you do not know as well?"

Damn, he should really stop thinking out loud.

"I do not, indeed, mind you thinking out loud, demon Yami. It is perfectly acceptable to be afraid as I am very afraid."

He wasn't afraid!

"Yet you tremble rather noticeably and you are clutching me, rather tightly, demon Yami."

Yami huffed and let go.

Yugi frowned and fiercely glared up at Yami, startling him with the way his features contorted, "We are a pair, demon Yami!" Was the stern remark before the angel reached out to grasp him, "And as a pair, you shall not abandon me thusly in my time of need!" Yami was afraid of what this meant and had a feeling he didn't want to find out, "Now come! I wish to hold you out of fear and I shall!"

The injured demon tried to back away but Yugi was insistent, thwarting all means by which Yami tried to fight him off. Despite all the batting and flailing, Yugi slipped past those muscular arms and settled himself comfortably against the dishevelled demon's chest.

Balling his fists in frustration, Yami tried really, really hard not to return the embrace. He stared down at those immensely soft wings, watching with decreasing resistance as each little feather fluttered with the breeze. The scent didn't help much either. Antibacterial! Anti-effing-bacterial! Finally, with great, _great_ self-loathing, both hands crept to Yugi's wings and tangled themselves deeply inside. Yami refused to admit to how it good it felt. So he didn't. But damn did he want to.

"See, demon Yami," Yugi said in a muffled voice, "it does, indeed, feel much better to hold one another while we are in fear. You shall not defy me any longer for I have proven that I am more correct than you."

Yami 'hmmed' in languid agreement, eyes closed and sensing nothing but what was beneath his fingers and wafting up his nose. It was so good that he nearly protested when Yugi wretched himself away.

"I am finished being afraid, demon Yami." The angel declared, smoothing out his tunic with both hands, "Now we shall proceed to search for a safe dwelling in this rather mysterious setting."

Yugi stood up and looked around for his quiver, finding it a few feet away with all of the arrows, oddly, in order. "We cannot leave sister Magnanimity," Yugi bent down to Mana and attempted to lift her, "So," he grunted as the upper half of the girl's body dropped back onto the ground, "I shall," The legs dropped as well, "carry her," Yami winced when the head dropped rather hard, "while we search for a safe place as it is clear that you are injured and cannot do so."

Yami snickered. Then he felt bad. "You want me to, uh, give you a handthrusting hand?"

The offer went ignored as Yugi, with brows so furrowed you could use them a skis, seized Mana's legs one at a time and lifted them over his shoulders. Her tunic parted significantly and slid up her thighs, stopping before Yami could get his eyeful. Yugi's reaction to it was, needless to say, very apt to his title as The Hypervirgin.

"I believe this position is, indeed, the best position for me as I find it more favourable than the positions I have tried before. Would you not agree, demon Yami?"

Yami buried his face in his hands.

"I, indeed, asked you a question, demon Yami, and I would very much appreciate an answer!"

His hands slid down his face and, not trusting his voice, Yami nodded.

"Ah, I thank you for the agreement." Yugi pulled on the girl again, finding her heavier than she looked. Her weight jerked in his direction with each tug but he couldn't manage to actually move her from that spot before his strength gave out on him and her weight shifted back.

"I am, indeed, struggling in my efforts, demon Yami." Yugi grunted.

Again, Yami buried his face in his hands. He could not, however, escape the shuffling sound Yugi made in his… efforts.

As sexy as it was, or could have been, the tired, injured, exasperated and auditorily-plundered demon dragged himself from the ground and made his way to Mana's head. Yugi protested when Yami reached down to pick up the girl.

"You are, indeed, injured, demon Yami! I shall not allow you to expend your energies when such energies are needed to heal."

"Look, just, just," Yami gestured to Mana's legs, "don't cracksmacking drop the chickdick, alright?"

"I shall not allow you to aid me. I am perfectly able and capable in my capabilities to carry her." Was the defiant response.

Instead of answering, Yami began to pull her in his direction, realizing he'd have to walk backwards the entire way. Sensing resistance, he turned to Yugi, seeing the scowl on the angel's face as the angel dug his heels into the ground.

"I shall not allow it, demon Yami."

Yami snorted, "But you're a noodledoodle with hymeningly tiny arms."

Confusion flashed across Yugi's face before the scowl settled back in. "I shall not allow it, demon Yami."

"But you're a minute little scrotosack with virginitesque legs."

The threat came out more threateningly this time. "I shall not allow it, demon Yami." And was accentuated by a tug in his own direction.

"But you're a miniscule little shaftstick!"

Yugi's face fell, "You, indeed, raised your voice at me, demon Yami."

"WHAT?" Yami paused, frustrated, "I didn't tonguetweech at you!"

Mana's legs slid off Yugi's shoulders as he loosened his grip and they fell with a loud thud. His face scrunched up, bottom lip popping out, "You have, indeed, yelled at me, demon Yami. We are, indeed, a pair and I believe that conduct is to be most harmful to our relationship."

That sense of uncertain dread crept upon Yami again but, having run out of patience, Yami took the opportunity to heave Mana off the ground and throw her over his shoulder. The strain ringing in his broken wing made him wonder how long he could carry her but he stubbornly turned to go anyways, "I don't care."

He heard Yugi gasped behind him as he took a few experimental steps, stopping to check to see if the angel would follow. Yugi didn't. In fact, he'd seated himself on the ground and had begun drawing pitiful lines in the dirt with a twig.

"I'm going. You can stay in this assdamn buttcrack if you want. Don't let the bugs unhurl you."

Yugi sniffed but didn't move and Yami hid behind a tree so he was out of sight. Mana's weight began taking a toll of Yami, the demon knowing that putting her down would mean conceding. He tried distracting himself but when he couldn't take it anymore, Yami begrudgingly stepped out from behind the tree in his heavily bent-over position. Yugi didn't look up, but he almost did.

"Cupid."

"If you are to choose to speak to me, I suggest you use my name as I have done with you, demon Yami."

Yami clenched his teeth, wanting to chuck something at the angel. Conveniently, he had another angel on him. "Yu-gee."

"Yes, demon Yami?"

"Don't be a nipplesquisher."

"I do not, indeed, know the meaning of what you have just uttered."

"Yeah, well you sound like you're pissing babblecrabble too. It means you're being a sackprack."

"I still, indeed, do not know the meaning of what you have just uttered."

Chucking Mana felt more and more like a good idea. "Just get your ass over here and stop wasting timeslime. It's getting testicularifically dark."

Yugi raked his teeth on his bottom lip and chewed it around and around, poking at the same spot on the ground. "I wish to aid you in carrying sister Magnanimity for you are, indeed, injured." It looked like he was saying it to the dung beetle rolling around in the hole he made.

"Urgh."

"Does that incoherent utter you just produced mean you disagree?"

Before his legs could give out, Yami slid Mana off his aching shoulder and dropped her on the ground like a sack of Heaven rice (or was it Hell rice?). The exhale was more relieved than anything and he wished Yugi hadn't caught it. "Fine."

Yugi impaled the beetle with his stick and stood up calmly, brushing dirt off his tunic, "Had I not said before that you shall not defy me?"

The demon took a deep Hell breath and counted backwards from ten.

"I shall forgive your defiance for now as you are injured and should be treated with care, however," Yugi made a grab for Mana's legs and resumed the suggestive position from before, "we are, indeed, a pair and that entails that there shall never be any friction between us and that nothing but harmony and happiness is to exist in our lives. Now, what, indeed, are you waiting for? Pick her up!"

After some struggle, Yami concluded that deciding to side with his better judgement was, on average, a good idea. The two immortals, holding each end of Mana, managed to cover some ground. There was a narrow but pronounced path in the forest and figured it would lead somewhere safe.

The trek was monotonous with few words exchanged between them. This gave Yami time to think about their situation and his mind kept swirling around the whole 'pair' thing. Why did the angel keep saying that? Why did he always dread that term? And, most importantly, did it mean he was going to get some sex? Yami was starting to get withdrawal symptoms from the lack of sex and the situation could become urgent if left for too long.

He was broken out of his reverie by a girly whine from his cargo. Mana's head, which was left to drop backwards with very little regard, rolled from side to side and she craned her eyes open. Several more disgruntled noises wormed from her throat before she was deemed wide awake.

The first thing she saw was the upside-down version of Yami's legs. Noting that something must not be right, her gaze followed up those legs and stopped at an area that gave her strange and confusing emotions before continuing their journey to his very demon upside-down face.

"Ah! Ah! Ahhhhhh!"

Both Yami and Yugi halted as the female wriggled in their hold, eyes tightly clenched shut and arms desperately struggling to tear themselves away. She kicked while she clawed at Yami's arms and Yugi subsequently managed to drop her before he got a big sandal to the face.

She landed hard on her butt but the discomfort from it went ignored as more pressing matters demanded attention. Hysterical, she threw punches, kicks and slaps wildly, not caring where they landed.

"Sister Magnanimity, sister Magnanimity!" Yugi rushed to the thrashing girl and grabbed both of her wrists, forcing her to look at him. "There is, indeed, no need to fear! Demon Yami is, indeed, rather harmless and perhaps by extension, rather useless as a demon."

From behind his foetal position, Yami growled.

"D-d-demon…" Her dry lips mouthed, head slowly turning to Yami. She allowed two seconds (which was pretty good for her) before she gave the loudest, most drawn-out scream.

There was a 'whoosh' as all the birds threw themselves in the air, momentarily darkening the sky before making themselves scarce. Down below, the rustle of tree branches and movement within the bushes alerted to the fact that the land animals did the same. The sheer magnitude and power of the sound kept even Yugi at a distance and, for a moment, Yami was sure she embodied the secret to the double end of the world.

"Sister Magnanimity, SISTER MAGNANIMITY!" Yugi hollered, both hands over his ears, "Please do not be afraid. I, indeed, said, please do not be afraid!"

But she just wouldn't stop.

It was at this point that Yami decided to play hero. With all the will power he thought he had and more, the demon sprung from his defensive position and threw himself at the girl, feeling like he was fighting a hurricane. He tackled her to the ground and straddled, her, both hands sloppily making their way to her mouth. A couple of stubborn grunts escaped the girl but he effectively managed to silence her.

Both immortals were breathing heavily, Mana because it was very hard to do so with Yami's hands on her mouth and Yami because he was still trying to get over the horrible sound she'd emitted before. All three froze in their spots, however, when a distinctly non-angel and non-demon, low-pitched growl reached them from somewhere in the trees. At first, it was faint, but then it got louder, enough so that they could pinpoint the source.

The source was a pair of yellow eyes embedded in a large, grey, canine body.

"Oh misfortune! It is, indeed, a wolf!"

The wolf sprung at them with a menacing bark, causing all three to scramble to their feet and stumble away. Yugi was right behind Yami, shoving him right in the broken wing to move faster while Yami worked at untangling himself from Mana. Yugi led as they picked up pace, followed by Mana, and Yami bringing up the rear as a result of how hurt he really was.

"Demon Yami!" Yugi turned to see the tip off Yami's wing almost get bitten off by the fast approaching creature, "You must, indeed, run faster, demon Yami!"

"Don't you think I asscracking know that?" Was the breathy retort, the demon too afraid to look behind him and find out how close the creature really was.

"You must, however, run faster, demon Yami!"

"I cockblocking know!"

"Run faster, demon Yami!"

"Why don't you sackpracks just fly the frap away?" He didn't really want them to leave him like that but it made logical sense.

"It, indeed, breaks my heart to hear you utter such a question. We are a pair, demon Yami, and I cannot, and never shall, leave you in such a manner. Sister Magnanimity shall not leave you as well, will you not, sister Magnanimity?"

Mana was already hovering off the ground and she was about to take to the air when Yugi grabbed her leg and yanked her back down. "Sister Magnanimity shall run with us, will she not?" He said breathlessly and, somehow, sternly.

The speechless girl nearly tripped over her own feet but caught herself and nodded.

Jostled by the kind gesture, Yami slowed down a micrometer, enough for the wolf to pounce on him. He grunted as he hit the dirt and heard a 'demon Yami, no!' coming from somewhere before the suffocating weight bore down on him. He winced and clamped his eyes shut, preparing for the worst. The hot, smelly breath moved in so close that he wanted to gag, quickly followed by sharp teeth that raked across his neck. His mind blanked out, so much so that he could have sworn he felt the weight lift away. Praying that he wasn't delusional, the shivering demon sucked in a breath and snapped his eyes open. Right in front of his face was an upright shaft. When his vision cleared, he saw that the shaft was attached to a metal head, only part of which protruded from the ground. Yugi and Mana had stopped and were staring at something behind him.

Then came a voice. "Well now, you don't see this everyday."

* * *

The _prodotable_ crashed to the ground, scattering its contents haphazardly. Zorc was seething with rage and Dorc broke into a sob, dotting the concrete ground with his tears.

"You're horrible, just horrible! Get out, get out or I'll blast you out!"

The _analprodoasser_ backed away from the brothers, eyes whipping from beneath cracked glasses for something to placate them. His hand flew to the wall as he tried to stay on his feet, fearful of the so-called blasting that Zorc spoke of. And, being the dark lord of the something something in his past life, he was sure the creature would make good on his threat.

"Make him go away, brother," Dorc pleaded, glaring through his tears at the young _analprodoasser_, "make that disgusting pig go away!"

Weevil Underwear, who'd been with the company for about two Hell months and had been working as a Hell secretary up until that point, was the only replacement Reapbecca could find. He was a cocky little fellow and had been blind to the nature of the delicate relationship between the _analprodoasser _and the _analprodoassed. _It was, therefore, unfortunate that he found himself in the situation he was currently in which was, to reiterate, Zorc in a blind rage and Dorc extremely broken-hearted.

"I-I, I can't even look at him," Dorc burst into a fresh batch of tears, turning upwards to his brother pleadingly, "Like it physically hurts to look at him. It actually hurts right now."

"I know." Zorc could feel he fire rising in his throat and it was only with great control that he'd kept from incinerating the place. "Don't worry, bro. I'll make sure this heartless, primitive, insensitive, low-level organism is out by the end of the day."

"And get Yami back?" Dorc croaked.

"And get Yami back."

Weevil looked back and forth between the brothers, confused. He held the ice pick out to them but a smoky grunt from Zorc effectively made him drop it. He took a step backwards, nearly slipping on a scalpel. "W-w-what the crackslack are you tonguetwitching about? I braindrained all I had to slunk was shove the thing up your ass!"

"Make him stop, oh for the love of all that is flammable, make him stop!" Dorc wailed before he retracted into his brother's body.

"You," the elder brother warned in a dangerously low voice, "have five seconds to get the fuck out of here, you sick bastard. One…"

"But!"

"…two…"

"Wait, I can explain!"

Dorc whimpered and some flames escaped Zorc's mouth, "…three…"

"But I was told to shove this thing up your ass! I'm not spunking, I swear!"

"Stop it! You're a beast, a heartless, insensitive beast!"

"…four…"

"Okay, okay!" Weevil held up both hands in surrender, "How do you want to crackslacking take it then?"

Zorc kicked over another _prodotable _and a pair of surgical scissors smacked Weevil in the forehead. "Fi - "

"Hey, what da' fungofoot is goin' on here?" Jouhoochi poked his head around the corner of the divider, whistling when he saw the mess and stepping over to their station.

"Oh Joukat, thank goodness you're here," Dorc slowly slid himself out, still sniffing from the earlier crying, "He's, he's just…I don't even have the words to describe what he is!"

The blonde looked the distressed newbie up and down and shook his head disapprovingly, causing Weevil to shrink away. "Yeah, I dun braindrain dis crackslacker's got much ta him, but ya sure ya dun wanna give the lil scrotohide a chance?"

"You wouldn't be saying that if you'd known what we've been through!" Dorc shouted, spraying spittle in his disbelief, "He's a rapist, Jouhoochi! A low-life of a beast!"

"Really? Well that's an unfuck."

Zorc shot a small fireball at Weevil's foot, causing Weevil to yelp and hop backwards. And if his arms weren't bound over his head, he would have pointed an angrily shaky finger at Weevil. "He thinks he can just walk over and take over for Yami, without even trying to get to know us! Seriously, he walks in and, not even two minutes of being here, he's got the ice pick in his hands. Two minutes! And I'm not even kidding either," He took a break to comfort his brother with a little knee rub, "I don't know about you, that is just uncivilized."

Jouhoochi 'hmm' and nodded. He turned to Weevil, "Dat true, shit slunk? I mean, we gots noobs and all but ya can't just asscrackin' do dat, yenno. Show some class, dude."

"WHAT?"

"It's a relationship, a real delicate nonhymen of a relationship and ya gotta be considerate and all or ya gonna fuck it up." He gave the smaller demon's shoulder a little sympathetic squeeze, "How about ya try ta rebuild dis unhymen of a relationship again. It's not too late."

"Yes it is!" Zorc and Dorc shouted at the same time. "Get that thing away from me," Dorc added, "Get that un-unholy thing AWAY FROM ME!"

The young demon tore away from Jouhoochi and kicked a syringe at the brothers in retaliation, failing to actually hit his target. "You know what?" He hollered, "You two are assmunchers." Dorc gasped. "That's right, ASSMUNCHERS, and I cocksnapping, non-shaftstroking, infinitesimally non-virginally quit!" He subsequently picked up a rag, angrily threw it on the ground, stomped away, slipped on a large pair of tweezers on his way out, picked himself up and continued to stomp away.

Dorc let out a shuttering breath and Zorc went limp in his chains. Both were spent from their recent dramatic episode and wanted nothing more than to go back to the way things were before. Maybe that old Hell saying had some truth to it after all. The _analprodoassed_ can never truly appreciate his or her _analprodoasser_ until he or she is gone.

Jouhoochi gave them an empathetic smile before carefully making his way to where they hung. He stroked up and down the disillusioned Dorc until the creature relaxed and nuzzled his hand in gratitude.

"You know, I realized something," Zorc said softly, after a brief period of tranquil silence.

Jouhoochi stopped and looked up at him, "Yeah?"

"There won't be anyone but him."

A tear leaked from Dorc and Jouhoochi gently brushed it away, "Mmm, I braindrain what'cha mean. I heartthrob dat way 'bout Leviathan too."

Zorc chuckled to himself, "For the longest time, I didn't believe in the _analprodolationship_, I just thought it wasn't something meant for me. But I'm glad to have known it; glad to, you know, feel something."

"Yeah," Dorc echoed, "I feel like things just aren't right without him."

"It's okay. Feels cockstrokingly good to let it out, right?" Jouhoochi started moving about the space, righting the _prodotables _and picking up the scattered tools. "Even da tortured gotta piss about deir feelins sometimeslimes."

"That's true." Zorc looked down at Dorc who looked up at him, "Now that you mentioned it, I regret not discussing mine – our feelings with Yami more. It's funny how all these regrets come up when he's gone. He's never been gone, gone and we were just so used to having him around," Zorc bit his bottom lip to still the well of surfacing emotions, "And now, and now I feel terrible for ever saying I was glad to have a break from him. Really, I just feel so bad…"

"Hey, hey, hey. No need ta be apologizin and shit. We're all imperfect, my shit slunks." The blonde rolled Yami's ice pick in his hand a bit before putting it back in place. "Ever earscreech da time when I went on vacation and left Leviathan for a month?"

Both shook there heads.

"Well," Jouhoochi snorted, "When I got back from da doublecockstrokingly awesome vacation, I found Leviathan noodledoodily huddled in da corner, holdin' ma ice pick to his bloodthrob."

Dorc puckered his lips,"Oh, that so sweet."

"Yeah, ya never braindrain, right?" The blonde shook himself out of his reverie the goofy smile, though, still clinging to his face. "How 'bout I crampissing help ya get Yami back?"

Zorc almost did a happy swing in his chains and Dorc drooped a little less. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Jouhoochi was glad to see some colour back in the two, "I'm just gonna tonguetwitch with Madame Gawkins 'bout it, she'll know. Dun brainlamedrain too much." Having cleaned up the brothers' mess, he grabbed his own ice pick and headed back to his cubicle.

"Hey Joukat."

The blonde head poked back around the corner, "'Sup?"

Zorc smiled, "You're really… wangatone."

"Course I am."

_TBC…_


	11. You are how You Speak

**A note on **_**analprodolationship: **_It seems some readers are a bit confused about the nature of this relationship and that's perfectly understandable. To be honest, I've only taken one 100-level course on _analprodolationship_ (ANAL 101). From what I can recall, some of the material was very dense and I struggled to keep up from time to time. My assumption is that the academic material is written by mortal scholars so there would be a knowledge gap, regardless of how much of an expert the scholar is. Logically, we should be using papers written by demons themselves. The problem is, demon-tongue is a very difficult language to translate and much their vocabulary lacks English equivalents (I've heard that it's easier to learn demon-tongue if you snort a lot of cocaine). Anyways, I've tried my best with this fic so if anyone knows more than I do, feel free to contribute. I will gladly correct any factual inaccuracies.

On a serious note, please read carefully.

_**10. You are how You Speak**_

"Miss Celibacy, are you, indeed, alright?"

Mai groaned and lifted her heavy head off the side window of the Heaven cruiser. The blurry image of a face peered at her from the passenger seat, and when her vision cleared, she saw that it was Bandage.

By the time most of the crew recovered from the realm-shaking incident (and crew meaning everyone but Mai whom they simply resolved to carry around until she came to, not to be expected to do the coming to anytime soon, which, turned out to be the case), the fugitives (for now they had become fugitives) were long gone and the Heaven cops had no efficient means by which to track them down. The only tracking device on the demon had exploded back at the police station and the best of their Heaven Blood Hounds flew off whimpering with one whiff of the demon's – they'd refused to name the detestable object by name – personal belonging.

Consequently, they had no choice but to scour every nook and cranny of the area themselves. So far, there had been no leads and Ushio's Heaven anxiety taxed his Heaven patience with each passing hour.

Needless to say, Bandage would have been just as worried as his partner but he found most of his concern directed toward Mai. Despite the lack of progress, he was greatly relieved just to see her wake up. When she fully awoke, he was more than happy to hand her a tissue to wipe away the Heaven drool.

"I - " She took the tissue, confused at first as to what to do with it before daintily dabbing her jaw, " – am, indeed, unsure as to what has happened."

Bandage swallowed and his gaze dropped, "There had, indeed, been a rather frightful incident. Unfortunately, I am rather reluctant to divulge the details of the incident in which I speak."

But he didn't have to go on. The few seconds of ignorant bliss dissolved away and Mai paled. One hand flew to her stomach to still the churning while the other went for the door handle.

"I would, indeed, appreciate it if you stop the car."

Ushio turned to her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I beg your pardon?"

"You must, indeed, stop the car."

"May I inquire as to why? We are, indeed, pressed for time and it is a rather unwise decision to stop now."

"PLEASE STOP THE CAR!"

They came to a screeching halt just in time for Mai to fling open the door and toss her Heaven cookies. Ushio turned away with a grimace but Bandage was quick to rush out of his seat and assist the woman, leaving the Heaven car door open.

"Apologies, Bandage," Mai gasped, having all but given up on her dignity at this point, "But the event was, indeed, horrendous. Horrendous it was indeed. Indeed it was horrendous." She sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like she was about to lose it again but managing to control herself.

Bandage hummed empathetically. His job may have had its rough days but times like these made him grateful to have built up such a tough skin. He'd seen his share of nastiness in his world; everything from littering in the streets to flying over the speed limit. But this… well, he had to admit, was really something. He shuttered to himself as an image of the demon flashed across his mind.

"Neither I nor Whyisheinheaven blame you, dear Miss Celibacy," The cop said as softly as possible, tilting her chin up so she could look at him, "You are, indeed, very brave for enduring such an act of incredible degrees of malice and I highly commend you for it."

Mai smiled wearily, her eyes still red and watery from sickness, "It is you whom I admire," her hand fell on his wrist and she gave it a squeeze, "You have shown degrees of bravery unimaginable and I am, indeed, awed by your ability to withstand such terror. I cannot fathom ever attaining such great strength as yours though I would very much like to."

Bandage stared into her lovely purple eyes. He blushed. "I am, indeed, not as brave as you claim me to be."

"Perhaps you are even braver than I have insinuated?" Her other manicured hand wrapped itself around his coarse knuckles.

"That's not - " The situation was giving Bandage strange and confusing emotions and he couldn't tell if he liked it or not, "that is to say, I cannot and shall not endure such flattering for it is, indeed, undeserved," he said quickly.

"Very well," He looked up to see Mai looking slightly rosier than before, "I shall cease my compliments immediately if it is, indeed, a source of discomfort to you."

"I thank you very much for the consideration."

"And I thank you for the gratitude you are displaying for the cessation of my comments."

Their eyes locked and it was as if everything around them melted away. The Heaven sunshine was warmer and brighter than it really was, the random tweeting of the Heaven birds blended together into a song only they could hear and it was as if their world doted on them and them only. At one point, their hands found each others and they smiled in unison.

"I, indeed, believe I see something down below!"

Bandage and Mai pulled away from each other as Ushio's voice snapped them out of their reverie. Ushio got out of his side of the Heaven cruiser, slamming the door shut and flying over to Bandage and Mai, pointing to the ground. "Does that not, indeed, look rather odd and unnatural to you? I would be speaking an untruth if I were to say I am not suspicious."

The two glanced downwards, surprised by what they saw and even more surprised that they hadn't noticed before. The quiet little Heaven neighbourhood, known for its perfect Heaven picket fences and Heaven rhododendron bushes, was positively messy. Relieved to finally have a lead, they swooped in for a closer look, leaving their Heaven cruiser parked in the air.

"I do not doubt it is none other than _its_ doing." Bandage turned to Ushio, noting with some awe the burly cop's stoic expression but not doubting he was as troubled as he and Mai were. "We, indeed, must embark upon the task of finding it and recapturing it before our realm is further shaken in such a deplorable, such a detestable manner."

Mai tensed, "But is it not clear that the creature is, indeed, unsafe to degrees unimaginable?"

"Indeed that seems to be the case and no other."

"Whyisheinheaven," Bandage laid a comforting hand on Mai's shoulder, stopping her next words, "We cannot embark upon such a dangerous task without ensuring a certain degree of safety for ourselves and Miss Celibacy here. It would, indeed, be unwise to be discovered by the very thing were are hunting and destroyed in manners unimaginable." Mai couldn't hold back a squeak at the last part of that comment, unconsciously grabbing onto Bandage and feeling nauseated again.

Ushio swallowed hard. It was times like these that he doubted his decision to become a Heaven cop. Back when he was young and the future was full of potential good things as long as one studied hard and partied little, he saw the Heaven criminal justice system as the beacon of hope for the vulnerable and fragile beings of his realm and knew nothing would fulfill him more than to be a part of it. His parents wanted him be a Heaven doctor or, at least, a Heaven engineer but rather than argue, he proved his point by purposely failing his Heaven MCAT. As a result, they'd written him out of their Heaven will and Heaven disowned him but even that didn't dampen his drive to follow his Heaven dreams. Living in his one-bedroom Heaven apartment and going without any Heaven cable or Heaven internet, eating only four Heaven meals a week and surviving mostly on Heaven coffee, young Ushio Seriously Whyisheinheaven aged four thousand sixty two graduated top of his class of eighteen million. The day he walked across that Heaven stage and received his Heaven diploma would forever be burned in his mind and Ushio, then and there, with tears burning down his cheeks, Heaven swore to be the best gosh darn Heaven cop he could possibly be.

He'd had his low moments where the nagging mental voices of his Heaven parents became too much and he nearly threw in the Heaven towel but nothing, absolutely nothing, came even remotely close to this. Through all the trials and tribulations, all the Heaven drunkenness and Heaven drug usage, all of those sleepless nights watching Heaven YouTube videos, all of the Heaven online role-playing to take his mind elsewhere, he'd clawed his way to the top - only to have the weight of all of Heaven itself forced upon his shoulders.

He wondered where his parents were now; whether they missed him or not, or whether they still loved him or not. He wondered if they had other Heaven children he didn't know about and whether those children became the Heaven doctors he never did. He wondered if they were happy.

"Whyisheinheaven, are you, indeed, alright?" Bandage tapped the seemingly comatose Heaven cop on his muscled arm and gently nudged him, "You have, indeed, remained in that position unmoving for a rather long time and Miss Celibacy and I are beginning to worry."

"Of course I am, indeed, alright!" The snappy response somewhat startled Bandage and he backed a few steps away, hands held up in defense. Ushio sunk back into his thoughts.

Was this going to be the end of it or was it merely another obstacle for him to overcome? And how could he know for sure? Was he not meant to be a Heaven cop after all? Would he have faired better as a Heaven doctor instead? If he couldn't answer these questions than who could? What was the meaning to his existence? Was there even such a thing or was it all a terrible untruth and their real selves are submerged in massive tubes somewhere, their energy harvested to power giant robots that have taken over their realm as the result of an epic war between angels and robots in which the robots won? How can he know? How can anyone know?

"What, indeed, is that noise that I hear?"

Ushio turned towards Mai, who was looking around for the source of the sound. The sounds were faint and no one recognized what they were, but they didn't sound threatening. It took some time but all three sets of eyes eventually fell on an innocent-looking Heaven ice cream truck parked at the side of the road. It must have been one of the older models since it was a land vehicle.

Not willing to take any chances, both Ushio and Bandage drew their Heaven guns, poising them at the target as they carefully closed in on it. Mai was close behind Bandage, gripping both of his shoulders.

The noises intensified as they inched closer, sending their senses into heightened alert and setting their nerves on edge. Bandage backed off a bit but Ushio forced himself forward, determined to prove that, indeed, he was meant to do this and, indeed, he was right here, right now and not naked in some giant tube.

They stopped within a few feet of it and Ushio, in a steely steady voice, called out to those inside, "This is the police and we would very much appreciate it if whomever or whatever is inside his vehicle would cease whatever action you are currently engaged in and exit the vehicle calmly with your hands in the air."

Something that sounded like a loud squeak followed Ushio's command before everything went quiet. They anxiously stared at the entrance of the Heaven ice cream truck, Mai gripping Bandage so hard her Heaven nails almost pierced holes in his outfit. But no one came out.

Considering the delicate situation, Ushio waited a few minutes before he called out again, a little louder this time, "Perhaps you have not heard me the first time so I shall repeat my request. This is the police and we thank you for ceasing your actions, whatever those actions may be. However, we also asked you to exit the vehicle and since you have not done that, we are asking you again to do it. Please exit the vehicle."

When, again, there was no compliance to be seen, Ushio squared his Heaven shoulders and boldly charged forward, only to be stopped by Bandage, "Are you, indeed, lacking in sanity?" Bandaged hissed, "We are already in a vulnerable situation with merely the three of us yet you intend to enter without considering what could possibly lie within? I shall not allow it!"

As much as Ushio agreed with his partner, he knew he couldn't. "Have you forgotten what are duties entail? If we, as the law enforcers of this great realm of ours, do not strike down evil when it bears its teeth at us, than who shall do such a task?" Bandage looked away guiltily. "And what of Cupid? Do you mean to tell me that we, due to our cowardice, abandon our precious Cupid to the horrific whims of that creature of gargantuan malice? We have already seen what it is capable of and I, for one, wish to salvage whatever we can of our innocent Cupid before it is, indeed, too late."

With that, he tore away from Bandage and hurried towards the Heaven ice cream truck, pressing his body against the side of the vehicle and holding up his Heaven gun with both hands. Sweating, he slid his way to the entrance, chancing a peek inside. Then, he slipped his foot on the lowest step and raced up the stairs, into the dark interior.

Bandage and Mai waited impatiently, Bandage feeling immensely guilty for lacking the courage to back up his partner and Mai unable to stop her mind from conjuring up a slew of horrific possibilities that could have befallen Yugi. After an impossibly long couple of seconds, they heard something shatter, followed by a male scream, and finally, Ushio stumbling backwards down the stairs and landing on his butt. He was no longer holding his gun and both hands were covering his face, muffling his wails.

Bandage and Mai rushed up to him, Bandage grabbing both shoulders and shaking him violently, "Whyisheinheaven, are you, indeed, alright? What, indeed, happened in there?"

Ushio's response muddled with his cries of pain and Bandage had to repeat several times before he got a coherent answer. "I - " Ushio looked at them both with crazed, blood-shot eyes, scaring his companions, "I wish never to see again. I wish to be without eyes and never see again."

"What?

But Ushio was already raking his fingernails over his eyelids, incessantly repeating how awful 'it' was and jumbling up everything he said. Mai, who could no longer hold it in, burst into tears while Bandage did what he could to pacify his partner.

Bandage wasn't sure whether to feel guilty or not. He'd managed to avoid whatever frightened Ushio but he wasn't there to protect his partner when he needed it most. Pulling Ushio into a tight Heaven man-hug, he could do nothing but give him empty reassurances that everything was going to be okay and that someone as strong as Ushio would get through this.

Mai, who was struggling to keep her tear ducts from falling out (literally), jumped when a soft voice came from behind her. She quickly turned to see two rather young angels pitifully stepping out of the Heaven ice cream truck, their hair uncombed and their tunics inside out.

"Apologies for having caused harm to you. We, Serenity and I, indeed, feel rather bad for having done so and we would very much appreciate it if you would, indeed, forgive us," the shorter, black-haired one said, gripping onto the hem of his tunic and looking at the ground.

"Indeed, Mokuba and I," the girl echoed, pointing to the boy, then herself, "we are sorry."

"Indeed we are sorry."

"Sorry we are indeed."

"We are very sorry."

"We are very, very sorry."

Mai had a feeling they were sorry but she couldn't imagine how such harmless looking angels could scare Ushio so badly. She smiled at the black-haired one and patted him on the head. "Perhaps you would be so kind as to tell me the source of Officer Why-is-he-in-heaven's fear, little one." She asked kindly.

The boy ducked away from her touch and flushed deeply, sneaking a glance at the girl but not looking her in the eye, "Serenity," he pointed to the girl, "and I," then to himself, "it was Cupid and Serenity had to get more Vanilla Swirl because we were out of Vanilla Swirl but then Cupid, who had attained his Gift of Puberty at last, um… Cupid um, Serenity and then, in the truck and then Mr. Police came and then he yelled and then he broke our table and then he ran and then we felt bad and then we came out and then we felt bad once more." He looked up at Mai desperately, seeming to hope she would get more out of it than he needed to say.

Confused, Mai stared at him for a bit before something he said poked the back of her mind. "You encountered Cupid?" She bent down on one knee to meet him at his level, "If that is, indeed, the truth, we would very much appreciate your knowledge regarding this matter, would you please elaborate?"

He opened his mouth to answer but a manly scream drew their attention back to the two cops. Ushio was flailing hysterically and Bandage was struggling to keep him pinned to the ground.

"No, no, do not, indeed, come closer to me for I wish to see no more. No more do I wish to see!" She heard Ushio grunt, his face red and strained and his hands Heaven clawing at anything they could get to.

The boy drew closer to the girl and they both looked at Mai fearfully, silently pleading for her not to be angry at them. Mai's gaze whipped back and forth between the youngsters and Bandage before she went over to the struggling cops. She had no idea what to do and the fact that Bandage didn't seem to have much control over the situation either didn't help much. Out of any real options, she reached out to touch him, quickly pulling away when the cop suddenly seized up and went still.

"Whyisheinheaven?" Bandage asked cautiously, slowly easing off his partner when some time passed with no movement from him. He carefully turned Ushio over and felt for a pulse, exhaling a sigh of relief before checking his breathing and circulation.

"I do not, indeed, understand the event which has just occurred." Mai thought out loud, staring at the unconscious angel as if his physical form would give her some sort of clue.

"I am in agreement with your lack of knowledge." Bandage said, he and Mai turning up to look at each other for a split second before his gaze dropped back down to Ushio and Mai's veered off towards the young angels.

The girl was crying and the boy was patting her back with one hand and rubbing his teary eye with another. Mai gestured for them to come closer but they both shook their heads. Despite Ushio's terrible reaction, she couldn't help but feel badly for them, seeing nothing malicious in their innocent Heaven eyes. Something was off about the situation, very off, and she couldn't for the afterlife of her make the connection between them.

But as she considered everything that happened that day, things started coming together. The neighbourhood's state of disarray, Ushio's mysterious encounter inside the Heaven ice cream truck and the sweet little youngsters that couldn't, on their own, have possibly done anything to rattle the normally fearless cop - none of it made sense! And everything terrible and nonsensical that happened so far was the direct result of the demon's tyranny.

As much as she wanted to avoid this conclusion, it was too obvious. The demon had been here, he had _somehow_ wreaked havoc on the blameless little Heaven neighbourhood, and he had **somehow **damaged these youngsters. The demon's horrific abilities are, indeed, far worse than she feared.

Which meant they didn't stand a chance. In fact, the entire realm's worth of Heaven police officers wouldn't be able to stand a chance. And if one demon could do so much, what would happen to them if more decided to cross the Rainbow Bridge? If the one demon found out how vulnerable they were, it wouldn't be long until hoards of them marched into their realm and enslaved them all.

Maybe it wasn't so wise to keep this a secret anymore, even if it meant sending the realm into a state of panic. After all, there would be no one left to panic if their realm was destroyed. Their last hope for salvation was to take the information to the very top. They'd have to tell the Angel Overseer.

* * *

The wingless man wasn't the most optimistic person. So before he could accept that there was a 'real' angel and 'real' demon before his eyes, he had to seriously assess the well-being of his mental state. After concluding that no, he hadn't inhaled anything of questionable quality that day (or ever!) and no, the stress hadn't gotten the better of him (yet!) and no, he wasn't dreaming (and boy did he abuse to pinch test to make sure), he considered the possibility that this was a joke. Without thinking, he grabbed the demon's uninjured wing and gave it a yank, instantly pulling back when the demon gave a pained yelp.

It was a real wing! But why would a _legal _demon be in their realm? More importantly, how did he and the other two get to the Underheaven in the first place? All of the entrances were controlled by the Heaven government and guarded at all times with multiple layers of security. Not that Underheaven's inhabitants _wanted_ to be there in the first place. The population was made of those deemed by the Heaven justice system as criminals who had been forced clipped and dumped there to fend for themselves.

On top of that, how did angels and demons (by demons he meant just the one) end up in the same place? As far as he knew, _legal _angels and _legal_ demons kept themselves separated by a huge bridge and were completely ignorant of each other – and they liked it that way.

Despite what the world above thought, he knew they were harmless. In fact, most of the Underheaven's victims were. That was why his instincts to save them kicked in before he had time to question their characters. He couldn't help but feel a little resentment towards the angels though. It was, after all, _legal_ angels who sent him there.

"Sorry," he said to the demon, not having completely gotten over the strangeness of the situation.

The demon, who had been staring at the shaft of the man's harpoon, blinked and slowly lifted himself up, groaning and nursing his broken wing. But it was the shorter angel who spoke first, "I am, indeed, very grateful that you have, indeed, saved demon Yami. Poor demon Yami, in his infinite slowness, could not avoid that frightful creature and, thus, would have been severely injured or worse had you not saved him."

There was no doubt about it; the little one was definitely an angel. He couldn't remember how long it had been since he spoke that way too. He suddenly felt nostalgic. But he was also glad he didn't talk that way anymore. Man was it annoying!

To the man's surprise (but after he thought about it, he realized it wasn't surprising after all), the female fainted at the mention of "demon Yami." The small male, however, didn't seem to notice as he ran up to the fallen demon and roughly latched onto him. The angel kissed the demon on the neck, settling down to cuddle him as if his afterlife depended on it. The demon looked really nervous and uncomfortable but he eventually returned the hug and all was well.

The man had never seen anything more messed up in both his life _and_ afterlife.

"Um, no problem," he said, causing them both to looked at him as if they'd forgotten he was there. There was an awkward silence in which the angel continued to hug the demon and no one said anything. The man then decided he couldn't take it any more and said the first thing that came to mind. "Welcome to the Underheaven, by the way. Don't worry, there are ways to live." He didn't want to mention the wing thing just yet. Or the fact that a _legal_ angel and a _legal_ demon are actually within a trillion miles of each other. Or the fact that they were hugging. And kissing (well, one-sided kissing).

The angel jerked out of the demon's arms and his super large eyes widened, "Please do not jest with us for we are ignorant, and to some extent, innocent, to this foreign land. You cannot, indeed, be speaking a truth when you say this is the Underheaven!"

This was news to the man. "How can you not know you're in the Underheaven? That doesn't make any sense."

Those large eyes started watering and they looked at the demon, then back to the man. The angel shrunk against the demon and whispered, "Please do no jest, kind stranger, for we, demon Yami and I, are very fearful of that place."

The demon didn't seem as fearful as the angel claimed; just really, really uncomfortable and confused. The man felt a wave of sympathy for the newcomers, all too familiar with the reactions of those newly dealt their judgement and struggling to handle the reality of it. "I know it's hard not to believe the stories about this place." He stepped closer and knelt down in front of them, smiling gently, "But you're amongst friends here. Life will be different, but everyone gets used to it. No suffering, just a little hard work." He held out his hand and finished off with, "I'm Mako Tsunami."

The little angel drooped significantly but held his hand out nonetheless, "I am Y-yugi Mutou, and it is," he stopped to sniff back a tear, "It is, indeed, pleasure to meet you Mr. Mako Tsunami. Demon Yami is also, indeed, pleased to meet you. Are you not, demon Yami?"

The demon started and one of his eyebrows twitched before he turned to Mako and jerked his head in a quick nod, surprised when Mako held his fist up to him. The demon stared at the fist in disbelief before bumping it with his own, in the usual greeting of his species and said, "Yami Sarcophagus. But how the crackslack do you -"

"Don't worry about it, Yami. I think if I told you now, you wouldn't believe me anyways." He watched as Yugi made a pitiful noise and buried his face in Yami's chest. Mako was surprised that Yami seemed okay with it. "So," Mako cleared his throat and said casually, "You're _unclipped, _what are you guys in for?"

Yami looked up blankly. "Huh?"

"Alright, I won't press," Mako nodded in sympathy. He'd learned from experience that the ones in denial should just be left to accept it themselves, rather than be pushed. He plucked his harpoon from the ground and smeared off the dirt before sheathing it in a carrier he had on his back. "Common sense tells me it's not the best idea to hang around here after dark. Why don't you stay with us for a bit until you find something? It's the norm, really. And we have stuff that will help fix you up." The last part was obviously directed at Yami.

Yugi, who was now shivering, didn't respond. But Yami let the offer sit for a bit before nodding slowly. "I don't braindrain what the fungofoot is going on but… I guess…"

"Hey," Mako bumped Yami's shoulder with his fist, another one of Hell's signs of comradery, "I know. And it'll be alright, promise."

Yami finally stood, pulling Yugi up with him. Yugi kept his face buried in Yami chest, still refusing to accept where they were. The girl was still out cold (which Mako, found to be the only thing not out of place in the situation).

Mako gestured towards the girl, "So, do you want to take her or should I?" He meant to lighten the mood but Yami's grim expression told him he might have struck a chord. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Sister Magnanimity is rather unfond of demon Yami." Came the muffled voice from Yami's torso, "She has not, indeed, come to the same conclusion as I that demon Yami is rather harmless and perhaps, by extension, useless as a demon." Mako had to bite his bottom lip to not laugh but the demon didn't seem to share in his mirth, "I am," Yugi continued, "still afraid of this place in case you are, indeed, wondering."

"I would imagine so," Mako said patiently before bending down to lift Mana off the ground and throw her off his shoulders. _Magnanimity._ Not an uncommon name for an angel at all.

It was a bit of a struggle for Yami, but he eventually managed to peel Yugi off of him. For Mako, the sight of it was a strange mix between being very funny and very sad. Yugi refused to let go of Yami, however, and kept himself stuck to the demon's muscled arm, whining something about being a pair and whatnot. Again, the demon complied, though in utter fatigue and disillusionment.

Mako wanted to ask; really badly in fact, but he figured he wouldn't get any answers just yet. Ushering newbies into their realm and making them comfortable wasn't his favourite thing to do but it was necessity in order to keep their realm harmonious and efficient. The very first clipped angels to be sent down there had worked very hard to create their system and everyone who followed showed their gratitude by contributing to keep it going. But this was also a unique situation and Mako looked forward to piecing together the mystery behind these three.

* * *

After a short walk down the dirt path, the trees cleared to reveal an astonishingly complex town made completely of leaves. The buildings were nowhere near as sophisticated as Hell's mortar homes and glass high-rises but they were ingeniously intricate considering the materials used to build them. Although the area didn't seem much better off than the shanty towns of Hell's developing areas, each home was uniquely shaped and stood much taller and spreading out wider than the typical Hell tent, or even the typical Hell hut. The dwellings were evenly laid out in a rough circular pattern with large areas left empty for what looked like giant bonfires. Not too far from the cluster of homes was a vast empty field; several connected fields actually, that were too cleanly-cut and segregated not to have been man- ('man' used loosely here) made. It had to be their farmland.

Yami didn't know what the "Underheaven" meant to angels but if it was comparable to their _Underhell_, Yugi's fears would make a lot of sense. The Underhell was where Hell's most detrimental criminals were cast, almost like a giant demon garbage disposal that removed them from society. Yami had never seen it for himself but, like every other demon, he'd heard stories. The Underhell was supposed to be a place of danger and chaos, where _illegitimate _demons did horrific things to each other in order to make it through each day. If they didn't fight, they wouldn't live and those who went out of their way to survive the Underhell's conditions became more monster than demon.

Obviously this place was nothing like the conditions described in the above paragraph.

At that point, where the forest receded and the town emerged, Mako stopped. Laying a hand on Yugi's arm, he gently drew Yugi away from Yami, motioning for him to look outwards, "This is the Underheaven, Yugi, and my home."

At first, Yugi resisted, but he gradually turned to look at what Mako was showing him. His expression was blank as his larges eyes drifted back and forth to take in the entire scene; from the homes to the farmland, then to the dark violent sky overhead.

"I, indeed, do not understand why you continue to deceive us, Mr. Mako Tsunami," He finally said, "This is clearly not the place you claim it to be. This is clearly not the Underheaven."

"It is."

"Clearly it is not!" Yugi shouted, turning to narrow his eyes at the wingless man, "Please do not continue to deceive us! I do not believe your claims and I, indeed, shall not believe your claims in the future!"

"Well if you've never seen the Underheaven before, why do you think I'm lying?"

Yugi's response was delayed but that face didn't lose any of its fierceness, "It is common belief that the Underheaven is a place of darkness and suffering, perhaps comparable to Hell itself," Yami held back a displeased grunt, "Those condemned to face its eternal agony are the most law un-abiding of creatures. They are vastly harmful to our peaceful society and become even more grotesque as the cruelty that is the Underheaven forces them to commit increasingly terrible deeds to survive. They eventually become more monster than angel."

There was an uncertain kind of conviction in Yugi's tone, as if his already vulnerable state would get worse if he couldn't convince himself the bigger lie was the truth and this little truth was a lie.

"I understand," Mako replied flatly, "And I'll take that to mean that you like my world. By the way, my house is that one," He pointed at a short, elongated home leftwards of the town, "the one with the funny-looking plant outside. My wife is experimenting and I'm not really in any position to stop her. It's not as long a walk as it looks. You'll be safe there."

"Your home is, indeed, lovely but I shall not accept this sudden change in subject. Nor shall I accept your attempts to pacify me." A vein protruded from Yugi's forehead, "Do you think me to be a child? I wish to know our current whereabouts immediately and I refused to be told anything other than the truth!"

Yami didn't get what the big deal was and he was getting annoyed that they weren't getting anywhere. Underheaven or not, he was cold, hurt and hungry, not to mention very, very deprived of sex.

Mako, unfazed by the frustration carefully responded, "The truth is, this is my home. I can prove it to you by taking you there and showing you around."

Yugi made what sounded like a growling sound (and it was really hard to believe it was coming from _him_) and balled one of his fists, looking like he was gearing up to pop Mako one right in the kisser. But all that anger-gathering proved anticlimactic when Yugi let out a big, pouty breath and agreed to follow. Yami tried to grab Yugi's arm but Yugi wrenched it away, willfully marching behind Mako as they proceeded.

They reached town, took two lefts and a right, and were outside Mako's front door. The wingless man parted the two sides veiling the entrance and led the way through. Yami and Yugi both breathed identical sighs in awe at what they saw. The interior was like a strange jungle paradise, tamed and shaped by intelligent hands. Though simplistic and touched with a slightly crude edge, each individual item was crafted with a gentle, deviant kind of care. Nothing was like the Heaven/Hell IKEA* items they were used to and, indeed, much of it was unidentifiable. It was hard to believe that nearly everything was made of wood or leaves, but that seemed to be the case.

Yami stepped up to what looked like a fireplace and lifted a picture frame off the shelf. Tiny braids of root formed an ovular ring that was dotted irregularly with pink and white Baby's Breaths. A group of three two-leaf clovers overlapped to look like a single four-leaf charm rested at the centre of an arc cutting across the top of the picture itself. He flipped the frame over and, in stark red; a large Sugar Maple provided the backing, each tip tucked securely into the root to keep the picture in place. The picture itself came so close to an actual photograph, it was almost startling. Painted in some unknown medium, it depicted Mako giving a laughing, scarlet-haired woman a piggyback ride. The hair-thin script at the bottom read: _Mako & The 300065. Hope, Persistence and Growth for all eternity._

"Feel free to sit anywhere you want." Yami placed the picture back in its place just in time to see Mako walk back in with a pot of… something in his hands.

Not wanting to look like he was snooping, Yami complied. Yugi, however, was still looking around, distracted by all the foreign knick-knacks of the place. Maybe it was a good thing the angel was so easily distracted, at least it meant he wouldn't be complaining about the Underheaven stuff anymore.

Mako didn't seem to notice what Yugi was doing, his attention focused on Yami. "Yami, why don't you take that seat over there, the one that looks like a giant, carved-out beetle shell. Don't worry, it's not actually one, just sit, it's actually really comfortable."

Not wanting to know what sort of giant insects roamed the place, he did as told, finding that it was just as comfortable as Mako said. "I'm going to have to touch you a bit, is that okay?" Yami caught the stench of whatever Mako was holding and swallowed hard, nodding nonetheless.

The wingless man gave Yami a look over, not touching him as much as Yami thought. He didn't go anywhere near the wing, which Yami thought odd, but felt relieved anyways because it was a tender spot and he didn't want some random person poking at it.

"This," Mako showed him the contents of the pot, a brownish-green mush that he mixed around with a medicine crusher, "Is called greenapoli and it's somewhat like a mix of antiseptic, cortisone, and a big mushy band-aid rolled into one." He sat on the armrest beside Yami and churned the stuff around like pudding (nasty, mutant pudding, that is), "It does wonders. Ready?"

The demon eyed the stuff skeptically and didn't make a move.

"It's this or get infected and sick and _double die_, Yami."

That wasn't convincing enough. Yami scooted away from it, the smell getting to the point of unbearable.

"You must, indeed, allow Mr. Mako Tsunami to treat you with that clearly disgusting, fowl-smelling product of unknown origins, demon Yami!" Yugi must have finished being distracted since he was marching towards Yami, looking determined and menacing. "You are, indeed, unwell and you must allow yourself to be treated with that grotesque green mixture of highly unpleasant properties. You must, demon Yami!"

Yami froze. The Hypervirgin was angry… and he was yelling at him. That couldn't be good, right? He turned to Mako and quickly nodded, wincing and holding out his arm. Mako gave Yugi an incredulous look before he slopped a small amount on one of Yami's cuts, the green slop almost instantly melting into his skin and sealing it like a liquid band-aid.

Slowly opening his eyes, Yami stared at it. Well, that wasn't so bad.

The burning came quickly and suddenly and his scream was stuck in his throat as he grabbed his arm with his other hand and pressed it tightly against his body. Yami fell to the ground, nearly landing on his broken wing as he rolled around, trying feebly to get the pain to stop. But just as quickly as it came, the stinging dissolved away and he was left a panting ball curled up on the ground.

"You must not, indeed, be resistant to this substance of rather disagreeable properties, demon Yami!" Yugi scolded, looking down at him like a disappointed parent, "Mr. Mako Tsunami here, a kind stranger, an untruthfully kind stranger to be precise, is offering his assistance and you are, indeed, behaving very impolitely!"

Yami was too disoriented to actually hear any of it, just coherent enough to know he was being yelled at. He dragged himself off the ground and climbed onto the chair, leaning back against it to catch his last few breaths.

"Mako?"

A red-haired woman stepped into the room, wrapping what looked like a small blanket around her shoulders. Yami recognized her as the one from the photo and secretly hoped she'd be his liberator (because obviously the Hypervirgin was completely heartless).

"Sweetness! Guests –" she began, then stopped when she saw their wings.

Mako laughed sheepishly, then, to Yami's relief, placed the pot of foul, green doom on one of the side tables. "Sorry hun, I didn't want to wake you. That's Yami and that's Yugi," he politely gestured to each accordingly, "they're new here."

"But they're not – "

"And the girl in the other room is new too."

"What girl? Why do they still have their - "

"Excuse us, we'll be right back," Mako said quickly before making a B-line to the woman and steering her out of the room. Harsh whispering soon followed, then a tense silence, then more whispering. The two finally came back in, Mako smiling bigly, "Sorry about that, just a little… yeah. Anyways, Yami, Yugi, this is my wife, **The**."

Both Yami and Yugi stared at Mako, unsure if he was done his sentence or not.

"It's just **The**," the woman cut in, "Well, **The** Tsunami now that I'm married. My parents wanted to be unique."

Mako snickered and she jabbed him with her elbow. "What?" he protested, "It sounds good! Better than the whole Ocean-Tsunami, Tsunami-Ocean thing you've been playing around with for the longest time."

"Well so-rry of I liked my last name! My first name's fricken _**The **_for crap's sake, let me keep _something_!"

"What about all those times you said you introduced yourself as "**The** Ocean" and people kept asking 'which ocean?"

"It's the same problem with Tsunami!"

"I can't believe I still find this funny."

"Screw you."

"Haha, your parents are Atlantic and Pacific."

"I swear by virginity, Mako, stop laughing!" **The** was seething and she turned her back to Mako, pleasantly smiling at the gaping angel and demon. "Ignore my husband, he's an asscracking idiot, I mean, an idiot." She walked over to them and pounded fists with Yami, then shook hands with Yugi, looking more at their wings than them, "It's cool with me if you guys stay. I know what it's like, don't know anyone who doesn't actually."

"Demon Yami and I, indeed, thank you, Mrs. **The** Tsunami. Your home is, indeed, very lovely and I do not find any humour in your name at all, although I will need to adjust to hearing it in a sentence considering the traditional use of the article 'The.' I suppose its usage in a written form will also be a challenge since a program such as Microsoft Word would instantly underline it in green if it is improperly used in a sentence."

The bit her bottom lip and sucked in a breath, "Thanks. And, it does."

"It is a nice name nonetheless." Yugi's huge eyes shone with mirth.

Yami groaned and turned in the seat so his back was to Yugi, one claw slowly moving up to cover his exposed ear. It was a feeble attempt, but it had to do.

"Right, well… oh damn, your wing!"

At first, Yami thought she was talking to Yugi but then he felt a gentle brush against his broken wing. He jerked away, not trusting the foreign touch and **The** retracted her hand in compliance.

"It's broken?" Mako was at her side, both of them looming over him like surgeons about to open him up, "Yami never said it was broken and I've never seen a demon wing before so I guess I couldn't tell."

"Don't worry, Yami," **The** assured, somewhat ignoring her husband, "My dad up on the 'upper' world was a doctor and he always had anatomy books lying around. Think I might be able to help."

Yami was confused. Wasn't this supposed to be the Underheaven (or whatever) where criminal angels were sent to after getting their wings cut off? Why would **The **know so much about demon anatomy?"

**The** caught Yami's stare and laughed. "Oh shit, I forgot there's so much you guys don't know." She stood up straight and crossed her arms over her stomach, "Okay, how do I put this without freaking you out?"

She had Yami's undivided attention.

"Mako's an angel, but I'm not."

Huh?

"The bastards in Hell clipped me and dumped me into the Underhell."

What?

"I'm a demon."

WHAT?

"And before you freak out, because you already looking like you're starting to, just hold on for a sec and think about why you can't tell the difference."

But that last part didn't quite make it to the rational part of Yami's brain because he was already halfway to high-tailing it out of there.

_TBC…_

**A/N: **I shamefully admit to stealing "The" from the Abridgeverse. Mako needed a wife and she is an integral character.


	12. The Angel Overseer

Thanks to tavia454 for beta-ing!

**Warning**: angst

_11. The Angel Overseer_

Whenever possible, try to do a favour for someone, because you never know when that good fortune will find its way back to you. Case in point: when Ushio was alive, he'd lent someone a pencil. It was an old school HP; sharpened to a stub with almost no eraser, but this pencil was a life saver. The receiver of this favour had been preparing to take a 500-item multiple choice examination via _scantron_ and, in his frenzied preparation, had forgotten what he needed most. The humble little pencil endured much but it escaped within an ounce of its life and marked the difference between a zero and a score of ninety three percent. The student earned his _Red Seal_ in baking and graduated one of the top students in his class.

And, as extremes in luck would have it, as he exited his graduation ceremony with his cap and gown and diploma held high, he was struck in the head by a stray bullet and died instantly. No one ever found out where the bullet came from but suspicions converged on the convenience store nearby.

Being the studious student that he was, he was reborn an angel and began a new path to his career early in his afterlife. Unable to shake off the injustice of his death, however, he ventured down the path of the Heaven military, hoping to right the wrong in his heart. He found himself by the side of the Angel Overseer as one of his personal Heaven bodyguards. Yet despite all the years and two different lifetimes, he never forgot the one who'd lent him the pencil that let him score so well on that exam (which turned out to be pointless anyways since he died before he could even find a job with his education) and knew he, Tristan Pointyhead Taylor, owed the gentleman a Heaven favour should their paths ever cross again.

It was by this pretzel-like cycle of luck that Ushio found himself at the door of the Overseer's office. In trying to gain a conference with their monarch, Ushio realized that his position as a police officer –even as Chief of Police – wasn't enough to get him such a privilege. He was taking a walk one evening, thinking about giving up, when he bumped into fate coming from the opposite direction. Tristan was on his dinner break and decided to try for some Heaven Indian food across town when this encounter occurred. After shaking hands, exchanging comments of surprised glee, engaging in some Heaven small-talk, one thing led to another and, before Ushio knew it, he was hooked up with a meeting with the Overseer.

Ushio stood outside the pair of intimidating mahogany doors, dressed as sharply as he could manage, suitcase in hand and wondering it was appropriate to buy his monarch a _Starbucks_ beforehand. He was accompanied by two guards, one of whom buzzed the intercom to request entry and the other opening the door for him when that entry was granted.

His king was as intimidating as he looked on Heaven television. Flanked by two guards on either side of him and dressed in an almost blindingly white suit, the Overseer sat poised behind his large Heaven oak desk, full attention focused on Ushio even before Ushio stepped in. His white hair fell in neat, straightened plaits around his shoulders and soft brown eyes peered from underneath carefully clipped bangs. His countenance looked deceptively young, displaying nearly no signs of frown or laugh lines.

Ushio crossed his right hand over his heart and bowed slightly when the Overseer extended his hand, as Ushio had been instructed. His eyes caught Tristan to the monarch's left but he quickly looked away in fear of being rude.

"You may speak."

"Royal Highness," Ushio began and then stopped. He'd insisted on being the one to talk to the Overseer but the truth was, he still hadn't gotten over what happened in the Heaven ice cream truck. It had taken a lot of coaching from Bandage before he came to his senses and when he did, he wanted to Heaven kick himself for having been so weak. Still, after getting so far, his insides still shrivelled whenever _that_ thought popped into his head.

"My name is Ushio Seriously Whyisheinheaven and I am, indeed, Chief of Police of Your Majesty's realm."

The Overseer's finger twitched and in his soft, accented voice asked, "Yes, I had been well informed but thank you for the introduction nonetheless."

Losing his train of thought, the only thing Ushio could think of was the fact that he hadn't seen the Overseer blink once since he entered the room. Eyes whipping around the room to buy himself some time, they fell on the briefcase. He bent down to unlock it, retrieving a sealed envelope and was about to walk it over to his king when one of the guards held up his hand to stop him and another grabbed the envelope from him and brought it to the Overseer himself.

"This contains rather highly confidential information regarding events that have occurred rather recently. I would rather not voice these events myself for they are rather disturbing to the ears and it is much preferred that you read of these events yourself. I have attached an image of an artist's rendition of the creature in question which, of course, you shall read about." Ushio said quickly.

Seeming to ignore the prelude/warning, the monarch neatly tore it open with a Heaven letter opener and scanned the contents. Ushio tried to gauge the Overseer's reactions but none came to that mask-like face. When the Overseer was done, he calmly placed in on his desk and studied the picture, the guards looking over his shoulder going wide-eyed in unison at the image presented to them.

The Overseer flipped it over so that the pencil sketch faced Ushio. The image depicted a life-like rendition of a horned-beast with wild hair and a total of four sets of limbs, each ending with six-pawed digits. Its forepaws had long, **curved** claws that dug into the ground while the claws on the hind paws twisted upwards in a way that made it look like stalagmites coming out of the back of its legs. It had a long, black, whip-like tail that forked off in nine directions, each tipped with an arrowhead. Its midsection was covered in coarse fur with dark thunderbolt-shaped strips running vertically down its thick belly. Its eyes were no more than very thin, slanted slits and its snout was wide and flat. Around its neck was a jewelled chain with a large pendent that read '50 Cent.'

It was totally how Ushio remembered Yami.

But being reminded of the demon still made his Heaven insides twist and, against his will, he turned away. He didn't want to make a bad impression with his king but he figured it was too late anyways. The Overseer simply nodded and placed the image on his desk. From the corner of his eye, Ushio saw all the guards turn away as well.

"You have, indeed, specified in the form of the written word that you and your partner had, indeed, managed to subdue the creature in question," The Overseer began in an even, calm tone.

"Yes… Your Majesty."

"What then, is the series of events that led to the creature's escape and subsequent kidnapping of our rather valuable Yugi?"

"The creature," Now that he thought about it, Ushio didn't entirely know. But he could make an educated guess, "perhaps with the usage of its mysterious and possibly immense dark powers, escaped our confines and, in its infinite evil, took Yugi with it as a hostage."

"I had been informed that Heaven's police system is at its best in centuries."

"It is."

The Overseer tipped his head sideways, expression still that unmovable mask. "Is it? Or do you merely believe it is?"

Ushio's breathing went shallow. It was shortly after the horrific event that he had to seek Heaven psychotherapy to address his trauma. The first couple of sessions, he'd clung onto the Heaven therapist, screaming 'daddy please, please don't, indeed, leave me, daddy' over and over again. He'd managed to control himself after about eight sessions, but getting to the point where he stayed on the 'therapy' couch or whatever without breaking down had been slow going. He and his Heaven therapist spent six years talking about his issues with his father thereafter and another four-and-a-half to talk about his mother. On top of that…

"I correct myself, Your Highness. I _believe_ it is."

"While, then, we are on the subject of your beliefs, do you believe it is possible that your beliefs are incorrect?"

"I believe that it is entirely possible that my beliefs may be incorrect."

The Overseer clasped his hands in front of him and leaned forward. His eyes were large and soft and his voice had only been an octave over a whisper but he freaked the Heaven crap out of Ushio. "Perhaps then, if I am not incorrect, I can assume that you merely assume your force is of adequate capacity and competency to respond to such threats as this when this is not the case at all. And, if my assumptions are indeed correct, due to your assumptions, you have not ensured the quality of your force and merely _assumed_ that it is at the standard you believe it to be."

"I tried my best, Your Highness."

"Was it your best or do you merely assume it was your best?"

The bile reached Ushio's tonsils.

"It was the best perception of my best I could perceive."

The Overseer's eyes were like two black-brown holes that even light could not escape, "Flawed perceptions and my ponderings as to how you became Chief of Police aside, the facts are, firstly, that there is a rather dangerous and hideous demon roaming our realm and, secondly, that it has Yugi in its grasp."

Ushio, for the afterlife of him, couldn't figure out what to say that didn't make him sound stupider than he already sounded. The Overseer continued as a result of his silence.

"Perhaps it is your inability to competently maintain your force or perhaps you are rather lazy and care little about the safety of our realm, regardless, what shall we do regarding the situation now, hmm?"

"I… do not, indeed, know."

"I am not surprised by that answer." The Overseer leaned back slightly in his seat, the rays of the sun filtering through the windows cutting bars of light across his face. "Considering the fact that we are uncertain of the beast's capabilities, we cannot be certain of how to seek out and subdue it. Is my logic not correct?"

"Your logic is sound, Great Angel Overseer." It was like Ushio's Heaven lunch was doing summersaults in his belly and slowly climbing its way up while it was at it.

"And as a result of your uncertainty, it would be wise to employ the best, most powerful means we have in order to carry out this task. Are you, indeed, still following my line of reasoning, Officer Whyisheinheaven?"

"Yes." Ushio flinched when his briefcase fell over and loudly slapped the ground, only to look down and find that he'd kicked it over himself.

"The best, it is widely presumed, being you." The Overseer held out a pale hand to Ushio, politely gesturing at the mortified cop. Ushio could have sworn that unmoving face became less… moving and he was sure he'd see it in his nightmares for many decades to come.

"Great Angel Overseer, I -" Ushio began but the monarch cut him off.

"The general public, yourself included, has taken it to be fact that the best means by which to keep our realm safe is in the hands of you and your force, Officer Whyisheinheaven."

"Though I, by no means, hold such lofty expectations as to expect you to succeed in every venture, this event, indeed, is especially detrimental to our realm."

The Overseer held up the picture again, "This monstrosity is loose in our realm, Officer Whyisheinheaven. And it has Yugi – our _Cupid_, in its clutches. This is merely speculation, but what is the probability that Yugi has not been harmed by _this_?" The emphasis was punctuated by a sharp tap on the picture, "That he, our rather important and fragile Yugi, has not been devoured by it already? That he, in his infinite defencelessness, has not, indeed, been tortured, abused**,** and psychologically, mentally and bodily scarred by this _thing_? That he, in his immense gentleness, is not maimed, disfigured or broken? That he has not, indeed, been decapitated or gutted like a common fish? Or, indeed, not used in ways unforgivable and unimaginable? It would even be a fair hypothesis to assume that, due to your lack of preventive abilities, Yugi is no longer with us. By extension, it would, indeed, mean that if we are to take any further measures to rescue him, it would be pointless."

Ushio started hyperventilating, both hands flying to either side of his head to stop the memories from rushing in.

"However," the fleeting but unmistakable quirk in the Overseer's voice snapped Ushio out of his trance, Ushio finding the guards all staring at him, "you and your police force are not the most influential in this realm. I have a special unit for such unique tasks and I shall dispatch them immediately."

"W-wha -"

"Devoured or not, it is perhaps not unwise to try and find Yugi." There was a pained-looking attempt on the Overseer's part to smile, the corners of his lips barely twitching upwards. "And, devoured or not, the demon must be caught."

Ushio's tongue felt paralyzed; his heart racing and his head swimming. His presence in the room felt like a dream.

"Thank you for your time, Officer Whyisheinheaven, you are dismissed."

The cop felt himself being led out of the room, his briefcase somehow finding its way back to his hand in the process. Before the door was shut behind him, one last message from that eerily soft voice made it to his ears.

"And I would appreciate it if you do not allow the public to know of this catastrophe."

* * *

Yami could see the door, but he couldn't get to it. Something was holding him back. Looking down, he saw two soft-looking arms binding him in a vice grip.

"Demon Yami, you must, indeed, calm down. Calm down you must indeed, demon Yami!"

The Hypervirgin was hollering right into his ear but Yami didn't care. This woman, this _illegal demon, _had committed crimes heinous enough to be sent to the Underhell. She was a dangerous, more-monster-than-demon creature and his afterlife was threatened if he stuck around any longer. There was no thinking involved; he had to get away. His reflexes screamed for him to get away. But the fucking Hypervirgin wouldn't let him the fuck go!

Yami grunted and threw himself forward but was ricocheted back by those relentless arms. "Let me the shitprick go, you little sackprack!"

"No, demon Yami! You are, indeed, injured and, perhaps by extension, thinking irrationally. You must, indeed, stay and be tended to by Mr. Mako Tsunami and his oddly named wife Mrs. **The** Tsunami!" Yami felt his wings being spread apart before he lost his balance and crashed to the ground, the weight on top of him – the Hypervirgin – keeping him pinned down. He groaned and struggled but quickly tired, concluding that the angel on top of him was more evil than he could have possibly imagined.

He felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck but the weight did not ease one bit. Yes, definitely evil.

"Mrs. Tsunami, I have, indeed, calmed demon Yami." The increasingly hopeless demon heard Yugi say, "You may now inspect his broken wing and deduce a proper remedy for it."

Yami clenched his eyes shut and tensed so hard he thought he'd pop a blood vessel or thirty, preparing for the worst. A hand gently stroked his broken wing before grabbing firmly onto it. Then there was another hand, both of them stretching a tender tendon painfully. His claws shook and dug into the soft ground. Then his head exploded – metaphorically – as he heard an ear-splitting snap and agony shoot up that wing and race throughout his entire body.

"GAHHHH!"

It hurt so much he wanted to _double die _and he was willing to snuff himself out if that condemned criminal woman didn't get to him first (which she obviously did and the Hypervirgin – fuck it – helped). He screamed until all the air was gone from his Hell lungs and he was too exhausted to even bat an eyelash. Then his body slackened and he slumped against the ground, defeated.

"Oh demon Yami," the nice-smelling little fucker still had the nerve to talk to and kiss him, "Mrs. Tsunami has, indeed, fixed you. Are you not, indeed, happy regarding that fact, demon Yami?"

Yami was pretty sure he'd never hated the angel as much as he did at that very moment.

The angel was stroking his poor injured wing now and he felt a great deal of self-loathing in liking it, "It is then customary to thank Mrs. Tsunami for her assistance, demon Yami."

No.

"You must not insult Mrs. Tsunami by allowing her kind assistance to go unappreciated, demon Yami." Did the stroking just get more menacing?

Screw off.

"I shall not have a partner who is ungrateful, demon Yami! You must thank her immediately!"

What the fuck did it mean by 'partner?'

"Thank her, demon Yami!"

It came down to the question of what was worse: the Hypervirgin or the criminal woman. And Yami didn't know. Since he was pretty much doomed anyways, he could have opted to go out with his dignity in tact but he doubted he even had a shred of dignity left. He groaned, turning his head to face **The **and feeling the Hypervirgin ease off him just a tiny bit.

Yami's jaw tightened and he bit down on the inner wall of his cheek. This was going to suck so hard. "Th-uh – th-uh – thahh -"

"Thank her quicker, demon Yami!"

There were no words to describe how much hatred he felt for the little angel. "ThanKK -"

"Uh -" **The**, who looked uncomfortable and highly amused at the same time, cut him off, "No worries. Seriously."

"But you have, indeed, done demon Yami a great favour and, thus, he needs to thank you for it. It is customary to do so, Mrs. Tsunami."

"No really, it's fine."

"But Mrs. Tsunami -"

"I SAID IT'S FINE!"

Yami couldn't help the satisfied smirk when he felt the angel flinch. Maybe he'd misjudged the criminal woman just a little.

"'k Yami," The gently pushed Yugi off him, "try to flex your _pitchfortoid_ muscle a bit."

Yami breathed in a sigh of relief when he felt the angel scoot off him and briefly glanced at the door before obeying her and testing his wing. The little movement he allowed didn't feel so bad, so he stretched it a little more, then a little more, then he allowed it to extend fully. Other than the dull ache that came from the initial snapping, it felt alright. Damn, the criminal woman was good.

"Wow…" Yami mumbled as he slowly got to his feet. He bent backwards, cracking his back and uninjured wing. But the relief was short-lived as he felt the angel latch onto him from behind, wrapping his arm around Yami's torso so tightly it could have squeezed the afterlife out of him.

"Oh demon Yami, I am, indeed, so glad you are well. So glad I am you are well indeed!" The angel reached around and pulled Yami's face down, planting sloppy, wet, kisses all over it, "I had thought I shall marry a malfunctioning and, by extension, largely useless, being but I am, indeed, glad that shall not be the case!"

Um, marry?

There was a loud clap and both Yami and Yugi turned towards Mako, "Alright, now that everything's settled down, mind if we ask you some questions?"

They stared at Mako blankly and **The** took over, "How about ya sit down first. I'll grab ya something to drink."

Mako led them to a nearby table-thingy and they sat down while **The** disappeared from the room and reappeared with a pot of steaming… something. They watched with apprehension as she poured the mysterious liquid into each of their mugs. Yami discreetly sniffed at it, deducing that it smelled neither bad nor good and took the plunge, gulping a mouthful before his taste buds had time to register. At best it was okay, kind of salty, but okay.

"The first thing you need to know," Mako said, smiling, "is that there's absolutely no shame in being here. I know how you must be feeling and I know I can't tell you how to feel but, in time, you'll realize I what I mean when I tell you we're all here just to survive and make something of ourselves."

Yami wasn't sure how to respond so he just nodded, glancing over at Yugi and noticing the angel was very non-discreetly sniffing at the steaming liquid.

"When I first came to this world," Mako continued, "It took me several weeks to come to terms with my experience and get used to what I was seeing. But back then, this world was different from what it is now, not as bad as it was for the first pioneers, but still different. I pretty much had to fend for myself."

"Okay." Yami saw **The** take Mako's hand and felt he had to say something.

"But it's been so long that I'm not dependent on the technology and all the advanced stuff of the world above anymore. On top of that, I've acquired a new appreciation of the world around me and, hopefully, I've learned to be a little less selfish."

Yami smacked his lips, trying to figure out what made the liquid so salty. Yugi poked him and whispered something about not wanting to drink it and Yami poked him back, whispering he didn't care, to which Yugi jabbed him hard in the arm and said something about them being a "pair" and whatnot and that they should be concerned about each other's _afterlivelihood,_ to which Yami returned the jab and said if he could drink it, Yugi could too, to which Yugi pouted and said something about Yami having "powers" he didn't have and that these "powers" made him resilient to strange, potentially harmful liquids, to which Yami stated that he didn't have any powers and that Yugi's powers were probably more than enough to combat strange liquids, to which Yugi blinked those large, virginal eyes of his and stared at Yami in a way that both made him want to screw Yugi right then and there and worry about his Hell eyesight at the same time.

"Basically, what I'm trying to say is," they both tuned in before the wingless couple noticed anything was off, Yugi pseudo-glaring at the mug (because, really, how can something with such large eyes really _glare?_) before taking a tiny sip, "being here doesn't mean your afterlife is over."

"I, indeed, do not feel like my afterlife is over at all, Mr. Mako Tsunami. Indeed your home is rather lovely and you and Mrs. The Tsunami have been rather gracious and kind, especially to demon Yami here whom I still do not believe fully appreciates your kindness," Yugi said, to Yami's chagrin, "However, you have yet to truthfully tell us where we are."

Mako and **The** exchanged looks, as if deciding who would answer the question. **The **turned away and scratched the back of her head, suddenly very interested in a wooden chair in the corner of the room. Mako sighed and thumbed his mug, watching his own reflection in the liquid pensively.

"We're in the Underheaven, Yugi."

Yami was afraid to look at the angel but he did anyways, surprised to see that chubby face twist in a look of absolute rage. There was silence before Yugi abruptly stood up from the table, knocking the underside with his Heaven knee and nearly spilling his drink, "I shall not, indeed, tolerate your untruth any longer! I wish not to arouse any ill-feelings between us but I demand that you speak the truth this instant! While I am rather gratified that you and have been kind to us thus far, I see no reason for such untruthfulness to be uttered from your mouths! It is completely unproductive and evokes in me feelings of confusion for I do not know whether to like you for your kindness or dislike you for your untruth!"

"I'm sorry, Yugi, but that's the truth. Everyone comes to terms with it eventually and it's actually unproductive to be in denial for too long. I'm speaking from experience here." Mako kept his eyes on Yugi for as long as he could before looking down at his mug, clearly having a hard time giving the little angel the news.

"'k look," **The** interrupted, "This world isn't the shithole -" she paused for a millisecond when Yugi gasped at the swear. "That's right, I said _shithole, _that ya'll _legitimate _angels and demons think it is. Clipped or not, we're still angels and demons ourselves and I'm pretty damn sick of sitting here listening to ya be so disgusted by us and the world, the _civilized _world, that we made for ourselves that ya refuse to even believe where ya are. Look around, doesn't it _look _like a chaotic mess? Does it _look _like me and Mako are foaming at the mouth and tearing each other apart? Does it _sound_ like I'm blabbing on like some crazy idiot and I don't know what I'm talking about? Of course not! Now the question is can ya admit that your "impressions" of our world is wrong and be a little less thick-headed than ya normally are?"

They both gaped at her, their brains lagging in registering everything she said. Mako smiled gratefully at his wife and she squeezed his wingless shoulder in return. Yami was startled when Yugi dropped back onto his seat.

"We… cannot, indeed, be in the Underheaven. I cannot believe it."

**The** sighed, "Believe it, Yugi."

"But I had, indeed, thought that, believed that, been told that this place is far different than you say it is. How can I change the beliefs that are so ingrained in my mind since my afterbirth, Mrs. Tsunami?" Yugi's voice was so soft and pitiful that even Yami felt bad for him. Maybe this Underheaven business was as serious as the angel made it out to be.

"Well I believe that any being is capable of changing their beliefs, no matter how long they've thought in the old-school way. How else can we evolve as intelligent beings and progress in all the ways that we have?"

"But how, indeed, can I believe that it is you who speaks the truth and not the authorities of the world in which I came?"

**The** snorted at the word 'authorities' but made no further derisive reaction to it. "I guess it's a matter of what ya _hear about_ in your world versus what ya _see _around here."

Yugi didn't look convinced but he didn't seem to be disregarding the idea completely either. Even though the wingless woman was addressing Yugi, there was something that struck home with Yami as well. Her words made him uneasy but he wasn't sure why. He didn't want to think himself as stubborn as the little angel but he didn't want to be wrong either.

Yugi grabbed Yami's arm with both small hands and pulled himself closer, as if to seek comfort. "Demon Yami is also rather unsure if your words, Mrs. Tsuanmi, are you not, demon Yami?"

As annoyed as he was that Yugi kept doing that, he couldn't really protest this time.

"What I don't understand," Mako said, "is why they sent you down here _unclipped_. I mean, part of doing that is to strip us of our dignity to some extent, but what they're really worried about is that we'll try to fly back up into our world. They couldn't have just _forgotten._"

"We fell." Yami had been holding that in the entire time but certain soft little annoyances got in the way.

"You… fell?"

"Yeah, we -" Yugi started climbing onto Yami's lap and, despite the demon's efforts; he couldn't push the angel off. The upper curve of Yugi's wing nearly poked him in the eye but Yami swatted it away, struggling to shove those large, feathery beasts from his face. "**–** fell. One second we were in the buttlucking shed and the next timeslime we're laying on the ground in your world."

Mako and **The** exchanged glances before looking at both Yami and Yugi. The wingless couple scanned them to see if they were lying and it kind of pissed Yami off considering how offended they were that Yugi thought _they'd_ been lying.

"Demon Yami had, indeed, a rather fearful sister Magnanimity in his demon hold when we, indeed, fell and found ourselves in this world. Demon Yami, despite the fact that he is a demon and would most likely speak an untruth is, indeed, speaking the truth this time." With his arms around the angel's waist, Yami could have easily squished the cream filling out of it for that.

"Are you two spies?"

**The's** question took them both by surprise and both gave an emphatic and automatic "NO!" in unison. It was the first time they said anything in unison. It was pretty weird.

"No, I believe them," Mako held out a hand to stop his wife, "I'm just a bit confused, that's all. Every gateway from Heaven to the Underheaven is controlled and guarded by the government."

"Same goes for Hell and the Underhell," **The** added.

"And they carefully control who passes through these gates. I have no doubt of that."

That sounded about right, at least when it came to Yami's experiences in Hell anyways. Maybe that was why Yugi was in such denial. But still, they fell through the ground of a Heaven shed and ended up there.

"We fell through the asscracking ground of a pussylicking Heaven shed and ended up here," he repeated.

"But that's impossible."

"Demon Yami is telling the truth!"

"But you don't just fall through the ground and get to the Underheaven. It's not a rabbit hole you can just drop into!"

"Well we shitshatting did."

"You couldn't have."

"Please believe demon Yami. He is not, indeed, speaking an untruth this time, are you not, demon Yami?"

"Would you stop being a sackprack and poking your assdamn wing in my face! And no, I'm not pitpissing lying!"

"You are, indeed, yelling at me, demon Yami!"

"Oh fuck, not this again."

"Demon Yami! How can you utter such a deplorable term? My ears are, indeed, burning in the metaphorical sense and I request that you withdraw your hideous profanity this instant!"

"I don't buttlucking care and no."

"Demon Yami!"

"Alright, time out," **The** slapped the table and they both jumped, turning to her, "'k, let's suppose there's a gateway somewhere the Heaven government or whatever doesn't know about. What'cha think, Mako? Maybe they found a hole to the government's systems of holes?" She grinned at her own little pun.

"I guess, but it's unlikely. They made the holes themselves." Mako took a sip of his now cold drink thoughtfully.

"Well they could've moved the Parliament building or whatever was there elsewhere and forgot about it. They've done that in Hell before."

"True."

"It's entirely possible," **The** pressed, "I mean, I just bitched at them for calling us liars, can't turn around and do the same now can I?"

Yugi shrunk at the swear but she ignored him.

"Yeah but," Mako trailed off for a moment as if carefully choosing his words, "okay, fine. But think about it, they found an unguarded gateway… and they're both unclipped. Do you know what that means?"

"We're not going there, Mako."

"You can't tell me you're not thinking about it too."

"Not going, babe," **The **cut him off before he could continue, "But what I still don't get is how ya both ended up here together."

Yami felt his Hell throat constrict and looked away as Yugi turned up to stare at him with those mind-crushingly large eyes. Those eyes stared and stared and stared and Yami thought he was going to have a Hell heart attack from the stress when they turned back to **The**, "Demon Yami accidentally wandered into my realm perhaps as a result of losing his way in searching for the restroom in his own realm." Yugi took Yami's hand and held it tightly. "Perhaps it was, indeed, meant to be, is it not, demon Yami?"

Seriously, what did the soft, fresh-smelling little brat take him for? This was too insulting for words and, even if he had to let the truth slip a little, Yami wasn't going to let this stand. He pinched Yugi in his pudgy stomach and was satisfied to hear a high-pitched squeak escape the angel. Lost on his way to the can his ass.

"**The**," Yami said gravely, "let me ask you something."

The wingless woman seemed taken aback by his serious tone but nodded, "Shoot."

"Do you shitpricking braindrain what a _Hypervirgin_ is?"

The scratched her chin with a forefinger, "I've heard about it. Isn't it a myth though?"

Yami shook his head.

"Really now?"

"Yup."

She leaned forward in her seat, both hands under her chin, "Where are you going with this?"

From behind, Yugi couldn't see it but Yami's eyes drifted to Yugi, then back to **The**, Yami wiggling his eyebrows for emphasis.

"No frickin' way."

"Yup."

Her eyes drifted to Yugi for a split second and Yami hissed, "Don't look at it; it'll braindrain what we're talking about!"

She blinked rapidly and cleared her throat, "Oh shit, yeah, sorry. But seriously?"

"Yup."

"Damn."

"I braindrain."

"Demon Yami, what, indeed, are you conversing about?" Yugi looked back and forth between them questioningly.

"I was wondering that too, actually." Mako added.

**The** smiled, "Nothing, babe."

"Nothing."

"Frick, it's been so long," She grinned slyly, her eyes half-mooned and gleaming, "we'll definitely chat more about this later."

And, just like that, whatever barrier existed between the _legitimate _and _illegitimate _demons was gone.

"Demon Yami, why, indeed, are you smiling like that? It, indeed, is a rather disturbing and unpleasant smile." Yugi's chubby fingers went to Yami's face and he attempted to change Yami's expression, succeeding in turning the coy smile into an irritated frown. They wrestled for a bit, Yugi's hands moulding Yami's face like _Silly Putty _and Yami frantically trying to get away. They rocked back and forth until they both crashed to the ground, flailing and taking turns rolling on top of each other.

Yami didn't know where the small angel got his strength from but Yugi persisted until Yami tired out and laid there in surrender, letting Yugi do whatever he wanted to Yami's face. When Yugi was satisfied, he kissed Yami on the cheek and rested his head on the demon's chest, cuddling up to Yami with a satisfied smile before jamming his thumb in his mouth.

Mako and **The** watched on in awe. The night was, by no means, young, yet there were still so many questions.

_TBC…_

**AN: **Next chapter will be shorter and more fun.


	13. In Bed

**Warnings: **some sexual content, massive amounts of verbal vulgarity and **Duke's special brand of demon-tongue**

For dragonlady222 for her brilliantly funny review last chapter.

Thanks to tavia454 for beta-ing!

_12. In Bed_

Any demon, _legitimate _or _illegitimate_ would know what it's like to be in sex withdrawal. Of course that's not to say that all demons are irresponsible enough to allow themselves to get to such a state but, like the odd craving of food or drugs, it can come at unexpected times.

This was why Yami, despite the decreasing belief that he'd ever leave this realm, was sneaking into Yugi's room.

Slowly parting the dangling fern to one side, Yami carefully poked his head into the room. His eyes immediately caught sight of the sleeping angel lying on a pile of miscellaneous foliage. Yugi was curled in a tight ball, both of his wings wrapped around him like a thick, feathery blanket. He was breathing deeply, a few of the smaller feathers fluttering with each nasally breath. A thumb was – surprise, surprise – hanging loosely from his mouth and Yami could have sworn that the irresistible scent Yugi exuded was even stronger while he slept. Again, Yami shuddered but not before taking a deep inhale and humming in pleasure.

Yugi's quiver was not too far off and Yami was glad to find it somewhere accessible. Quietly getting onto his claws and knees, Yami made for the quiver, his Hell heart nearly stopping when he heard Yugi groan and shift positions. When he was sure that he wasn't caught red-clawed, Yami bravely continued, zeroing on a burgundy arrow and snatching it up with the swiftness of a Hell falcon expertly plucking its prey from the air.

He quietly Hell cursed when a leaf crinkled under his claw but he persistently persisted, getting so close to Yugi he could have gotten high off the angel's scent.

Yami closed his eyes and raised the arrow high, taking a deep breath before driving it downwards. His eyelids flew open when his arm was halted in midair and he was horrified to see Yugi's hand was clamped tightly around his wrist. No. Fucking. Way. Yami's gaze rolled downwards to find that, indeed, Yugi was still sleeping and that those pouty lips had started sucking vigorously on that thumb.

"Mmmm, demon Yami." The thumb came out with a wet pop and Yugi's hand (the one that seemed to act on its own accord to stop Yami's plot-altering actions) painfully squeezed Yami's wrist until he had no choice but to drop the arrow. "Are you, indeed, finding it difficult to sleep in this foreign place and have thus come to seek comfort with me? It is rather alright, demon Yami, we are a pair and it is perfectly acceptable for you to seek me as a result of your nightly fears."

The demon wasn't sure what creeped him out more; the fact that Yugi was able to say all that while still in relatively deep sleep or the fact that Yugi managed to grab the arrow and throw it to the further part of the room – while still in relatively deep sleep. Either way, Yami had enough experience to know he wasn't just going to walk out of this one. Shit.

Shit.

SHIT.

FHAL (fuck his afterlife).

"Come, demon Yami," Yugi slurred, slipping open one of his wings in invitation, "come slumber with me for I know it is why you have come. Do not, indeed, deny it for I shall not judge you for your act of cowardice. Come slumber with me."

The angel's tunic had ridden up so that part of his french-fry was peeking out and Yami found himself staring. It was like having a Hell _Twinkie_ right in front of you and not being able to eat it. The Hell migraine headache and Hell dryness of the mouth returned as he continued staring and Yami wanted to throw himself on the angel the more his head tortured him.

And why couldn't he? Now that he thought about it, this was an open invitation. Screw the burgundy arrow, Yami could just hop into the sack! Which he did without a second thought. The demon tugged his leather tank top over his head and tossed it haphazardly over his shoulder, then yanked off his belt and let it drop to the ground. He practically threw himself at Yugi and received a warm, soft embrace in return. His dangerous levels of lust was almost forgotten by his awe at the softness.

Yami buried his nose in Yugi's neck and pinched the flesh near his collar bone between his lips, nipping and sucking at it until Yugi started to make the appropriate noises. From there his kisses as well as his hands went southwards and the angel – still sleeping - responded favourably.

"Oh demon Yami, that gesture, indeed, produces rather pleasant feelings," Yugi moaned, "I request that you do not cease your actions."

Yami froze in mid-kiss and grimaced. Okay, slight mood killer but he wasn't going to throw in the metaphorical Hell towel just yet. This was the legendary Hypervirgin (by now he's used that term so much it had lost all meaning), and no demon has been where he's been. He just had to keep telling himself that.

With more searching than he'd liked (which Yami found somewhat amusing), he found Yugi's french-fry and began stroking. The angel sighed and wriggled beneath him, then wrapped his little arms around Yami's neck and kissed him lazily on the cheek.

"I am enjoying this to an above-average degree, demon Yami."

Okay, that wasn't _so _bad.

"I would be obliged to inform you of what gestures I most prefer in respect to acts of bodily pleasure. However, I am appropriately inexperienced in this domain and, thus, cannot provide such information. Apologies for the inconvenience but you are currently doing very well in aiding me with these facts so please, continue."

Yami's jaw and hand went lax. Taking deep breaths, he tried to regain his composure. He tried lifting himself off Yugi but his body refused to listen. It was kind of like the moment right after you hit your Hell funny bone and you're partially paralyzed until the Hell pins and needles went away. Finally, Yami knitted his eyebrows, clenched both fists, gathered all his Hell willpower and pulled himself up to lock lips with Yugi.

His claws still shook slightly but they quickly gained confidence as they moved, working undisturbed as Yugi's verbalizations – good and bad – were muffled.

It was all too good to be true. The demon's head swam in surreal ecstasy as he pressed ever closer to the soft angel flesh beneath him. He was doing it. He was doing it! HE WAS – crap, he needed air. Maybe he could hold out a bit longer until he, until he, no, he needed air, like _really _needed air, like the more he thought about it, the more he needed it. Damn it, why didn't he go faster? Wait, the Hypervirgin was squirming. Well, of course he would squirm but he was squirming more than usual. And he was shoving Yami off him. That was bad. Yami couldn't let that happen. Shit, now the Hypervirgin was kicking him, hard too. No, not the balls, not the balls, not the –

"Oh I am, indeed, very relieved for the breath of air I was in rather desperate need of," Yugi gasped, "Although your actions had, indeed, been pleasurable in the relatively embarrassing sense, my body, indeed, cannot escape its basic need for oxygen. It is certainly a relief that I was able to draw in the much-needed air in time. Perhaps now we can now resume our activities… demon Yami? Demon Yami?"

Yami was in a foetal position, both claws cupping his Hell crotch. Hell tears sprung in healthy streams from his tightly clenched eyelids and both wings twitched with every breath he took. To say he'd rather deal with the broken wing was an understatement. In fact, to say he'd rather deal with the broken wing, the Hell migraine headache, the Hell dryness of the mouth, the Hell sweaty palms, the Hell nausea and all the other Hell symptoms of sex withdrawal was also an understatement. To make a broad generalization, it hurt badly.

When the pain receded to the point where it didn't feel like his lower half was being sent through a meat grinder, Yami cracked open an eye. Yugi was still sleeping. What. The. F –

"Demon Yami," As if on cue, those giant eyelids lifted slightly, "Why, indeed, have you ceased to continue? Do not, indeed, leave me in this state for it is a state I am undeserving to be in. By extension, it is perhaps a state that no being deserves to be in."

Then it hit him. He didn't want this. Not like this. Not like this at all.

He stared at the semi-sleeping Yugi. The angel looked so harmless and screwable it was hard to believe how volatile he was. But he was, and he made Yami feel wrong all over. But what was Yami going to do now? He was in withdrawal; terrible, terrible withdrawal, and this had been his great mission all along. It was the reason he subjected himself to such horrors, the reason why he risked his afterlife and the reason why he was in the stupid Underheaven in the first place.

Maybe he needed time to collect his thoughts. Then he could make his next move. Yami groaned and lifted himself to a sitting position. He was about to make for the doorway when he felt a tug at his pant leg.

"Do not leave, demon Yami." At this point, he couldn't tell if Yugi was awake or not and he didn't really care, "You cannot leave me in this state. Indeed, you cannot."

Oh yes he could. Yami tried shaking the little hand off but it held on stubbornly. Giving an annoyed grunt, Yami bent down and tried to pry it off but it wouldn't give. Then, without warning, it gave a hard tug and Yami toppled forward, right onto Yugi.

"Ah, that is, indeed, much better. Now, would you please continue where you had left off? Of course, I, indeed, do not remember where you had left off but I trust you yourself remember quite well."

Panicking, Yami tried getting up, but Yugi's other hand was securely wrapped around the back of his head. Yugi pulled him down for a kiss and, despite his resistance, he soon found himself in an unwanted lip-lock.

Yami felt conflicted. It was so bad but it still felt so good! There was a time when his will was iron-solid but now it was like a stick of butter: soft, pliable, and used during sex.

His brain metaphorically kicked him. No, Yami would get away. He would get the fuck away. And he wouldn't stop _getting _away until he _got _away. He wretched his mouth away from Yugi's and struggled off, poking Yugi repeatedly in his round little belly to get him to let go.

"That, indeed, tickles, demon Yami!"

Good! Yami lightly ran his claws along that belly some more and Yugi snorted and giggled at the touch, wriggling even more than he did when they were in foreplay. It was, again, when Yami tried to make for the doorway that he was, again, caught by the pant leg. Damn it!

"Demon Yami," Yugi panted.

What? WHAT? _WHAT?_

"I, indeed, understand now."

Yami blinked. _What?_

"Come closer, demon Yami."

No.

"Perhaps I am being generous in theorizing thusly, but I believe I understand why you cannot resume the actions you have initiated before."

Yami glared at the angel.

"Perhaps it is not due to the fact that you are unable to perform (in the rather embarrassing sense) but due to the fact that this is a unique occasion, an occasion characterized by your fear of this mysterious realm."

Was the Hypervirgin questioning his ability to perform?

"I, indeed, realize I should not be speaking of such a forbidden topic but we are a pair, demon Yami, and as a pair, we are able to discuss issues most intimate. It is rather understandable, as I have mentioned before, for I too am very afraid of this unknown realm and it is only because I have you by my side that I can endure."

The last part gave Yami strange and confusing feelings.

Yugi held out an arm and extended his wing. "Come slumber with me, demon Yami, and I shall protect you."

But he didn't want to!

There was a ghost of a frown on the angel's face and he reached out to tug Yami harshly towards him, causing Yami to tip forward. "It is perfectly acceptable to be afraid. You need not disguise it for my sake, demon Yami."

For some reason, the demon felt his reluctance slip. But it didn't feel as bad as he thought it would. This was all just too confusing.

Yugi tugged, a little gentler this time, and pulled the wide-eyed, confused as metaphorical Hell, demon in a tender embrace. He wrapped his fluffy, white wings securely around Yami and kissed his hair, then settled back into deep, rhythmic breaths.

Despite himself, Yami snuggled against the sweet, sweet softness.

"That is the way, demon Yami." Yugi murmured, before his head slumped to the side and their brows touched, "Together we can endure. Slumber on for I shall protect you."

* * *

Anzu pushed open the door to the Hell lunchroom, seeing that most of her coworkers and Bakura were already there.

After grabbing her Hell hot wings from the Hell fridge and quickly heating them, she took her seat. There was something she wanted to say, but she was hoping someone else would bring it up first.

"I texted that mothapounda twice yesterday, and again this mornin'. I also spammaged his Facebook wall and inbox but haven't heard from dat cockblocker at all," Jouhoochi said, after swallowing a mouthful.

"Did you spammage his gmail account?" Honda asked.

Jouhoochi made a face, as if the answer was obvious, "Why da crackslack would he check his email before his phone and Facebook?"

"Worth a try. Besides, I don't even pisssperm a Facebook. I don't like what it's made of socialization and the how we interact with our shit slunks. Besides, do you really pisssperm 80 000 shit slunks? "

"Every cockblocker pisssperms a Facebook. Stop being an assdick and get one."

Honda gave a defiant quirk of the head, "I'd rather piss with my shit slunks directly."

While his attention was turned to the ceiling, Jouhoochi took the opportunity to steal a handful of his Hell French fries (the kind made of potatoes and grease, not the… other kind). "Self-righteous assdick."

"What about his MSN?" Anzu cut in, more than sure of whom they were talking about, "He's still active on there, right?"

"Not since Suckerberg made Facebook chat."

"Fuck Facebook."

"Fuck you."

"How about tomorrow during lunch?"

Honda socked Jouhoochi on the nose.

"You guys, be serious. I'm really worried about Yami." After finishing her wing, Anzu realized she didn't have the appetite for the rest and resorted to staring at them. She knew they wouldn't go to waste though, not with Jouhoochi around.

Jouhoochi and Honda caught her sombre expression and settled down, looking guilty and poking at their own food. "Yeah," Honda said.

"Have you eyegunked him, Duke?" Anzu asked and sighed when he shook his head.

"Well maybe he caught a phlegm or _H1N1_." The suggestion wasn't exactly helping but Honda figured it was better than nothing.

"He wouldda earslunked in sick. And Reapbecca's _pissed_. She'd earslunked him at least three times and got nothing. Earscreeched her screeching yesterday; even tried to replace him with a new cockcracker. Zorc and Dorc were pretty traumatized. That new cockcracker didn't braindrain what da fuck he was doing. Made Zorc go nuts and Dorc cry. Reapbecca kicked that little fucker out though. Thank wormdung she did or I'dda done it myself." Jouhoochi's jaw clenched as he was explaining, remembering how upset Zorc and Dorc had been and the horrible job Weevil did being Yami's replacement. While he had to admit his boss did a pretty good job overall, he couldn't believe Reapbecca hired someone who didn't even know what an _analprodolationship was._

"Wow…"

"I braindrain."

It was at this point that Bakura, who was a scholar and therefore didn't work at the labour-intensive corporation yet hung out with these demons anyways because he'd done so in Hell high school but, unlike them, went to Hell university after graduation and eventually earned his Hell PhD in linguistics but realized he was the only one who'd done so and felt lonely as a result so decided to stay in touch with them, couldn't hold the guilt back anymore. So he spilled the Hell beans.

"Yami went to find the Hypervirgin."

All eyes were on him. "WHAT?"

"He shitsratching fungofoot to Heaven to eyeball leech the Hypervirgin and cockhole the 'virgin' from the 'hyper."

"That's what you just pissed." Jouhoochi, who still refused to acknowledge that he couldn't understand most of what Bakura said, usually did his best not to convey this handicap. But he was pretty sure he was close this time.

"But why?" Anzu was slightly better than Jouhoochi but not by much.

"He pissed that he got testicularinfinitismally nipplesweat the first timeslime," Bakura shook his head, "I would have analhooked that mothapounda if I didn't assscratched my own brainshit."

"Bakura," Honda said flatly, "No one understands you. Piss demon-tongue."

There was faint but notable collective sigh.

"I pissed, Yami pissed that he got testicularinfintisimally close to the Hypervirgin the 'first' timeslime. I would have stopped him if I wasn't busy."

"What first timeslime?"

Bakura shrugged.

"You braindrained where he went and you didn't tell us? And what the fuck? No cockblocker's ever gotten 'close' to the Hypervirgin, did he OD on that white stuff again?" Anzu shouted.

Again, Bakura shrugged and Anzu shot him a Hell dirty look, "Don't you go braintwisting that you're better than us just because you shitshaking went to college - "

" – university," Bakura corrected.

" – _post secondary_ and carry around your 'wangalicious' dictionary. You're a real cocktwister for not telling us, you know. A shitsmearing cocktwister."

"You don't even have a cock."

Anzu nearly hurled her plate at him.

"Look, Yami braindrained what he was doing and he wasn't on the white stuff. Had the evidence to prove it." Bakura said.

"What evidence?"

"He got a feather right off the little sackprack's back."

"Falsecock."

"Non-falsecock."

"How do you braindrain?"

"It," Bakura shook his head in disbelief, remembering his awe when he first smelt Yugi's feather, "Nosepicked and eyegunked like the real thing. I don't braindrain how to explain it; you would have had to have been there."

There was an uncomfortable silence, some looking indecisive while others looking like they were actively rejecting the idea. As far as they knew, no one, absolutely no one, had ever gotten close to Heaven's Hypervirgin. Ever. Like the fact that everyone wanted sex at all times, this had become a truth in their world. Still, Yami was missing and they didn't want to think anything worse had happened to him.

Still yet, the idea that he was probably on drugs and had wandered off for a bit was even _better_.

"While I don't think it's wise to miss work without warning," Duke interrupted the silence, "I think it's kind of cool that he's going after his dreams… in bed."

"It's a brainfarted idea." Jouhoochi said, anger evident in his expression despite the lack of usual outburst he would have had at such ludicrous news. "A fucking, assdamned brainfarted idea."

Duke whipped out his Hell iphone (180G) and started checking his Hell mail, "Yeah dreams can be pretty crazy, in bed but that's what makes dreams in bed so great."

Anzu leaned over his shoulder, "What are you doing?"

"Checking my mail, in bed."

"Now?"

"I updated this morning, in bed. I've been waiting for reviews in bed all day."

"HFF dot net," Anzu read out loud. "You fingerscrape fanfics?"

Honda snorted.

"Hey, I want to be a writer in bed someday, okay? And this is how I can practice in bed and get feedback in bed."

"It's brainlame."

"Y-yeah well at least I want to be more in bed than a low-level worker. At least I want to do something real with my life in bed," Duke grinned, "Sweet, twenty-five reviews!"

Anzu grabbed the Hell iphone and began opening Duke's mail, "Most of these just tonguetweech 'update the fuck soon.'"

"Reviews in bed are reviews in bed, okay?"

Anzu eluded all Duke's attempts to seize his phone and continued reading his reviews, "And they're all unsigned," she raised an eyebrow; "You're sending yourself shitpricking reviews, aren't you?"

He tried to dodge her gaze, "No…"

"Yeah you are, no cockblocker gets twenty five reviews for one assdamn chapter. Not nowadays anyways." She made a face as she kept reading, "You didn't even make them sound different from each other."

"Fine," Duke gave up and sat back in his seat, "But sometimes you have to get the wheel greasing by giving yourself some in bed so others will give you some in bed."

Again, Honda snorted. "That's testicularifically brainlame. You're too old for that shit."

Duke produced a random dice from his leather vest and chucked it at Anzu's head, snatching his Hell iphone when she tried to dodge it. The girl glared at him and he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Writing in bed is hard but it's my dream to publish in bed so I have to keep practicing in bed."

Honda stabbed some Hell macaroni with his fork and shoved them in his mouth, "I don't eyegunk the appeal. Writers have to work hard to be poor."

"It's not just about the money. It's about being creative in bed, exploring new places in bed, bending yourself in weird ways in bed, being extra sensitive in bed, and having something to scream to the world in bed."

"I'm confused, are we still tonguetwitching about the same thing here?"

"Duke is tonguetwitching about wanting to be a writer."

"Well I already slunk all that stuff in bed. And I don't write."

"We all do."

"Not to mention," Bakura chipped in, "Your demon-tongue sucks monkey balls."

"It's not about the demon-tongue," Duke said, somewhat sagely, "It's about expressing yourself in bed, unleashing yourself in bed, using your imagination in bed and blowing others away in bed."

"Are you sure we're not tonguetwitching about sex?"

"We're not tonguetwitching about sex."

"Because - "

"Yami could be double dead by now!"

They all turned to Jouhoochi. "I don't give a cracklack about the brainlame fanfic fingerscraping Duke does. Bakura, you tonguetwitched that Yami went to Heaven to catch the Hypervirgin, right? Well how long does dat take?"

"How the assshyt am I supposed to braindrain? Cockblockers don't wander into Heaven on a daily basis!"

"Well what if something happened?" What if da Hypervirgin, da Hypervirgin…" Jouhoochi, in fact, didn't know what Yugi was capable of. He'd heard vague stories about his powers but each story had been slightly different and there wasn't a consensus amongst the theories. Naturally, his mind went to the worst possible thing.

"What if it," he took a breath, "What if it turned Yami into a virgin too?"

All humour in the room died at that.

"No, that's not fungofooting possible, is it?" Honda was wide-eyed, his fork dropping with a 'clank' onto his plate.

"I don't braindrain but, from what I earscreeched, its one powerful little ballcracker."

Anzu's hand flew to her mouth and she looked like she was going to toss her Hell cookies. Hell tears sprang to her eyes, "Joukat, stop."

"Like, what if it _gave_ Yami virginity, kinda like how ya can give someone a cold."

"Joukat stop…"

"Or if Yami takes its virginity, he gets the virginity. There's so much virginity in dat thing it's gotta go somewhere!"

"Joukat, seriously…"

"And what if the virginity is permanent? Like he can never get rid of it even if he buttlucking wanted to?"

Anzu shot out her of seat. She froze for a moment before bursting into tears and running out of the room. Everyone winced as the door to the Hell lunchroom slapped against the wall with the force she used to wretch it open.

"Shit. Guess I really fucked up, didn't I?" Jouhoochi mumbled, looking pitiful like a Hell puppy that'd just been kicked. "It's just, I'm worried and ma mouth, fuck it, gets vaginaltastically carried away when I'm worried."

"We're all worried in bed, Joukat," Duke said softly, "But at this point we can't be sure in bed."

"He's got a point," Honda said, although he didn't really look like he believed it.

Bakura said nothing, choosing to silently (and guiltily) munch away at his Hell Caesar salad.

"Let's just assume that that Yami is going after his dreams in bed. Here, have a drumstick."

Jouhoochi, being Jouhoochi, took the drumstick. It made him feel better. Not that much better, but a little better.

Mood dampened, they spent the rest of their lunch break eating quietly. When the buzzer went, they (except Bakura) dutifully assumed their work stations. The analprodoassing demons were mentally preoccupied, even as torturous cries of agony rang through the air. Hopeful but not reassured, they could only wish that, wherever he was, Yami was safe and, if he was lucky, in bed as well.

_TBC…_

**AN: **I don't own a few of the things mentioned in the end there. I understand that the demon-tongue can be confusing so please ask questions if you have any. Next chapter will answer a big question people have been holding out for. Thanks for your patience!


	14. Yami's Epiphany

Happy belated birthday to this story. Can't believe I missed the posting by one day...

**Warning: **Italics and lots of it.

_13. Yami's Epiphany_

_The light was too bright to see but when his vision cleared, Yami saw that he was standing amidst an explosion of colour. Flowers of all shapes, sizes, shades and horrifically powerful fragrances were hung from the large stained-glass windows, strung along the pews, and strewn all over the ground. The worst of which were the Tiger lilies, a vase of said pollen-spewing beasts resting beside his head. Another one was pinned to his white tuxedo._

_Wait a minute. _

_Stained-glass windows?_

_Pews?_

_White tuxedo?_

_And who was the old, balding angel standing on stage with him? Why was he on stage in the first place? Yami blinked several times and looked around. The scene didn't change in the least. The pews were stuffed with angels in stark-white attire, some of whom were crying. Rays of faintly-coloured lights pierced through the windows, falling on the white train that ran the length of the isle. Yami's eyes followed the train from the wooden double doors to the front of the stage, where he and that balding angel stood underneath a flowered arch. Behind the arch was a large, golden candelabrum. An ivory candle stood in the centre and four candles stood in descending height on either side. _

_Before he could make sense of it all, the double doors burst open and a booming organ rattled some ancient-sounding song. The shadow of two winged creatures stood at the entrance, the light blinding Yami to their identities. Yami's eyes bulged when they stepped out of the light and slowly began making their way down the isle, arm in arm._

"_Anzu, Joukat, where the crackslack are we? What the analpuss are you skunking wearing __white__?"_

_But they didn't seem to hear him, or if they did, chose to ignore him. Both were looking down as they robotically inched towards the stage. They climbed the two steps and parted, Jouhoochi standing beside Yami and Anzu taking her place on the other side of the stage. _

_Yami tried getting Jouhoochi's attention several times but Jouhoochi remained unresponsive. Creeped out, Yami's eyes swung back to the door. _

_The next two to come through, oddly enough, were Bakura and Yami's boss, Reapbecca. Yami wasn't sure if this was funny or terribly tragic. The sight of his aging, busty boss (who was wearing a low-cut cocktail dress that showed a hell of a lot of unpleasantly saggy cleavage) hanging off Bakura's arm wasn't something he'd soon forget. Like those that came before them, Bakura took his place beside Jouhoochi and Reapbecca (thankfully) went all the way to the other side where Anzu stood._

_The music changed to a happier (but no less rattling) melody and Serenity came in wearing an extremely puffy, lacy dress. She tossed dried flowers on the ground as she skipped her way down the isle. When she reached the stage, she jumped (that's right, _jumped_) in front of Yami and curtseyed, leaving him nauseated as she scurried towards Anzu and Reapbecca._

_Yami barely noticed the small boy toddling in after her. He was too focused on the handcuffs bouncing up and down on the silky white pillow he bore with both hands. _

_Something in the back of Yami's mind stirred at the sight of those. There had been something he'd read a long time ago, something he'd found so absolutely terrifying, he'd almost completely repressed it. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember what it was. _

_He was shaken out of his reverie when a low, powerful key was hit; initiating the most ominous tune he'd ever heard. The masses stood and faced the door._

"_Angelinas and Angelos," came a voice out of nowhere, "Please welcome the bride."_

_The what?_

_They all clapped gleefully, some whistling and others crying even harder as a familiar spiky head appeared at the door._

_Holy. Fucking. Shit._

_The Hypervirgin, and oh man it was just, it was just, Yami could barely bring himself to describe it, it was just too… too HOLY SHIT!_

_The Hypervirgin's head peeked out of a voluminous white conglomerate of ribbon, lace, and flower; the train of which was so long, eight angels followed behind to hold it up. Embedded in his wings were pink ribbons and roses, which saturated them to the point where barely any feathers showed through. A bow was tied around each spike of hair; the tails of each hanging long and swaying with each step he took. A thin veil covered his face but it was still obvious that he was wearing a lot of make-up. One arm was hooked around the bushy-browed cop (in his uniform) and the other carried a bouquet that was almost bigger than him. _

_Yami stared, frozen like a Hell deer in Heaven headlights. He wasn't aware of the time passing but the Hypervirgin was suddenly beside him._

"_I am, indeed, so happy, demon Yami," He whispered, "So happy I am indeed."_

_Uh... huh…_

_Yami tried to make contact with his friends but their eyes were glazed over and they were looking down. _

"_I cannot believe the day has finally come for us, demon Yami. I am currently unable to articulate my joy at the moment and I am sure you feel similarly."_

_A sharp jab in his back made Yami grunt and he turned to see the bushy-browed cop behind him. "When the time comes, you better say 'I do' motha fuckah or shyt's gonna go down." There was a click and the object was driven deeper into his back._

_Panicked (and confused), Yami tried to move, but found both his ankles shackled to the ground. The bushy-browed cop chuckled, his rancid breath making Yami wince. "Try it and you're gonna be more metal than man before you hit the ground." _

"_Oh demon Yami, I wish this moment can last for all eternity!" And somehow, no one seemed to notice._

_He tried to scream but couldn't. He coughed and sputtered but the words were trapped. The hold on his neck tightened and the object was driven painfully into him._

"_Dearly beloved…" Began the old, balding angel._

_This couldn't be happening. Was he finally caught? Did they sneak into his room while he was sleeping, drug him and drag him here for his punishment? And why didn't he at least get a lawyer or even a phone call? And what the fuck did they do to his friends?_

"_Remember, 'I do' or shyt's gonna go down."_

_I do to what? _

"_And it's gotta be a 'happy' I do or say goodbye to your spine."_

"_Oh this is so beautiful!" Someone off to the side said._

"_And do you, Yugi, take Yami to be your lawfully wedded pair for eternity and beyond, to always be at each other's side and never part, to have each other and no other, to always be in harmony and never disagree with one another, to always speak of good and not bad things, to display your intense contentment every day and to never become ill or face hardship as long as you are at each other's side?"_

"_I do!" _

_Yami started to shake._

"_And Yami, do you agree to take Yugi in accordance to everything I have just said and wish not to repeat?"_

_The bushy-browed cop's voice was hot against his ear. "Or shyt will go down."_

"_I…" And why was his voice coming back now? He took a breath and the object was thrust harshly into him. "… D-do."_

"_Yay!" Was the gleeful reply as the Hypervirgin jumped up and grabbed Yami's face, kissing him everywhere but his mouth._

"_And now for the ceremonial Shackle of Eternal Never Ending Binding of Pairship." In slow motion, the balding angel grabbed the pair of forebodingly sparkling handcuffs. "Please hold out your arms."_

_The Hypervirgin's arm shot forward and Yami's arm was forcibly lifted by the menacing being behind him. The handcuffs were clicked into place, the key swallowed by the balding angel. _

"_I now declare you eternally bonded, never to part each other until the end of eternity."_

"_Oh demon Yami, I am indeed overjoyed without compare," The Hypervirgin said, lifting off his veil and throwing it to side. "You may now kiss me as you have so wished, demon Yami!"_

_Yami was shoved forward, the object now pressed against the back of his head. "Do it."_

_But it was the Hypervirgin who dove forward and threw his arms around Yami's neck, planting the wettest, most lipstick-smeared kiss Yami had ever received. Strangely enough, the cop disappeared as soon as the small angel latched onto him. _

"_Oh demon Yami," the Hypervirgin exclaimed, his large eyes shining, "I cannot, indeed, believe we are now a married pair. I am indeed, so very, very happy!"_

_Married…_

_Around him, the audience started clapping, the sound so loud, it caused Yami to flinch and close his eyes._

"_We shall be eternally bonded, demon Yami!"_

_Bonded…_

_And, somehow, the sound just kept getting louder and louder. It was deafening._

"_We shall never part and we shall never suffer. We are pair demon Yami, a pair!"_

_We are a pair._

_He wanted to cover his ears but he couldn't. His head started to spin and his vision slowly blackened._

_A Pair._

_A Pair._

_We are a pair…_

* * *

Yami woke up screaming.


	15. Snit Hits the Fan

**Warning: **Pseudo science. Also, it might helpful to know the basic parts of a cell.

_14. Snit Hits the Fan_

"This is the most sophisticated marriage of bioengineering and mechatronics to date."

"Is it the most sophisticated marriage of bioengineering and mechatronics to date?"

"Indeed it is."

The Angel Overseer leaned forward at his desk, resting his chin on both hands. "I would appreciate an explanation and, perhaps by extension, a demonstration of the phenomenon you claim to wield."

Seto Kaiba was probably the only angel not to be intimidated by the Overseer's detached, expressionless disposition. It was mostly because he himself was detached and expressionless. The only reason he made it to Heaven at all was because he died manufacturing children's toys. While this former CEO of Kaiba Corporation was on a personal excursion to one of his many, many sweatshops, the tail of his coat caught on a conveyer belt and he was dragged to his gruesome death. Had it not been for his desire to make children "happy," his indulgence in making fun of those shorter than him and his obsession with hacking into various _World of Warcraft_ accounts would have sent him to Hell for sure. Despite his past life, however, Kaiba proved to be great asset to Heaven, performing excellently in all his studies and catching the interest of the Heaven government. One thing led to another and, ironically, he became involved in the development of Heaven's military artillery.

Kaiba clicked a button on his laser pointer and a holographic screen popped up. "The device itself is currently under heavy supervision for it is, as you will soon see, a tool that may be rather volatile in the wrong hands. However, I do, indeed, have here a computer-generated demonstration of its function that will serve to be equally useful."

"Understandable."

A spinning orb materialized in the middle of the screen; its features slowly forming to look like a Heaven _Pokéball _with a miniature satellite dish on top. A "pinging" sound emitted at regular intervals from the twirling satellite dish; soft enough so that it wasn't annoying but loud enough so it could be heard by everyone in the room. When all the details were in place, the screen disappeared; leaving the orb to spin on its own and looking so realistic one could reach out and touch it.

"I am, indeed, not as impressed as you may have expected me to be." The Overseer stared it down, as if he could set it on fire by gaze alone.

But Kaiba wasn't fazed, or at least he didn't show it. He clicked another button and the orb opened up to reveal what looked like an enlarged version of a cell. Little amoeba-like substances swam around a bubble at the centre of the orb. Everything was colourful and alive, like a mini-aquarium alive with life.

"I hope you will agree," Kaiba caught the slight hint of interest in the Overseer's eyes, "that the importance lies in the function and not the appearance. And this device is as living as it is not."

The Overseer gave his nod to continue and the image was enlarged, focusing on the innermost centre of the orb, "The original assumption was based on the notion that a tracking dog is able to successfully locate a living being based on no more than a scent. But as sound as this logic and as successful as its usage, there are failings on several levels that authorities, especially authorities of Heaven, should not concede to. I have written a sixty-four page report on the specifics of the_ Kaiball's_ function but while I am here and presenting this presentation, I shall give a brief overview to Your Highness."

"I look forward to reading this sixty-four page report of the… Kaiball. But I shall also allow you to present this brief overview."

"I thank you for the opportunity to explain its function for it always excites me to explain how my creations, which I am always very proud of. My device functions like a tracking dog but is enhanced to increase the success rate to over a million fold. The mini _setollite _at the top are its nose, eyes and ears, all three of which work together to create a _supersense_. The setollite draws its information from the contents of the main body of the Kaiball, the encasing of which is made of pure _kaitanium_."

"Kaitanium?"

"Yes, kaitanium. My associates and I discovered it last week. I believe I have sent you an eighty-four page report on the nature of this finding."

The Overseer turned to his Heaven _ipad_ and went to his Heaven _gmail_ account, scrolling up and down his inbox. "I check my mail regularly and I have not seen such a report."

"Perhaps it accidentally went to your junk mail."

The Overseer clicked on his junk mail folder. "Indeed it is here."

"Do you look forward to reading it?"

"Indeed I do."

"Then I shall continue with the overview at hand." Kaiba gave his winning half-smile, the outline of his muscled body showing through his tunic in a way that gave many female angels (and some male angels) strange and confusing feelings. "The heart of the Kaiball lies in its innards, which is created to function like a cell. A system needed to be created to keep the scent alive and a cell is the most efficient of systems."

"The scent is contained here," With his Heaven laser pointer, Kaiba pointed to the bubble, "which I refer to as the _nuclekai._ After extraction, the scent is treated by microbiologists so that it produces its maximum stench before it is encased in this bubble and inserted into the Kaiball."

The Overseer's four guards looked at each other but said nothing.

"These here," Kaiba moved the pointer to each of the squishy things floating around the bubble, "are _kaitochondria_; they give the scent the energy it needs to continue producing its stench."

"And where do the… kaitochondria obtain their energy?"

Kaiba brought up an image of the Heaven sun, "Through the process of _setosynthesis_. The kaitochondria rely on the _kaiganelles _to travel to the outside of the Kaiball and absorb energy from the sun. Through complex biochemical-derived processes, the kaiganelles convert the energy from the sun to SK-sugars and transport them back to the kaitochondria, which then feed the nuclekai."

With another click, focus went to the tube that connected the satellite from the main body. "Nanobots, unseen to the naked angel eye, transport particles of the scent to the setollite, where it can take the information, convert it through more biology-derived means, and use it to track the owner of the scent. I refer to these nanobots as _blue eyes white dragons_."

"And why, indeed, do you call them that?"

"No reason in particular. I simply take a liking to dragons."

"Ah."

"One more thing." Kaiba closed the holographic image and the room went quiet, "The Kaiball has the ability to traverse different realms."

A grunt escaped one of the guards and the Overseer's eyebrows twitched in a struggled frown. "That's impossible," he said.

"It is not." Kaiba was calm, as if achieving impossibilities was a weekly occurrence for him. "In extrapolating the tracking abilities to suit my immensely high standards, the Kaiball, which I am enormously proud of, acquired the ability to penetrate the boundaries that separate the realms. I cannot, at the moment, hypothesize the implications of this ability but given a few hours, I am likely to come up with a theory."

The Overseer looked down at his hands. Even though his face didn't show it, his mind was spinning. It was times like these that he wished he was an ordinary angel, without the weight of Heaven on his shoulders. His father had been a noble and skilled ruler but the Heaven economy had also been better during his time. Several renewable resources had been discovered, giving way to the hover Heaven car and sterile Heaven sewage. The Heaven Olympics (which took place once every 1000 years) provided a plethora of jobs and Heaven money had been abundant. Back then, his father would sit the Overseer on his knee and they would look out of the big windows of his Heaven office together. His father would say, with great fondness 'So that you won't have to struggle when you take my place one day, my son.'

But alas, when Ryou Akeffia Goodkura XXXII ascended the throne, things slowly began to dip. The Heaven Olympics (which lasted five years) came to an end and with it went many of the jobs. He found out that one of his father's most trusted advisors was secretly wiring Heaven military secrets to Hell. Kisara Meantwell, Heaven's previous "Cupid" and his betrothed screwed up epically and he had no choice but to step on his own heart and send her to the Underheaven. On top of that, the Heaven chicken went extinct.

Catastrophe after catastrophe wore him down to his Heaven bones and the Overseer became hard of heart and rigid. He lost the ability to display emotions and resigned to ruling behind a veil of detachment and apathy.

"Your highness?" Kaiba's voice snapped the Overseer out of his reverie, "Are you, indeed, ill?"

"Of course not. Why, indeed, do you ask?"

"You appear to have zoned out for a moment. Or perhaps you were in such awe at the ability of the Kaiball that you were rendered speechless?"

Had the Overseer the ability to glare, he would have done so. "Explain to me how the Kaiball can traverse realms," he said flatly.

"Ah, that, indeed, is the best part about the Kaiball." Kaiba smirked, his narrowed eyes gleaming with pride. "Physics-derived _setoacular_ particles are released from the Setollite, forming a wireless connection between the Kaiball and the setoacular particles. These particles are long-lived and very difficult to destroy, able to penetrate any space. Once they locate and land on the service of the object to be sought out, they send out _kaibatronic_ waves, which are then received by the Kaiball regardless of how far the Kaiball may be from the setoacular particles. The Kaiball, equally as long-lived, difficult to destroy and durable as the setoacular particles, then follow the kaibatronic waves, thus locating the object to be sought out.

The Overseer stared at the taller angel. The man was a genius. "That, indeed, makes perfect sense."

"I thank you. I do take pride in my ability to clearly explain complex concepts." Satisfied, Kaiba turned the hologram off completely and closed the suitcase the device rested in. "The only concern to be dealt with now is the issue as to who will man it."

The Overseer raised his eyebrows, "You, indeed, do not plan to handle your own creation?"

Kaiba stared at the Overseer as if the answer was obvious. But when he realised that the answer, indeed, _wasn't _obvious, he proceeded to impatiently explain. "Well, Your Lordship, it would be reasonable to expect that this mission will be dangerous, taking us to places we, perhaps, have never before traversed, especially considering the involvement of a," he lowered his voice a notch, "demon. As a result, I, being an immensely important and useful figure to this realm, cannot dare to risk my afterlife should the worse become a reality."

"I, indeed, see."

"In addition, I am baffled to even begin thinking of what will, indeed, happen should Heaven lose my genius to that beast of a so-called creature."

"I believe I understand your point."

"But to further articulate my point, Your Highness, it, indeed, makes me rather ill to even think about what shall happen should Heaven lose the brilliance that is me."

"Understood."

"I, Seto Kaiba, the _inventor_ of the Kaiball - "

"Oh would you please be so kind as to close your rather large and irksome mouth!" Ushio, who was sitting in a Heaven easy chair in the corner of the Overseer's office with his face leaning on his fist and looking pissed the entire time, shouted at Kaiba.

Kaiba whirled around and gave Ushio an ugly look, "You, who have fatally failed in retrieving our precious Cupid, dare to interject?"

"On behalf of our king," Ushio stood; sizing up is opponent, "Indeed I do."

Kaiba's face went stone cold and he took a manly step forward, "With all due respect, you have no place in this conversation."

Ushio took an equally manly step forward and furrowed his eyebrows, "With equally due respect, I must disagree."

Despite Kaiba's upper hand, the cop had a stronger reason to stand his ground. He wasn't going to lose to Kaiba again. Back when Ushio was still in college (living in his tiny apartment with no cable etc, etc), he'd met and fallen for a young flower vendor who, after taking pity on him after hearing his story, also fell for him. They'd planned to apply for marriage after he graduated and while they waited, she'd helped pay for his Heaven tuition through her business. They'd been poor but happy, vowing to love each other forever and always. That was until she met Seto Kaiba. The young angel living in his car and eating one meal a week while trying to get through his Heaven undergrad by donating his own blood stole her heart and on one faithful, rainy day, she heart-wrenchingly confessed the truth to Ushio. They'd stood at the centre of a bridge, watching the raging river below as water poured from the Heaven sky. His heart shattered to a million Heaven pieces when she'd said those words and it felt to Ushio like the sky was crying just for him. The Heaven flowers he'd picked for her had fallen out of his hand; its petals immediately soaked by the rain as she'd turned her back and flown away. But instead of faltering, Ushio No Seriously Whyisheinheaven channelled his pain and anger into his studies, believing that if he failed, she would have won. But Ushio's true and rather unexpected revenge came when his former lover found out that Kaiba was, in fact, asexual (or in Heaven terms, "disinterested in matters most embarrassing"). She'd disappeared off the face of Heaven as a result.

Anyways…

Kaiba paused and looked Ushio up and down, biting his lip to keep from grinning as a thought crept into his mind, "Given the chance to earn back the dignity you have, indeed, lost, would you take it?"

Ushio gritted his jaw, his eyes hard, "What, may I ask, do you mean?"

"Man my Kaiball."

"I respectfully refuse."

Kaiba's grin was tugging the corner of his mouth so hard, it looked like he was having spasms, "In other words, you do not believe you are man enough to have my ball in your hands."

"As a matter of fact, my hands can handle your ball and many more balls if need be." Ushio stared at Kaiba's mouth until the brunette held his face to stop the twitching.

"Then you are too cowardice to take my ball into your hands."

"If I wished, I can take your ball into my hands right now. However, I shall not give you the pleasure of seeing me take your ball."

"Then you are no man if you cannot handle my ball."

For some reason, this conversation started giving the Overseer's guards strange and confusing emotions. The Overseer, however, had quickly become distracted by his Heaven ipad.

"To reiterate, I can take as many balls as I wish. I simply do not want to at the moment and certainly not _your_ ball."

"What I am hearing is that you are unable to handle a ball and, therefore, are concocting an untruth to hide this fact."

Ushio hated that expression almost as much as he hated how good Kaiba looked in his tunic, "Then perhaps you should consider paying a visit to a physician to check your hearing capacity."

"I agree. You do not, indeed, have sufficient male hormones to handle my ball."

Ushio growled.

"In fact," Kaiba paused for dramatic effect, "I believe your level of male hormones is steadily decreasing as we speak."

"Would you be so kind as to close your mouth?" Ushio said through gritted teeth.

"It is, indeed, too late. Your male hormones have already decreased to critical levels."

There was a snort from the Overseer's direction but it was impossible to tell who made it. The king was still engrossed in his Heaven ipad and all his guards looked unusually stiff.

"I take offence to your comments." Ushio's fist was shaking from the amount of control it took not to punch the man in front of him.

"Unfortunately, I, indeed, intend to offend with my comments."

Ushio lunged at Kaiba, missing him by a Heaven inch and nearly falling on his face before stumbling a few steps and regaining his balance. He geared himself for another try when one of the Overseer's guards interrupted.

"You are, indeed, in the presence of His Majesty. It is, therefore, very rude to conduct yourselves in such a manner!" Of course any one of them could have stopped this fight sooner but, secretly, they enjoyed it.

Kaiba gracefully distanced himself from Ushio while the cop did his best to regain whatever dignity he had left (which wasn't much). It was at this point that the Overseer himself seemed to snap out of his Heaven ipad-induced trance and look at them.

"Whyisheinheaven, if Kaiba is to teach your how to operate his - " the Overseer glanced at Kaiba, " – device, I suggest you educate yourself as soon as possible. I wish to execute this mission quickly and swiftly."

Kaiba grinned and Ushio felt his throat constrict.

"Would you agree that is a logical course of action, Whyisheinheaven?"

Ushio felt his sense of masculinity deflate. Maybe his male hormones really were decreasing at an alarming rate…

"Whyisheinheaven?"

"Y-yes, Your Majesty."

"Very good. You are both dismissed. Please report to me with results."

At first, Ushio didn't move but two of the Overseer's four guards promptly escorted him out with Kaiba willingly following after. As soon as the door closed behind the men, there was a loud thump and, despite how much the guards wanted to check, they decided it was probably best not to.

* * *

Yami woke up screaming.

At first he was disoriented, but as his dark surroundings settled in, he was flooded with relief. Thank the Demon Underlord it was a dream. He managed to settle down, though his Hell heart was still pounding in his chest and his breathing was still heavy. It was then that he felt the arms tightening around him.

"Demon Yami, did you, indeed, have an unpleasant dream?"

Yami craned his head around and was faced with giant purple eyes. His first instinct was to jerk backwards but he was held tightly in place. "Yeah."

"Oh demon Yami," Yugi leaned over and kissed his forehead, "I am, indeed, sorry for your dream. However, you are now amongst the waking world and thus such terrors cannot terrorize you anymore."

"Uh huh."

The angel pulled Yami closer (which didn't seem possible but apparently it was) so that Yami's face was planted against Yugi's chest in a rather suffocating manner. "Perhaps it shall ease your heart and mind if you verbally describe the contents of your dream. We, after all, are a pair, demon Yami, and thus your concerns become mine."

There was something unsettling about what Yugi just said but Yami couldn't quite put a Hell finger on it. Whatever Yugi said next was drowned out as Yami concentrated on trying to make sense of his disquiet.

_We are a pair._

_We are a pair._

_A pair._

_Pair._

_Pair…_

Yami shoved Yugi away and scrambled out of the make-shift bed. Startled, Yugi tried crawling towards Yami but Yami backed away until he was nearly out the door.

"Demon Yami, you have, indeed, rather offended me with that action," Yugi cried, looking hurt, "We are a pair, demon Yami, and, as a result, you cannot treat me thusly!"

But Yami was so choked, the words got stuck on the way out. He stared at the angel; first with shock, then horror, then anger. Yugi was every bit the scheming fiend Yami suspected him to be. The vile little angel (soft as he was) had planned to make Yami his prisoner all along. That little brat! That little monster! That betraying little asswipe! Wait… betraying?

"Hey, you guys alright in here?" Yami hopped out of the way as **The** poked her head through the door. "I heard screaming."

"D-demon Yami," Yugi's voice shook and he looked like he was near tears, "d-demon Yami awoke from a dream most unpleasant and, for an unknown reason, is behaving rather aggressively towards me. I am, indeed, dismayed by this aggression. Deeply dismayed."

**The **turned to Yami. He was topless, belt-less and the button on his pants was open. His sleeveless was crumpled on the ground and his belt was handing from the window. She tried not to let her thoughts show on her face but she _was_ a demon after all and, well, even without obvious visual cues, demons usually had one thing on their minds…

"I demand that you come here and comfort me this instant, demon Yami!" Yugi was half hurt half angry. Actually, more like sixty-five percent hurt and thirty-five percent angry. And true to his slightly shaky demand, he stayed planted until _Yami_ came to _him_.

Which was the last thing Yami was going to do because this little… beast with its nice smells and its caressable skin and its (implied) promises of amazing sex was actually trying to make Yami some sort of chain-slave (which was something completely different in Hell and far, far more desirable – in Hell). He wanted to, wanted to kick it. That's right, kick it; right in its voluptuous little butt; like a big, white, fluffy Hell football. Or – or smother it. With his favourite pillow. Damn, this must have been his punishment for neglecting Mephistopheles (his favourite pillow) for the stupid Hypervirgin.

"Come here, demon Yami!" Yugi was at about forty percent hurt and sixty percent anger now and he slapped the ground as he said it.

"Yami?" **The** gave Yami a concerned look but he didn't notice. He was staring Yugi down. The stare morphed into a glare and he pointed an accusing finger at the angel. The words were finally coming but he still wasn't sure what exactly they were going to be. All he knew was, he was pissed. And something else, something he couldn't quite identify. But definitely pissed. His hand wagged back and forth as he tried to figure out what to say, repeatedly pointing at Yugi. Then, finally –

"Fuck you."

He pushed past **The**, and was gone.

_TBC…_

**AN: **I don't understand Heaven technology either.


	16. Yami Goes Viral

**AN:** I'm running out of characters…

**viral: **adj. –_ When a YouTube video rapidly spreads around the internet in a short period of time. _~ (ODD-XL)

_15. Yami Goes Viral_

Téa stopped just before walking right into the swinging doors. She'd been so preoccupied that she was barely aware of the passing time. After what happened, her parents suggested she stay home from school for a few days to… talk about it. She'd refused, saying that it wasn't a big deal. But really, there wasn't much to talk about. What had happened was so beyond angel experience that she couldn't put words to it. Call it a defense mechanism or whatever but the lulling, surreal feeling Téa couldn't seem to shake was getting her through her day – sort of.

After grabbing some lunch, she took her usual seat. Her friends were already there but instead of eating, they were gathered around Leon who had his Heaven laptop open.

"Is that, indeed, an authentic image?" Miho kept herself a good distance away from the picture, as if she was afraid it would jump out at her.

"Indeed it is." Leon wiped the screen with his Heaven napkin, "My father, a man of immense bravery, took it just before the creature - " he swallowed, " – attacked those around it and escaped."

Everyone nodded solemnly. Most of them had only heard about what happened, the only one of the group having seen it with her own Heaven eyes being Téa. In fact, Heaven authorities had been so good at keeping it hushed that virtually no one outside of Halo Drive had been aware. But there was evidence in the form of blurry pictures and static recordings that allowed those not-in-the-know to piece together their own truths.

Truths which then became viral videos on the Heaven internet and made all of Heaven, even those zillions of miles away, aware of the event.

Viral videos that caught the attention of Heaven YouTube tycoons like RayWilliamJohnston and CartGamesFTW, who then accelerated the proliferation of these videos to a speed that Heaven YouTube staff and other Heaven internet police could not possibly keep up with.

It soon became impossible to separate the originals from the copies. But that was far from the minds of viewers because what they saw was just so appalling, so beyond their ability to reason and so against their sense of security that they'd have to be some sort of deviant to not be changed after viewing such videos.

Unrest rippled though Heaven. Some took drastic measures and went as far as double killing themselves, believing it was the end of the world.

So it wasn't hard to believe that this reached the Heaven schools as well. And, although instructed by their Heaven teachers not to talk about 'it' (the 'it' was implied and 'it' was never addressed directly), 'it' was, indeed, very much talked about amongst the students.

And it just so happened that Leon had an authentic image of 'it.'

"Is it, indeed, true that the creature had, indeed, defeated our must powerful and trusted officers of the law by controlling their minds and forcing them to drop their weapons?" Gary, who was slightly braver than Miho, slurped on his Heaven spaghetti as he stared at the screen.

"Is that, indeed, the truth?" Anubis, the school's blonde Heaven heartthrob, turned to Gary, "I had, indeed, heard differently. It is to my understanding that the creature exhaled copious amounts of fire to halt our policemen in their tracks."

"Perhaps it did both. It would not be a surprise if it is capable of both mind control and fire breath as well as other, more heinous powers." This comment came from Umbra, known mostly as the skinny, nerdy kid who munched on little more than Heaven broccoli and was allergic to Heaven gluten.

Téa silently ate her lunch while her friends bounced their theories off each other. Well, 'eat' wasn't really what she was doing; it was more like making little shapes in her Heaven mashed potatoes and hoping that somehow it would gradually disappear. Curious as she was, she wasn't ready to face that image again.

"Téa," Téa blinked and looked up from her food, "We: Leon, Umbra, Anubis, Gary and I," Miho pointed to each one of them, then herself, "Indeed apologize for your experience. We: Leon, Umbra, Anubis, Gary and I, your best friends, would like you to know that we will support you in whatever way you wish."

"I very much thank you, Miho, Leon, Umbra, Anubis and Gary, for your consideration and would like you all to know that I shall call upon our friendship should I need it." Téa answered with a forced smile.

And in most cases, she would have meant it too. But this time, she felt even the great powers of friendship wouldn't be enough to calm her mind. What she'd seen made her question her reality, where she lived and the safety of their realm. Téa'd planned out her day, knew what she was going to, then, as soon as she stepped out of the door, BAM, Heaven cops, Heaven guns and a freakish demon holding poor Cupid hostage right in front of her house (well, more like the airspace above her house)! And that horrible word it kept saying over and over again without mercy. Téa shook her head to keep that word from rushing into her brain. How could this happen? How?

"What, indeed, is that?" Anubis pointed to a blur that was Yami's hair, "I do not, indeed, deny the bravery of your father, Leon, for obtaining such an image but the resolution is rather poor."

And Anubis was right. The picture wasn't exactly clear, which left a thing or two up for debate. Leon squinted, "I would speculate that those are its horns. It is not unreasonable that a demon has horns, am I correct?"

Téa cleared her throat uncomfortably but no one seemed to notice. Leon continued, "If that is the case, it would not be unreasonable to enhance the image a bit," he opened Heaven Photoshop, "I mean, we are not untruthing, we are merely clarifying what exists. What colour shall I choose?"

"Feces brown," Umbra said, "the horns are that colour from the available information."

Gary furrowed his eyebrows. "I disagree, diabetes brown is closer."

"Take no offense to what I am about to say but what is diabetes brown?" Miho asked softly.

"It is the colour of diabetes, of course."

Miho thought for a moment, and then nodded. "Similar to cancer yellow?"

"Correct."

"So everyone is in agreement," Leon looked around at his friends, "the horns are diabetes brown?"

"I still believe they are feces brown," Umbra mumbled, "but whatever."

Leon carefully coloured over Yami's hair, unconsciously adding a few extra spikes for dramatic effect. "What, indeed, do you think, my friends?"

Everyone nodded their approval and the problem seemed resolved until –

"Where, indeed, is the demon's tail?" Gary tapped at the screen where Yami's butt was.

Leon blinked up at him, "I do not, indeed, understand."

At first Gary didn't answer, thinking the question was a joke but when he saw how confused Leon was, he explained. "All demons have tails. It is as much a fact of life as the fact that vanilla is the best flavour in all of Heaven."

Leon glanced at the screen, then back at Gary. "I had not, indeed, learned that. From where was your source of information?"

"I had, indeed, learned it in a history class during my elementary school years. Perhaps it is due to the fact that we attended different elementary schools but I do believe that is a truth that all schools should teach."

At first Leon wasn't sure, but after some contemplation, he figured that it would make sense for demons to have tails. "Well there is no visible tail in this image. Perhaps it is due to the camera angle. Would you do the honour of drawing in the tail, Gary?"

"It would be my pleasure." Now, of course, Gary had never seen a real demon tail before so he had to estimate. Selecting black from the colour palette and the finest paint brush, he attached an S-shaped curve to Yami's back and tipped it off with a red arrowhead. For dramatic effect, he added spark lines to the end.

Again, everyone nodded their approval.

So then what about the pitchfork? Everyone knows demons carried around pitchforks to harass their victims.

"That is, indeed, correct, Miho. And yet the pitchfork too is not visible in this image." Leon pointed out.

"Perhaps the demon purposefully made it invisible to more easily lure out its victims." Miho pointed out, "Though I am not quite sure what a pitchfork, indeed, looks like."

"That is what Google is for, my friend." After quickly searching up an image of a pitchfork, Leon drew it in on the picture; and awkwardly so considering both of Yami's arms were wrapped around Yugi when it was taken.

Every time they thought they were done, something new came up. As a result, they spent the rest of the lunch hour enhancing the picture of Yami. Again, there was nothing wrong with what they were doing; they were just fixing the picture up a bit to make it easier for everyone to see. It wasn't like they were going to distribute it around the Heaven internet or anything. That would just be silly.

* * *

Mako held Yugi as he cried, rubbing the area between Yugi's wings in a feeble attempt to console him. The little angel had been stunned by Yami's sudden outburst, giving time for Yami to push his way out of the room. Awoken by the noise, Mako had tried to stop him but the demon wouldn't have it. Finally, Mako and his wife agreed that she would follow Yami to make sure he was alright. As soon as Yami was out the door, Yugi burst into tears.

"How, indeed, could demon Yami be so cruel? My heart, it, indeed, aches. Aches it does indeed!" Yugi sobbed, his wings shaking from the effort to speak coherently. He was clutching tightly onto Yami's shirt, using it as a safety blanket and tissue.

Mako sighed. They had been at this for four solid hours. Four! And yet there was no sign of Yugi drying up. How was it possible for someone so small to have so much liquid in them anyways? "I know it looks bad but we'll get this fixed, Yugi. **The** is out there talking to him right now, I'm sure it's going to be okay."

"But what if it is not, indeed, okay as you say, Mr. Tsunami?" Yugi sniffled, "We, demon Yami and I, are pair. Such disasters are not to happen!"

"My wife and I fight all the time. It happens."

"That," Yugi wiped his noise, "is because you and Mrs. **The** Tsunami are Underheaven criminals. As I have said before, such disasters do not happen in the world above!"

Mako was, legitimately, offended. Here he was holding Yugi (for four hours!), comforting him and reassuring him and the little angel goes and throws the criminal thing back in his face. Heaven's Cupid or not, he wasn't going to take it. So he let go.

Yugi looked up at Mako and frowned, "You are to hold me in my time of distress, Mr. Tsunami! It is cruel of you to loosen your hold in that manner!"

Mako grunted.

Yugi grabbed Mako's arms and forced them around his body, "I am not finished suffering, Mr. Tsunami, therefore, it is your responsibility to be courteous and comfort me until I finish. Thank you in advance."

Yeah, this is why he left you, you little –

"Thank you for holding me, Mr. Tsunami." Yugi leaned into him, at the same time cuddling up to Yami's shirt. "I feel comforted already."

But darn, why did the little angel have to be so darn cute?

"I do not understand your fondness of the demon," Mana said softly, her feet dangling off the ground where she sat beside Yugi, "It is, indeed, ugly."

"Demon Yami is beautiful!" Yugi gushed, throwing himself onto Mako's lap and unleashing a fresh batch of tears. "Poor demon Yami is so misunderstood. Misunderstood he is so!"

Mako glared at Mana, annoyed to the point of almost bearing his teeth. The girl shrunk her shoulders and looked away, guilty.

"Okay Yugi, what's the matter now?" Yugi's wings shook even more than before and Mako wasn't sure how to make them stop, having lost his own wings a very long time ago.

"Poor demon Yami is greatly disliked by all and he, indeed, does not deserve it, Mr Tsunami!"

"Is that why you're crying?"

"Also, he is rather cruel in his treatment of me and his subsequent abandonment of me!"

Mako still felt like this was Mana's fault. It should be _her _holding Yugi for four hours and _her_ taking Yugi's insults. By extension, this was also the reason why he and his wife never had kids. Exactly why they never had kids.

"Do you want a drink of water, Yugi?" Mako tried to make eye-contact with the angel but Yugi turned inwards towards Mako's chest.

Yugi sniffled, "No, thank you."

"Do you want something to eat? Make yourself feel better that way?"

"No, thank you."

"Is there anything you want?"

"I wish for demon Yami to return. He has, indeed, caused my heart to ache because no one accepts him and he, poor demon Yami, is greatly misunderstood!"

Okay…

"Why has he left me, Mr. Tsunami?" Yugi looked up, "Have I failed in my duties as his eternal partner? I, indeed, promise to work harder."

"It doesn't always work that way, Yugi."

The little angel stared at him with big, watery eyes for a moment before frowning. "You, indeed, say that because you are amongst the criminals of the Underheaven! I mean not to offend but of course it, indeed, works that way!"

"Well what the heck do you want me to tell you?" Mako didn't feel bad for screaming. In fact, it had been long-awaited and much deserved.

Yugi gasped, "You, indeed, yelled at me in my time of need, Mr. Tsunami!"

"Yes I did. I'm just trying to help and you are being a little prick!" This was feeling really, really good.

Yugi stared, mouth wide open with a tear slowly making it way down his cheek. He said nothing, just stared with huge, purple eyes. Then, his bottom lip quivered, his face scrunched and he let out a long, pained wail, throwing himself on Mako once more.

"You are, indeed, too cruel, Mr. Tsunami. Too cruel!"

Mako bit hard on his lips and told himself that if he wanted to keep his sanity, he had to stop letting Yugi get to him and just deal with it. "Is that why you're crying?"

"I do not, indeed, know why I am crying, Mr. Tsunami."

Well, at least Yugi admitted to it this time.

"However, I am rather heartbroken."

Got that.

"Are you tired? Want to take a nap for a bit?"

Yugi swallowed a sob, "Maybe. Will you, indeed, hold me until I, or if I, fall asleep?"

"Of course."

Which took another three hours to happen. During this time, the conversation was pretty much the same; Yugi asking a question about his and Yami's 'relationship,' Mako replying with an honest, experience-rich answer and Yugi rejecting the answer because Mako's experience was that of a criminal's. In attempting to defend himself, Mako would make Yugi cry harder and eventually it became more and more difficult to tell why Yugi was so distressed. Mana, fearing Mako's annoyance, managed to slip away and explore her surroundings, having conveniently been unconscious for most of their time in the Underheaven. When Yugi finally quieted down and his breathing grew deep and regular, Mako was so exhausted that he didn't bother dragging himself to bed. The two angels held each other as they slept. Though from vastly different worlds, there was a kind of bonding in that seven-hour span between the _legitimate _and_ illegitimate _angels that eroded the barriers between them.

_TBC…_

**AN: **Now that you've endured through that, I just want to point out the obvious and say that there are several different streams happening at the same time. Some might be less exciting than others but they all contribute to the main theme of this story. Now that Yugi and Yami and separated, expect 5 or 6 streams at most. Don't worry, there will be consolidation.


	17. Building Trust

_**16. Building Trust**_

Leon sat Heaven inches from his Heaven television, munching on Heaven apple chips and slipping his Heaven soda. The best time of the day was the hour after Heaven school when his parents had yet to come home from work, his siblings were out and back-to-back episodes of _Pokémaln _and _Yu-Gee-Oh_ were on. Indeed for that one hour after Heaven school, all was well and perfect and he could pretend not to have any Heaven homework or Heaven chores to do. That was until…

"We, indeed, interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news. Apologies for the interruption but this news is rather breaking."

Leon's chewing slowed and he frowned, leaning forward in anticipation.

"If you, indeed, have children in the room, it is advised that they leave the room for this news may be too shocking to those still young." The male angel on the screen looked flustered, more so than Heaven news anchors should. Leon stopped chewing, shoving the gooey ball of predigestion against the side of his cheek.

"It has come to the attention of the inhabitants of our realm that a short few days ago, no more than two, a - " The anchor stopped, fumbled with his piece of paper and actually pulled out a Heaven handkerchief to wipe his bald head, "a – d-d – apologies – a - " he took a breath, "a –indeed why is it so difficult to utter this word? – a demon has been spotted in our realm."

Despite the fact that Leon already knew this, his stomach twisted knowing that, having made it onto the news, this fact is now "official."

"F-f-furthermore," the anchor looked like was going to cry, "The demon is, indeed, as volatile as we had assumed, perhaps even more volatile. It – it – it, excuse me," the anchor turned to someone off screen, "I, indeed, cannot do this. Apologies but this is too horrible of a news to leave my lips."

There was some whispering off screen, the anchor avoiding eye contact with the camera. Finally, another male angel came up behind him, tapped him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He nodded nervously before scurrying off, leaving this new person to take his seat.

"In continuation," this new angel sat down gracefully, straightening the papers in front of him, "The demon is as volatile as we had assumed, perhaps even more volatile. Eye-witness as well as electronic evidence proves that, within its malevolent clutches, our realm's precious Cupid is being held hostage. This is not, indeed, a jest for a jest of this nature would be of utmost cruelty. Cupid - " The anchor stared directly into the camera, his face stone serious, "Is its prisoner. It has taken Cupid. Cupid is with it and not with us."

Leon bit his bottom lip, thinking back to the picture his dad had taken.

"The following is one of the most incriminating images available to us of such evidence. Once more, if there are young children as well as those weak of heart in the room, it is strongly advised that they leave. I shall give time for them to leave before displaying this image."

And, after about sixty Heaven seconds or so…

"Be warned, here is the image. Quickly glance at it and advert your eyes if need be."

Leon nearly kicked over his Heaven soda. No, wait, he _did_ kick over his Heaven soda, and coughed up his Heaven apple chips _and_ spill the remainder of the chips on the ground before crushing them into tiny bits with his knee and grinding them deep into the Heaven carpet.

"Oh infinite degrees of misfortune…"

_That_ picture, in all its Photoshopped glory, filled his sixty-four inch Heaven HD television, big enough for him to stare into the blurry eyes of the demon himself. But before he could figure out how it could possibly have gotten public, he heard screaming, then the wailing of a Heaven firetruck and then something that sounded like a "Code Red" alarm.

He rushed to the nearest window and parted the curtains, astonished to see Heaven cop cars and various emergency vehicles pouring into his neighbourhood.

"Please, remain calm." He couldn't tell where the male voice came from but it was definitely through a Heaven megaphone, "It is best at this time to remain in your homes for that is most likely the safest place to be. Once more, please remain in your homes and do not pass the threshold that is your front door."

The sudden ringing of his Heaven home phone nearly made him jump and Leon snatched it off the hook, hoping it was a parent or one of his siblings, "Greetings?"

"Leon!" It was Umbra (the one allergic to Heaven gluten), "Oh it is terrible, indeed it is the utmost terrible!"

"Of course it is, indeed, terrible! My picture, indeed, has somehow left the confines of my computer and made itself public! The image which I had once possessed is the cause of this panic! The panic is the result of an image of mine!" Leon could barely speak, stumbling over his words and feeling dazed from the shock.

At first nothing but silence came through from the other end of the line. Then, "Leon…" Umbra said softly.

"Apologies for having raised my voice at you," Leon said quickly but Umbra cut him off.

"No, it is not the fact that you are upset for upset is the very emotion I am currently feeling. It is the fact that - " More silence.

"That?"

"That…"

"That…?"

"That I, for a rather short, a rather very short period of infinitesimally small portion of time; a time so short it could be considered no time at all…posted that image on my Facebook."

"YOU POSTED THAT PICTURE ON FACEBOOK?"

"It was an extremely short period of time!" Came the protest, "No more than one minute, I speak the truth! I had, indeed, saved a copy of it on my flashdrive and it had been so long since anyone "commented" or "liked" anything I had posted. Do you, indeed, know how it feels to post every day and not receive any notifications? Well it is a rather terribly unwanted feeling and I thought the image would draw attention towards myself! It was only after I posted it that I realized Facebook is far, far more public than it appears, and thus removed it. But I speak the truth when I say it was no more than a minute. I speak the truth indeed!"

Leon sat there, phone to ear, eyes glazed over and words so clogged in his throat that none of them could get out. This was really bad. Like, really, really bad.

"Leon, please speak to me. A thousand apologies and more. It was a mistake!"

But all Leon could hear was that they were screwed. He suddenly felt very scared. What if they found out the picture came from him? What would his parents do? What would the authorities do? He was too young to go to Heaven jail!

"Umbra, listen to me." Leon said clinging onto every last bit of control he had in him, "You must not whisper to anyone that this came from us."

"But - "

"Furthermore, you must not utter a word regarding the fact that it was altered."

"Are you, indeed… serious?"

"I am, in fact, very serious. If the image is traced back to us, great misfortune shall follow." His tone was suddenly dark, quite unlike how he usually sounded.

"But Leon, it was from my Facebook, t-they would know!" Umbra sounded like he was struggling to breathe."

"Your privacy settings were restricted to your friends only, were they not?"

"Y-yes."

"Then if the image had been copied and then re-copied, it was likely through a friend and not the authorities directly. Delete your Facebook and deny everything."

"What?"

Leon clutched the phone so tightly, his hand turned numb. "Delete you Facebook and deny everything, Umbra. If we are, indeed, lucky, they cannot trace it back to us! Do you, indeed, wish to go to jail? Well I certainly do not and you were the cause of this massively grand mistake and thus you shall listen to me, is that understood?"

A soft sigh, followed by an "okay" came through.

Relieved, Leon released a puff of air. "I would like you to delete it right now." He said wearily.

"Right now?"

"Yes. Turn on your computer, log onto Facebook and delete it right now – over the phone."

"But how would you, indeed, know that I am deleting my Facebook?" Umbra's voice was getting smaller and smaller.

"Do you, indeed, wish to be incarcerated?" Leon's voice twisted in controlled anger, "You shall relay to me step-by-step during your process of deleting your Facebook."

"Y-yes Leon." There was a pause and Leon was satisfied to hear the clicking of fingers on keyboard in the background. "Okay, I have logged into my account."

"Good."

"Now I am clicking 'account' on the topmost right hand corner."

"Okay."

"I am clicking 'account settings.' Now I am clicking 'deactivate account.' And, wait, hmm."

"What is it?"

"It is asking me to indicate a reason for my choice of deactivation. Having looked at the list, 'I have a privacy concern' seems to be the one most congruent with my reasons."

"No! Do not choose that! They will know! Choose… what are the other options?" Leon sighed, this was much more work than it should have been. Darn Facebook and its nosiness.

Umbra read them one by one. There were nine 'reasons' in total, 'other' being the tenth.

"Alright then, choose 'my account was hacked,' we may be able to use that for our favour in the future."

"I have chosen that and clicked 'okay.' Facebook is now deactivated and, apparently Facebook shall miss me."

"Good."

"Leon."

"Yes.

"I miss my Facebook. Now I cannot keep in touch with my multitude of friends."

Leon groaned loudly into the phone. This was ridiculous. "You can simply reactivate your account once this scare is over."

"Until then?"

"I do not know! Watch television or play video games. That is, of course, if the demon does not come and eat you first!"

The gasp from the other end was cut off as Leon dropped the phone back on the hook. He was jittery from the mix of fear, anger, frustration and uncertainty. Opting not to look out the window again, Leon trudged up to his room and closed the door behind him. Not bothering to change out of his clothes, he simply slipped off his sandals and crawled into bed, pulling his comforter over his head. If he couldn't sleep, at least he could hide. And, right now, all he wanted to do was hide.

* * *

Yami ran blindly into the forest, following the trail without really thinking beyond his next two steps. Small branches randomly whipped him in the face but he swatted them away as he barrowed forward in an attempt – a very desperate attempt – to get away.

And it didn't really matter where this 'away' would be, as long as it was _away_.

Because this was a nightmare. A nightmare that just so happened to be real and involved Heaven, Hell, nature and all of existence plotting together to make his afterlife as shitty as possible. It was a nightmare-but-not-a-nightmare of lies, deceit, cruelty and a soft-ass angel that clung onto him like a baby koala.

Baby koalas are kind of cute.

No they are not! They're clingy and needy and annoying and they'll probably claw your face off if you let your guard down!

_But would you claw back?_

What kind of question was that? Yami was a civil demon. The only clawing he'd do was in bed. And maybe to scratch an itch. But then, it would be _scratching_ and not quite _clawing_ per se.

Yami halted, realizing that his legs hurt. And why was he running? This world really was screwing with his head. After some Hell cursing, he flexed his wings, took a running start and threw himself into the air.

At this height and speed, the branches smacked him harder and faster than ever but it felt great to be moving over 100 Hell km/hr faster (or was it Heaven kilometres? This was the 'Underheaven' after all). You never fully appreciate a limb until you have to go without it and those brief couple of hours when his wing was broken made him feel crimpled.

But he did tire after awhile so decided to settle on a sturdy-looking tree branch to cool down and think a bit. He figured he'd be safer above-ground considering the various dangerous things lurking on the forest floor; one of which, not to be forgotten, almost double killing him earlier.

The air was fresher and sweeter than what he was used to and he felt invigorated despite the situation he was in. It was one nice thing about the place; to be able to get away from the Hell city, the daily hum drum of work and sex and just _breathe._

"Yami, is that you?"

Or maybe not.

Yami looked down and squinted. It was **The**. But that was impossible. The woman was wingless and there was no way she could have run that fast.

"It _is_ you. Come down so we can talk."

But he just stared in awe. There was _no way_ she could have run so fast.

**The** kicked the ground in front of her. "Call it evolution, Yami. Your body makes up for stuff when you go long enough without wings."

But still (Yami realized he must have been voicing his thoughts again), he was flying over 140 Hell km/hr.

"And you weren't exactly flying in a straight line either."

What?

"You kind of just," she twirled the air with her forefinger, "did giant loops around the house."

No way.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed, it's pretty dark. And you managed not to like… smack into a tree or a miscellaneous flying animal or something."

Yami buried his face in his hands.

"I know, I know. Just come down, will you? We're both adults here, no need to be pouting and crap."

Except that the bitch was an Underhell criminal… and he wasn't pouting!

**The**sighed and blew a puff of air upwards, causing her bangs to flutter. "Alright, you're pissed, Yugi's a crying mess, I'm kinda pissed myself, so let's just get this shit untangled and over with." She paused, letting a few rather awkward seconds pass, "I mean Yugi man, geeze, he's just so - " she rubbed her temple wirily, "… like how you can stand like twenty minutes with him is beyond me. Seriously, like maybe there's a _reason_ why he's the 'Hypervirgin,' you know? I mean I'm just sayin' but… _gawd_."

Yami could help but laugh. Yup, that pretty much summed it up. Wait, Yugi was… crying?

"Just come the fuck down!"

Why the hell would Yugi be crying? This was all his fault!

"Yami!"

That little angel was a lying, conniving, manipulating, powerful (soft) little asswipe.

"Go ahead, pretend like you can't hear me. That's mature."

He must be manipulating them. All of them. Either that, or **The** and Mako were secretly on his side and they're all tricking him somehow. Yeah, that had to be it. He couldn't trust anyone anymore (not that he trusted them in the first place). These 'people' could be lying about their identities even! Them, this world and the freaking virginal-as-a-wide-eyed-chipmunk angel could be in on a big secret Heaven government plan to capture him and harvest his organs to serve as a delicacy in some high-end Heaven restaurant! The Hypervirgin had powers, after all, the crying had to be.

Yami's train of thought was interrupted by a loud thump, followed by a strangled scream. Some time during his reminiscing, a large, four-legged canine-like creature had jumped **The** and was now preceding to maul her to double death. He watched in horror as the _thing_ loomed over the sets of arms and legs beneath it, tail swaying from one side to the other slowly. Yami blinked, unsure if this was real or not, and in the split second he took to do so, the creature was flipped off her, landing hard on its side as she jumped to her feet. The two of them sized each other up. Like springs, both were bent low; hyper alert and ready to attack. Then, at the same time, they jumped, smacking into each other in something that looked like a sloppy hug before falling to the ground. They rolled around and around, wrestling with what looked equal strength.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. The woman was a beast.

At some points, there was growling and Yami wasn't sure of it was coming from the creature or **The**. No one was at an advantage and even though the fight went on for a while, Yami couldn't take his eyes off them. But just as it looked like **The** was tiring out, she buried a knee deep in the creature's soft underbelly, causing it to seize up for a moment before letting out a low cranking sound and falling still. She climbed off, standing up gracefully.

It looked like that kick to the stomach actually killed it but the creature's forepaws twitched after moments of stillness, finally managing to flip onto its front. Without fully getting onto its feet, the thing dragged itself away slowly and very painfully, so much so that Yami almost felt sorry for it.

She straightened her clothes and hair and turned around, looking up at Yami. "Don't worry, it was just a kitten."

That thing was a baby? What kind of place was this?

When Yami didn't quite accept her explanation as easily as she'd wanted, **The **laughed, "Now you _really _think I'm some sort of Underhell beast now, don't cha?"

Um, a little bit, yeah.

"While I'm not too happy about, you know, reaffirming a stereotype I wanted to change, I'm still gonna play the evolution card and say that I had no choice. It's still pretty tough livin' down here, you know."

But wrestling random forest animals? Yami shook his head, a part of him feeling sorry for **The** and Mako having to live like this (ironically, he's been feeling sorry for the creature whose ass **The** had kicked severely; he wasn't sure who or what to feel sorry for anymore apparently).

"I'm coming up there."

What?

"Look, I don't have time for your bullshit. My husband's been with that crying angel for, - " she paused to think, "Gawd knows how long now and I'm a little more than concerned for his sanity. So if you're not moving your ass, I am."

And, like a highly trained monkey, **The** latched herself onto the tree and proceeded to scale the thick trunk with amazing speed. When she got to the bottommost branch, she reached out with one arm and, supporting her entire weight with that arm, managed to get onto a standing position. She continued to do this until she got to where Yami sat.

He was more frightened of the woman than ever.

"So," she said, slightly out of breath, "What's up?"

What's up? Is she serious?

"I got the feeling something wasn't totally right when Mako brought you guys home and I don't think I need to tell you why I think so." Her voice was soft, her sharp features sympathetic, "I won't bite you, you know."

Really now?

After what he saw, Yami couldn't bring himself to believe she was as trusting and gentle as she was leading on, so he said nothing.

"Alright, quid pro quo." She perked up after some awkward silence.

Um, okay.

The ran her fingers through her hair, making herself as comfortable as a wingless demon could while balancing on a branch several dozen feet off the air. "Remember how I said – well, admitted – that I'm an Underhell demon?"

Yami nodded.

"Well don't you think it's kind of weird that the territory we're in now is technically the Underheaven?"

Yami thought for a moment. He hadn't put all these things together, but now that she mentioned it…

"Not to mention that, if I hadn't told you, you wouldn't even know that I'm a demon or Mako's an angel or even be able to tell the difference between us."

"You could just be an assdamn liar."

"Well yeah," The was unfazed by the scathing comment, "But _you_ could be an 'assdamn' liar too, so let's just factor that out for now, 'K?"

Yami felt like she was speaking down at him, which was all the more irritating since he still had a hard time seeing her as anything more than a criminal. But he had to admit she was right, at least in part anyways. The guilt from being rude was tickling the back of his mind and he could do nothing but look away. So what was the question again?

**The **swayed back and forth where she sat and, just when it looked like she was going to fall, she straightened herself, "So what'cha think is going on?"

"Honestly, I don't shipricking care."

She laughed, "Why not?"

Despite his guilt, he just couldn't bring himself to be polite (even by Hell's standards), "I just wanna go home. So if you don't piss me how to go home, I don't care."

"But you'd be interested in why you might possibly, probably, maybe, _like_ Yugi," she held up her thumb and forefinger, making a little gap, "… just a little tiny bit?"

Yami snapped his head towards her, eyes wide and face twisted with horror, "WHAT?"

The held up her hands in mock defense and shrugged. "Just a suggestion."

"Well it's an analtastically shittarded suggestion!" Yami spat, "He – err – it is the shitpricking _Hypervirgin_, do you even braindrain what that is?"

"Apparently not – "

"It is the most ballscrawlingly virginal creature in existence and… exists… merely to mock us demons with its horrendous degrees of virginity. It's so buttcrampingly virginal, demon babies cry whenever its name is mentioned. The amount of virginity in that thing _alone_ can power a whole damn neighbourhood 'till the end of time!"

"That's… pretty serious."

Yami glared at her.

"What?"

"You don't believe me."

She bit her lips, turned away, took a few calming breaths, and turned back, "Why wouldn't I believe you?"

"You're laughing."

She cleared her throat, "I'm not laughing!"

"Yeah you are."

She let a giggle pop out, "Okay, fine. It's just the way your describe things, it's very, um, interesting…"

Yami stared at her, face stone serious.

"Like the whole Yugi's virginity powering a whole neighbourhood thing, it's… a new perspective." She paused, "And I mean that in the best way possible." She paused again, "Alright, I'm sorry, okay?"

"The Hypervirgin can frapping double kill you where you stand just by eyegunking you."

"I've lived a long afterlife."

Yami dug his claws into the tree truck, which he'd been using to brace himself and glared venomously at her. But before he could say anything, **The** clapped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. He wasn't sure what the gesture meant, but it made his anger subside.

"I'm _not_ making fun of you," she affirmed, "Okay so, it would be easy to. But it wouldn't be fair because there's a lot you don't know that's more the fault of your society and not you personally."

She looked like she was being genuine but he still didn't like what she said. Yami moved to pull away and she let her hand slide off him, more easily than he'd expected.

"You're kind of a bitch."

"No I'm not, now shut up and listen."

Making a face, Yami made to get up and fly away but she, with the strength of a Hell ox, held him in place. "You won't even know where to go if you leave."

"Fuck you."

"Maybe later."

Yami wanted to hit her so bad.

"Hit me or hit _on_ me? Bad joke, but kind of worth it to see that handsome face of your scowl." She smiled when he was effectively thrown off guard, "But let's be serious. What if I told you that Yugi doesn't have any powers?"

"I wouldn't believe you."

"Well, have you seen his powers? Do you even know what they are?"

Yami searched her face, looking for signs of mockery. She'd done a lot of it that day so it wouldn't he a surprise if she was screwing with him some more. "I braindrain for a fact that the Hypervirgin has powers."

"That's not really answering my question."

She was serious, and Yami couldn't believe something so, so, _common sense_ would come into question. The sky was up, Hell grass was purple, Hell gas prices are ever increasing and angels had powers. You just accept it. "I just braindrain. Everyone braindrains that. It's a dumb question."

"But _how_ do you know?"

"I just do."

"See, this," she accentuated the 'this' by slapping the branch they were perched on, "Is the kind of mentality that got my PhD thesis rejected and the very reason why I'm down here in the first place."

Yami nearly feel off the branch.

"And spare me the 'you don't look educated look,' please."

Yami grimaced at the 'please.'

"Oh just stop it, it doesn't bother you _that_ much." The released a puff of air and hung her head pensively, her voice softening, "My education is mainly in Anthropology. I did a double Bachelor's at NHU (Northern Hell University) in Anthropology and Classical Literature and I did my Master's and Doctorate at USWH (University of South-Western Hell). I focused on Social Anthropology at the graduate levels and looked at the dynamics between different demon groups; well that's how I began anyways. The Classical Lit. degree stuck with me, even though I didn't really use it and I found myself thinking about how my disciplines could overlap. I read a lot of mythology and stuff in my Undergrad and, well, you come across weird stuff that's never explained." She sighed, weary from telling this story so many times, "Well anyways, I expanded the scope of my subjects. I wanted to talk about more than just demons because demons are demons. I'm a demon, you're a demon, it's our people and demons have been researched about extensively. I kind of pulled a daring move and decided I wanted to talk about angels too. Problem was, I didn't know a thing about angels. After some research, I realized no one did. Not to mention, whatever's out there contradicts each other like crazy. I'll shut up if this is boring you."

Yami blinked, "Uh no, it's not."

"Alright. So then, the question became 'why?' Why do we have all these stories and myths and assumptions and all this other bullshit about angels with no proof? What's going on in the heads of demons? Long story short, I said something a little controversial in my paper with the presumption that I was producing ground-breaking research. I had assumed, wrongly, that demons, especially the experts in my field, are open to conversation. That didn't happen. My paper was confiscated, they accused me of being a spy or a traitor or some shit, clipped my wings, and shoved me down here." She glanced at him, eyes red and teary, "It's been hundreds of years and I'm still bitter about it, Yami."

He'd looked down on this woman; thought she'd done beastly, sick things to earn herself this fate. He could sense her intense sorrow and anger but he didn't know what to say. He cleared his throat, "You pissed before that you're an Underhell demon living in the Underheaven."

The sniffed and blinked away whatever was in her eyes, "Oh that, I almost forgot. It's mainly because there's no real border between the Underhell and the Underheaven like there is for their… 'respective aboves.' I think there used to be a border but that dissolved a long time ago."

"Why?"

"We're destitute down here. We need all the help and resources we can get. Asking for help is easier, even if you're new because you can't really tell who's a demon and who's an angel. It's kinda sad because all you really need to do is clip our wings and give us new clothes. Voila! Indistinguishable."

The more Yami spoke to her, the more he felt like he was in the Hell Twilight Zone. Really? _Really?_ He scrunched up his brows, "Really?"

"It was either that or kill and eat each other." That was said almost too casually to be normal. "Anyways, the language comes after. Way after. It's pretty interesting how this process works on the cognitive level but," she shrugged, "Over time, you just start talkin' like everyone else. I'm assuming the whole aversion to each other's language thing is mostly psychological."

Yami opened his mouth but **The** cut him off, "It really pisses me off because my hypothesis – the one I wrote about in the thesis – was pretty damn close to this." She clenched her teeth, "Like… fuck."

"At least you're not… savages. Not complete shitlicking savages anyways."

**The** snorted, "Yeah, not _completely._"

"I… still don't give an asscrack for angels." Yami said, after some thought.

"That's fine."

"Really?"

"I'm not lecturing you about how to think, and even if I was, I don't expect you to have this huge-ass epiphany and change your ways or some shit. I'm just telling you how things are." She dropped her gaze, pausing to think before turning back to him, "What_ I_ learned, personally," She poked her chest with two fingers, "Is that when you need each other, like _really_ need each other, the differences will go away."

* * *

Zorc and Dorc were completely uncooperative. In the span of a few days, at least seven demons had served as Yami's substitute and failed miserably. The entire department was disrupted as a result; the brothers making a huge mess and being very loud about it. Analprodoassers in the surrounding area found it hard to stay focused and production dropped significantly. And all because of Yami. Yami, whom Reapbecca was determined, with the might of the entire girth of her ample bosom, to find and bring back – even if it meant haggling a conference with President Pegasex himself.

_TBC…_


	18. Underworlds Revealed: Empathy

_**17. Underworlds Revealed: Empathy**_

Yami didn't have a good reason to believe **The**. In fact, had Yami been there when she was sent to the Underhell, he probably would have helped shove her down there himself. It was not, however, to say that he didn't pity the woman, he just couldn't buy what she said. It was just too much of a stretch. Sorry, but it was.

**The **cleared her throat and rubbed her face with the back of her hand. "So, ready to go back?"

Yami gripped the **branch** he sat on with both claws, as if afraid he'd fall off. "But _he's _there, waiting for me."

She frowned, confused, then sighed and 'hmmed' to herself when it finally clicked. "So what?"

"So I'm not asspoundingly interested in committing _double suicide_. Maybe I'd numbnut it in the future, but not now."

**The** wasn't completely surprised but she couldn't help feeling a little disappointed as well. Somewhere in there, the cogs were turning, she could see it, but she couldn't expect the massive machine to move with one push. "Okay, that's fine," she said, after a somewhat prolonged pause in which she debated with the rather tantalizing urge to smack him, "But what is it about Yugi that freaks you out so much?"

When Yami gave her a weird look without really answering, she added, "Is it because he's got those bug eyes? No offence, but that's kind of a dumb reason, Yami, I mean c'mon -"

"No! It's not – well sort of – but…" He stuck his tongue between his teeth, "… fuck they're huge." That last part was more to himself than **The**.

"Yeah they are."

"Yeah…"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

They paused to contemplate this fact, Yami actually thinking hard about this while **The** really hoping that, by humouring him, Yami would eventually come around. When the silence got ridiculously long, she cut in, "But seriously…"

To Yami, the woman was so ignorant, she was beyond pity. It was probably one of those scholarly kinds of ignorance in which he or she would be so absorbed in his or her studies that he or she was unaware of the world around him or her. As a result, he or she may be an expert in a specific field but be clueless about anything else (in his or her world).

"**The**," Yami said carefully, "It's because - " and Yami really didn't want to offend her, in fact, he was a gentledemon, "I think that Yugi has certain shitsnickling endowments that makes him ballcrushingly dangerous. To me."

**The **blinked, clearly lost.

"He has powers."

Needless to say, she couldn't bring herself to smile, even though she really wanted to. She could, however, resist the urge to shake her head. "Yeah?" **The** managed.

"Obviously." It hung awkwardly, as if the affirmation was meant to convince the both of them.

"Well," she said slowly, trying to whip up something on the spot, "If that's what you believe… we can do something about it."

"Uh… what?"

"Yeah," she continued, more enthusiastically, "I'm _married_ to an angel, remember?"

It was still a weird thought, no matter how many times Yami was reminded of that.

Like a really, really weird thought actually.

She tapped his arm lightly, "I'm a demon, you're a demon, I'll help you."

Yami scoffed, "Weren't you earscreeching? Cupid has powers. Fucking powers. What can you or I _slunk _about it?"

"Trust me." She began to make her way down from the tree, climbing over Yami's body to do so. Amazed by how fast the woman could shimmy down the tree (she was like a gecko or something), he could only stare. Yami glided down after her.

"Okay, this is going to sound kinda screwy but just go with it, okay?"

"Sure..."

"I'm going to pretend to be Yugi and say stuff to you and you're going to respond. I'll tell you afterwards how you do."

Yami burst out laughing, loud and hardy. He doubled over, clenching his stomach, face mere inches from the ground. His body shook and ached but he couldn't stop. Yami didn't remember the last time he laughed so hard, but damn did it feel good. Kudos to this funny woman. Kudos to her.

"I'm actually quite serious, Yami."

"Nokuhkuhkuhu," he choked.

"Actually, I am."

When it looked like he really was going to choke himself laughing, **The **calmly walked over to him and kicked him in the shin. His yelp was immediately followed by a cessation of laughter and an ugly look sent her way. "Let's be adult about this, alright?"

He mumbled something about her being the one to kick him but **The **couldn't hear most of it and decided to ignore the rest.

"Okay," she started walking and he followed half-heartedly after, "I'm Yugi and you're you and we're having a typical conversation."

Again, Yami scoffed. But instead of laughing, he made a noise that sounded like the death rattle of an aged rhino. Typical conversation. The tragic irony in that was so tragic (or perhaps so ironic) his brain refused to even register it.

**The **scratched her chin with a finger, muttering to herself, "Lemme think, how does he talk again… man this is going to be such a bitch… ah, alright, got it."

She turned and, walking backwards, pulled her arms to either side of her body so that they looked like penguin flippers and said in a high pitched voice, "Oh demon Yami, I am, indeed, so very _very _annoying."

For a split second, Yami's face froze in an expression that could be construed as his "release" face before he coughed up a big pile of laughter. He slapped his knee, sputtering, coughing and laughing in a mix that made it difficult to tell if he was in ecstasy or in pain. Again, KUDOS to this funny woman. In fact, she wins a thousand internets.

**The** couldn't help but laugh along. "How was that?"

"Fucking perfect!"

"Alright, how about this," She made a pouty face and bat her eyelashes, "I speak every time I think* and I say everything in full, run-on sentences and repeat what I say at least three times. Three times I repeat them. I, indeed, repeat them three times. Do I not, demon Yami?"

Needless to say, Yami nearly keeled over. He stopped walking, both arms clenched tightly around his (bare) torso as if it would split at the seams. Tears seeped from the corners of his eyes and small animals scurried away from him fearfully. "Fuck yes! You're a shitproding genius! I don't not unhate you!"

**The **smiled, "Really? Aww, that's sweet."

The laughter was probably loud enough to send the birds flooding out of the forest. But it didn't matter because they were having some genuine fun. When they sobered, **The **got down to business. "Alright, but for real this time," she let out a final snort, "I'm Yugi. Okay, here we go."

Yami exhaled, tired, "Alright, fine."

"Demon Yami," Even though she wasn't trying to be funny this time, **The** could help but say it in a higher pitch, "I, indeed, want you to hold me."

He snorted, shaking his head without really responding.

"We're being serious right now," she chided, "What do you say to that?"

Again, Yami shook his head, "This is so asssmacking stupid."

She stopped and Yami almost walked right into her, "I'm offering my help here," she said in a freakishly familiar tone, "So you're going to play along or stop bitching about Yugi."

Yami had to admit, he did complain about Yugi a lot. Still, he felt it was well-deserved considering all the harassment he'd been through. Harassment that came from having Yugi around. Damn that angel irked him. That squishable angel irked him so much. He hated that angel. He hated that angel so much, he just wanted to –

"I'm going to try again. And this time, you're giving me a legit answer." She continued walking and he followed, "Demon Yami, I, _indeed_, demand that you hold me."

When, again, Yami didn't respond. **The **glared at him. "I said –"

"Yeah, yeah I earscreeched you," he held up his hands defensively, "It's just," Yami's voice dropped and he clenched his hands, rubbing his thumbs along his fingers uncomfortably, "When Cupid tonguetweeches that, I just," he paused, "Slunk it."

"Do what?"

He couldn't bear to look at her. "What Cupid tonguetweeches."

"So you hug him when he tells you to."

"Yeah."

"Oh geeze."

"Yeah…"

**The **ran her hand through her bangs and exhaled long-sufferingly, "Okay, well, at least we have some sort of direction now. Alright then, new thing. I'm going to make a request, pretending to be Yugi and you say 'no' as convincingly as possible."

Yami made a face. This was humiliating. And it was not just the fact that this woman thought he was a… tool of sorts but that she had to make such a big deal of it. He wasn't a child; he knew how to say no.

"Then you shouldn't be doing whatever he tells you to." Yami was confused at that comment, then realized he was thinking out loud again. **The** continued, "No offence, but you really need this."

"I don't tonguetweech 'no' to _Cupid_," He emphasized the 'Cupid,' "Because, like I tonguetweeched a hundred times before, Cupid has fucking powers that'll fuck me over if I don't slunk what he wants."

"Fine," **The** replied boldly, "Then as the demon that teaches you to defy such _incredible_ power," her gaze grabbed his and she held onto it fiercely, "I will," she pointed to herself, "_Personally_ defend you if Yugi ever unleashes his _awesome_ power because you did something to piss him off. I will push you out of the way, jump in the line of fire, hell, I'll even jump Yugi myself. Alright?"

Yami stared at her in innocent disbelief, "Why would you slunk that for me?"

The corner of **The's** mouth twitched and she had to hold her own face to make it stop, "I'm humanitarian like that."

His eyes turned sceptical, "You wouldn't."

"I would. And I'll pinky swear it too. You guys still do the pinky swear thing up there, don't you?"

"Yeah."

She stuck out her right pinky and, although Yami initially hesitated, he reluctantly gave her his right pinky and they 'shook' on it. "Cross my heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye, blah, blah, blah, something like that, I don't remember the rest. Anyways, back to what we were doing before. I'll make a Yugi-like request-slash-demand and you refuse as convincingly as possible."

Yami said nothing.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.'" She paused to think, "How about this: Demon Yami, I wish for you to kiss my feet."

"What? That's shitard -"

"Just give me an answer!"

Yami gritted his teeth. "No."

* * *

Yugi was absolutely adorable when he slept. For Mako, someone who obviously hadn't known Yugi very long, it was easy to forget what Yugi was like when he was awake. Like this, with his chubby cheeks puffing in and out with each breath, his wings curled around him like a swaddled baby and his little thumb in his mouth, Mako couldn't help but look upon him fondly, unable to keep himself from smiling.

Awww. So cute!

Maybe one day he and his wife would have a little one just like this one.

Yugi stirred and rubbed his semi-closed eyes. The thumb popped out of his mouth and he yawned, unfurling his wings and stretching both arms over his head.

Still cute.

"Mr. Mako Tsunami," Yugi slurred, one eye open, "I do not, indeed, remember why I am here or even where here is."

Mako slipped out of his trance, "Well," he began gently.

But before he could continue, Yugi looked down at the leather tank top trapped underneath him and his eyes went huge, his face then contorting into a mix of anguish and anger. His bottom lip quivered and before you could say 'not cute anymore,' he exclaimed 'demon Yami!' and burst into tears.

"Demon Yami, demon Yami, DEMON YAMI!" Yugi whined, rubbing his face in Yami's top, "Why have you, indeed, abandoned me in such a cruel and painful manner as this? My heart, indeed, aches from such cruel and painful treatment. This cruel and painful treatment is, indeed, cruel and painful."

The first thing that came to Mako's mind was whether he really used to speak this way when he was in the surface world. The second was if the pain of a vasectomy was worth it. And this was the _Underheaven_, okay. No fancy instruments or anaesthetics or anything like that.

"Come, Mr. Mako Tsunami," Yugi reached out an arm and waved Mako over, "Come here and comfort me for I, indeed, require copious amounts of comfort at the moment."

Then again, Mako figured, their children would technically be mixed. What are the chances they would turn out like Yugi? And he and his wife would, of course, raise their kids well.

"Come here, Mr. Mako Tsunami!"

Then, _again_, Mako had heard of really good parents who, no matter what they did, couldn't do anything about their children's unpleasant temperaments. Some kids are just born like that; can't do anything about it.

"MR. MAKO TSUNAMI, I REQUEST THAT YOU, INDEED, COME HERE!"

Mako grunted. Maybe it'd just be easier if he discussed this with his wife. He dragged his feet to the couch where Yugi lay and sat down stiffly. He patted Yugi gingerly on the shoulder, "There, there."

"Apologies but you are not doing a very good job at comforting me." Yugi sobbed, seeming as if he was talking to the shirt more than Mako.

Mako gritted his teeth and withdrew his hand, glaring at the back of Yugi's head (he briefly wondered what would happen if he glared at Yugi directly to his face and concluded that it probably wasn't a good idea).

"I am rather sad, Mr. Mako Tsunami," Yugi squeaked.

"Okay," Mako said, suddenly struck with a brilliant idea. He pulled Yugi towards him, resting his head on his lap, "How about I tell you a story?"

"I, indeed, do rather enjoy stories. In fact, I much enjoy stories about bunnies."

Yugi _did not_ just say that. "I'm afraid I don't know any stories about bunnies."

At first, Yugi didn't reply and Mako's stomach clenched, Mako worrying that he'd irked the angel in some way. But, while Mako was silently praying that he hadn't done so, Yugi finally said, "Fair enough. Any story that entertains shall do. Carry on."

"But I will only tell the story if you're quiet."

"Are you, indeed, accusing me of not being quiet, Mr. Mako Tsunami? I am, indeed, rather offended."

Yugi started to squirm, but before things went in a direction that Mako was too weary too deal with, he reluctantly resolved that he shouldn't bother trying to get his way. It was too much to ask for, apparently. "No, I didn't say that at all. You are a very good, well behaved angel."

"Am I, indeed, Mr. Mako Tsunami?"

"Yes."

"Then I excuse your offence. Please carry on."

Stroking Yugi's wings with twitching fingers, Mako began. "Once upon a time, there was a truck driver. He lived in, uh, Sneaven and delivered oil drums across different cities. Even though it was a simple job, this truck driver – Snako – enjoyed both the travel and the opportunity to meet new snangels."

"Mr. Mako Tsunami?"

"Wh – yes?"

"What, indeed, is a 'snangel?'"

"It's like an angel but with – brown wings."

"That, indeed, does not sound very beautiful."

Mako gave one of Yugi's larger feathers a tug. "Sorry, my hand slipped."

"Apologies but I do not feel like that was an accident, Mr. Mako Tsuna -"

" – _So as I mentioned_, Snako was an honest an – snangel. He followed the rules even though no one watched and made sure to be prompt with every delivery. Even though he earned himself a reputation for his studiousness, he didn't let that deter him from focusing on his work."

"Apologies but this story is rather boring, Mr. Mako Tsunami. May I suggest you introduce a more exciting element to counteract the boringness that is this Snako fellow?"

"Yugi, I think you're going bald."

"WHAT?" The small angel's hands flew to his head and he combed his hair thoroughly with his fingers.

"I meant your wings."

When Yugi tried to do the same thing with his wings, he had more trouble, unable to fully reach his short arms around his back. Mako watched with passive-aggressive amusement as Yugi tried to grab whatever he could of his own wings.

"Oh, sorry, my mistake, there's just a rip in the cushion."

"Mr. Mako Tsunami, that is not very -"

" – _Unfortunately_, something happened that changed Snako's life forever. One day, a typical day like any other, Snako was strapping the drums to the back of his vehicle like usual. One of the bands he used was old and had lost most of its elasticity but he used it regardless because he didn't have any spare ones. Some time during the trip, that band snapped and one of the drums rolled off. It must have hit something hard because the contents spilled all over the ground." Mako went quiet.

"Oh poor Snako. Boring as he is, he did not, indeed, deserve such misfortune."

"No, he didn't."

"Mr. Mako Tsunami?"

"Yes?"

Yugi turned to look up at him, eyes huge as ever. "Why have you stopped telling the story? Surely that is not the end for a story as short as that is no story at all."

"That's because I'm not done."

But Mako didn't continue and after some awkward silence, Yugi started squirming, finally climbing on Mako's lap and shaking him, "Then I wish for you to continue. It is, as you have previously mentioned, incomplete and, therefore, should be completed. In addition, it has also taken a turn for the interesting since it began."

The look Mako gave him got Yugi to back off in a way that no words could. The little angel shrunk away from him, lying back down slowly like a child that had just been scolded. He curled up on Mako's lap pitifully, perhaps not expecting for the story to continue.

"What I was going to say," Mako said, "Was that the oil spill caused three land motor vehicle accidents, the occupants of two of the cars double dying as a result."

Yugi gasped and made to turn around but Mako kept him down. "He was subsequently arrested and tried, found guilty and sent to the Under-sneaven." He paused, "Maybe he deserved it. He did, after all, double kill snangels; snangels which wouldn't have been double killed if not for him."

"I do not, indeed, believe he deserved it. I do not believe he deserved it at all!"

Mako bent forward to look at Yugi, "Why not?"

"It is because," Yugi protested, "This Snako fellow was, from the contents of the story thus far, merely conducting his duties in ways they should be conducted. And during the process of conducting his duties, poor Snako merely made a mistake. It does not, from the contents of the story thus far, appear that he has any malicious intent!"

But Mako couldn't bring himself to believe it. One person just can't come along and erase decades upon decades of pain and guilt. Then again, it wasn't like his wife hadn't been telling him the same thing all these years. "Well anyways," he continued flatly, "Snako struggled with life in the Undersneaven in the beginning."

"Poor, poor Snako. I do, indeed, hope this story ends well for him."

"But he eventually adapted. He even met a girl and," his tone lifted, "It was awkward at first when they couldn't properly communicate. And it was _even more_ awkward when he found out she was from the Undersnell – and vice versa. But," Mako exhaled and scratched his chin, "Somewhere along the way, they learned that some things just aren't as big a deal as you think they are. Or maybe other things matter more. And that some of the things you think you depend on, you actually don't."

"I believe I have lost track of the main point of this story…"

Mako pinched Yugi's belly fat and Yugi squeaked, "It took a great deal of negotiation, arguing, compromise, conceding, arguing – "

"You already said –"

"There was _a lot_ of arguing. But, somehow, they ended up married. I wouldn't say the gap between them closed, it just got smaller – or ceased to be a big deal."

"What was the name of Snako's wife?"

"Um… **An**. It was **An**."

"Anne?"

"No, **An**."

"Ann?"

"No, **An**. As in "an apple" or "an oven."

Yugi just stared.

Mako realized he was pretty sick of that stare.

"That is, indeed, a strange name." Yugi said, after what felt like a long period of that blank stare. "If I, indeed, were the one relaying that story, I would choose a different name. A name, for example, like Abstinence or Sanctuary or Crystalamethystbeauty."

Mako suddenly felt like squishing Yugi between his fingers.

"I'm still not done," Mako muttered while Yugi continued to list Heaven female names. "He learned that hardship brings people together; not just for himself and his wife; but for those in the Undersneaven and Undersnell. The two realms passed useful information and resources back and forth. Survival was on everyone's agenda and prejudice was a luxury they couldn't afford."

Yugi shifted in his position and yawned, "So does Snako receive a happy ending?"

"His ending is satisfactory. Life for him was hard but he managed."

"I," Another yawn, "Indeed, wish for him to have a happy ending."

Mako pulled Yami's shirt from Yugi's limp fingers and made a feeble attempt to drape it over the little angel. "Well, because of the gratitude he felt for the kind folks around him and because he couldn't fully let go of his guilt for having double killed those snangels, Snako and **An **do their best to help those who are new to the Underworlds."

"Snako still, indeed, feels guilty?"

"Yes."

"That is rather unfortunate for he, according to your story, appears to be a very kind fellow."

"Thank you."

"I was referring to Snako, not you, Mr. Mako Tsunami. Although you, indeed, are a rather kind person as well."

"Thanks," Mako watched Yugi slip back into slumber. This creature on his lap was a reminder of the things he missed as well as the things he'd never want to return to. "Thanks."

_TBC..._

*This is taken from Shakespeare's play _As You Like It_. The original line was: "Do you not know I am a woman? When I think, I must speak."


	19. I love You

_18. I love You_

Yami gritted his teeth, "No."

**The** stared at him and frowned, shaking her head, "Not buying it."

"WHAT?"

"Sorry Yami. It still sounds too forced, like you're constipated or something. I think it's the way you're saying it, like your tone or some shit. More 'umph' and less grunt."

But before Yami could ask what she meant, **The** cut him off and, in that high-pitched tone she used to mimic Yugi's voice, repeated, "Oh demon Yami, I wish for you to bring me some hot chocolate, not the kind from Tim Whoretons but the kind from Scarbucks."

"Fuck no!" Yami said with conscious force, though the idea of bringing Yugi freaking hot chocolate really didn't appeal to him. Especially if it came from an expensive-ass place like Scarbucks.

"Better," **The **pursed her lips, "Try not to sound like you're whining though. It just makes you sound more like his bitch – which, at the moment, you kinda ar –"

Yami gave her an ugly look and she decided it was better not to finish. Though she couldn't help grinning like crazy.

"Do they even have a Tim Whoretons in Heaven? I mean, it seems like a Hell thing, ya know?" **The **mused, herself having liked Tim Whoretons Hell coffee a great deal back on the surface world.

"I don't braindrain," Yami replied, "Been too busy trying not to get myself double killed to give an asslick. Could go for some Timmy's now that you mention it."

"I used to work at a Scarbucks during my Undergrad," **The** remarked, "It was aight. You had to get up retardedly early for opening though and the customers were real picky-ass buttholes sometimes."

"I can brainmagine. Its asscramping _Scarbucks_."

"Oh you don't know the half of it until you actually work there." **The **kicked a pinecone and kept kicking the same one as they walked. Yami watched to see when she'd lose track of it. "There was this one woman and, dude, I hated her so much I can still remember her now. She'd always ordered a hot double venti soy latte made with homo milk with extra ice and no dairy and bitched to the manger whenever we made it wrong."

Yami blinked, trying to sort out in his mind what that drink would look like.

"And one time she got her drink and the lid must have been faulty or something 'cause she spilled it all over the inside of her car. And she actually came back and asked the manager for four hundred skull nuggets to fix it."

"Seriously? Did your manager give it to her?" Yami asked, appalled.

**The **made a face and nodded, "Yeah, she did."

"Fuuuuuck."

"I know. I hate people sometimes. Or maybe it's just Scarbucks elitist people. I don't know." She gave a sharp kick, sending the pinecone tumbling down a ditch. "I'm a Timmy's woman anyways."

Yami's eyes lit up, "You call it 'Timmy's' too?"

**The **snorted, "Doesn't everyone? Who's got time to say 'Tim Whoretons' every time?"

"The _Ice Craps_ are fucking orgasmic."

"I fucking _adore_ the _Ice Craps_. "

They shared a nostalgic grin.

**The **clapped her hands with renewed energy. "Alright, let's give this another go." And when Yami nodded with equalled enthusiasm, she continued, "What do you say when Cupid/Yugi/whatever wants a backrub?"

"No." Was the quick and confident reply.

"Good. And what if he wants you to do his laundry?"

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes, "Hypothetically… the principle is still the same."

_Yugi's laundry. _That wouldn't be so bad actually, especially considering it would smell like –

"What do you say, Yami?"

And, strangely enough, Yami kind of enjoyed doing laundry.

"It shouldn't be this hard man. C'mon."

"No." Yami conceded, "I'd tonguetweech 'no.'"

**The **looked at him sceptically, "Uh huh…"

"I would!" Yami reassured, making frantic gestures with his claws, "I'd tonguetweech 'no!'"

"Alright then…" She gave him a long sidelong glance before turning back ahead, "Oh, by the way, before I forget."

"Yeah?"

**The** scratched her chin, seeming to choose her words carefully. "This is kind of a delicate matter but I really don't know how to tell you without being blunt."

"What?" The woman's tone kind of freaked him out and he didn't like it.

"Your claws," she said, looking at Yami's claws, "They're just hands with really long fingernails."

Yami looked at his claws.

"They're not claws, Yami. They're just hands with really long fingernails. I'm sorry."

The woman had to be insane. These were his claws!

"No, they're not, Yami. They're hands. And it would be a lot more sanitary if you clip them."

But these were his claws! They're fucking claws damn it!

**The **sighed, "It was news to me too. I'll give you some time to let it sink in. I have some make-shift clippers at home if you want. You'll find your hands feeling lighter afterwards."

Yami was flabbergasted.

"I'm sorry."

They continued in silence, Yami looking at his hands/claws and **The **sneaking glances at him to make sure he didn't do something that he'd regret later. She was glad he was calm because she sure wasn't when she'd found out they weren't claws. It was a good distraction for Yami though because they eventually arrived at **The**'s front door.

"We're back."

Yami looked up and his eyes widened. He took a step back but **The** stopped him before he could go any further. "I promised, remember? We pinky swore on it."

Pinky swore his ass! _Apparently_ these weren't even claws!

**The **grabbed Yami shoulders and looked him squarely in the eyes, "If anything happens to you, I'll take the hit."

Yami looked away.

"I'll take the hit, Yami."

Yami opened his mouth to answer but before he could say anything, a painfully familiar voice shot through the air:

"DEMON YAMI!"

* * *

The Kaiball, along with the scientifically improbable methods by which it was created, was exactly as Seto had described. The group stood in a dark room known only to Heaven's elite and situated underground where no one could accidentally stumble upon it. It was a room within a room within a room within a room guarded by fifteen thick, Heaven titanium, password-protected doors, each password being over twenty-three characters long. The innermost three doors had Heaven retina, fingerprint and tongue scanners in addition to the password. The outermost door was guarded by three dozen Heaven wolf-bulldog-mountain lion half-breeds, all of which were bred specifically to guard this particular room. They fed on the meat of Heaven endangered species, drank the tears of Heaven's most dangerous psychopaths and snacked on Heaven cheese. And Heaven had gosh-darn good cheese.

It was Kaiba's summer home.

The group in question: Kaiba, the Angel Overseer, Ushio and Tristan formed a circle around a pillar of light. The Kaiball, in all its scientifically improbable magnificence, floated in the middle of this light with nothing apparently holding it up except for, somehow, the light itself.

While the other three stared in awe, Kaiba looked like he was watching paint dry. He pressed a button on the control system beneath the light and the Kaiball opened, revealing the system of bio-mechanical technology that made it work. He smiled smugly when everyone gasped.

"Your Majesty," Kaiba said, "I have, indeed, said before that I never disappoint. As a result of your reaction to my latest creation, I have no doubt what I have said is true."

"Indeed, you continue never to disappoint."

"Do you like the Kaiball, the creation that is mine and solely mine?"

"I do indeed."

Ushio made a strangled noise.

"My only regret," Kaiba eyed Ushio, before turning back to the Overseer with a pleasant expression, "Is that this creation, perfect in all ways, is to be handled by this rather inferior police officer here," He wagged a finger at Ushio. "Although it is perhaps a small price to pay for the safety of a valuable asset to Heaven such as myself."

Ushio wanted to spit on the Kaiball, just to see Kaiba's reaction. He imagined the overwhelmingly arrogant and composed angel to freak out like a young female angel on her monthly and chuckled to himself.

"What, indeed, is so funny?"

Everyone was looking at Ushio and he felt his face heat up, "Nothing. Nothing indeed."

Kaiba put one hand under the floating ball and pressed another button. The light faded and the ball dropped softly into his palm. He regarded it lovingly, like a parent holding his child for the first time and Ushio was sure he would start whispering sweet nothings to it. After an unusually look time, Kaiba held it would to Ushio, though with reluctance. When Ushio reached out for it, Kaiba pulled back, "Your hands," He asked, "Are they washed?"

"Yes." The Heaven cop replied through his teeth.

"Thoroughly?"

"Yes."

"Sanitized?"

"Yes."

Kaiba stopped to contemplate before turning to the Overseer, "I wish for him to wear gloves."

Tristan snickered in the background and Ushio's fist shook with the effort it took for the cop not to collide it with a certain soft part of Kaiba's body. "We do not," he said instead, more to the Kaiba than the Overseer, "Have access to gloves at the current moment."

The Overseer gave Kaiba a regretful look and Kaiba exhaled in exasperation. He stared some more at the Kaiball before slowly, very slowly, holding it out to Ushio. When the cop made to take it from him, he jerked his hand back, smirking at Ushio. This happened several times until, irritated, Ushio snatched it from Kaiba's fingers.

In his hand, the Kaiball, in all its scientifically improbable glory, seemed so small and delicate. Outside of the limelight, it was not what its creator described and Ushio wondered if perhaps this said something about Kaiba himself.

"Do not drop it." It was more a condescending comment than a warning and Ushio decided to ignore it. "By the way, you shall, indeed, need the controller as well."

Kaiba walked over to his high-tech Heaven desk and pressed a security code. A robotic female voice said 'Access granted, good evening Mr. Kaiba, as always, it is a pleasure to serve you' and he grabbed something from his drawer.

But instead of a remote control or something to the like, as Ushio had expected, Kaiba retrieved a set of keys. With far less care than he took handing over the Kaiball, Kaiba tossed the keys at Ushio.

"You do not understand the gravity of my creations if that is, indeed, the reaction you give to the keys I have given you," Kaiba said when Ushio quirked his eyebrow, "The controller is elsewhere."

The crew followed Kaiba out the door and they began the process of passing through each of the fourteen remaining pass-code protected doors. It was a process that, to Ushio, was irritatingly slow. The others, however, went patiently, eager to see this sure-to-be-impressive controller. When they got outside, the guard dogs swarmed them but a large piece of Heaven cheese Kaiba seemed to have produced out of nowhere placated them without a hitch. They entered an adjoining tunnel and went through yet another thirteen doors protected by a variety of scanners and buttons. One even had a face imprint sensor.

Kaiba pulled his head out of what looked like an inverted mould of his own face and the door beside it beeped. The heavy door slid open and compressed air escaped, momentarily blinding the group. At first, Ushio could only make out the vague outline of the object, not fully believing what his eyes told him. When things cleared up, he gasped. No way. This was a –

"A re-engineered Mugatti Seyron.*" Kaiba announced, the pride embedded in his voice, "An invention such as the Kaiball, indeed, deserves nothing less."

Unable to control himself, Ushio ran up to the car, inspecting it from front to back, then back to front. Having spent his youth obsessing over Heaven cars, there was not doubt this was a Heaven Seyron. He was in the presence of a gosh darn Heaven Seyron! His breath caught in his throat and a tear slid from the corner of Ushio's eye.

The Angel Overseer came up next to Ushio. He folded his arms across his chest and nodded approvingly. "Impressive."

"It is, indeed, nothing short of impressive," Kaiba said, walking up next to the car and placing a gentle hand on its hood, "And, like the Kaiball, the only one of its kind."

Ushio tore his eyes from the obscenely expensive Heaven car and looked at the little thing his hand. _That _was the controller for _this_?

But when he made no move to test out the car himself, Kaiba strolled over and took the keys from him, unlocking the automatic locks and causing the doors to open on their own. They slid upwards like a pair of eagle's wings ready to take flight, making the car all the more intimidating. The interior was all Heaven leather; black and untouched and each of the controls was detailed and crafted with care.

Ushio was hesitant to touch it, afraid doing so would render it less perfect somehow. But he also didn't want to be shown up by Kaiba (well it was kind of late for that). Okay, he wanted to _redeem_ himself in the Overseer's eyes, and if getting behind the wheel of a vehicle he wasn't worthy to kiss the tires of was the way to do it, well…

The cop was suddenly reminded of Constance-Gratitude. Yes, Constance-Gratitude, he would be doing this for Constance-Gratitude as well. She was the second love of his afterlife. He'd met her several decades after the first love of his afterlife shattered his heart into a trillion tiny Heaven pieces. He'd been so distraught that he had fallen into a drunken Heaven stupor, using whatever Heaven money he had on Heaven alcohol. He was either at the bar or in his grubby Heaven kitchen, making sure reality was nothing more than a blur. Then, one day, when he was passed out on some Heaven sidewalk he'd never seen before, someone came by and helped him up. The only thing he'd remembered at the time was being pulled from the ground before waking up on a stranger's Heaven couch. She was beautiful; long blonde hair like rivers of gold and gentle blue eyes that would make anyone melt. Her cooking was fabulous, her wit was witty and she had the singing voice of an after-angel. She was perfect in every possible way and it wasn't long before Ushio fell in love. They'd spent several blissful Heaven years together and when Ushio was finally convinced he'd be happy forever, a dark shadow descended upon them, shattering their happiness into a tetrillion tiny Heaven pieces. Constance-Gratitude had been struck down by Wingitis, a terminal Heaven illness that slowly turned an angel's innards into jelly. Ushio, heart shattered into a quintillion tiny Heaven pieces, had been at her side until the very end, holding her hand as he wept bitterly over her unconscious form in the Heaven hospital. When she'd breathed her last Heaven breath, Constance-Gratitude made him promise that, no matter what, he'd move on and be happy. He couldn't do it but, for her sake, he'd gritted his teeth and said he'd promise he would. And even though he'd made an empty promise, in his heart he vowed to do something great, something that would make her proud wherever she'd be in the after-afterlife. By the end of the ordeal, his heart was in a septillion tiny Heaven pieces.

But this was his chance. And he had to do this.

Summoning all his courage, Ushio stepped up to the car. As the others watched, Kaiba showed him the controls, how they connected wirelessly to the Kaiball and where to access the emergency ejection button should something go wrong. They took the car for a test drive and Kaiba showed him how it could go from 0-200 hmph in two Heaven seconds. When the orientation was through, Ushio's head spun and his legs shook but he was pumped. Ushio What No Seriously Whyisheinheaven was going to do this.

* * *

Before Yami could make a break for it, a soft, spiky-headed little white thing launched itself at him and latched securely onto his torso. It said something but its voice was too muffled to hear.

"I said you are, indeed, too cruel, demon Yami. Too cruel you are indeed! How, indeed, could you have treated me thusly, and by thusly I am referring to the fact that you cruelly shattered my heart - in the metaphorical sense – and abandoned me in a way that left me without the knowledge of when you would return or if you would return at all! That, to reiterate, is the cruelty you have inflicted upon me!"

Oh okay. No wonder Yami didn't get it the first time.

Yami so did not look forward to this.

But before Yugi could go on, **The**, without bothering to detach the distressed angel from the frazzled demon, manoeuvred them into the house. Mako was already in the living room, smiling and immediately moving to embrace her when she came in. He pulled her against his strong chest and they shared a brief kiss, as if this kind of thing happened all the time.

"How was it, babe?" She asked, looking up at her husband with playful affection, "You look like something in your brain broke."

Mako let out an exasperated laugh and shook his head, "Something like that."

"Aww," **The** pecked his nose, "Poor baby." She then jumped when he pinched her butt.

"So how'd it go with you?"

**The **scrunched her nose, "Think I might've taught him some female empowerment techniques."

"What…?"

Over in the Yami/Yugi corner, Yugi still had Yami in a chokehold, tears now rolling down his eyes as he continued to verbalize his feelings regarding Yami's abandonment:

"When you left, my heart had, as previously mentioned, metaphorically shattered into enumerable tiny pieces. My chest was heavy with deep sorrow, as if a million mountains worth of stones weight upon it and I felt a vast, bottomless emptiness inside of me. It was as if all the pain and sorrow of the world was thrust upon me and I had collapsed under the weight of this oppression. The future, it appeared, no longer held meaning and I saw nothing but darkness, meaninglessness, purposelessness and hopelessness. In summary, I was very, very unhappy, demon Yami!"

Yami wasn't sure what to say. He looked down at those ridiculously large, watery eyes. It no longer burned his Hell retinas to do so but it felt unpleasant nonetheless. Yugi blinked hard and two healthy streams slid down his cheeks. He dropped his forehead against Yami and just cried.

This gave Yami strange and confusing emotions, a different kind of strange and confusing, mind you. He wanted Yugi to stop, not because he was disgusted but because he felt kind of… bad. He slowly brought up a hand and awkwardly patted Yugi's back. "There, there."

"That is not the least bit comforting, demon Yami! Mr. Mako Tsunami had said that also and it was, again, of no assistance at all!" Yugi shrieked, before going back to crying.

Hn. Mako used that? Yami thought it was just a demon thing.

The shirtless demon didn't know what to do. Yami glanced at Mako and **The**, quickly turning away with embarrassment when he caught the couple staring at him. This was so awkward! Something happen so he could get out of this!

Then, as if answering his silent plea, Yugi stopped, his body going rigid. He unclasped his arms from Yami's torso and stepped back. After fiercely rubbing the tears away with his forearms, he looked up at Yami with a strikingly hard expression. Yugi's eyes narrowed and his jaw went hard.

It was freaky how Yugi could do this; one moment soft, clingy and needy, the next looking like he was ready to rip someone's head off. Yami swallowed and stole a panicked glance at the front door.

"You must apologize immediately for the behaviour I have just previously outlined, demon Yami!" Yugi's voice was low and threatening, his eyes going narrower as he said it.

Yami tried to step away but Yugi grabbed his arm and yanked him forward, "That behaviour had been highly inappropriate and hurtful and I did not appreciate it in the least. It is, therefore, the correct action to apologize in order to correct the wrong that has been done."

The grip on Yami's wrist was painfully tight and Yami could feel his claw – hand go cold as his Hell blood circulation was being cut off.

"I had told you before, if you can recall," Yugi raised his voice, though without losing any of the threat in his tone, "That you shall not defy me for we are a _Mated Pair_ and as such we are to be in agreement at all times and be happy at all times."

Yami's hand went numb and he couldn't feel his own fingers wiggle.

"I think it should be clear now that I am _not_ happy and _not_ in agreement with your actions."

Yami tried to pull away but Yugi's chubby little arm was apparently stronger than his muscled one.

"I demand that you apologize immediately, demon Yami!"

Something in Yami's mind clicked and his eyes drifted to **The**. She nodded slowly, her lips pursed and her eyes alert. He turned back to Yugi, the angel's face now red with rage. Yugi's other hand was clenched in a fist and he could have sworn it was shaking with how pissed Yugi seemed to be.

If the angel could do this to him with strength alone, there was no telling what his powers would do. And **The** was standing too far away; what if she couldn't save him in time? What if she refused to save him at all? If Yami was going to die, he didn't want to die in this forsaken hole. He couldn't do it.

"I repeat, I demand that you apologize immediately, demon Yami!"

But damn did he want to. That statement was like a trigger now, conditioning him to action every time he heard it. He looked at the ground, weighing out his options, then found himself looking at **The **again. Her expression was encouraging and she even smiled a little.

"Apologies for the repeated prompts, demon Yami. But I want to hear it right now!"

A raspy sound escaped Yami's mouth. It felt like he blowing into a dusty old instrument for the first time in years. His vision fizzed and it rolled out, "No."

Yugi stopped and those increasingly narrowing eyes went wide again.

"That's right," Yami sucked in a breath and added, getting bolder, "I tonguetweetched 'no.'"

Yugi blinked several times, his mouth a thin line. It was as if he was slowly, very slowly, processing what had just been said. When it finally made sense to him, he said sternly, "It is, indeed, a highly inappropriate response to my request, demon Yami!"

"I don't give a rat's scrotum." It was bolder than what Yami was ready for but he was on a slippery slope, "Screw off." He accentuated this with a tiny nudge on Yugi's shoulder.

Shocked, Yugi looked at the part of his shoulder that was tapped, and then back to Yami. His face went angry but quickly morphed into a look of extreme hurt. "You, you hit me, demon Yami!"

"I shitpricking nudged you."

But Yugi still looked pretty horrified, "You hit me, demon Yami!"

"It was an asspounding nudge."

"It was, indeed, rather painful, demon Yami!"

Yami clenched his teeth. Admittedly, this felt kind of wrong but he had an overwhelming urge to say it nonetheless. "I don't give a rat's urethra."

Yugi stared at Yami, waiting to see if the demon would take it back. When Yami showed that he was resolute, Yugi pulled away, his bottom lip quivering. He looked around to see if anyone would help him but the couple stood in silence and Mana, who'd been spying from a far corner, shrunk back. Yugi looked up pathetically at Yami one last time before he turned to the ground, sucking his thumb in self-comfort. After a couple of sucks, the tears came, this time, silently. Yugi sniffled.

This was supposed to feel good but it didn't, and Yami was immensely disappointed that he was robbed of his satisfaction. Why and how it was robbed he was yet to understand but he was sure he didn't feel good.

His first instinct was to blame **The**. Obviously the woman had no idea what she was doing. He just regretted that he hadn't followed his gut but allowed her to steer him around instead. Yami shot her annoyed glare and she knitted her eyebrows, looking guilty.

Yami stood there, watching as Yugi sucked his thumb and cried. His snowy wings had wrapped themselves around his body in a way that made Yugi look like a burrito. Once every so often, Yugi would sneak a look at Yami, then went back to moping.

The demon felt like his organs had rearranged themselves. And it wasn't a good feeling. So, internally wrestling with his pride, Yami raised his arms out to Yugi.

The angel's reaction was instantaneous. In a white blur, he unwrapped his wings and threw himself at Yami like Yami was the mommy he'd lost at the supermarket.

"Oh demon Yami," Yugi cried, cuddling up to said demon, "I knew you had not meant to utter such harsh and painful comments. I knew so!"

Yami only felt a little better. Not a whole lot, just a little. He braced himself for the impending verbal storm.

"I nearly had a heart attack – in the literal sense – demon Yami. I had thought you had forsaken me and, as a _pair_, that would have been unacceptable." Yugi paused, then repeated, "That would have been unacceptable, would it have not been, demon Yami?"

Yami nodded obediently.

Yugi gave a big smile and grabbed Yami's face with both hands, pulling him down for a sloppy kiss. Yugi detached from his lips and moved all around Yami's face, the demon wincing when he planted one over each eye. When Yugi finally decided he was done kissing, he drew back, though without letting go of Yami's face.

"Demon Yami," Yugi said, his wide purple eyes staring directly at Yami's red ones, "There is something I feel I should inform of you."

The demon's gaze momentarily slid to where **The** and Mako stood in hopes of avoiding the close (not to mention awkward) proximity. But without moving his head, he couldn't really see their faces. His eyes slid back to Yugi.

"Demon Yami," Yugi's face was super serious, "I do believe, after thinking and rethinking thoroughly on the matter and having consulted, in brief, with Mr. Mako Tsunami that I do, indeed, rather love you. I love you, demon Yami."

Someone might as well have taken an ice pick to his cochlea, because that was exactly what it felt like. Yami's ears screamed, his throat closed and every nerve on his body was sent on edge. He shoved Yugi away and wrapped his arms around himself, collapsing to his knees. He caught a glimpse of **The**, who looked comfortingly horrified as she tore away from her husband and ran towards him.

"Oh shit, he dropped the L Bomb!"

"Wait, what's that? **The**, what are you doing? **The**!"

Yami recalled falling into a pair of strong arms before everything went black.

_TBC…_

_*_Look up top 10 most expensive cars in the world.


	20. Traitor

**traitor: **n.** - **_See "activist"_ ~ (ODD XL)

_19. Traitor_

"Would you please so kind as to barricade the door?" Téa's father shouted, pointing to a pile of wooden planks he'd fought through the crowds at the local Heaven department store to obtain. A lump in the back pocket of his tunic buzzed and he dug his hand into his backside, flipping open the Heaven cell phone and disappearing down the hallway. Téa's mom was in the Heaven kitchen, stuffing as many essentials in their Heaven suitcases as possible while simultaneously trying to placate the baby angel clinging to her hip.

"You shall not, indeed, barricade the door," Her mother said, stopping Téa as she reached for the Heaven hammer and Heaven nails from her dad's tool kit, "I do not understand where the misunderstanding had occurred but our family is to join the others in the Careshare Community Centre."

The baby wailed and wriggled in her arms and she put down the pack of dried Heaven beans to comfort him. "Would you be so kind as to aid me in preparing for our departure?" She checked the baby's diaper and hurried off to the bathroom just as Téa's father came back out.

"Why yes indeed our family has chosen to remain in the safety and comfort that is our own homes," he was saying, probably to a neighbour of theirs, "And I, indeed, trust that you are doing the same as well for it is the most logical and practical of decisions."

"Father, mother has - " Her dad wagged a finger at Téa, tapping the phone before pointing to the planks and his Heaven tool kit.

"We had obtained the materials for reinforcing our homes from the Bestest Buy," he continued, pausing as the other person replied, "If I am to estimate the time it took for me to obtain these, I would place my guesses at sixteen hours. The sky-space had, indeed, been highly congested. In addition, no spaces could be found at the parking lot and there had been a rather inconveniently long line-up at the department store. Fortunately, as their inventory rapidly declined, new inventory was being shipping in, though there was an, again, inconvenient wait for such inventory… why yes I agree, oak does smell pleasant."

He pointed at the planks and Heaven tool kit again when Téa made no move to do as she was told, this time more sternly, "I am, indeed, a cedar angel but it was difficult to obtain my choice wood when, well, a demon is on the loose. I am sure you understand."

"Mother has insisted that we - "

Her father made some vague gestures with his free hand before plucking the Heaven hammer from the box and shoving it Téa's hands. He pointed repeatedly at the front door, his face set in a frown, "Perhaps one day, if or when we survive this fiasco of apocalyptic proportions, you and I can shop together. That would, indeed, be rather splendid. In the meantime, I wish you the best of luck in obtaining your materials of reinforcement and it is my greatest hope that you are able to protect your family as I am attempting to protect mine – despite the fact that my daughter is behaving inconveniently disobedient at the moment –"

Téa huffed.

" – Again, best of luck to you and yours… I hope you do not get eaten either… yes that would be rather disgusting would it not?... Yes I have seen the pictures, frightful beast it is… I disagree, the most tender part of an angel is the cheeks… and perhaps the belly… I am sure it's appetite is not as limitless as you say, it cannot possibly eat every angel… well, in that case, I shall have to out-fly you, should I not?…of course, thank you, buh bye now. Bye."

He snapped the phone shut with a big exhale and looked around, "I am very upset that you have not done as I asked," he said to Téa, surveying the kitchen and living room that looked like it had exploded, "and would you please inform me as to the events which have occurred that caused this mess?"

"I am resolute in my decision that we are not staying here and, by contrast, leaving for the Community Centre," Téa's mom came up behind her dad, now with a slightly calmer angel baby, "And I am very upset that you do not seem to agree with me. Apologies in advance for the inappropriate language but you are rather slow!"

"I am not happy with your accusation of me being slow!" The male angel roared, causing the baby to jump and tear up.

"It is blatantly clear that we are in indeterminate proportions of danger if we remain here," her mother shouted back, "And you have upset Contentment! See how he is about to cry!"

"Contentment is about to cry because you are the one who has raised her voice!"

"I disagree with your argument. You were the first to raise his voice!"

"Contentment" burst into tears and planted his face in the hollow of his mom's neck, his chubby fingers clawing her tunic. She jiggled him in her arms, cooing and kissing the top of his bald head while simultaneously sending sharp looks at her husband. When it became obvious that she wouldn't be able to quiet him down right away, she grabbed Téa with her free hand, "I am rather unwilling to wait here. We are in grave danger if we stay and I disagree with the fact that you disagree with me on that point. Téa, please take the full suitcases. There will not be enough time to fill the unfilled ones due to the urgency of this situation."

Téa wrung her hands, looking between her parents.

"I have instructed you to take the suitcases Téa!" The baby was roaring now and her mom's jiggling got a lot more desperate.

"Our home is the safest place. We shall remain in it because it is logical to remain in the safest possible place while danger lurks outside!"

"Please take the suitcases now, Téa!"

"You shall _not_ instruct our daughter to act against my wishes!"

"I am instructing our daughter to aid me in actions that will lead to the protection of this family! And if you continue to disagree, I will need to do so myself!" She shoved the wailing baby in Téa's arms and marched into the kitchen where two stuffed suitcases lay on the floor.

"I'm afraid I continue to strongly disagree with you. You must stop this instantly. Merriment! Merriment are you, indeed, listening?" His hand closed over her forearm and he spun her around so that she faced him, "We, indeed, stay!"

"We, indeed, go!" She wretched out arm away and pulled the suitcases to a standing position, pushing past her husband as she headed towards the door. One of the suitcases rolled over his foot and he Heaven cursed.

"That was very painful, you-you… inconsiderate individual!"

Téa's mom halted and whirled around, her eyes wide. She stared speechlessly at her husband before resuming a hardened expression, pursing her lips and heading back towards the door.

"A-a thousand apologies," Téa`s father gushed and made to chase after her mother as she kicked the planks out of her way, "I had not, in every understanding of the term, meant such harsh words!"

"In the three thousand, eight hundred and forty two years we have been married," She said, back turned to her husband and voice cracking, "I have not, in any way, heard such cruelty directed at me. It is, therefore, logical to conclude that perhaps this marriage is failing or is in the process of failing."

"Please do not despair, I had not meant such harshness, I had not!"

"I cannot believe you!" Her face was red and she sniffed back the tears, "I cannot!"

"It is the fault of the demon entirely!" He tried to put a hand on her shoulder but she swatted it away, "The demon has caused distress in our realm and, by extension, within our own family!"

For Téa, this was all surreal. The lines on her mom's forehead when she frowned, the square-ness in her dad's jaw, how she spoke more with her hands than her words, the way they both did the exact same thing with their shoulders. They were all so much more apparent than they'd ever been before. Even the weight of her baby brother slipped away to oblivion as she watched the micro war between the people she loved.

And all she could think of was that the demon did this.

"I have been relatively unhappy for a while now, Rob," The tears came, "And, unfortunately, I have felt this feeling far before the catastrophe that is the demon's invasion."

If he wasn't listening before, he was now, because the look on her father's face told Téa that the words were not only sinking in, but going down deep.

"Apologies but I refuse to stay any longer. I fear not only for myself but the children as well." Téa's mother wiped her face sloppily with her arm and pulled open the door, gathering up the suitcase. "Although I do not, from your words, expect you to follow, I, however, hope you will. Come Téa."

Téa's feet moved, carrying her behind her mother while her arms held her brother close.

When the door closed behind them, they were met with a world of chaos. The sky, it seemed, wasn't done falling.

* * *

Tristan, personal bodyguard of The Angel Overseer, landed at the massive gates of The Demon Underlord's home. He pulled the string tucked discretely beneath the lapel of his tunic and the white feathers collapsed like a closing umbrella and retracted into his clothes. He flexed his dark, leathery wings and buzzed the intercom.

"It's me."

* * *

He was dragged from the depths of sweet, wonderful oblivion by the voice of true evil:

"Demon Yami, I beseech you, come back to me, please! Our story cannot, in the name of all that is romantic and beautiful and decadent, end in a manner such as this! And, to confirm in case there is any misunderstanding, this is a manner most unpleasant!"

Yami groaned and attempted to lift his heavy head but only managed to roll it to the other side. His Hell eyelids lifted and he saw a blur of reds, blacks and white.

"Oh the call of true love has answered!" The voice, more evil than the Hell photocopying machine at the Hell DMV, which was located at the Hell intersection that didn't let you take a left turn between 9 (Hell)am and 5(Hell)pm, exclaimed before crushing Yami's poor, vulnerable body in its vice-like arms. When, breathless, he cried for help in the form of a choked hiccup, the vice tightened around him, threatening to plunder him of what little remained of his afterlife.

It wasn't until his nose pressed against the soft junction between the (evil) creature's neck and shoulders and he got a noseful of Febreze that things really clicked in his Hell mind.

And once they did, Yami fainted once more.

As his body gave way to unconsciousness, he blearily heard a high-pitched squeak, followed by a grunt, followed by a new pair of arms that, mercifully, didn't manhandle him so much. He sunk into them and they were strong and comforting. They seemed to promise he'd be held, that he'd be looked after, that he wouldn't be dropped on his ass and arranged in inappropriate positions.

His eyes shot open when he was slapped across the face.

"WAKE UP, YAMI!"

Well then, never mind.

"Easy Yami," The voice, which belonged to **The **(he couldn't decide whether he still hated her but felt extreme hate for her at that moment), said as she lifted him up to a sitting position, "Just breathe a little, dude and you'll be alright."

He shot her an ugly look but **The **didn't seem to notice as she, with surprising gentleness, massaged his wings. And even though it had been centuries since she had wings of her own, she knew just where it hurt most and how to sooth that hurt away. There was, in that simple gesture, a connection between the clipped and unclipped demons that momentarily created a shared experience between them.

Said connection was then violently snapped when **The **was shoved out of the way. As a result, Yami almost fell on his back had he not been caught by the aggressor.

"That was a very unkind thing you did, Mrs. **The **Tsunami!" Yugi cried, as he sent the woman a razor-sharp, every un-Yugi-like (or maybe it was _very _Yugi-like) glare, "I was in the midst of comforting demon Yami when you interrupted, which, in my humble opinion, was rather rude. In addition, you had not only interrupted me, which was rather rude, you had also pushed me, which is of a greater degree of rudeness. I intend to request a sincere apology from you, Mrs. **The **Tsunami, but that shall be on hiatus until I am assured that demon Yami is well."

Yami braced himself when Yugi turned attention to him. But instead of the inevitable smack/slap/punch/squeeze/unspecified hit he was positive to come, Yugi kissed the tip of his nose. And he had to admit (though not without great Hell shame) that it felt kind of nice, "I am rather immensely glad you are okay, demon Yami." The angel scanned his body, "Does it, indeed, hurt anywhere?"

Yami stared at him, wondering if it was some kind of trick. But he made no malicious move and the gaze from those giant eyes didn't burn as much as it used to (perhaps Yugi turned off his power). Still, hypervigilant, Yami couldn't bring himself to relax. And this subsequently turned out to be with good reason, because:

"Apologies, demon Yami, but my mind had, unfortunately, contrived of the worst of scenarios when you collapsed. And, as I previously stated but shall reiterate, I cannot bear that fact because I, indeed, love you, demon Yami."

Yami hitched and a cough popped out of his throat, but Yugi wasn't done.

"Words cannot express my love for you, demon Yami. It is a love that I have now only begun to realize and, thus, cannot place words upon. I must emphasize this because my lack of words is not a result of a deficient vocabulary, in case that is what you believe to be the problem."

He tried to hold it down but it was like water had gone down the wrong tube or something because the coughing became rapid and violent. Yami tried to break free but, as usual, could not.

"What I can confirm, for the time being," Yugi said as he awkwardly stroked Yami's wings, oblivious as ever, "Is that I wish for this love never to end. It is a rather pleasant feeling, being in love, and thus I logically wish for it to continue."

The next cough ripped from the depths of his throat, leaving a metallic taste in his Hell mouth. Yami rolled his Hell tongue and realized that it was blood.

"I wish to announce it to the sky and seas; to the meadows and forests; to the deserts and wastelands, demon Yami! I, indeed, wish to announce my love thusly!"

And, with that, he was gone. The convulsions rendered him immobile and all Yami could do while it felt like he was being pulverized from the inside out was let it run its course, whatever clarity he had left wishing and waiting for it to end. But, somehow, through the haze, he could still hear Yugi quite clearly.

"I lo- demon Yami? What, indeed, is wrong?" At least the angel wasn't _completely _oblivious. Unfortunately, Yugi thought it was a good idea to shake him some more, "Speak to me, my love, speak to me!"

It hurt…everywhere and Yami was more than willing, at this point, to give up his afterlife to escape it. Still, mercy would not be granted.

"My _love_, speak to me, please!"

So. Much. Pain.

"Please, my love!"

Pain.

"…love!"

_Pain._

"Love…"

_More pain._

"LOVE!"

And then, numbness. As if his Hell nerves were so overwhelmed that they ceased to even register the sensory overload.

Mercy perhaps? Given his luck, unlikely.

"For Pete's sake, Yugi, stop that!" A voice, like soothing balm on his wounds, cut short the verbal assault. Strong, manly, arms pulled him away from Yugi and as he parted from the angel, the internal torture ebbed. It had to be **The**.

"Don't you know what that word does to fresh demons like him?" Yami heard her chide as he cracked open his Hell eyes and groaned. His body throbbed and ached all over and turning over was a feat, but he couldn't complain.

"I was merely expressing my feelings for demon Yami, Mrs. **The **Tsunami!" Came the whiny protest, "I am mere explaining that I lo-"

"You're getting a time out if you don't zip it right now!"

"You are being highly unreasonable and rather rude, Mrs. **The** Tsunami! I do not appreciate, in the least, you withholding demon Yami from me," Yugi said before climbing over Yami's body to try and pry him away from her. Without a second thought, she shoved him away with one hand.

She wagged a finger at him, "What you need, little man, is a time out. I swear, if you're my kid, you'd get such an ass-whopping…"

Yugi gasped and blinked owlishly, "I am, indeed, offended at such language!"

"Then deal."

"You cannot speak to me thusly!"

"Oh boo hoo."

Yugi scrunched up his nose, feebly looking around to see if anyone would help him. He gave **The** an ugly look when no one came to his aid and attempted to lunge at her again but, again, she easily pushed him away.

Yami revelled in this. Revenge was pretty sweet indeed. Ah… pretty sweet it was indeed. Indeed it was sweet.

Wait –

"Mako!" **The** shouted from overhead, "Can you give me a hand here?"

The clipped angel, who looked like he'd been incapacitated on his feet, trudged over to his wife. He regarded Yugi like some foreign thing (which wasn't altogether untrue) and rubbed his muscled arms nervously. It was quite the sight, such a big guy so flustered, and Yami wasn't sure what to make of it.

"What's up?" He finally said, after what looked like careful thought.

"What's up? What do you mean 'what's up?'" She pushed Yami off and he was painfully forced to a sitting position, "If we're gonna have kids, Mako, we're gonna have to learn to discipline them properly!"

He clicked his teeth, "Well, I've thought about it and I'm not _entirely _sure about –"

"And we have to be stern!" She gestured to Yugi, "I mean look at him! He does whatever he wants and expects everything to go his way. Imagine our _kids_ like that, Mako! That would," she shook her head, "that would just be a friggin' nightmare."

"I am rather insulted at your truly unkind words, Mrs. **The **Tsunami!"

"See? See that?" **The **turned to Yugi, "This is good for you, little man, so you better listen up!"

"Honey, I don't think we should…"

"Nip it at the bud while they're young," She turned back to her husband, swirling a finger at the irate angel, "So you don't get this kind of lip from them when they're older."

"You speak as if I am, indeed, not present and not listening, Mrs. **The** Tsunami! And I would like to reaffirm that I am, indeed, present and very much listening!"

Yami snorted.

**The** threw her arms up incredulously but Mako's reassuring hands on her shoulders calmed her, "Honey," he said slowly, forcing eye-contact, "I know you're upset and you have every right to be but he is not our child. And, I promise, no child of ours will turned out that way –"

"I cannot, indeed, believe the sheer amount of insult directed at my person today!"

"—just a second, Yugi," Mako turned back to his wife, "Okay?"

She opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by his finger on her lip. So, despite herself, **The **nodded. Mako always did that. Somehow, he always managed to do that.

"By the way, this might just be a rumour, but I could have sworn that Heaven's Cupid is about," He paused to think, "Ten thousand years old?"

Her jaw dropped and her eyes turned to saucers. She turned to Yugi, utterly shocked, "No…way."

He folded his arms and tilted his chin up regally, "Ten thousand forty-four, to be exact, Mrs.** The** Tsuami."

"What the fu—"

"Honey…"

"But that's not even… how could anyone…I don't even…you look like a little kid!"

"Now you're just making fun of him," Mako reproached gently, "Maybe he has a… condition that we don't know of and is very sensitive about it. We have to keep an open mind about these things. Besides, you've never been to Heaven."

"And I don't think I ever want to," she mumbled to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. "Still!" She jumped suddenly, "That makes it even worse!"

At this point, Yugi decided that he would no longer tolerate being ignored, or at least insulted in his presence. He hopped to his sandaled feet and grabbed Yami's hand, "If you wish to continue speaking such sharp words," He declared, "Words which, to clarify ONCE MORE, I do not approve of in the slightest, than demon Yami and I shall take our leave. It is of detriment to me to listen much further and demon Yami and I refuse to subject ourselves to this much further, do we not, demon Yami?"

"Actually," Yami grunted as he was pulled to his feet by that chubby arm, "They were tonguetweeching about you."

"I repeat," Yugi glowered, "Do. We. Not, demon Yami?"

Helpless under that grip, Yami turned to the couple for support. But all he got in return was a sympathetic smile from Mako and a catatonic 'I-want-to-smash-something-so-bad-right-now' look from **The**. The twerp hiding in the corner (he _almost _forgot about her, _almost_) was as useless as ever.

Yami resigned himself to being dragged away… again, but a twig snap from behind them caught everyone's attention.

And Yami's Hell heart almost stopped mid-beat because, right in his face, so close, he could barely see what it was, was the barrel of a gun. And behind that gun, six-foot-ten, bushy eyebrows, giant hands and all, was Ushio.

"It was a rather inconveniently long search but I have successfully, it seems, found you, you foul creature."

_TBC…_


	21. Bilingual

**Warning:** Non-explicit mention of drug-use. I do not intend to disrespect anyone.

_**20. Bilingual**_

President Pegasex parted his slice of Hell gorgonzola cheese with his Hell fork, releasing a wisp of heat. He liked his Hell cheese microwaved as it was easier on his Hell dentures but his servants rarely ever got it the right temperature. He tasted the cheese, determined it was still too hot and placed the Hell fork back down.

"Are you serious?"

The demon incognito nodded, resisting the urge to shrink under the gaze of Hell's sexiest demon. Tristan had been trying to put off this conversation for as long as he could but the Hell Blackberry messages (HBBM) from his employer had become more frequent and the messages themselves more and more threatening. "In a short timeslime, the buttsmooch of the Heaven news spread the pissperm all over Heaven. Now the muthapounding dickless angels are freaking the shitstick out."

"And can you identify the culprit?" Only the sexiest Hell president of all time could get away with improper demon-tongue. But he didn't so much consider it 'improper demon-tongue' as his own special brand of speech, one in which the rest of Hell had to learn in order to communicate with him. Of course this exclusive education was only reserved for the higher, more attractive class of demons and thus when President Pegasex made his public speeches, he was always accompanied by a translator.

"I don't braindrain," Was the inevitable reply. Judging by that immensely attractive Hell face, Tristan could tell that wasn't what his president wanted to hear, but he had a back-up plan. Pulling his Hell briefcase onto his lap, Tristan undid the clasps, passed through the Hell fingerprint scan, retina scan, blood sample tester and spit tester and opened it. He produced a Hell manila envelope (which usually came in Christmas red) and tore it open. Inside was a black and white Hell picture, which he slid facedown towards Pegasex. "It's the shitskanking best facegrit we have of the assblower."

Pegasex flipped it over and studied it, his drop-double-dead-gorgeous face even more stunning when he concentrated. At one point, he frowned, which unnerved Tristan, but then his unbelievably beautiful face relaxed again. He gracefully put the picture back on his Hell mahogany desk. "I don't recognize him either. Chances are, he's one of the analprodoassers." He paused, biting the corner of his lip, "He certainly has the stature of one."

Tristan couldn't help a tinge of Hell jealousy. A compliment from Hell's sexpert himself, even a veiled one, was rare. "President Pegasex, do you braindrain how we can ID this shitslinger?"

"I am disappointed that you've gone through all this trouble and couldn't do that yourself."

"I'm butthurt, sir."

"As you should be." Pegasex leaned forward on his Hell mahogany desk, clasping both hands under his chin. The amazing face, even when stone-serious and burning Tristan with a focussed stare, was still perfect beyond words. "You don't seem to understand the severity of it. Or if you do, you're good at not caring. Something like this will destroy my campaign and take away every chance I have at winning this election. How long do you think this will be contained within Heaven? Word will leak and spread and be blown out of proportion. You will have to find a way to ID this demon discreetly."

The election. Was it that time of the century already? Maybe he'd been in Heaven longer than he'd thought. For the past couple of hundreds of years, Pegasex had always won. And it wasn't just his top-notch sex appeal and impeccable fashion-sense either. His charisma and leadership skills were unrivalled by any other and he could make anyone believe the Hell sky was the Hell sea and vice versa if he wanted to. Basically, he was god's gift to Hell.

But there was a chance that this year would be different. A demon matching Pegasex in almost every way had emerged out of nowhere, capturing the Hell hearts of many with his exotic style and effortless charm. And there were rumours that he already had a substantial following.

It was like the weight of Hell was dropped on his winged shoulders. Tristan's stomach churned. "That's penisally impossible, sir."

"Well find a way to make it possible. There's a reason you were hired as my staff and spy, Tristan. Unless you're telling me you've lost your touch, to which there's a line-up of demons that can rectify this." He flipped the picture face-down and slid it towards Tristan, leaning back in his chair, his wings curling around him like a cape.

The thick silence almost buzzed in his ears as Tristan considered the sheer magnitude of what he had to do. Figure out who this mystery demon was without anyone knowing. Basically asking without asking. He briefly questioned whether he should have said anything at all, report that all was fine and Hell dandy in Heaven. Then again, if the chaos that now racked Heaven leaked to Pegasex by someone else, this spy would be the first to get questioned.

A knock came at the door just as he reached for the picture and Pegasex gave the word for whomever on the other side to come in. The heavy Hell cedar doors opened with a whoosh, sending an unexpected blast of air into the now stuffy room. Before Tristan could grab the picture, it glided away from him, towards Pegasex. Irritated, Hell's president smacked at the flitting thing, trying to clamp it between his hand and the tabletop. But it eluded him enough for him to react frantically, giving another uncontrolled smack that sent it in the opposite direction of where he wanted it. Pegasex swatted at it like it was a Hell fly, leaping out of his seat as he did so.

Tristan and the newcomer watched on, awestruck by the sight of their eternally graceful leader disoriented and at a loss of control as one final smack sent it teetering over the edge of a window. It lay there for a moment, as if mocking some of Hell's most important demons before tipping over the edge. Pegasex Hell cursed and all but threw himself at the open window but it was too late. The picture was gone.

The top-secret-Yami-in-Heaven-champagne-double-killing picture was gone.

* * *

No demon could just walk up to the Red House and demand entry. Reapbecca knew this very well, and yet here she was, at the imposing iron gates of President Pegasex's abode, facing the four Hell guards that stood there. Maybe it was that blind drive she had for protecting her business. The manager of Hell's largest analprodoassing chain (ASS – Analprodoassers Services Selected) didn't get where she was by bending over backwards, even when she barely stood 5 Hell foot 2, had a Hell foot size of ladies 4, and a wingspan of 32.

The four guards trained their narrowed eyes at her and even though they didn't make a move, she could tell they would be able to reach for the Hell 9mm at their side in no time. Behind the gates, the Red House stood in its ominous glory; tall spiral columns stretching up to the sky from an all-black gothic-like building that gave the feeling that it was night time all the time. Its surroundings were a jarringly lush green. Carefully cropped grass framed the Red House, various Hell flowers planted in rows of half circles by its entrance.

She took a tentative Hell step forward and all four right arms fell on their weapons. She immediately took a step back but they didn't move to release their weapons. _Hmm, this wasn't going to be good_. What to do now…

Then, something flitting through the sky caught her eye. It twisted and turned and glided through their air, its trajectory unpredictable. For a moment, she forgot about the guards as her eyes followed its movement. When it was close enough to them, they too turned to look as it swayed back and forth, landing gently at her feet.

She picked it up, flipped it over to look at it and nearly had a Hell conniption.

* * *

"Demon Yami!" Yugi cried as his beloved demon struggled in the Heaven tree-sized arm of Ushio who had him locked at the neck by a massive forearm with a gun pointed to his head.

"It is of grave danger to you and our society as a whole, Cupid," Ushio grunted, his eyes gleaming with a crazed excitement only brought about by days without a wink of Heaven sleep and his only fuel being a Heaven creative exercise involving how many different ways he could potentially torture the rogue demon.

Teary-eyed and snot already peeking from his nostril, Yugi leaped at him, latching both small hands on the arm that was pressed against Yami's neck. Miffed but with both hands already occupied, Ushio shook himself violently, trying his best to get Yugi to detach himself without losing his prey, who was now (inconveniently) biting his arm.

"Hey, what are you doing, stop that!" Mako and **The** rushed up to the three, immediately throwing their arms in the air when the gun pointed at Yami's head trained on them instead.

At this point, Yugi was crying and using Ushio's arm to wipe his nose and Yami looked like he really, really needed some air.

Ushio opened his mouth to admonish the couple but when he got a good look at Mako, his words froze in his throat and his gun-wielding arm dropped heavily to his side.

No way. It couldn't be. It was this man who'd killed the third love of his life in that oil-barrel accident. After the death of Constance-Gratitude, Ushio had taken to doing Heaven drugs. He'd started out with the lighter, less harmful drugs like chocolate bars and hot fudge from a can, then moved onto the harder stuff. It had been a more thrilling experience than the Heaven alcohol he'd indulged in after the first love of his life shattered his heart but the addiction was far, far worse. By the time he'd arrived at Heaven LDS, he'd already sold his car and most of his possessions and was evicted from his Heaven apartment for not paying his Heaven rent. He was Heaven homeless and suspended from the Heaven Force. He went days without eating, gathering whatever Heaven money he got panhandling into getting more of the sweet, numbing drug. On several occasions, his heart stopped and it was by some Heaven miracle every single time that he woke up in a Heaven hospital, his Heaven bills paid for by a mysterious stranger who also happened to pay for a Heaven cab to take him to a home that he no longer had. Still, in his drug-induced, sleep, water and food-deprived Heaven haze, Ushio never had the strength or energy to search for this kind stranger and his Heaven addiction gripped him so hard that he couldn't stop using. So the cycle continued: desperately trying to get as much as he could in him (which led to Ushio doing rather unheavenly Heaven things for the Heaven cash), high, pass-out, hospital, back on the streets. Rinse and Heaven repeat. It got to the point where another temporary heart failure would've double killed him and he was informed of this by the Heaven doctors every time he was admitted, but Ushio had long stopped caring. Rejected by his Heaven parents, two failed loves, no career, no home, not even a Heaven penny to his name. There had been no point in carrying on and he'd rather go in sweet oblivion than prolong his suffering. And it just so happened that he was dozing one in Heaven's Happy Haven Harp Park against a Heaven recycling bin that he felt himself being dragged. He'd thought it was all a dream (because what was reality anymore?) but then his tunic started riding up and his Heaven bottom scraped against the cold, scratchy ground. He was slow to full wakefulness, but when he came to, what he saw was paradise. She was tall, a good six-foot-nine with a wingspan of eighty two and chestnut brown hair swept in a tight bun. Her arms were long and elegant, but all muscle and none of the BS. She was built sturdy, like a Heaven titanium wall with reinforced Heaven barb wire. She didn't turn around as he struggled, only kept up the brisk pace and, perhaps indirectly, proving that any struggling on his part was futile. She didn't acknowledge him until they got to the Heaven hospital where most of the staff by now already recognized her (them) and gave her what he'd assume was the usual consolation for watching over a pathetic soul such as himself. She didn't wait for him: by the time he was released, she was already gone. Not even a Heaven phone number left behind. He didn't see her again for a long time as she somehow managed to keep him alive while staying in the down low. No matter what he did, how good he faked it, she was better. And he thought he'd never see her again when, completely unexpected, he was hitching a ride on a Heaven bus going across town that he saw her in her Heaven Land Rover in the lane beside him. He, clinging onto the roof of the bus as it zoomed at three hundred Heaven miles per hour, couldn't believe his luck. But it was at that very moment, when they had a split second of eye-contact that an oil drum from a semi in front of her lane barrelled backwards towards her windshield and it was all over. The semi as well as the Heaven bus stopped, but everyone's hands were tied. The Land Rover was totalled, the horror of what lay beneath it they could only guess. He didn't stick around for long, only until the Heaven ambulance came. But he made sure he saw the face of the angel that did it, made sure he got a good, long look. Because he knew from that day on, he, Ushio Okay What No Seriously Whyisheinheaven, was going to clean up his act. He'd get back on his feet, somehow, and when he did, when he was clean and in the right mind and respectable again, he would _find_ the gosh darn angel that did this to his beloved and he would avenge her.

And it wasn't until now that Ushio understood why he couldn't find him.

Wingless, tanner, riddled with scratches and sporting the body of what the humans would called a Greek sculpture, stood the reason for his third Heaven broken heart (the third was always the worst, they say). There was recognition in that face as well, which pleased him because he wanted the culprit to know why he deserved what he was going to get.

Ushio was all too quick to drop Yami, who was a gasping mess as his one hand flew to his throat and the other to his chest. And Yugi was quick to be at his side and offer his unwanted affections.

Ushio cocked his Heaven gun and aimed it at Mako. "Excuse me," he said, "But are you, indeed, the individual who had, many years ago, been the instigator of a terrible accident involving the unwanted release of an oil drum that had caused another individual to become double deceased?"

It was a pretty generalized description but Mako didn't need any more detail to know what he was talking about. His insides felt like they were getting cut by a Heaven can opener. He glanced at **The, **who'd turned pale. "Yes," he answered.

"Then I am afraid I must inform you that I am, indeed, an individual who had been a rather close kin to that individual and losing her had, indeed, been a rather prolonged unpleasant experience."

"My deepest apologies. It was a terrible accident and it's tormented me for as long as I've been here." Mako grasped his wife's hand and nudged her behind him as Ushio advanced. The rational part of his mind told him that Ushio couldn't ethically shoot them but the rage gripping Ushio's face told him he couldn't really bank on that.

"I thank you for your apologies and appreciate the remorse in current display. I do not doubt the sincerity of it nor do I doubt your claim that you have been tormented." A burly hand grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward with a sharp jerk, "However, it does not dissolve the deep sorrow I'd felt since that time. I, therefore, feel it appropriate to rectify these ill-feelings in the way I see fit."

Mako's dropped his wife's hand as he was thrown against Ushio's chest. He bounced off with a grunt but the vice-like grip held him in place. The gun wasn't quite aimed at him, but it was close enough to be unnerving.

From behind him, **The's** voice was stern, unwavering, "What the shitslack do you think you're slunking? You're an assdamn buttstrutting cop! You can't slunk crackslack like this!"

This startled both of them. Ushio, because he couldn't understand a word of it and Mako because his wife had lapse into her native tongue. It was ages ago since she'd done that and, at that time, it was because the hair-straightener she'd fashioned from scratch was stolen by some Underheaven punk.

And it was strange that he realized he knew exactly what she said. Mako dared to look up at Ushio, who was frowning so deeply his ample eyebrows looked like a giant black caterpillar squatting over his eyes. It wasn't a sight one could easily forget. Then again, nothing about Ushio was all that easy to forget. "She's right," Mako said, fighting the overwhelming urge to look away, "If you're really a police officer, you can't shoot me without reason. That's against your code of conduct."

From the corner of his mouth, a pressured sound escaped through Ushio's teeth. He muttered something to himself before jamming his Heaven gun back in its holster. He did not, however, let Mako go. "Although I am too virtuous a police officer to harm you without ethical reason, you must not forget that you are also guilty of the crime of harbouring a felon. That demon," He shoved a hairy finger towards Yami, "Is a fugitive in our land and is a highly dangerous specimen of a creature that, if not captured immediately, can and shall be a threat to the entirety of Heaven… and perhaps the Underheaven as well."

**The **and Mako turned attention to Yami, whose head was being held down on Yugi's lap as the angel stroked his wings and whispered something they were too far away to hear into his upturned ear. Yami was wide-eyed, his expression a cross between abject horror and blind agony. Their usual.

"He's harmless," Mako said.

"Excuse me, but I am in great disbelief of what my ears have just informed me! Surely you do not, indeed, insist on defending that foul creature in addition to harbouring him illegally!" Ushio's voice was high-pitched and very unfitting for the large male angel that he was.

**The **and Mako shared a glance. Ushio's presence raised a few questions but things were, at least in part, coming together for the couple. It certainly explained why Yami and Yugi showed up _together_. And, while **The** was oblivious to the reasons behind Ushio's accusations, Mako got a sense of what was going on and couldn't help a bit of guilt for having, once upon a time, shared Ushio's mentality.

Nonetheless, it wouldn't hurt to reason with the unclipped angel, "Can you at least tell us what Yami did?"

Ushio flinched at the mention of Yami's name. He smacked his lips a little for emphasis, then replied with, "Apologies, but that is no business of Underworld criminal creatures such as yourselves."

**The **seethed, her right thumb cracking each of the other four fingers on that hand. It took having to dig her heels into the ground not to throw herself at the Heaven cop. "Look, they just showed up here, alright? We don't know anything about this 'felon' business. You could easily be making this shit up just to accuse us of more shit because you're from the almighty surface world and whatnot and you think you can do whatever the hell you want."

Ushio visibly shook. "You shall not speak to a surface-dweller thusly! It is highly rude and uncouth considering your position compared to ourselves and this is doubly problematic because you are clearly a clipped _demon_ of all things!"

"Hey, you can't talk to my wife that way!"

"Oh?" Ushio cocked his head in challenge, "It seems you Under-dwellers have, indeed, forgotten your place. And it is apparent from this situation you present to me here that, not only do you defy the surface world which rules over you, you have cross-mated with the enemy. Indeed the criminals we have discarded here are far, far more savage than we had thought. I cannot wait to take leave of this foul world. Once more, and hopefully this shall be the final time I tell you, I am taking this horrendous creature back into the custody of Heaven."

"Fuck you."

Ushio gasped, then both hands flew to his mouth as he tried to suppress a gag reflex. **The **scoffed impatiently as he doubled over and coughed violently into his hands. When he straightened, his eyes were bloodshot and tearful and he looked like he'd been kicked in the crotch. Ushio's hands fell from his mouth and he closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths before he opened them again. He wiped a stray tear sliding down his face. "That was, indeed, highly uncalled for."

"No it wasn't, actually."

"Mr. Mako Tsunami and Mrs. **The** Tsunami!" Yugi still had Yami in his clutches but at least the demon didn't look as distressed as before. "That angel had wrongly accused demon Yami of kidnap! Poor demon Yami had been treated terribly by the authorities in which we had placed our trust and thus we had to flee. Please, I beseech you, do not allow this gentleman over here to take him away!"

Mako opened his mouth to speak but Ushio cut him off. "Cupid, that creature of great disgust had clearly tampered with your sense of reality! It is foul and evil and a thing of scorn! You must part yourself from it so that we may take care of you!"

"It – he – had not tampered with my mind as you say!" Yugi yelled back, "We are, indeed, in love –"

Yami's body jerked but he managed to stay conscious.

"- and we are quite happy to be together!" Yugi paused, then turned down to Yami, "Are we not, demon Yami?"

Yami bit his lip. To say it was a choice between two evils would've been an understatement. But, seeing as the build-up of trauma he'd endured in the past few days would render any kind of Hell therapy utterly useless, he figured a little more wouldn't make a difference. Swallowing back the acrid taste in his mouth, Yami nodded.

"You are brainwashed, Cupid! Now, come. Come into my arms and away from that beast."

This didn't sit well with **The **and Mako. In more ways than one.

Mako took the opportunity to speak. "So basically, you have no evidence of what you're accusing Yami of doing. That's not exactly sound police work, officer."

"What, indeed, do you know, under-dweller?" Ushio spat.

**The** crossed her arms over her stomach, "This is all _bullshit_. That you refuse to believe the things you're told. That the myths you were raised with generation after generation, myths which have absolutely _no factual basis,_ completely screw with your perception. And that to _preserve_ these myths, you have to make up lies to override _the truth_ so you won't have to admit that _you're wrong._"

Ushio faced scrunched up and he looked as if he would either go into a tyrannical rage or burst into tears. The fingers of his right hand twitched beside his gun, but he made no further to draw it. He tore his eyes from **The **and Mako and turned to Yami and Yugi. They wore identical expressions.

His pause gave them hope but they could only speculate into what he was thinking. **The's **hand found Mako's and Yugi pulled Yami closer to himself.

A silence descended that was so perfect, one could hear an Underheaven pine needle drop. And it was in this silence that a sniffle was heard coming from the entrance of **The** and Mako's home. Mana peeked out from the veil of leaves, barely visible except the tips of her wings. She drew back when she realized their attention was on her, but poked her head out just enough to see if they were still looking.

"I would like to inquire as to how long you have been watching us without our knowledge, young angel," Ushio said sternly.

Mana shrunk into herself and didn't answer.

"We would very much appreciate your cooperation, young angel." He tried again.

The only improvement from Mana was a barely audible squeak.

"I do not intend to frighten you, young angel, however, I am an officer of the law and, therefore, you are obligated to cooperate with my wishes and respond to my questions. Now, again, I beseech you to come forth and respond in the manner I have explained."

With Ushio's back turned, **The** gave him the finger, then smiled sweetly at Mana (who giggled). "Come on out, hon. Don't worry about this big lug, we've got your back."

Ushio was all up in arms, ready to give her a piece of his Heaven mind but conceded when Mana came shuffling out. Her wings curled around her shyly as she looked between Yami and Yugi and Mako and **The**, trying to decide where'd be the safest haven. She still flinched at the sight of Yami but the married couple were standing too close to Ushio for comfort. Mana finally settled to station herself a few feet from both parties, feeling awkward and vulnerable.

Ushio made no attempt to relieve her discomfort. "Please indicate your name, young angel."

Mana's chin dipped into the opening of her tunic. "I am," She said, barely above a breath of whisper, "I am Magnanimity Spell-caster-in-a-good-non-witchcraft-way. B-but but my friends, um, my friends call me Mana."

**The **made a face at the incredibly Heaven-sounding name but Mako barely noticed. Ushio nodded in approval, "A fine name. Now, seeing as you are clearly involved in this escapade and, therefore, are a witness, I shall proceed to ask you questions pertaining to the fiasco in which we find ourselves. I would kindly like to remind you that the future of all of Heaven is at stake as well as that of our precious Cupid who is already very much scarred for the rest of his afterlife."

"But I am not, indeed, sca –"

"Cupid is too scarred to know that he is scarred," Ushio pressed, ignoring Yugi.

"But that is not, indeed, the ca – "

"Now," Ushio said the word like it was a punch, "Miss Magnanimity, Is the creature which now has Cupid in its vile clutches a demon or not?"

Mana glanced at the two in question. Yugi still had Yami tightly in his chubby arms. She fiddled nervously with the stray feathers on her left wing and looked at the ground. "Indeed it is a demon."

"Very good. Is this the creature the only demon you have encountered in the surface world and, therefore, the demon which we are searching because there is one and only one demon currently rogue in our land?"

"I have not, indeed, encountered another demon and, therefore, it is likely to be as you say."

"I appreciate the concise answer, although I would appreciate it more if you take your hand away from your mouth."

"Apologies."

"Apology accepted. Now, my most important question: Did you or did you not see the demon harm precious, innocent and gentle Cupid physically or otherwise?"

The question stung, but Mana didn't know why. She caught Ushio's eyes for a split second but couldn't bring herself to hold his gaze. She swallowed, tugging and practically pulling off the matted feathers on her wing.

Truth of the matter was, she'd seen Yugi cry. And Yugi was crying because of Yami. Did that count? She'd been glad the demon had decided to run away so she wouldn't have to look at it anymore but it had caused Yugi a great deal of distress. If there was one thing she'd remember after leaving here (if she'd leave here at all) was poor Yugi sobbing into that disgusting creature's shirt. It had to be a spell of some sort. No angel in his right mind would go near much less get attached to such a dubious thing from Hell.

"Yes, I did."

That was all the evidence Ushio needed.

The only thing more satisfying, was seeing the look on **The **and Mako's faces.

_TBC…_


	22. Bound by Prejudice

**The story so far…**

1) Yugi (angel) sneaks into Hell and, high on his own arrow of Potent Covetousness of a Sexual Nature, engage in coitus with Yami (demon)  
2) Yami can't accept that he was topped by "The Hypervirgin" and sneaks into Heaven to make it right  
3) Yami is caught by the Heaven police who think he's kidnapped Yugi and no one believes Yugi when he says he wants to protect Yami because  
4) Yugi's kind of fallen for Yami (but the feeling isn't mutual)  
5) While on the run, they find a secret gateway to the Underheaven and meet Mako Tsunami (a 'clipped' angel) and his wife **The **Tsunami (a 'clipped' demon)  
6) Yami and Yugi learn about the true natures of the Underheaven and Underhell, which somewhat dispel their preconceptions  
7) In Heaven, Seto Kaiba develops the Kaiball to track Yami's whereabouts, it is manned by Ushio Whyisheinheaven, our beloved Heaven cop with an VERY extensive backstory  
8) Also in Heaven, news of Yami's presence has spread and chaos ensues. This is made worse by a photoshopped picture of Yami leaking into the media.  
9) In Hell, Yami's disappearance causes unrest at his workplace, also, an election is coming up and Yami's presence in Heaven might hurt President Pegasex's campaign  
10) Ushio catches up to Yami in the Underheaven

**Onwards… **

_**21. Bound by Prejudice**_

After battling 76 Heaven hours of intense traffic, Téa's family, sans her father, found the Careshare Community Centre parking lot to be full. Now one would assume that winged immortals wouldn't need parking lots, but in fact, this was not the case. By wings alone, angels couldn't travel as fast as if they were in a Heaven hover car and Heaven parking lots usually had ample space. They existed in three dimensions, Heaven hover cars able to be stacked on top of each other as well as side-by-side. So, to say that a Heaven parking lot was full, was really saying something.

After Heaven driving around for another 6 Heaven hours, Merriment (Téa's mom), finally found a space. However:

"Excuse me," Merriment rolled down the window to converse with a Heaven Mercedes Benz that clearly arrived at the spot later than she did but was also clearly attempting to park in said spot, "But I had intentions of occupying the spot which you are attempting to occupy right now. Would you mind searching for another spot? It would greatly be appreciated."

But the driver of the Heaven Mercedes didn't seem to relent and Merriment honked when the driver slid further into the spot.

"Perhaps I should repeat myself for it seems you did not hear me the first time or, and I wish this not to be the case, you refuse to acknowledge my words."

The driver of the Heaven Mercedes rolled down her window. "Unfortunately, it is, indeed, the latter."

Téa's mom gasped, put her car in neutral and hit the Heaven hazard light. She ordered Téa and Contentment (Téa's baby brother) to stay in the car and stepped out, slamming the door behind her. "Well, unfortunately, _friend_, I cannot accept that you have disregarded my plea, as it had been out of fairness and of a good nature."

The other angel also stepped out, the front wheels of her Heaven Mercedes securely in the disputed parking space. She wore a lavender Heaven pantsuit - a Heaven Louis Vuitton. "Well it is unfortunate that you find it unfortunate that I have disregarded your plea because it was perfectly valid of me to do so. Apologies for the disagreement."

"While I agree, I would rather that you had not done so."

"Unfortunately, I have done so."

"Perhaps you can retract your disregard then."

"I would rather not."

Merriment clenched her teeth, "Perhaps I can ask you nicely to retract your disregard then. For the sake of fairness and harmony in our realm."

But the other angel was resolute, "While I concede that my rescinding of my disregard would be of greater fairness, I do not rescind it for it is in my favor to take this parking spot. As you can see, fairness is rather debatable when one is in crisis, and our realm is most certainly in crisis."

"Your pantsuit is, indeed, ugly."

The other angel's eyes went wide and she opened her mouth to retort, but a pronounced and deafening siren stopped her. Their hands flew to their ears and both angels looked around for the source of the sound but couldn't find it. Then, a voice boomed from an unidentifiable loudspeaker, "Citizens of Heaven, excuse the interruption, but it is for the purpose of updating you on current events. Authorities of Heaven have arrived at new information regarding the creature that has caused us all to fear for our afterlives. It is of sound logic that we arrive that these conclusions, although we have, thankfully, not seen the creature for ourselves. However, in order to spare the ears of the innocent, we shall not divulge of any information, we only, indeed, strongly advise that all citizens seek immediate shelter. There are eighteen million, three hundred thousand, four hundred and forty four such approved shelters throughout Heaven, please visit our website to locate the closest one to you. If you find that it is rather impossible to reach one of our eighteen million, three hundred thousand, four hundred and forty four approved shelters, we strongly advise you remain indoors and cover all exit and entrance points securely. It is believed that the creature can read minds, therefore it is presumed that you will be safe if it cannot see you. This update will be in effect immediately after this announcement ends. This announcement has now come to an end. Have a lovely, demon-free day."

As soon as the announcement ended, a continuous siren wail, not unlike the kind that warned of an Earth firebombing, blanketed the skies. Frenzied angels rushed out of their Heaven cars, impolitely abandoning them where they were – parked or not. The ones still in motion, swerved, spun, twirled or crashed into each other and surviving angels of such vehicles also rushed out, heading for the many open doors of the Careshare Community Centre and trailing apologies behind them. Chaos and highly inconsiderate behaviour ensued as angels shoved and stepped on each other in their urgency (which was quite the feat in a 3-Dimensional space). Stray feathers flew everywhere.

Merriment, flew back to her car and yanked open the back door, instructing Téa to unbuckle her Heaven seatbelt while she clumsily attempted to free Contentment from his Heaven car seat. With baby in arm and Téa's hand grasped tightly within hers, she drove for the last open titanium/beryllium reinforced double door before they slammed shut behind her.

But she was one of the lucky ones who made it inside.

* * *

Something flitting through the sky caught Reapbecca's eye. It twisted and turned and glided through their air, its trajectory unpredictable. For a moment, she forgot about the guards as her eyes followed its movement. When it was close enough to them, they too turned to look as it swayed back and forth, landing gently at her feet.

She picked it up, flipped it over to look at it and nearly had a Hell conniption.

Her first reaction was to get angry. The picture looked like some sort of messed-up practical joke, probably one directed at her from her staff since they knew how vehemently she'd been looking for Yami. She wanted to tear it up and stomp on home; this was really, really not a good time for this.

But then Reapbecca looked back up at the direction from which the picture came, and was surprised to see President Pegasex's silvery head poking out of the window. He was staring at her, intently at that, and looking like he was going to Hell faint.

When Pegasex saw that she'd noticed, he quickly left the window and a different pair of arms reached out to slam it shut. Reapbecca frowned, then glanced back at the image in her hands. The guards looked as unrelenting as they did before, but it was worth a try.

"I braindrain your boss wants this eyesnap back and I braingunk who this cockslacker is."

* * *

"Did you or did you not see the demon harm precious, innocent and gentle Cupid physically or otherwise?"

The question stung, but Mana didn't know why. She caught Ushio's eyes for a split second but couldn't bring herself to hold his gaze. She swallowed, tugging and practically pulling off the matted feathers on her wing.

Truth of the matter was, she'd seen Yugi cry. And Yugi was crying because of Yami. Did that count? She'd been glad the demon had decided to run away so she wouldn't have to look at it anymore but it had caused Yugi a great deal of distress. If there was one thing she'd remember after leaving here (if she'd leave here at all) was poor Yugi sobbing into that disgusting creature's shirt. It had to be a spell of some sort. No angel in his right mind would go near much less get attached to such a dubious thing from Hell.

"Yes, I did."

That was all the evidence Ushio needed.

Something in her gut told Mana that she'd done something wrong.

"Sister Magnanimity!" It was Yugi, more distressed than she'd ever seen him, even when he was crying after Yami left.

Wait…

"Sister Magnanimity! Please relay to Officer Whyareyoueveninheaven – "

"Whyisheinheaven."

"Apologies – Officer _Whyisheinheaven - _everything you have seen! Surely your gentle eyes relay the same truth as mine for all three of us were mercifully saved by Mr. Mako Tsunami and his wife Mrs. **The** Tsunami. Tell them that demon Yami has done none of what he has been accursed of doing! Tell him that demon Yami has not hurt anyone and that he is a kind demon. You are the only one Officer Whyisheinheaven will believe, please tell him, Sister Magnanimity!"

Mana wanted to hide. Normally she liked showing off and being the centre of attention, but all these adults pressuring her like this was too much to handle. She wrung her hands, searching through every face to see who'd be the most sympathetic to her plight (even the demon's, but that was mostly an accident and she didn't look at him for very long). It wasn't fair that this was happening to her, doesn't anyone understand how much she was suffering?

"But he's a demon, Cupid," Her reply was pitiful, almost too quiet to hear.

**The** was the first to respond. She approached Mana and crouched down, gently pulling Mana close to her. The girl flinched but **The** showed no anger. "And what does that mean to you, Mana?"

"I, indeed, do no understand the question. Please reiterate it, Mrs. Tsunami." Mana mumbled.

"What I meant was, what do you think about Yami? Do you think he's bad? Have you seen him do anything bad?"

"I have, indeed, not seen him do anything bad."

"Then do you think he's bad?"

"Yes I do."

"And why is that?"

"He's demon."

"But have you seen him do anything bad?"

"No."

"But he's bad?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"As I have stated before, he's a demon."

**The **signed long-sufferingly and Yugi burst into tears. Ushio looked impatient, while Yami looked really uncomfortable with Ushio's massive arm around his neck.

"He's a demon, Mrs. Tsunami!" The sudden outburst surprised everyone, including Ushio. "Demons are cruel and horrible and terrible and evil creatures! They are the enemy of Heaven! Do you not understand, Mrs. Tsunami?" Hot, frustrated tears slipped from her eyes and Mana wiped them off with a balled hand.

"I'm a demon, Mana."

That made Mana cry harder, but she made no move to distance herself from **The**.

"Do you think I'm all that horrible?"

Mana didn't reply, she just kept crying. But when it was clear that no one would do anything until she answered, she shook her head.

"Then why do you think Yami is worse than me?"

She didn't like answering these hard questions. It was so obvious and she didn't get why the adults had such a hard time understanding. "Because you're different."

"How so?"

"You don't have wings."

"How else?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No I don't!" Mana pushed away from **The**. "The demon is bad!" She shouted, "He's bad and I don't like him! Cupid, I didn't like it when the demon made you cry. He's not safe and I don't think you should be near him!"

"But Sister Magnanimity –"

"Excuse me, and I do not mean to interfere again, but I do not see the purpose of this roundabout conversation other than for the purpose of drawing out time." Ushio's teeth clenched as he spoke, "I have heard, from this girl, that the demon harmed Cupid and that is very much enough evidence to capture it. Now if you don't mind, I will proceed with my capture."

"Mana!"

"Mana, please."

"Sister Magnanimity, please tell him!"

But Mana only backed away, slapping her hands over her ears. "No! Apologies but I do not want to do this! I am very much in an unhappy state and I do not like being yelled at. All I know is that he is a demon! I do not know any more. Please do not ask me any more!"

**The **bit her lip, getting up and walking to where her husband stood. "Okay, fine. Then talk to us, Whyisheinheaven. We saw everything and we can tell you the truth."

Ushio scoffed, "Perhaps you Underheaven creatures have less wit than we assumed. Did I not mention before that your words do no hold merit? You are criminals, punished to inhabit this land due to your crimes, and you beseech me to adhere to your words? Do you understand what it is that you are asking of me? I think not. Now, if you would excuse me, I, as the officer of the law of Heaven, have a very important task and you are impeding that task!"

**The** made to punch Ushio but Mako held her back. "Officer, please. We only want to keep peace and protect the innocent."

"And you!" Ushio turned to Mako, his expression venomous, "You and your actions caused me a great deal of heartache." With his free hand, Ushio spayed his massive fingers over his heart, "You cannot fathom what the love of my afterlife meant to me for you so cruelly cut short her life.* It is truly by my immense mercy that I let you and your wife be, in this forsaken place as it is, for another would be far more vengeful than I!"

"I know, officer, and I'm deeply sorry for what happened. I think about it every day and I wish there was something I could have done to make up for it." **The** gripped Mako's hand and he gripped back.

"And that is why you are here in the Underheaven."

Mako signed. **The** actually growled.

Mana slumped to the ground, her crying softer now. But no one noticed.

"I am taking the demon." Ushio opened the back of the Heaven cruiser and cuffed Yami before forcing him into the backseat. Yami struggled the best he could, he even managed a few potent swears that made Ushio grimace, but Ushio was a tank of an angel and Yami was still suffering from the side-effects of sex withdrawal. Despite all the protests, Ushio managed to secure Yami inside the Heaven cruiser.

He got into the driver's seat. "I shall send for a vehicle to retrieve Cupid and the girl. Apologies to the both of you for your suffering in this cursed place and more apologies for enabling that suffering to prolong even further. However, I cannot risk your afterlives by having you occupy the same vehicle as this creature. It is a risk I must bear alone, as the officer of the law. Do not worry, dear Cupid, very soon you shall be safe and sound and spreading love once more."

And, with that, he slammed the door, and the Heaven cruiser flew away.

_TBC…_

*See that long paragraph from the previous chapter.


End file.
